Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Tai Live Christmas Special: The Finale ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*Introduction*

Tai's face is on a TV screen...

Tai: Hello and welcome to Tai Live.

*Election Jargon*

Election Day: The Day chosen by Son Goku, Fat Giovanni and Rufus Shinra.

*

Tai was at a black background...

Tai: Welcome to Wheel of Misfortune, where you get to be an Anime refugee and try your luck
on whether you go or stay in this part of the Anime World...and our next contestant is...

Heero walks on stage...

Heero: Heero.

Tai: Ok, when you spin the wheel, your luck depends on whether you go *points at the red color
around 90% of the wheel* or you stay *points at a green spot around 10% of the wheel* Spin
it...

Heero spins the wheel...

*On this episode of Tai Live*

Kari's voice: People will now find out why its impossible to see new Anime Episodes when
President Goku explains...

Goku is in a press confrence...

Goku: Its impossible, very impossible...unless we get the new Anime episodes...

Kari's voice: The three musketeers showed off their secret handshake...

Goku, Vegeta and Krillin give off a handshake and hugged each other...

Kari's voice: Goku heads to a country on a transit trip and did an unprepared Press
confrence...only to say he didn't let off gas...

Goku: I'm sure that I didn't do it on purpose on a transit trip to a press confrence.

Kari's voice: Goku makes his comments on the debate whether Assnet should stay as a nobody's
company...

Goku: Absolutely absolutely.

*

Tai Live Christmas Special: The Finale
By PikaFlash Tai at taichi_yagami_zero@yahoo.com.au

Disclaimers: All characters, scenes, songs and stuff belong to their respective owners...

*Opening*

Tai, Kari and Matt were in the coffee room...

Matt: So, Tai, which Pokemon Big Brother character are we having tonight?

Tai: No one, because its Tara!

Kari: Oh.

The trio laughed out loud....

Tai: Lets vote her out again...

Kari, Matt and Tai pressed some numbers on their mobile phones...

*

Tai was next to Jessie...

Tai: So, how's it like being on Big Brother? You should have stayed in the house...

Jessie: Nah, I wanted to be out of the house.

Tai: But Brock won the $25 grand!

Jessie: !@#$!

Jessie walks away...

*

Tai was walking to Taichi outside Taichi's dressing room...

Tai: Hey, Taichi!

Taichi: Hey, Tai. I want to ask you...

Tai: I know what you're going to ask. What's it like hosting your own show? Taichi! You've
hosted your own show!

Taichi: I know. What I mean is...

Tai: What's it like hosting in a comercial network? Well, Taichi, you've hosted the Anime
Awards!

Taichi: I know. But this is a diffrent.

Tai: What is it?

Taichi: What is Barney the purple Dinosaur doing in my room?

Taichi opens his dressing room door, with Barney leaning on a wall...

Then Misty walks by...

Misty: Did you get Barney? You lucky bastard!

Misty walks away...

*

Tai and Kari were walking in the corridors of the Tai Live studio...

Tai: Oh, there's the Spice Girls...

Tai and Kari walk pass Sora standing nearby...

Kari: Hi, Sporty.

Sora: Hi.

Tai and Kari walk pass Mimi waiting next to Sora...

Kari: Hi Posh.

Mimi: Hi.

Tai and Kari walk pass Jun relaxing on the wall...

Kari: Hi Baby.

Jun: Hi.

Tai and Kari walk pass Yolei leaning next to Jun...

Kari: Hi Scary.

Yolei: Hi.

Tai and Kari walk pass Brock leaning on the wall...

Kari: Hi Ginger.

Brock: Hi.

Brock puts one hand on the wall and leans on it facing the other 4 girls...

Tai: Were there 5 of them?

*

Tai was next to Ash...

Tai: Ash, I want to ask you a favor...

Ash: What's that?

Tai: Will you pash my sister?

Kari was standing at the doorway...

Ash: Sorry...I've got a date somewhere else...

Ash walks away...

Kari: Well?

Tai: He said he's got a date.

Sakura walks in...

Tai: Sakura, will you do me a big favor?

-

Cast:
Taichi Yagami, The Digi Destined
Sakura Kinomoto, The Card Captor
Satoshi Katsumoto, The Pokemon Trainer

*Final Monolouge*

Tai: Welcome to the last episode of Tai Live. This episode was written since September, but
I guess by now you're reading it sometime in November or December. Anyway, who wouldn't want
to know about the Elections between Goku and Giovanni. Lets focus on the issue that things
will be back to normal...once we get back on the net. Unfortunetely, Tai Live Big Brother
had to be canceled due to the fact that a certain Pokemon was not happy.

*

In the living the Big Brother house was Ash, AJ, Misty, Duplica, Erika, Suzie and ZeroMew...

ZeroMew: Did anyone ever tell you about the cameras in the toilets?

All: Yeah.

ZeroMew: Well, they didn't. I mean, it feels strange.

AJ: But you've got to let it loose sometime.

-Diary Room-

ZeroMew: I never relise the cameras in the house. And I mean, sleeping in the same room with
6 other guys isn't my style!

-Living Room-

ZeroMew walks into the living room and sits next to AJ, as AJ hugs ZeroMew...

ZeroMew: Anyway, do you ever eat this thing called Mewburgers?

All: No. We didn't.

-Diary Room-

ZeroMew: There wasn't even a cappicino machine in the house!

-Living Room-

Back in the living room, ZeroMew wasn't there and AJ was talking...

AJ: And I thought I was the wuss...

ZeroMew walks in...

ZeroMew: Hey, anyone talking about me?

All: NO!!! NO!!

AJ: We're talking about the Mewburgers.

-Diary Room-

ZeroMew: I'm pretty sure that they hate me. I mean, I'm diffrent from them. That's it, I'm
evicting myself out!

-

ZeroMew: HELLO! BIG BROTHER!

-

ZeroMew: I'm evicting myself out.

-

ZeroMew: Can someone let me out, please?!

-

ZeroMew: Yeah, Big Brother! *does the rude sign where he raises his right paw and hits the
upper elbow with the left paw and walks off* F@#$ you, Big Brother!

ZeroMew walks off...

-

In the living room, everyone was cheering...

*Tai on "New Games"*

Tai: I've invented a new game. Type "Pikachu Hating Redhead" + hero into an internet search
engine and time how long before Pokemon turns up turns up. Everyone is on high alert.
Security is paramount. The campaign has begun. The election will be held on November 10. The
AST will change the way this election is fought. For a start, Congresswoman Sakura will no
doubt begin sandbagging the Guardians to ensure their safety, and Son Goku will farewell the
cash with a passionate speech on the importance of postal voting.

Tai drinks a sports drink...

Tai: The Anime World now has to decide who is the most qualified to lead. Who is the
President to guide us through war, and all that war could bring, including rationing,
drunken voters and arm cancers.

Tai shows a picture of Goku's face...

Tai: Will it be Son Goku, who is currently riding a wave of popular support? He says the
Government is the stability and strength the Anime World needs in the face of great
challenges to the world.

Tai takes out a picture of Giovanni's face...

Tai: Or will it be Fat Giovanni, who would ride a wave of popular support if he had one?
Giovanni's campaign will consist largely of two initiatives. One being constantly reminding
the electorate that he's been a Team Rocket Leader, so at least he knows how much war costs.

Tai tossed the pictures into the background.

Tai: And the other will be that a vote for Son Goku is actually a vote for Vegeta, who has no
experience with matters of security. Vegeta will no doubt try and convince the electorate he
can lead the Anime World in time of training dubberss by starting every press conference
with "At ease. Censor if you got 'em".

Tai takes out a checklist...

