Artemis Fowl Fan Fiction ❯ One Artemis is Bad Enough! ❯ THE FLIPPIN' TROLL IS STILL ALIVE?! ( Chapter 3 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

"So let me get this strait. I'm under ground," Everyone nodded. "You're fairies and you're a genius," Artemis pointed at Holly and Root, then at Foaly. More nods, "You're a bag of manure?" She asked, looking at Mulch.

"I am not a bag of crap, Mud Girl!" Mulch said defensively.

"Well, you small like one." Artemis (Haun) retorted.

A/N: In my AU, Root isn't dead, just in Sect. 8. It was nessessary for the plot, so just deal with it! ^_^

Non Anime: Artemis Fowl Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 06.12.2007 | Updated On: 06.21.2007 | Pages: 10 | Words: 7.0K | Visits: 388 | Status: Completed

A/N: A special thank you to Raimundo_Chase_Riku for practically writing the entire chapter. I have no idea how you make it so great but still make it sound like me! Miracle worker much?

~Artemis Haun~

As soon as she was out of earshot of the male Artemis, the female Artemis whispered, "You're a lifesaver, you know that?" to Mark. He grinned and replied, "Yeah."

The six-person-team found a table, and the boys, gentlemanly as they were, pulled out the chairs of the ladies and pushed them back in. The girls thanked them and the boys sat also. They carried a light conversation and eventually forget about the plan. Eventually Angel was off dancing with Riku and Chuko was with Sly. And after a while a familiar song came on, along with the announcement "For all you Broadway fans, here's a hit from Wicked!"

Markarov looked directly at Artemis and she looked back at him. "That's our song," Artemis said.

"Care to dance?" Mark asked, standing and offering her arm. Artemis linked arms with him and they walked to the center of the dance floor.

