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[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Wedding Blitz

By: Lord Archive

Legal Babble: Characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Video,
etc..., and are used without permission. I'm only borrowing them. I'll
return them. I can't afford the overdue charge Nabiki insists on.


Inside the Tendo Dojo, Onna-Ranma, Shampoo, Gosunkugi, Hiroshi, Akane,
Kuno, Rouge, Pantyhose Tarou, Ukyou, Soun, Yuka, Ryoga, Konatsu,
Kodachi, Azusa, Dr. Tofu, Nabiki, Daisuke, Mousse, Ms. Hinako, Mikado,
Sayuri, Ryu Kumon, and Asuka the white lily were all asleep in a
haphazard pile. From the stench and empty sake bottles, it was obvious
they had all drunk themselves to sleep the night before.

Ryoga slowly woke up to what could be called a roaring hang-over. He
looked around, noticing where he was and didn't have a clue as to
how he got there or what happened the night before.

Shampoo woke in a similar state as Ryoga. She cursed in Chinese about
indulging in too much drinking the night before. She just wished she
could remember last night.

Akane was the next to stir. She also had a hangover and couldn't
remember much about the previous night, except something about a
wedding. She looked at her hand. "Kami-sama! I'm married!" she
screamed at the sight of a plain, gold-plated ring on her finger.

Everyone woke up and cursed Akane, her scream, their hangover, and/or
their lack of control.

"W-who am I m-married to?" Akane asked.

All the guys looked at their hand and saw a plain, gold-plated ring.

Soun started to cry somehow he had gotten drunk and married his little
girl and couldn't remember it. He was startled when he heard several
guys announce they were her husband.

Ranma, who had been looking dumbly at the ring on her finger, became
immediately upset at the guys saying they had married Akane. "Hold it!
There is no way you all married her!"

Tarou grinned and moved to the corner of the room to watch. He
remember much of what happened last night, though some of it he had a
hard time recalling. Judging by the way he remembered everyone had
been drinking then, he was probably the only one in the room who
could. He wasn't about to tell them anything.

Akane stared at everyone in the room in shock. She wondered if she
somehow married all of them.

Most of the guys, including Ranma, began to argue who was married to
Akane. They were silenced by an angry shout from Nabiki, "All right!
Who in this room does NOT have a wedding ring?" In her hand was a gold
plated ring with 'complements of Chapel of Fated Love' engraved in it.

There was no response.

"We all got married last night?!" several people chorused.

"Shampoo we are married now!" Mousse elated.

Shampoo punched him into a wall. "Shampoo no marry Mousse even if dead
drunk! Shampoo finally marry Ranma."

"What do you mean you married Ranma? I married him!" Ukyou shouted
angrily at the Amazon.

Kodachi remained out of the fight, considering she didn't see Ranma.
This meant she might not have married him, but someone else. She
thought she was going to be sick, not all of it dealing with a

Akane was getting upset at Kuno, Mikado, Ryoga, and Gosunkugi fighting
over who was her husband, at Ranma for not being a part of that fight,
at Ukyou and Shampoo fighting over being married to Ranma, and at the
fact that somehow all of her family and friends had somehow gotten
married and none of them could remember any of it. Her anger vanished
when she saw how frighten Ranma was, he seemed to be counting
something. Akane looked around the room and noticed something odd. A
quick count made her realize what Ranma was afraid of, there were
thirteen guys and only eleven girls. Ranma might have married a guy.

Asuka sat to the side of the room muttering to herself, "Why did I
marry him?"

Nabiki scanned the room, someone had to know what happened last night.
Most people were either in a state of shock or fighting over who was
married to whom, none of them could really remember last night. Then
she noticed Pantyhose watching everything with an amused grin on his
face. "Tarou, care to tell me what happened last night?"

He gave her an evil smirk. "No."

"Why not?"

"It's more fun watching them make fools of themselves than to tell."

"Maybe it is, but I want to know whom I'm married to."

"I couldn't do that. Just sit back and watch them. I particularly like
the look fem-boy has on his face right now."

"He's scared of something," Nabiki noted.

"Yep. He's noticed there are more guys in the room than girls."

Nabiki looked around the room. "You do know Ukyou is a girl." She
pointed at the person waving a giant spatula at an irate Amazon.

"Yes. And that person is a guy dressed as a girl."

"Oh right. Konatsu." Nabiki grimaced, not just at the implication that
two guys might of gotten married, but also that she had forgotten who
he was for a moment. She vowed to never get drunk again if it could
impair her thinking like it had.