Tai: Mr. Vegeta has a battle on his hands. He has to convince the electorate that he isn't
bereft of ideas. And he's not. Rollback is an idea, Knowledge Anime is an idea, and cabbage
at every meal is an idea. He knows he has to shift the focus back to domestic issues, but
unfortunately, an original election means matters such as Animes and Dubbed Animes tend to
get heavily censored. Another concern for Gio is that the President has said he will attend
the Anime Nations meeting in America which falls during the campaign. Obviously, Mr Giovanni
is upset by this, because if he gets beaten by someone who isn't even there, it's just going
to be really embarrassing.

Tai tosses the checklist to the background...

Tai: There's no denying it... dubbing is hell. Especially if you're Fat Giovanni.

*Ash on "New TV ideas"*

Ash: Ah, summer TV - it's as boring as an advanced melanoma. It means reruns, it means oldies,
it means old Pokemon Episodes back on our screens where it belongs. Remember it's not lower
quality programming, it's just TV designed to make you feel less guilty about turning it off.

Ash tosses away a TV guide...

Ash: It also gives television executives time to dream up new programs and Animes to dub,
which are in no way similar to successful programmes overseas because, we changed the
title and came up with the idea of making the host blonde. One show I'd like to see is
"Digi-Destineds Behind Enemy Lines" - a bunch of mismatched kids are dropped into a strange
world and have to band together with some monsters to fight their way home. It's topical, it's
exciting and oh yeah, one of them's gay...but which one?

*Anime Census Pointers*

When ask what type of education you have...

*Background shows the choices you have, asking which High School you've studied at? (Choices:
Digimon, Pokemon, Cardcaptors, Goku's)*

Remember that Goku's High School is not considered a High School.

*Christmas Pointers #1*

When looking for crackers, avoid the labels saying, "Made in Digi-World".

*Tai on "Tai and Tai's comments"*

Tai: Tonight, I am here to interview with people about Tai Live. Our guest are Tai
Yagami, the presenter for Tai Live and Tai Yagami, Tai Live Viewer. Tai, what is your
comment?

*Viewer: Well, Tai, I suppose that its the balance this show needs.*

*Presenter: Bah! Who needs balance when I'm the host of this show!*

Tai: Good question.

*Viewer: I just need to understand that we just want to see good quality television shows,
Tai."

Tai: I see. Any comments, Tai?

*Both Tai: Well, we suppose we can revamp the show.

Tai: Thank you for your time...

*Presenter: Let me stay longer, I just want to keep the balance in the show.

*Tai Shows: Shopkeepers, Robbers and Car theives (in training)*

Tai was wearing a blonde wig with Kari, both dressed as shopkeepers...

Tai was showing Kari how to use the Credit card machine...

Tai: Ok, Kari, you swipe the card like this.

2 robbers raises their M15...

Robber1: HANDS UP!!!!

Tai: *raises his hands* Ok, Kari, raise you hand like the man said.

Robber1: Ok, tell her to put the money in the bag.

Robber2: Ok, put the money in the bag, please?

Matt *takes off his mask*: TK, how many times do I have to tell you? Leave your manners at
home.

TK: Sorry, Matt.

Matt: Now call her a bitch.

TK: But isn't that a little extreme?

Kari: I don't mind, really.

TK: Ok, put the money in the bag...bitch.

Matt: That's very good!

Kari puts the money in the bag...

Tai: First time?

Matt: Yep. Now, TK, take the money from her...

TK: Give me the bag...bitch.

Matt: You're getting very good...

A car alarm rings...

Matt: Now, what was that?

Tai and Kari used their heads to point in the direction of the car park...

Matt and TK walk to the car park, only to see Jun and Davis trying to break into a car...

Jun: Ok, Davis, first we must open the car, then we can get rid of the alarm...

Matt: First time for him?

Jun: Yep. Bloody trainees!

The 4 laughed out loud...

*Tai on the "recently sent FAQs"*

Tai was sitting at his desk with some letters...

Tai: We'd like to take this opportunity to answer some of our reader's questions. Our first
query comes from Joe Kido of Odaiba:

"Is it safe to fly yet?"

Tai: Well Joe, I'd say: Yes. In fact to make it even safer we recommend Assnet Mark 2. With
the changing schedules small passenger loads and lack of in-flight services it is a good bet
that official dubbers would find them inconvenient. Asuka from Tokyo-3 asks:

"As it seems the world may soon come to an end, should I still pay off my credit card?"

Tai: Let me assure you Asuka, even if the world ends in a cataclysmic nuclear war where the
whole of history is reduced to dust and the planet is shrouded in a dark cloud for many
millennia... bankers will survive... and they will find you.

Tai: Sakura from Tomoeda asks:

"Will everything eventually return to normal?"

Tai: I'm not sure Sakura. But if this offers any glimmer of hope - police corruption is back
to normal in Kanto. And this from James from Kanto,

"Seeing that they have the technology to raise plenty of wrecked Magikarp submarines, is
there hope for SNK or Fan Dubbers?"

Tai: No. No there isn't. And finally many readers wrote in with the following question:

"How can we tell the difference between Original Fan-dubbed Animes and Officially-Dubbed
Animes."

Tai: English. The less signs of English, the more original the Anime.

*Christmas Pointers #2*

When preparing for your Christmas Turkey, try to look out for thieves, plunderers, greedy
fat people and Digimon.

*

Sakura: Ok, now, I am here, replacing Kari, for Tai Live, as I will send the Taiing reporter,
Taichi, about tax-paid overseas travelling...

*

Taichi is wearing his school uniform with a scarf and a hat...

Taichi: This is Taichi Yagami, and I'm going to interview Li, who is one of Sakura's
representives of the Cardcaptors party...

Taichi walks to a tanning place...

Li was tanning...

Taichi: So, Li, how was your tax-paid overseas trip?

Li: It was fine.

Taichi: Did you learn anything about any other country's way in goverment?

Li: Yeah, I did. The great beaches, the cool seas and the beautiful tropical flavor in its
drinks.

Taichi: Is that why you sat in First Class?

Li: Errr...yeah.

Taichi: So, are you going to write a report on it?

Li: Errr...what report? Do other characters write reports on tax-paid trips?

Taichi: I suppose so.

Li: Great. I'll go back and study how they write those reports...and...

Taichi started to get bored and started to speed up the fan and turned up the heat in the
tanning machine...

Li: ...I could suppose that...

Taichi: *whispering to the camera* This is Taichi Yagami for Tai Live...

After Taichi walks away...Li was still in the tanning machine...

Li: Taichi? Taichi? Never mind. Gee, its getting kinda hot in here.

*Crime Stats*

15% of crimes are murders...
add murder as a job and you'll have everyone on full employment.

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: On the "The North Wing" tonight!!! *An image of Goku's house is seen...*

Goku's face was on an election poster...

Narrator: Sun Goko is complaing about his goverment with "useless sercertaries"...

Vegeta was walking in the streets...

Narrator: Big Hair Vegetable is admitting that he "didn't" let off gas in front of President
Goku's guests...

*Vegeta: I'm not surprised since I'm pretty sure its the President's prank.*

Mimi is in an interview room...

Narrator: Mei Meiling Tachikawa tells Jefry Spingler to bugger off...

*Mimi: You've need passion to be a Digi-crat party.*

Narrator: And finally Mr. "Fat" Giovanni comments on whether he should be President...

Giovanni is in a car and in a press confrence...

*Giovanni: Its not me who's complaining...its Goku's decision.*

Narrator: "The NORTH WING", its the best they could do...

*Tai on "Goku's Star Wars"*

Tai: After a series of embarrassing failures and near universal claims that it would never
work, last week Goku himself conducted the first successful test of his Star Wars light
defence system, shooting down a dummy Frieza with an intercept beam attack. Joining us now to
discuss the situation is Yamcha.