Dancing through life

Skimming the surface

Gliding where turf is smooth...

~~~~

And we deserve each other

Don't you see this is our chance?

We deserve each other,

Don't we Boq?

You know what?

Lets dance,

What?

LETS DAAAAAAANCE!

And the strange thing, you're life could end up changing

While you're dancing...

Through!

Artemis and Markarov were close. Really close. REALLY close. Much like the beginning of the school year. Also similar to what happened then, they drew closer still, lips nearly touching, but then-

"May I cut in?"

Artemis drew back a bit, swallowing her sadness at being interrupted yet again. "Yeah," Markarov said. He backed away, and before disappearing into the crowd, he gave a weak smile to Artemis. Both knew who it was before they looked.

Artemis Fowl.

~Artemis Fowl~

As Artemis Haun was being led away, Artemis Fowl could tell that she whispered something to her friend. Her hair was in the way, but if it wasn't, the young Fowl heir would know that she said that her date, Markarov, was "a lifesaver".

Artemis followed the group at a distance, absentmindedly talking with Juliet, who had accompanied him to the ball. He had actually started to enjoy himself when he saw Artemis being led out into the dance floor.

"Juliet?" He asked casually.

"What is it?" She asked, starting to pull a small knife from her purse.

"No need for that, first of all. And when Butler gets back, tell him I'm going to the restroom." He said standing up.

"Just wondering, but where will you be? Because knowing our usual predicaments, something usually happens and we can't find you." Said Juliet, now putting the knife back in.

"On the dance floor." He said walking away. Juliet grabbed his arm.

"I didn't know you danced." She said, obviously surprised.

"I don't." He replied, walking towards the dancing couple. Their faces were only a few centimeters apart. He walked up to them. "May I cut in?" He asked casually. The female Artemis cast a down-glance.

"Yeah." Said Markarov walking into the crowd. He held his hand out to the female, and in his case, an entirely new species...

As both of them started dancing, Butler walked out of the kitchen. Standard process of course. Then he noticed Artemis was gone.

"Juliet. Where's Artemis?" He asked.

"Relax Butler. He's on the dance floor." Said Juliet sitting back further in her chair. Butler stiffly sat down and watched the couple now dancing. Not far off there where two more couples who looked almost the same, but they appeared...closer.

"Juliet, now when did you ever know me to relax?"

"Never Butler. Never." Said Juliet, patting his shoulder.

The couples kept dancing, and Juliet, a teenager at she was, noticed that they seemed to get closer and closer until they were nearly one person. She chuckled. The girl's date was sitting glumly at what was clearly their table, throwing glares at Artemis (Fowl) every few seconds in such a way that if looks could kill, Juliet and Butler would both be fired.

Meanwhile, on the dance floor, both Artemis's were actually enjoying their conversation-to an extent.

"So where do you go to school?" Asked Artemis(Fowl)

"Um, I'm an exchange student, in... Cairo! " Said the girl Artemis.

"Cairo. Really? You know, I once went to Cairo. Quite warm there really. How do you stand the heat?"

"Fans. A lot of fans. You know, the ones you plug into a wall?"

"Yes. Of course."

Guys. Little help here. She thought to Angel and Chuko.

Start with where you are. But- holy fudge! Thought Angel.

Who the heck is that?! Where's Mark? Thought Chuko.

Well, I'll start off with letting you know that he's NOT religious chocolate, and you HAVE meet him before. She thought.

Fowl. Thought Angel.

BINGO. She thought.

You know, I'm going to pluck that bird's feathers, until there's none left! Thought Angel, leaving the conversation.

Uh. I'm gonna meet you in a few, before Angel kills something. Just keep dancing for now. Thought Chuko.

Can I DO anything else? She thought.

No! And don't let him on to it ei-Holy fudge! What the heck it THAT?! Chuko said.

CRASH! Artemis(Fowl) turned quickly towards the source of the noise as Butler came up to him and grabbed his arm.

"Artemis! We have to get you out of here. Now!" He said ushering him towards a side exit. The troll was already throwing people across the room.

~Artemis Haun~

"Artemis!" Shouted a voice from the crowd.

"Markarov!" She shouted running towards him. She finally ran into him as he grabbed her arms.

"What is that thing?!" He shouted, swerving to avoid a thrown table.

"That, Markarov, is a troll. Obviously big, tall, and mostly smelly."

"How do you know this?" He asked.

"I read it in a book once. Now Move!" She shouted pushing him out of the way of a flying food cart. Incidentally, she landed on top of him. Both of them stared at each other and their lips started to move closer...

"Hey lovebirds! Come on! Sly and Riku are already fighting little old beastie!" Shouted Angel, grabbing Artemis by her sash and pulling her off of Markarov. She ran towards the troll ready to fight. Artemis(Haun) looked at Markarov and each sighed in turn and turned to see, how Angel so kindly put it, 'Little Old Beastie'.

"Sly!" Shouted Riku.

"Gotcha covered!" replied Sly. He turned towards the troll. "Hey! Stupid!" The troll's head turned, very slowly. "Yeah. I'm talking to you fatso!" He said chucking a piece of a broken table leg at his head. The troll started to walk towards him. "Chuko, anytime." He said slowly. The troll raised its fist and started to bring it down... "Chuko!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Eh. SHUT UP!" Shouted Chuko as she swooped down and grabbed Sly, just as the troll's hand crashed through the floor. As she flew him around for a second assault she added, "And I'll get to it in my own good old time." Then she dropped Sly on the troll's head.

