Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ Spamalot! ❯ A Sick Amazon ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
A Sick Amazon.

By Lord Archive

My apologies to Rumiko Takahashi and the companies involved in bring me
this series.

This is my contribution to the Sick Spamfics that have popped up recently.


Cologne hopped towards the Tendo dojo. Today was the end of nearly a
year's work. It had to end as soon as possible, given the current

Shampoo, curious over her great-grandmother's recent odd behavior,
followed her to the home of her love.

Cologne stood by the pond of the Tendo home. She stared intently at
Ranma who was in the dining room. "Ranma, I need to know now: Will you
marry Shampoo?"

Shampoo gasped at the question.

"No way!" Ranma replied quickly.

The purple-haired Amazon glared at her intended from where she hid.

"Ranma, Shampoo will be leaving tomorrow for China. The only way she is
to remain is if you marry her. Then again, you don't have to marry her
just yet if you come with us."

The young Amazon was frozen in shock.

"Shampoo is going to China?" Ranma glanced at Akane, who was grinning
and sitting next to him. "Sorry to hear that. I'll miss her."

Akane lost her grin, realizing she would miss her too.

Shampoo cried out, "What?! Shampoo no go back to China yet!"

Cologne sighed. "Yes. You are going back. I wish... Ranma would have
accepted you, but it appears he prefers another." She sighed again. "But
now I need to get my husband."

"Your husband?" several voices asked.

Ranma was scared. He hoped she didn't mean him.

Cologne closed her eyes, and called out, "HAPPOSAI!"

Everyone save Cologne blinked and thought, <She couldn't mean he's her

"Yes, my darlin' little Cologne?" the diminutive lech grinned at her.

"You are coming with me to China, husband," Cologne glared at him.

Soun and Genma were doing a dance of joy. Shampoo and Cologne were
leaving and taking their perverted master with them. Only Ranma and
Akane deciding to get married would make them happier.

"Why would I do that?" Happosai asked.

"Because I am you wife and I told you to!" Cologne snapped angrily.

"I am not an Amazon, so I don't care about your stupid rules."

"What about your child?" Cologne asked, shaking in rage.

"Tao Wu? Didn't you tell me he died a couple years back?"

Shampoo's head started to spin. <Tao Wu? But grandfather was named Tao
Wu. Grandfather died a couple years ago. He can't be my...> She refused
to think the last word.

"I do not mean our first child." Cologne shut her eyes again. "Do you
remember our.. tryst two months past?" Cologne questioned.

That conjured up some images no one *EVER* wanted to think of.

Shampoo was absolutely sick. <Happosai is my... my g-great-grandfather.>
Her mind did not want to work any more and she passed out.

"Yes, but I don't see what relevance that has," Happosai replied.

"A very rare event has occurred. After a woman has passed child-bearing
age, it is not impossible for a woman to have one or two more periods.
And it appears that two months ago was such a time for me."

Everyone face-faulted and thought, <She can't mean that she's...>

"I am pregnant with your child, Happy. You will *NOT* ignore your
responsibilities this time," Cologne said in a commanding angry voice.

Before Happosai recovered from the shock, Soun and Genma had all of his
belongings packed up and placed next to him.

"Oh, do send us baby pictures." Kasumi smiled at the expecting mother.

Cologne sighed. "I will."

"T-there is no way I'm..." Happosai started to protest, before Cologne
used shiatsu to make him fall asleep.

"Can I get some help preparing to move back to China?" Cologne asked.

"Certainly!" answered the Saotomes and Tendos.

<Gee, I felt the love in that,> Cologne thought sarcastically.


What's sicker than Cologne and Happosai currently being lovers. <spew>
That it would bear fruit. <speeeeeeew and a half!>