Yamcha: We're sorry. We're really, really sorry.

Tai: What?

Yamcha: We just wanted to funnel a few hundred billion into the military, it's always been
good for the economy, we never thought it would actually work.

Tai: So now everyone's going to be building a lot more weapons.

Yamcha: To try to beat the system that actually works.

Tai: And we have a new arms race.

Yamcha: It was supposed to be a joke! We even called it "Star Wars" for Goku's sake. We were
this close to calling it 'Return of the Jedi.'

Tai: Not to mention the fact that a rogue leader will be more likely to attack Earth with a
a big bang before the shield is complete.

Yamcha: Plus we didn't think Goku would get elected. It turns out we were right, but he's
President and he went ahead with it.

Tai: So how long before you have to do another light defence test?

Yamcha: You probably should ask Fat Giovanni that. The most embarrassing thing is that
President Goku now wants us to build a "Death Star" and insists that with more Capsule Corp
funding we can find the planet Namek.

Tai: General, thanks for your time.

Yamcha: May the force be with you. I'm really sorry.

*Crime Stats*

9 out of 10 murdered victims are male...
So expect a rise in transexuality...

*Sakura on "The pledge Goku made"*

Goku is in a confrence...

Goku: As I sign this pledge with this texta, I will send this cardboard all around the Anime
World to gain their trust for our territory and the Anime World...

-

Sakura: Even before an election is called, President Son Goku is on the hustings, touring
marginal seats signing giant Nintendo cardboard pledges. His policy advisor is Yamcha. Yamcha,
isn't this just another shoddy political stunt?

Yamcha: No, sakura, a political stunt is promising to roll back the GST. This is a pledge.

Sakura: Isn't President Goku's word good enough?

Yamcha: Words are cheap, Sakura. This is a pledge. On cardboard. In texta!

Sakura: Yes, will President Goku be making all his election promises in thick black texta?

Yamcha: Not all of them. I mean, he ran out of texta drawing that Knowledge Animes diagram,
we won't be falling for that again. Some of them he'll keep making up as he goes along so we
won't have time to order in the big cardboard pledge signs. But with Nintendo we've had time
to think about it and we're pretty sure we won't be selling it off.

Sakura: Pretty sure?

Yamcha: Sakura, its written in texta on a bit of cardboard.

Sakura: Doesn't this set a silly precedent? Won't President Goku now be forced to sign a whole
raft of election pledges similar to this Nintendo pledge? What about a pledge not to increase
taxes?

Yamcha: Nintendo is a special case, Sakura. You can't expect them to be signing pledges on
every little thing.

Sakura: Why not?

Yamcha: I guess we could have a scale of pledges. Nintendo Pledges we sign in texta, Roll
back pledges we sign in pencil, and Income tax pledges we sort of mumble a bit while looking
the other way.

Sakura: Why is President Goku doing this? I mean, doesn't signing a pledge suggest that
people can't trust his word without a pledge

Yamcha: We've thought of that Sakura. As we speak Goku is writing "You Can Trust My Word
Without A Pledge" on a huge piece of cardboard with a bloody great texta. We'll show to
you as soon as it's stopped running.

Sakura: The texta or President Goku?

Yamcha: Both.

Sakura: Thank you. It's been most informative.

Yamcha: Do you mean that or is it a pledge?

*Anime Census pointers*

In the question on what's your job...

*Backgrounds the diffrent jobs, including "Pokemon Trainers", "Digi-Destined" and "Monster
Ranchers"*

Dead is not an apporiate answer.

*

Tai and Heero were still at the Wheel of Misfortune as the wheel was still spinning...

Tai: The pressure's on you, Heero.

*Ash on "Team Rocket's Blundered Advertisements"*

Ash: Many times over the years Team Rocket have done a lot in the name of saving the planet...
or at least in the name of hooning about in cool Balloons.

Ash is in front of an audience...

Ash: But even people with good intentions sometimes do really dumb things. But have a look at
this.

An ad appeared on screen saying:

"WHEN YOU COME BACK AS A PIKACHU,
YOU'LL BE BLOODY GLAD YOU PUT
TEAM ROCKET IN YOUR WILL."

Ash is back on stage from a very far point of view...

Ash: Okay, we know what they're trying to say, but firstly, if I am coming back, I think I'll
hold on to the money myself thanks. At least I'll be a Pikachu with a portfolio.

Ash tosses the ad to the background...

Ash: But what happens if you leave your money to Team Rocket....and come back as a Rocket Gang
member? Or Officer Jenny? You'll feel like a right idiot.

Ash looks to another camera...

Ash: But even more disturbing is the assumption by Team Rocket that once something dies, it's
reincarnated, because if that's what they believe, what's the point in saving the Pikachus?
They're all going to come back anyway! So maybe we'll lose a few Pikachus but we'll have lots
of, say... Jigglypuffs, with the souls of Pikachus, or Pidgeys that feel like a small yellow
rodent.

Ash faces the auidence...with the camera drawing Pikachu ears and tail on Ash's body...

Ash: So have Team Rocket lost the plot or maybe it's just this one, weird advert, written by
one weird member of Team Rocket... who used to be a Pikachu. Whatever the case I suggest Team
Rocket, just stick to saving the world and leave the advertising to really experienced idiots.

*Sakura on "DNA"*

Sakura: As we see now that we may have got the latest on the usage of DNA, we speak now the
resident medical specialist, Dr. Joe Kido...

Joe was in an operating theater putting a heart on a tray...

Joe: Hi.

Sakura: Shouldn't we put this to another time?

Joe: No, I can do two things at once...

Joe takes a cup of tea and uses a knife to stir it.

Sakura: Isn't this a little risky, using DNA for their own personal use?

Joe: Say that to Dr. Joy. She suggested that its against all nature. I'm pretty sure Mr.
Greenpeace would agree with me?

The guy's heart rate monitor flatlines (due to the fact Joe took out the heart)...

Joe: Mr. Greenpeace? I'm pretty sure Mr. Greenpeace would agree with me.

Sakura: Thank you.

Joe: NURSE!!! NURSE!!!

*Tai shows: Digi-slickers*

Tai, Kari and Matt were running in the streets of Spain with the original Digi-Destined...and
Matt slowed down and Tai ran back to him...

Tai: Come on, Matt, they have released the Mad People!

Matt: Go on! I'm tired.

Tai: COME ON!!!

Kari: OH NO! Its the Mad People, Davis and Jun Motomiya!!!

Tai ran with Matt and Tai tripped...

Kari/Matt: TAI!!!

Tai: Go on without me!! I'll be alright.

Kari and Matt ran off, leaving Tai with the Mad people...

Davis/Jun: Didn't anyone ever tell you its dangerous out in the streets with the Mad People?

Tai: *pathetic voice* Please be gentle...

Davis and Jun kicked Tai's body...

*Ash on "Party Regesteration"*

Ash was in a park...

Ash: The head of the Rocket Gang party, Jessie is facing fraud charges. Apparently, she's not
a real redhead. *scratches his head* Okay, I'm just being silly. In 1999 the Senate
found that Jessie knew she didn't have the 500 members needed to be recognised as a political
party. But in her defence, they did have one really big member - Fat Giovanni.

Ash walks to a bench and sits down...

Ash: And now the Jennies have fresh evidence about the illegal registration of Jessie's Party
in Kanto before the 2000 election.

Ash looks at a camera above him...

Ash: Let's use this opportunity to clean up the whole party registration system. All political
parties should have to register every single year, just like you register a car. Every party
should have to get up on the hoist:

Ash *Irish accent*: "You've got a spot of Pikachus on the front here."

Ash *Italian accent*: "Geez, that branch is well and truly sacked."