Nabiki decided the next course of action was to find the wedding
certificates. She hoped she would find that they weren't valid. She
looked around the dojo, and found no sign of them. She left to find
either the certificates or Kasumi or the Saotomes in hopes they could
tell her what happened.

Ukyou and Shampoo began to fight physically. The guys fighting over
Akane did likewise. Gosunkugi took a nice nap as he was knocked out by
one punch.

"Ranma?" Akane asked approaching him.

"Please tell me I didn't marry a guy," he replied in a frightened

"Probably not. I seem to remember Kasumi and Akari here last night...
but I'm not sure."

"I hope so."

Akane nodded. She couldn't bring herself to ask who he hoped he
married last night. She just stood there, hoping if she really did
marry someone, it was Ranma.

Hiroshi looked dumbly at Daisuke. "I got married and I can't remember
the honeymoon."

"I don't think I got a honeymoon," Daisuke said.

Sayuri and Yuka held each other crying. Both praying they either
married someone that they could get a quick divorce from or hit the

Nabiki returned to the dojo with a strange look on her face. "Ranma,"
she called.

Ranma gulped as she went towards Nabiki, hoping they hadn't married
each other. Ranma sighed in relief seeing the teakettle Nabiki had
brought. <Nabiki must really be out of it. She isn't charging me for
it.> Ranma went outside and changed back to avoid certain people
seeing him change. He gave another sigh of relief seeing Kasumi and
Akari approach the dojo. They all entered the dojo.

Pantyhose's eyes brightened when the new arrivals entered.

"Sorry I wasn't here when you all woke up," Kasumi apologized. "I was
making breakfast for all of us."

"Can you tell us what happened last night?" Ranma asked.

"Well, this all started when Mr. and Mrs. Saotome renewed their
wedding vows," Akari began.

Several of those gather nodded their heads, remembering now why they
were there in the first place.

The rest shrugged since they arrived because of some other reason.

"Then during the reception and after a couple drinks, Ranma proposed
and married Akane. Mrs. Hinako stopped those that were opposed to the

"What?!" screamed most of the people in the room.

Ranma looked at Akane with a nervous smile. His smile lost its
nervousness when he noticed Akane was smiling back at him.

Soun cried tears of joy.

Those who wanted to react violently to this news kept quiet to find
out who they married and to not incur the wrath of the child holding a
fifty-yen coin.

"Then Ryoga married me," Akari continued, showing her wedding ring.

Ryoga sighed. He did really like Akari enough to make it work, and had
realized Akane didn't love him.

"Then I married Dr. Tofu," Kasumi added.

Dr. Tofu fainted.

Pantyhose frowned. He thought he married Kasumi.

"And Nabiki married Tatewaki," Kasumi continued.

Kuno stared at Nabiki in shock.

"We'll talk later Tendo-chan," Nabiki said.

"Tendo-chan?" he asked.

"You took my family name."

Ku... Tendo Tatewaki wonder what twisted pleasure Kami was getting out
of this.

Akari continued telling what happen the previous night, "After that,
most of you were getting really drunk. Kasumi and I tried to stop the
rest of you getting married, but you wouldn't listen. The next wedding
was Hinako and Tarou's."

Ranma started to laugh, and Akane playfully elbowed him.

Pantyhose looked shocked at the little girl who asked, "Who's Tarou?"
He raised his hand.

Hinako rushed towards him. "You're my husband?"

"You can't be my wife. She was older, taller, and has a great body."

Hinako nodded. "That'd be me after I've absorbed someone's chi."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-five years old."

<I'm going to hate this. I just know it.> Tarou thought gloomily.

Kasumi continued, "After that, Yuka and Mikado got married."

"I married him?" Yuka stared at Mikado. <Jackpot!>

Mikado looked at her. <Could have done worse.>

Kasumi nodded to Yuka. "And Hikaru married Rouge."

"Rouge?" Gosunkugi asked, looking at a woman who nodded in reply. They
gave each other questionable stares.

"Sayuri and Ryu followed them," Kasumi added.

Sayuri, by process of elimination, looked at Ryu. "Hi," she greeted
him nervously.

"Sayuri? I suggest we talk and get to know each other."

Sayuri nodded.

"Then Ukyou and Daisuke got married next," Akari said.

Daisuke fell to his knees and screamed, "YES!"

Ukyou rolled her eyes.

"They were followed by Kodachi and Konatsu," Akari continued.

"Who is this Konatsu?" Kodachi asked.

"I am," Konatsu said, wearing a kimono.

"I married a girl?!"

"No! I'm really a guy. I was raised as a girl."