"Chuko! You DO know I don't have ANY form of protection!?" He shouted.

"That's exactly the point stupid! And yes, you do!" She shouted, throwing a lightning blue pouch at him.

"Oh My God! Chuko!" He shouted, "What the heck is this!?"

"Angel, Artemis, Mark, ready? Asked Riku. Clearly, Sly had been ignored.

"Ready." All four of them answered while pulling out swords from their own concealed packs. Riku all ready had his huge sword out, so all they had to do was get Sly to reach into his bag and get out his lightning sword.

"Sly, get your stinkin' sword!" Cried Artemis, glowering angrily at him.

"I can't! All there is, is a pair of daggers and a bow and quiver! I don't even like archery!" He yelled, pulling out the daggers.

"Well use them then, stupid!" Yelled Riku back at him.

"Grr, stop calling me that!" Sly cried. Venting his anger, he stuffed the two daggers into the troll's head. The troll collapsed, but Sly paid it no mind, leaping nimbly off it and landing soundlessly on the parquet floor.

"You've called me that ever since we met and I'm sick of it! I'm smarter than you, not that that's a difficult feat. Point being-!" He couldn't say any more though, because Riku tackled him to the now blood-drenched floor.

Being boys, they started fighting. Instantly, Mark, Angel, Chuko, and Artemis were dragging them apart.

"Boys! Will you stop being idiots for just a second? We have a troll to-!" Artemis yelled in mid-sentence, cutting herself off.

The troll was creeping up behind Sly and before anyone could move, it had swatted them all into the nearest wall. (As Holly and Butler know, this is NOT fun.) They all passed out the instant they collided with the thick stone...

While this fight was going on between the two best friends/idiots known as Riku and Sly, Juliet Butler was regaining her senses from the same pain the group was about to experience.

"Butler has Artemis, at least he's safe. But I can't leave six in-experienced teenagers to fight off that troll!" Juliet stood shakily, steadying herself with an overturned table. "I've got to help them!"

She was too slow to save them from getting hit into the wall, but she managed to knock the troll off with the Sig Sauer she had snuck out of the hotel, (Butler wouldn't be pleased...) in which time she was able to get all of the teenagers out of the building and into the waiting Hummer with her big brother in the drivers seat.

"Good timing," He had grumbled, starting the massive car, "Any longer and I would have left without you."

Juliet looked in the back, just but reflex, and found something strange.

"Butler, where's Artemis?"

~Artemis Fowl~

"Well, the truth is Artemis," Started Holly.

"We need your help. Again." Finished Foaly.

Artemis leaned back in the padded seat.

"Do I look THAT surprised, Pony boy?" He asked.

"It's MISTER Pony Boy to YOU, Mud Boy." Said Foaly, (Spitting a bit on the 'P'.) as he corrected himself by saying, "I mean FOALY to you, Mud Boy."

Artemis, looking smug, picked up a plasma gun from the shuttle table in front of him, and pretended to examine it.

"So let me guess, someone escaped and you need me to catch said person again. Just admit I'm right, and save yourself the trouble."

"Well you did guess right Fowl." Said Commander Root walking into the tiny shuttle.
"You remember Opal? The Bwa'Kell?" He asked.

"Of course. How on earth could I forget?" Asked Artemis, sarcastically.

"Anyway, she's escaped from prison, and no one has a lock on her location. Hell, we even put a tracker in her. One of Foaly's if I might add."

""Hey! It was a prototype!" Retaliated Foaly.

"Everything's a prototype with you Foaly." Said Root.

"But do you think you can help Artemis?" Asked Holly.

Artemis thought for a couple seconds.

"I can, but on one condition." He said, slyly.

"I KNEW it! You want GOLD don't you? Or dare I say it, more God-forsaken helmets!" Yelled Root. (C-Cube)

"Calm down Commander. It's a small shuttle to begin with." Started Artemis.

"Why I ought to..." Root threatened under his breath.

"Don't worry. Nothing much. Just a partner."

"Artemis Fowl needs a partner!? Oh boy! Is that one for the books! The great 'stand alone', 'never let anyone help me' Fowl!?", Exclaimed Foaly.

"Just where is this partner of yours Artemis? Or dare I ask who and what? It's not Spiro, is it? We're not springing him out for you!" Said Holly.

"In order? Up top, Artemis Haun, a girl, and no, I still despise Spiro."

At that everyone froze,

"UP TOP!?" Asked Root.

"ARTEMIS!?" Asked Foaly.

"A GIRL!?" Asked Holly.

"Yes," Replied Artemis, coolly. "And if you do need my help very badly, then we should go topside first."

"You're on thin ice with me Fowl, very thin ice." Said Root. He got on the shuttle's speaker system and started barking orders.

"Coming from the species who couldn't stand a few hours in the Arctic Circle?" Artemis asked smugly. Root growled, making a sound similar to "I can't believe the fairy race is relying on this bastard..."

"So is Butler coming? I want to practice sharp-shooting again with him." Said Holly.

"I'm sorry Holly, but no Butler this time. He'll probably be mad enough as it is seeing as I wasn't in the back of the Hummer... No we'll have to get Artemis out secretively and as soon as possible. Got it?" Asked Artemis.