Ash *Japanese accent*: "I see you've been rear ended by your deputy leader... and you've got a
bit of a ding on the side here... No, my mistake, that's Goku's Dragonball Z Party"

Ash *Normal voice*: To be honest, mate she won't pass. But tell you what, slip us fifty bucks,
I'll call a mate and we'll get you registered. Just don't try and take it out in public.

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: On the "The North Wing"!!! *An image of Goku's house is seen...*

Goku is sitting next to Krillin...

Narrator: Sun Goko is having a discussion with Crycryrin over the budget...

Vegeta was walking in the streets...

Narrator: Big Hair Vegetable is planning on building up Knowedge Animes and asking opinions
from the First Lady...

Vegeta is standing in front of the First Lady...

*Vegeta: Well, what's for lunch?*

Mimi is in an interview room...

Narrator: Jefry tells Mei Meiling to move her head in 4 diffrent directions...

Mimi nods and shakes her head...

Narrator: And Digi-Wiseman Gennai comments on the relationship...

*Gennai: That was a forbidden move on the board.*

Narrator: And finally Mr. "Fat" Giovanni comments on whether he should be release with
the Pikachu-hating Redhead...

Giovanni is in a car and in a press confrence...

*Giovanni: I'm not a Pokemon theif or a Pokemon gangster. I'm a Pokemon Politician.*

Miss Redhead finds out that her scuba diving holiday was ruined...

In a lake, a bomb exploded underwater...

Narrator: "The NORTH WING", its the best they could do...

*

Tai is on stage at his desk with a census booklet...

Tai: About the Anime Census, I had trouble on what answer to put, espically that when I'm
asked my full name, I would put "Tai" as first name and "Live" as the last name. Now, that
would get me into deep, deep trouble. But luckily for me, I've got a friend in the Digimon
Party that got me the answers for the Anime Census, crisis over.

Tai shows off the answer booklet for the Anime Census...

Tai: Anyway, its not time for the final...WHAT THE...?!

*"What The...?"*

Tai: Anyway, recently there was this ad in the papers about getting a new house. It looks
normal, until...it reads, "This house has 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a dining room which
comes with its very own...TAI!!!" Est not weh!?

*Tai was imagining as Ash and Misty were looking around in the master bedroom and suddenly
Tai pops out of the closet...*

*Ash and Misty: WHAT THE...?!*

Tai: Anyway, here's one at a Digimon Zoo, which shows a Gatomon, with a sign saying,
"Tailmon"!!!

Tai shows off the picture...

Tai *In tune of one of Beethoven's music*: WHAT WHAT WHAT THE...?! Ok, so, maybe we've
got a translation problem over at that zoo. But any idiot will expect Tailmon to be
a Digimon that looks like a tail. Speaking of Translation, our final "What The...0?!"
of the season is about the topic. This photo shows a sign with many diffrent languages
saying..."Translation is Prohibited over here!!!"

Tai shows off the picture of the sign...

Tai *in tune of a Fog Signal*: WHAAAAT THHHHHEEEE...?! Now is that an irony or what? Well, on to the next sketch...

*Tai Shows: The Missing Link*

Kari is at the middle stand...

Kari: Matt?

Matt: Its Tai.

Kari: Oh, like you crashed your car into mine, right? Sora?

Sora: I'm pretty sure its Tai.

Kari: Oh, as sure as that ugly lipstick of yours? Joe?

Joe: Its obviously Tai.

Kari: Tai, the votes are in and you are the missing link, goodbye...

Tai was biting on his card, dressed as an Agumon and started to walk away...

*Tai on "Fanfic Ads"*

Tai was in a bookshop...

Tai: In that leather pouch was a cell phone...a Nokia Cell phone. Oh. If, like me, you enjoy
seeing popular brand names make cameo appearances in movies you'll be pinching yourself with
the news we could soon see product placements in fanfics.

Tai is at a bookstand...

Tai: Some promotions company has hit upon the idea of offering advertising spots in a
soon-to-be-released novel, with the hopes it might catch on with books people might actually
want to read. Ad breaks in books! Genius! Now I can go and make a cup of tea during the boring
bits.

-

Tai was reading a Final Fantasy fic...

Tai: And then, Aki enters a car...a futurestic Holden.

-

Tai: I can just hear the sophisticated conversations at the book club now: "Well of course the
product placement in that movie wasn't a faithful adaptation of the product placement in the
book."

-

Tai is reading a Cardcaptor Sakura fic...

Sakura takes a can of Pepsi out of the fridge...

-

Tai: Soon we'll see authors calling their characters Jack Daniels and Sara Lee, although they
won't get up to any funny business just in case they bring the brand name into disrepute.
Personally I can't wait until Harry Potter sells out and starts driving around in a magical
Toyota. Or Ash starts solving mysteries with the help of his palm pilot. They could even start
sticking subliminal ads in fanfics. One day you're reading the latest Digimon fic and the next
you're down the shops trying to purchase a D-3 Digivice.

-

Tai was reading a Digimon fic...

Tai: Taichi walks into the McAnimes and ordered a Big Mallet...

-

Tai: We might as well auction off the author's names too. Relaxing Digimon, Markura X, Ashy,
Pikaclow...

-

Tai was reading a Pokemon fic...

Tai: Ash is leaning next to the wall of K-mart.

-

Tai: And while we're at it, let's get some sponsorship behind the Literary Awards. I'm
thinking Fanfiction.net.

*Intermission: Tai Live Classic: The Lamp Post scene*

Izzy was dress as a police officer riding a bicycle and crash into a lamppost...

*Anime Census Pointers*

For the question about how many people in your home at the time of the census...

*Background shows words "Husband or wife of person 1, Child of person 1 and 2, Child of person
1 only, other(fill in space):*

Do not add, "Some guy I picked up at some bar." for a person who is not related to you...

*Tai on "Digimon Party"*

Tai: The Senate resumes this week and new Digimon Party Leader Senator Mimi Tachikawa
will be confronted by ger colleagues who according to press leaks are becoming increasingly
angry about what they see as her autocratic leadership style. Ms Tachikawa's head lackey is
Sora Takenouchi. Ms Takenouchi, is Ms Tachikawa an aristocrat?

Sora: No she's a Digi-crat. There's a big difference. Aristocrats actually get things done.

Tai: Ms Tachikawa has been accused of being a deliberately isolated leader.

Sora: Yes but it's lonely at the top, Tai, especially if you're not consulting with anyone
before you make decisions on their behalf.

Tai: So you don't see her as a dictator.

Sora: Nein, of course nicht. It's just that it's not easy being the leader of a party.
Everyone wants to have a say.

Tai: Isn't that what the Digimon Party is all about?

Sora: Yes but we're not talking about Digimon, we're talking about the Digi-crats.

Tai: Is Mimi has also been accused of issuing press releases on party positions without
any consultation.

Sora: Look it's a matter of leadership style. As Mimi often says, if you push a piece of
string it will buckle, if you pull a piece of string it will follow but if you issue a press
release about the piece of string without telling it beforehand then the piece of string will
have no choice but to obey you.

Tai: But why is this style of "leadership" necessary? Surely, the Digimon Party are able to
come to some sort of consensus on issues?

Sora: Tai, its really time consuming to get all the fairies at the bottom of the garden to
come to consensus. Pringtoopaloop is particularly reactionary. In all fairness, Mimi has
been spending a lot more time consulting with Digi-crats this year.

Tai: Because she's the new leader?

Sora: No, because "Ash and Tai" got cancelled.

Tai: That's showbiz.

*Anime Political Notes*

Misty Hymen of the Pokemon Party is not a redhead...
Jessie of the Rocket Gang party is.

*Tai Shows: Who wants to be a Digillonare?*

Tai was sitting in his seat with Matt on the other chair...with Tai fidgetting on the chair...