Kodachi vowed to make someone pay for this insult.

Shampoo was becoming very nervous, there were only three men left.

"Next was Azusa and Mousse," Akari added.

"I married some hair care product?" Azusa asked.

Mousse frowned, looking at the girl. "No, my name is Mousse."

Ranma almost made a comment about them being a good match considering
Mousse's abilities, but he was enjoying how Akane was leaning against
him and didn't want to get her upset at the moment.

"Then Shampoo married Hiroshi," Akari said.

Hiroshi gave Shampoo a hentai grin.

<At least I didn't marry Mousse,> Shampoo thought.

"The final wedding was Asuka and Soun's," Akari finished.

Akane and Ranma became sick.

"I want it annulled now!" Asuka screamed.

"It'll be done before this day is over, within the hour if possible,"
Nabiki said, her voice a bit shaken. "Anyone else want their wedding
annulled quickly?"

Several people stared at Ranma and Akane.

"What?" Ranma noticing he had somehow become the center of attention.

"Are you going to get a quick annulment?" Ukyou asked.

Ranma looked down at Akane. He saw her frightened look and the slight
shaking of her head. "No. I won't get it annulled."

"A divorce?" Ukyou asked, hoping beyond hope.

She didn't get a verbal answer as she saw Ranma and Akane staring
deeply into each others eyes and smiling.


Two weeks later, a reunion, of sorts, occurred at the Saotome Dojo.

"Fine Ranma! You don't want to eat my cooking, you can sleep on the
roof!" Akane yelled.

"You dare refuse to eat the food lovingly crafted by your wife!"

"Shut up, Tendo-sempai!" Ranma sneered at his brother-in-law.

"Here you go, Nabiki," Konatsu said handing a roll of film to her.

"Thanks, Bro," Nabiki said. <It's a good thing he sat down and talked
with Kodachi. It's great having him around to help me get some
pictures. I'm surprised at just how much he has in common with

Yuka shook her head. "Seventeen and getting a divorce."

"You should have known Mikado would be unfaithful," Sayuri said.

"Yeah. I guess I hoped for too much. At least you were smart enough to
get it annulled."

"That was stupid of you to consummate that marriage."

"I know," Yuka said sadly.

"You're not so bad. Now if we can find some way to keep you from
returning to your child state," Niyamiya Pantyhose Tarou said.

Mrs. Hinako, in her adult form, glared at Tarou. "My child form is
part of who I am. While I would like to remain an adult, you have to
accept both forms."

Tarou nodded. "Well, I understand that. You'd have to accept my
other form and my name."

Mrs. Hinako sighed. "We can give it a try. But I won't promise you

"Hiroshi, what happened to you?" Daisuke asked.

Hiroshi, covered in bandages, replied, "Failed to pass Amazon
initiation. I'm not married anymore."

"You neither, huh? Ukyou threatened to become a widow if we didn't
get it annulled. Hey, Hikaru? Are you still married?"

Gosunkugi shook his head. "I don't fit in her plans."

"Azusa, please stop taking stuff. If you want something, I'll try to
see if I have it in my robes. Okay?" Mousse said sternly.

"But Dear, I want Francine," the girl pouted at her husband.

Mousse shook his head at Azusa, who had somehow passed Cologne's test
and was allowed to be his wife. He'd have to break a lot of laws to
get a divorce.

"Akane, is Kasumi going to be here today?" Soun asked.

"No, she's still on her honeymoon, Daddy," Akane said bitterly. <Wish
I had one. At least I don't have to call Asuka, mommy.>

"The plan worked rather well. Perhaps a little too well. But, it
worked," Nodoka said, smiling.

"It was a great idea you had. Renewing our wedding vows, hoping Ranma
and Akane would get wrapped up into it," Genma said, then added
smugly, "The abundance of sake was a nice touch on my part."

"There was too much of an abundance of alcohol. Everyone got married!
Even Soun!" Nodoka shook her head. "Half the couples had to get an
annulment. Then again, I'm surprised that the other half of them are
still married."

Happosai sat there crying. He missed an opportunity to get married to
a beautiful girl.


"Oh look, Ryoga! Niagara Falls! Isn't it romantic?" Akari said. <What
a great place for a honeymoon.>

"Um, yeah," Ryoga said sheepishly. He looked at a map. <Now, how do I
get to Mount Fuji from here?>


"Great-grandmother, what does Shampoo do now? Ranma married
violent-girl?" Shampoo asked.

"I was about to suggest to you we take a little trip," Cologne

"A trip? Where?"

"The Musk Dynasty. There's someone I want you to talk to."