"Yes," Said Holly as she at down across from Artemis. "And you might as well settle in. It might take a while to get us up top again.

About an hour later, and with a lot of cussing and threats from Root, Holly and Artemis finally made it back on top.

"Do you see anything Holly? Asked Artemis.

"Nope. Just six unconscious bodies in the back." Replied Holly looking through her helmet lenses.

Artemis shook his head.

"Good old Juliet. Always thinking of everyone else." Said Artemis to himself. "Ready Holly?" He asked her.

She turned on her wings.

"Ready."

Slowly she flew towards the Hummer and looked inside the opened back door; Artemis hooked to her belt with foliage over him. Just the six bodies were there.

"Perfect." Said Holly to her mic. Slowly she flew over the bodies. "Which one is she?" She asked Artemis. He pointed to a girl in a black satin slit dress at the end of the row.

"That one."

"Okay then, get the foliage ready." Said Holly picking the girl up by her shoulders. Carefully she hooked her to her belt loop. Then Artemis covered her with the foliage.

"Okay. Now get us back to the shuttle." Said Artemis.

"Don't think I don't know that. But shouldn't we give them a clue as to where you are?" Asked Holly, hopefully.

"No. Butler will have figured it out soon enough. Now hurry up."

"Fine I'm going. I'm going." Said holly flying towards the shuttle station.

~Artemis Haun~

"Anyway Juliet, where could he have gone? It's not like he can just-" He stopped short.

"Well now. I guess we can look for two Artemis' now. Now can't we?" Asked Juliet.

"If it weren't for me having to take care of that boy, I would have him in a jail cell with 24 hour surveillance on every single area known to man." Said Butler.

"Uh. Excuse me?"

Juliet and Butler turned towards the masculine voice that cam from the back of the Hummer.

"Where is Artemis Haun?"

"Sorry kid. But we're looking for our own Artemis at the moment." Said Butler.

"As I said, where is Artemis?"

"Look kid, go home. This isn't a resort."

Markarov sat up and pushed the two sleeping figures on the side of him. Which were Angel and Sly.

"What the fudge?" Asked Sly, looking around. Then he saw Butler. "Holy Cow! It's the Troll!" He screamed. That woke everyone else up.

"Troll? Huh?" Asked Riku. Chuko sat up and Angel just rolled off the edge of the metal bed to the floor.

"Alright! That's it! Where is it! Where's the old guy who took my wallet!?" She screamed.

"Angel, it was just a dream." Said Riku helping her up.

"There you go, everyone's awake. Now GO." Said Butler with a low growl to his voice.

"Not until you tell us where Artemis is." Said Markarov.

"Look, we don't even know okay?" Said Juliet.

"But I have a very good idea." Said Butler.

"Where?" Asked Chuko.

"LEPrecon." He said.

~Artemis Fowl~

"So this is your partner?" Asked Foaly, looking at Artemis's face.

"Yes Foaly. She is. And if you have a problem with her, go indulge yourself with Mulch's special talents." Said Artemis, flatly.

"I don't, I don't, I'm just saying that I find it strange for you to want to work with someone, let alone a girl." Foaly said, putting his hands protectively in front of his chest.

"Read her brainwaves. I know you can." Artemis said, pointing at a machine. "See for yourself why I want her as a partner."

Foaly, shrugging off the command, hooked the female Artemis up to the mind scanner. (A/N: I made that up...) He stared at the screen for a second before gasping.

"Do you want the bad news, or the worse news?" He asked. Root, being the "head honcho", asked answered immediately. (A/N: In my strange AU, Root didn't die, but was transported to Section 8. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN EOIN COLFER'S SERIES!)

"Worse."

"Too bad, they're both bad. One, this girl's IQ is through the roof...err, I mean mantle. Two, she has magic. More than the LEP put together, by my reckoning. And trust me, that's a lot of sparks." Foaly said.

"Sparks?" Asked a groggy voice. "Ugh, where am I?"

"Section 8 HQ." Answered Foaly, typing away at a report on the girl's vitals. "Don't be alarmed, just because the elves have magic doesn't mean they'll use it against you."

Holly stepped up to the two fairy cots that the girl was laying on. "How are you feeling?" She asked kindly.

The girl, Artemis, obviously, opened her eyes. "Pretty good. Better than I have in a while now..." She paused, trying to sit up. She made it about half way before she gasped in pain and fell back to the cots. "Never mind. I feel like I was slammed into a wa-Oh, right, I was slammed into a wall. Stupid troll...And that centaur said something about 'Section 8'?"

"Yeah, and-Wait, how did you know he was a centaur? And that that was a troll?" Holly asked.

"I read it in a book..." Said Artemis. She had to be vague about her training, considering that there were non-legends in the room. "And you were saying?"

"Nothing important, just...uh...Artemis, you take it from here." Holly said. And Artemis did as he was told, shockingly, and explained the entire situation, only leaving out what they had found out about her.

"I am not a bag of crap, Mud Girl!" Mulch said defensively.

"Well, you small like one." Artemis (Haun) retorted.

"WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FLAP FOR JUST ONE SECOND?! WE HAVE A SITUATION HERE, D'ARVIT!" Root shouted, now glowing his signature shade of red.

"Right..." Artemis (Haun) muttered. For a while, everyone was silent. Fifteen minutes later, two voices rang out:

"I have a plan."