Matt: Ok, for 1 million dollars, why are you fidgetting in your chair?

a) Because I'm just bored. b) Because my underwear is running up me
c) Because I want to go to the toilet d) Because there's something in your chair

Tai *jumping up and down*: C! C! C! C! C! C!!!

Matt: Is that your final answer?

Tai: OF COURSE!!!

Matt: Well...the answer...will come shortly right after the break.

Tai facefaults...

*

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: The political drama continues on "The North Wing"!!! *An image of Goku's house is
seen...*

Goku and Yamcha were in a press confrence after a plane trip landing in the Digi-World...

Narrator: President Goko is next to his friend, Drink Tea about his goverment with
on a transit trip...

*Goku: Its not my job to ask about my friend here...*

Mimi was seen with Matt...

Narrator: President Sun Goko regrets renting a room below Mei Meiling and Toyama Ishida's
apartment...

*Goku *in a press confrence*: The ceiling started to crack from above.*

Goku and Yamcha sit next to each other...

Narrator: President Goko and Drink Tea celebrate all night over a victory about the
Titanic...

*Goku: We deliberately took it out to sea and sink it.*

Big Head Vegetable runs at night...

Narrator: Big Head Vegetable runs wild after a nighttime jog...

*Vegeta: I didn't even think I was doing that.*

Narrator: And Big Head Vegetable also plans to open a fast food joint...

*Vegeta: I wonder why they would call it the McAnimes...*

Narrator: Nash Catchthemall comments on the relationship between Jefry and Mei Meiling...

*Ash: *fumbling with some words* No comment.*

Narrator: Congresswoman Sakura is asked not to put in any matches in the Kerosene baths at any
Old Folks Home...

*Sakura: Who said I did that?*

Narrator: "The North Wing", its the best they could do...

*Election Jargon*

Election Rollcall: The only other gift to revive the dead people in the DBZ world.

*Tai on "Who's good and Who's bad*

Tai was at his deck holding two palm cards...

Tai: Hi, I'm here reviewing who's been good and who's been bad. I'm not imitating Santa, he's
fictional. Anyway, I'm going to show off who's being naughty this year first. This lists
starts off with the Head of SNK, followed by the Anime Distributor companies, then Cheez TV,
joined by Frieza and Cell, President Goku, the heads of Nelvana, FOX and WB, with the
sudden appearence of the Digimon script writers in Japan working for Saban and the list goes
on. But the people on the nice list are the Powerpuff girls and me.

*Tai Ads*

2 Kids were sitting on Santa's lap...

Narrator: Kids, you want a present for Christmas? That's right, now with the new game called
"Corprate Collaspe"! Where you get to play as...SNK, CardCaptors or Assnet. In this
game, you get to spend! Spend! Spend!

People were seen buying lots of clothes, properties and jewellerys...

Narrator: So don't worry if you're broke, you can get funding from Goku's goverment!

Goku was at a press confrence...

Narrator: So, be prepared to buy this new game at any EB world or Anime shop while they're
still standing!!!

*Sakura on "Traffic Jams"*

Sakura: Currently, there have been reports of a new link to the Digi-World that people try
to avoid, slowing traffic down in other areas...our Taiing reporter, Taichi will go into
details...

*

Taichi was on the streets...

Taichi: Anyway, we are here, in the surburban streets, asking opinions of people who may have
an idea why this is happening...

Taichi walks to a car...

Taichi: This is Taichi from Tai Live. I want to talk to you about the shortcut on the carpool
way that led many drivers into ticket fines.

Taichi walks to a woman in her car...

Taichi: So, what do you think of the new link? Is it convineant?

Woman: Well, I want to pick my kids up from school

Taichi: I see. So, basically the new link is a very fast way.

Woman: Will you get the f@#$ing cameramen out of my way? I'm late alreasy!

Taichi and his cameramen were right in front of a traffic jam...

Taichi: Sorry. This is Taichi Yagami for Tai Live...

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: On the Series Finale of "The North Wing"...

Goku was in a press confrence, when Trunks is seen walking from behind a fence...

Narrator: President Goko is timing a good time to kick Deputy Briefs up his arse.

*Goku: We need to plan a good time to do it.*

Giovanni is seen in an interview room...

Narrator: While Fat Gio teaches himself how to lead the Anime World...

*Giovanni: I have to tell Mr. Gio that we must put $1 billon for education, $2 billion for
the Yoda statue, and $5 billion for the Mr. Gio's plan for new Pokemon Episodes.*

Mimi was at an airport...

Narrator: Senator Mei Meiling returns home after a night with Yamato.

Matt was seen in an interview room...

*Mimi: I have to say that it was an experience I won't forget.*

Darien was seen at a party with Fat Gio...

Narrator: While Former President Darien tells Fat Gio that if Fat Gio loses the election,
he'll have to take over Fat Gio's place...

*Darien: Hopefully, it will absolutely not happen.*

Narrator: And now is the Cliffhanger...

Goku was seen, when he triped over some steps but got back to his feet...

Narrator: Who assassinated President Goko? On the next North Wing, which is the best they
could do.

*

Tai, Sakura and Ash were at Tai's desk...

Tai: Ash, recently, there was an outcry about fomer Spice girl, Victoria Beckham, wife of
Man U star, Davis Backham.

Ash: Well, what I heard is that Victoria bashed up David, thinking he was haivng an affair.

Sakura: But its a complete mystery that people easily get offended when they are said to be
preagnant like that boxer...errr...what was his name? Mike Tikeson? This was his first match
when the opponent yelled at Tikeson, "You're a woman!" Pike's reply, "So?" The opponent yells,
"Your mama's an old hag!" Tikeson's words: "So?" The last word from the opponent "And you're
preagnant!" And the last words from Pike: "WHAT?!".

*Election Jargon*

Absentee vote and Postal Vote: The proof that fleeing the country isn't going to avoid an
election.

*Taichi on "Cody Hida's opinion"*

Tai: With the election less than a month away, and both sides refusing to admit it's a
foregone conclusion, we turn to the ever reliable analysis of our correspondent for
government reconciliation, Cody Hida.

Cody: Yes, thank you Tai, thanks for nothing!

Tai: What's the problem Cody?

Cody: Don't think I don't know what you've done. This is our last show isn't it?
Very convenient. So when President Goku sweeps to victory like a majestic bird of
prey, carrying off the tattered and bleeding remains of the corpse that was once the
Pokemon Party, Tai Live is languishing in a black hole, leaving some drivelling leftie
commentator to whinge their way through what all right thinking people realise is a
triumphant affirmation and vindication of a Goku led world's march towards a glorious
future bordering on the Utopian.

Tai: You wanted a chance to gloat, Cody?

Cody: And why shouldn't I? Many years I've suffered coming to work at this closet communist
septic tank, feeling my stomach churn as I passed the gates. Sometimes all that kept me going
was the thought of this election. That's right tree huggers, with all the socialist apologists
masquerading as alleged journalists in this Gio Hill toilet, I felt like the lone voice
espousing the truth. Well, never mind. I shall rise above. Apologies and thank you to my
loyal viewers. Goodbye Tai, goodbye all, and may you never hear the words "balance" and "Tai
Live" in the same sentence ever again. Cody Hida, deprived of his moment in the Goku sun by
the Gio Bum Chums with the Tai Chi Stupid Yagami.

*Christmas Pointer #3*

If you ever see someone giving you some gold, cheese and a pot, make sure you remind yourself
to enjoy your twenties.

*The "Taichi Award"*

Tai: Now is the segment known as...THE "TAICHI" AWARD, which is the most comical award where
anyone during the week has made a fool of themselves in public places...our award goes to...

*Music is played*

Tai: A man in Shinra building in Midgar! After many panic calls from the man, he called every
kind of law enforcement agency in Midgar, who went up to the 64th floor to find a man who
claims that he can't pull his door open, no matter how much he pulled. The outside police
officers just simply pulled the door open. *Silence* The joke was that the man "trapped" in
the room was suppose to push the door.

*The auidence laughed and the music was played*

Tai: And that's the "Taichi" Award!

*Election Jargon*

Ballot Paper: The thing people depend on for their superannuation.

*Sakura on "The Election Debate"*

Sakura The Pokemon Party is hoping that the election campaign will finally give them a
chance to showcase their policies. We're joined by Pokemon Party Member, James Starmach. Mr
James, how will you get your message across?

James: Firstly, we challenge Mr Goku to debate Fat Gio. The public has a right to know what
he stands for.

Sakura: And what does Mr Giovanni stand for?

James: We're not sure yet. We're hoping we'll find out during the debates.

Sakura: And the Pokemon Party has been pushing for three debates?

James: No, 412. We are ready, willing and able to go mano a mano with the President 412
times if he's got the guts.

Sakura: Son Goku is not going to agree to that.

James *imitating the chicken*: Bkk Bkk Bkkk Bkkaawwk!

Sakura: Alright, alright. Who do you want to host the debates?

James: Well naturally we want our prime interviewer Pocket Money, but for some reason the
Dragonball Z Party have predictably objected to that on some dubious pretext.

Sakura: Because Pocket Money used to work for Darien?

James: That's the usual dubious accurate pretext yes.

Sakura: So who does the President want as host?

James: Ash Ketchum of course. He used to be biased because he worked for 4Kids, but then he
left for more money which is something the Dragonball Z Party can understand.

Sakura: With the inevitable arguments over who actually won the debate, do you think we'll
see the reappearance of the worm?

James: No, Fat Gio checks now before he comes out. Although it didn't do Professor Oak any
harm, it might be worth a try. I'll speak to the wardrobe.

Sakura: How do you see the debates going?

James: Well obviously the actual course of the debates are a volatile and entirely
unpredictable affair but if forced to take a guess I'd say "Good evening people. Hello Ash.
Mr Son Goku, how much is a bag of chips of? Gosh Ash you've caught me on the hop there, its
$1.53. Mr Giovanni how much is a pack of beer. Gosh Ash, you've caught me on the hop
there..."

Sakura: Will the deputy leaders be debating?

James: Yes, Darien will be debating Ash Ketchum and Taichi Yagami about who should replace
Fat Giovanni.

Sakura: Right.

James: And Ash Ketchum will be debating Misty Ketchum about the new curtains in The Red Cap
House.

Sakura: Alright, I think we've heard enough.

James: That's debateable.

*Tai on "Gifts to certain people"*

Tai was at his desk...

Tai: Its going to be Christmas soon and I have some presents to give to certain people that
made this series possible. No not those people like the cameraman, lighting and script
writers, but people who made us Anime characters the way we are now.

Tai takes out a red sack...

Tai: HO HO HO! To Cheez TV, a million dollar tax-free-free bonus...

Tai takes out a bag with the $ symbol on it...

Tai: ...for *not* showing us any new Pokemon Episodes. For the Head of FOX...

Tai takes out a gift voucher...

Tai: ...a gift voucher from Warner Brothers for any WB store. For the corrupted Officer Jennys
in Kanto and Johto, a brown paper bag...

Tai takes out a brown paper bag...

Tai: ...full of brown paper bags. And for Gennai...

Tai takes out a wrapped present...

Tai: ...I don't know what this is, but it must be something that requires batteries.
And we were planning on giving the sack to the Head of WB, but 4Kids beat us to it.

*Ash and Tai on "Maiden Speeches"*

Ash was sitting at a tale in a bar with lots of writing papers...

Ash: Whatever happens, after the election there'll be a few new faces in the Senate. Each
of these new senators gets to make a maiden speech, to state what they're about - in case
they missed an opportunity during the campaign. Anyway, it's important for the novice
Senator to create some sort of impression.

Tai was at the bar...

Tai: Traditionally, the maiden speech is received in respectful silence from both sides of
the house. Should you start a maiden speech with a joke? A joke only works if the audience
have ever actually met the kind of person you're talking about. So there's no point in using
the one about the Senator who paid for his own travel.

Tai sits next to Ash...

Ash: Use the words privilege and honour regularly - every sentence if you can keep a straight
face. And if you can slip in the phrase "servant of the Anime Characters", it will guarantee
you a wry smile the old-timers.

Tai: Don't be afraid to borrow from some of the great speeches. Nobody expects a Senator
to be original, anyway. For example: if you're a new Pokemon Senator and you're back in
Opposition, you can't go past the bard especially the tragedies.

"Now is the winter of our discontent..."

Ash: Stay away from the sonnets. There's not much mileage to gain out of.

Ash takes 2 mugs of beer and gives one mug to Tai...

"Can I compere thee to a summer's day..."

Tai: If you're a Digicrat I'd opt for the 2BA Master. You can do the Theme song from the
first series -

"I want to be the very best, like no one ever was."

Tai: Obviously you'll have to include something about Senator Mimi and Digimon.

Ash and Tai drank the beers...

Ash: If you're a Cardcaptor adapt the Moogle way -

"We will fight them in the trees and in the forests and on the beaches with
Moogle dancing and pom-pom cleaning...and by not bathing regularly."

Ash: Of course if you are a Dragonball Z Senator and Goku has been returned might I suggest
a pop culture reference -

Tai *Yoda-like voice*: "You do not know the power of the dark side"

*Sakura on "Visit to the United States of Goku"*

Sakura: Next month, Wash A. Tree visits the United States of Goku for his first meeting with
President Son Goku. Mr Tree's visit is being coordinated by his Senior Adviser, Krillin.

Krillin: Good evening.

Sakura: What is the Mr. Tree's main agenda on this visit?

Krillin: His main agenda will be to ensure that the voters see him as a true international
statesman before the election, shaking hands with other true international statesmen that
sort of thing. And not just our pretend friends that we secretly hate like the Digi-World and
Kanto. These are Mr Tree's REAL friends. He will be shaking hands with... THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES OF GOKU!

Sakura: So, he's...

Krillin: I say again THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF GOKU! Who will be told moments
before their meeting who Mr Tree is, what his name is another three or four times, and no,
don't say anything about the hair. They always look like that.

Sakura: Right.

Krillin: Mr Tree will also have the rare and distinct pleasure of boring a joint sitting of
the 34% of the Senate that bother to turn up for some rousing oratory from someone they've
never heard of and couldn't give a toss about.

Sakura: Very impressive.

Krillin: You're damn right it's impressive. Mr Tree will also discuss the main issues between
Mr. Tree and the Goku's Government.

Sakura: Goku's hair and how it affects us?

Krillin: No.

Sakura: Vegeta's fart gases and the Digi-World?

Krillin: Boring.

Sakura: Okay, then what?

Krillin: Branch.

Sakura: Branch?

Krillin: It's like a lunch, Sakura, only with Breakfast, but more food and tastier. Mr Tree
will be devoting his entire trip to getting the Goku Goverment to comply with the
Senate's ruling that the Goku's policy on Branch contravene inter-territorial trade rules.

Sakura: He's going to talk about Branch?

Krillin: Branch is very important, Sakura. Diners get very excited about it. And Diners vote,
you know.

Sakura: Is he really going to concentrate on Goku's policy on branch?

Krillin: Not really. But I had you convinced for a minute, didn't I? Maybe some diners
believed me. Worth a try. And I know someone else who thinks it's worth a try, someone who
is going to get his photo taken with THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF GOKU!

Sakura: You are the weakest advisor, Mr Krillin. Goodbye.

Krillin stands up while wearing only boxers while singing...

Krillin: "Oh, say can you see..."

*Tai on "Taichi"*

Tai: Right now, over in this studio is our very own Taiing reporter, Taichi. Hello Taichi.

Taichi was sitting next to Tai...

Taichi: Hi, Tai. Looks like you've put on a bit of weight.

Taichi touches Tai's stomach...

Taichi: And grown some tits too...

Tai: Will you please get off me?

Taichi: Sorry.

Silence...

Tai: So, what do you think of meeting me?

Taichi: Well, I never met you in the flesh.

Tai: I see.

More silence...

Tai: Ok, pleace do a bouncer scene?

Taichi: No.

Tai: Come on, everyone wants the bouncer.]

Taichi: Look, Tai. I'm not just some thing you an switch on and off. So, can I go now?!

Tai: Alright, just sign off.

Taichi gave Tai the middle finger and walks off...

Tai: What a very rude man.

Tai feels his body for any thing that Taichi mentioned...

*Ash on "The Christmas office party"*

Ash: As the festive season approaches thoughts turn to celebration and, of course, the
Christmas party at a dubber's office. Whether you view this as a time of harmless revelry
to enjoy the uplifting camaraderie of your co-dubbers, or a chance to prove that you are the
funniest human since Noah wore a lampshade to amuse the animals... there are some important
dos and don'ts to remember:

1. No amount of alcohol can make you more attractive. It only makes other people less
unattractive.

2. Your tongue is not an acceptable present for the work experience girl.

3. Just because your partner wasn't invited doesn't mean they cease to exist and...

4. Remember. Unless you have your resignation already on the boss's desk, you will have to
work with these people again.

*Christmas Pointers #4*

Don't point at the pepper shaker and yell out, "SMALL BLACK GEARS!!!"

*Tai in "The Interview with the Man in a gutter"*

Tai: Just about everyone's picking a Coalition victory in the upcoming federal election, from
the pundits to the average person in the street. But what about the people who can't even
afford the street. Those unfortunate people, who can't even afford the bus fare to the
nearest polling booth, to cast their worthless votes, probably for some airy fairy minority
group like the Marijuana Party, or the Digicrats. From the Capital, I'm joined by the lowliest
form of humanity we could find, an average man in the gutter.Scum of the earth, thanks for
joining us.

A man was in a gutter...

Man: My pleasure Tai.

Tai: Tell me sir, do you vote?

Man: Oh yes, I go to all the polling booths I can.

Tai: You actually vote at more than one polling booth?

Man: No. I collect the party handouts. Keeps me in bog paper till the next election. Even if
they go full term.

Tai: And which 'How to Vote' pamphlet offers the most consumer confidence for an arse-wiping
low-life, like yourself?

Man: That's a good question, Tai. I'd have to say Pokies' are slightly softer and more
absorbent, but the Gokus' are smoother much thicker, for extra confidence.

Tai: And the Digies?

Man: A bit like grease proof paper, slippery and rough round the edges. But it's useful for
cooking scones. Or if you enjoy wiping the smirk off Gennai's face.

Tai: How about the Cardcaptors?

Man: Well of course they use hemp paper, so I usually save them for the fire.

Tai: And the Digicrats?

Man: My favourite. Super soft. Super absorbent. And you can use both sides.

Tai: And finally Jessie the Redhead's Rocket Party?

Man: Hard to describe, unless you've wrapped a hedgehog in cling wrap.

Tai: So where will you be putting your vote on the day?

Man: That will depend on the policies of the various parties, the quality of the candidates
and the absorption properties of the ballot paper.

Tai: Man in the Gutter, thanks for your vulgar and worthless analogy.

Man: I've enjoyed it very much.

*

Sakura is on stage...

Sakura: As Christmas Holidays and the New Year is coming up, I would like to take into
account on people who has their feelings for the new year. That's where our Taiing reporter
Taichi comes in, as he reflects on how much of the year he felt like seeing...

*

Taichi was driving his sports car...

Taichi: A new year comes and an old year goes. I wonder how Son Goku went in the elections.

Taichi drove into a highway...

Taichi: Does it matter if life goes on? I mean, after all, all of our lives have changed.

Taichi keeps driving into a tunnel...

Taichi: I mean, everything is just not for me...is it?

Then Taichi's car exited the tunnel...

Taichi: I think I have found the answer towards the new year...

*

Ash and Sakura were sitting at Tai's table...

Ash: Normally we'd look at the other news of the year but we thought we'd look at some
of the news we might see by the end of the year.

Sakura: One of the richest man in the world, Pocket Money, the Head of 4Kids, falls from polo
pony, severely damaging his internal organs.

Ash: New Pokemon Episodes mysteriously vanishes.

Sakura: The new Anime space center, designed to assist NASA with the International Space
Station, S.M.E.A.R, has opened somewhere on Mt. Fuji.

Ash: CBS announces new Survivor location.

Sakura: Anime Big Brother 2 has proven to be even more popular than the original, and plans
are already underway for Anime Big Brothers 3 and 4

Ash: Ash and Misty quoted as saying that the sequels are cheap and tacky and lack the
artistic integrity of the original.

*Ash and Tai on "Rage! RAGE!!!!*

Tai was sitting at a beach...

Tai: Here I am, in a tropical country in Miami drinking tropical drinks...

-

Ash was in a garage carrying a bat...

Ash: And I'm here to show off my rage.

-

Tai: Its funny, the holiday season is coming, and yet people are in a rush to meet their
relatives. That sometimes provokes the use of...Rage.

-

Ash grabs his bat and hits the roof of the car...

-

Tai: Its just something that doesn't make sense.

-

Ash: It does.

-

Tai: How do we calm down the diffrent type of rages?

-

Ash: There's Shopping Rage, Holiday Rage and the most common one, Road Rage. All we need
is a car that no body wants, a weapon and finally, you being at the point of becoming beserk.

-

Tai: Do it, Ash!

-

Ash: The car will be placed in the middle of the road, possibally a highway, and as someone
who is about to become beserk, will just attack the car, and nobody will get hurt...except
the useless car. AHHHH!!!

Ash breaks the windows on the car, screaming...

*Tai Live Classic:*

In a plane crash at sea...

All the passengers and crew were in the water...most of the passengers do not have their life
jackets on...

Matt: Stewardess, how do you operate this?

Mimi: Yeah?

Izzy: This is like Rocket Science...

Sora: Oh...now you listen.

As Sora swims away, she swims pass Tai in a business suit without a life jacket sitting on
some of his suitcases...

Tai: Stewardess...I'm from the business class...can I have my mineral water now, please?
*Sakura on "Holidays at home"*

Sakura: With the tourism industry still feeling the effects of recent world events, package
holiday companies are having to be more innovative than ever to attract the diminishing
tourist dollar. I'm joined by Li Syao Long, from Li Holidays. Mr Li, what's your company
offering?

Li: Simple Sakura. We went back to the basic notions of what a holiday is - going away.

Sakura: And?

Li: Flipped it over. We bring away to you. Leave home without leaving home. We bring the
full experience to your door.

Sakura: Well that would save on air fares.

Li: No way, that's part of the experience. We come round, strap you into your lounge chair,
serve a half portion of under-cooked fish and play an old episode of Yes Minister.

Sakura: And people feel like they're flying.

Li: To top it off, we have a small child vomiting in the sick bag next to you.

Sakura: What happens then?

Li: Then our tourists jump into a hire car which drives them round the block, while
we lay guest towels and little soap on their beds and put one of those hygiene strips
on the toilet. A quick change of the locks and an outrageously priced room service menu
and voila! 5 star hotel.

Sakura: And people are prepared to pay for this?

Li: That's just the domestic holiday Sakura.

Sakura: You have an international package?

Li: Well it's pretty much the same, except we set up customs in the hallway and strip search
them. For a bit extra we plant some drugs and lock them in the linen cupboard. That's our
Turkish holiday. We also have our continental holiday where a pile of arrogant smelly
people ignore them for two weeks.

Sakura: What about actual scenery?

Li: Our talented staff can recreate anything from the Eiffel Tower to Stonehenge with three
sticks and shadow puppets. We just have our guests put on dark glasses and squint.

Sakura: Do you have a brochure?

Li: We have a video brochure. Planes crashing and people stranded in departure lounges. And
Li Holidays company motto - We'll love you for a Long time. It gets those Digimons
sex tourists interested.

Sakura: Yes, I'm sure it does.

Li: Bon voyage!

*The Coffee Table formerly known as The Space*

Ash, Tai and Sakura are at the coffee table...

Tai: Well, its been a long time since Tai Live came on. The veteran, Ash is back with a new
partner in the job for the sequel of Tai Live.

Ash: That's right. Basically, it gets much more better as we get to see more soon. Now then,
shall we look back to some old scene?

*Tai Live Classic: An Address to the World*

Kari was sitting on the leather chair as the Famous '80's Pop star, Korrine...

Kari: Hello, I am Korrine. 20 years ago, I invited the world to ring my doorbell, but it
went out of hand that people still ring my doorbell after I removed it and moved house. There
are other pop stars that deserve this treatment, so please, it's been 20 long years...give up!

*Tai Ads*

Want to read this new book? Its called, "How to bend over and accomidate people", by the author of
"Harry Potter and the Mystery of the Sticky Cricket Bat" by P. K. Chewling. Comments by the newspapers:

Get a life. - Tai Live

Did anyone get the number of that car? - Draco Macflap

Get rid of this Cricket bat!!- Parry Hotter.

Is this Chess? - Don Weasly

Has the author gone mad? - Germionie Hranger

Can de Ministry of Magik bann books like dese? - Dogfarts



*Tai Live Classic:*

Tai: Now we will interview a representative of FOX and WB...*faces the Super Tai Box* So,
Mr. R, what do you think of FOX and WB sending out new episodes of Digimon and Pokemon?

*The representive makes the sign of zipping his lips.*

Tai: What about the dubbers? Will their pay be raised or lowered?

*The representative makes that same sign of zipping his lips.*

Tai: What about the conflict between WB and FOX?

*The representative pulled out 2 pictures, one with the WB sign and one Fox Sign as he made
what it looks like a full-scall one-on-one war.*

Tai: What about Senator Mimi Tachikawa's chance of bringing out new episodes of Digimon?

*Mr. R takes out a picture of Mimi and Jun and does the same full-scale one-on-one movement.*

Tai: We won't get anything if you don't say anything, Mr. R.

*Mr. R takes out a sign saying "Wanna bet?"*

*Tai on "World Map Madness"*

Tai was standing in front of an atlas...

Tai: With the recent spate of events in both the Real World and the Anime world, we tend to
think of the quote, "The Diffrence between a rock an a hard place." Basically, one country
in the world full of Rocks is the mountain ranges of Afganistan like on this recent world map
that was avaliable with the pay we get.

Tai was looking at the Middle East on the atlas...

Tai: Where is Afganistan? Oh there.

Tai marks a spot on the Middle East...

Tai: Basically, next to Afganistan is Pakistan, who is in between India and the US. And if
you look somewhere in between Afganistan and Pakistan, you'll get to see a little bit of
China, who says that they're not "involved" in the attacks. Well basically, the world's most
wanted man, Air Ladin, is somewhere in the rocky areas...errr...here.

Tai marks the Middle east again...

Tai: And President Goku is somewhere in Washington in the United States of Goku.

Tai marks a part near New York...

Tai: Possibally here. And over there is Old Man Gennai in Britain...

Tai marks Britain...

Tai: Li Syaoran in Hong Kong.

Tai marks Hong Kong...

Tai: Ash Ketchum lost in the Australian Outback.

Tai marks the middle of Australia...

Tai: And Salior Mercury in New Zealand.

Tai marks New Zealand...

Tai: And for the kiddies, Pikachu is very safe over here.

Tai points at South America...

Tai: But the point is that as all of those countries heads off to Afganistan, some are going
to Australia while some might even go from Afganistan, through China to take the back way and
attack California. And once Greenland melts...

Tai marks Greenland...

Tai: It goes downwards like on this atlas...

Tai makes a downwards arrow...

Tai: And if that melts, What will happen to South America? If North America breaks up...

Tai marks North America...

Tai: What will happen to this *Marks Britain* or this *marks Africa* or this *Marks Asia* or
this *marks Australia*? And those two small islands is not Japan but New Zealand. The point
is that above Afganistan are below some -stan countries, which was part of the former Soviet
union which points out, who is really responsible? Eventually, this will be the new world
that is a map maker's nightmare...or one messed up atlas full of texta markings.

*Preview to the next sequel to Tai Live:*

Tai was sitting at his sofa next to an old lady...

Tai: Next to me is Miss Takenouchi, who is now over 100 years old this year.

*Applause*

Tai: So, what is the secret?

Takenouchi: I'm a Lesbian.

Tai suddenly stands up...

Tai: No, I mean...never mind.

Tai walks off...

*Tai on "New Year's Eve"*

Tai: And finally, as far as mass celebrations go, it's hard to beat New Year's Eve. Totally
secular and with no historical significance, it's simply one of those glorious days in the
calendar where alcohol is mandatory.

Tai drinks his sports drink...

Tai: But it's also a time of reflection. To think about the year gone before and the new
year ahead.

Tai takes a card and tosses it away...

Tai: And of course, there is the New Year's resolution - a strange custom that involves
admitting you're an alcoholic chain smoking evil manipulative bastard but by this time next
year you'll be perfect. See you than and goodbye!!!

*

Credits:

Author: PikaFlash

Producer: Taichi Yagami

Top of the Props: Anywhere possible...

i 1 this 2 b matt live - matt

Live On site Crew: Jyo Kido, Koushiro Izumi

Runner: Hikari Yagami

sorry, but the only 1 Tai Live is my brother - kari

Sketches: Too much Television

Make up: Senator Mimi Tachikawa

plz stop sending each other sms - tai

Camera/Editor: Koushiro Izumi

Sketch Editor: Yamato Ishida

can it include us? - ash & sakura

Starring/Host: Taichi Yagami

Cast: Tai, Ash, Sakura

NO! - Tai, Kari and Matt

Tai Enterprises managed by: PikaFlash Tai, Taichi Yagami and Hikari Yagami...

*Final Scene*

As the wheel stops, it points out to the obvious place..."Go"!

Tai: Well, Heero, looks like you've got to go. But look on the bright side. You've won a trip
to the Digi World!

Heero: Really? Where's the Digi World?

Tai: Well...its definitely not here!

*Final Election Jargon*

Donkey Vote: The vote which votes for the person with the biggest penis.

*Tai Scene: Tai on AWF in "Guitar on a Rope"*

As Li Syaoran was raising the guitar, Tai grabs the wrestler's arms and Li Syaoran smashes
the guitar on Tai's head...El Kabong style...leaving Tai on the floor...

Commentator: Oh my god. Oh my god.

*End of fic*

*Epilouge*

Tai was seen rubbing the atlas from the "World Map Madness" segment, then faces the screen...

Tai: Still here? Thought I would be in my Limo drinking my Champange. Well, someone has to
clean up this mess. Anyway, if you want to see the behind the scenes with Tai Live, send
an Email to taichi_yagami_zero@yahoo.com.au and the crew will personally show off the
things that you were never meant to see. Thank you.