Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ Turning The Other Cheek ( Chapter 15 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE
originally from "Cat Scratch Fever"

Turning the other cheek, an omake by GreggSharp

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Akane is standing next to Ranma and giving her "cute" smile to the camera.

"Now, it's come to my attention that some of you don't accept that the violence
I commit upon Ranma is justified by his actions or particularly nice." Akane
smiles again at the camera, one eyebrow raised as if in inquiry. Her tone
suggests she's addressing children.

Ranma snorts. "Well, it's definitely uncute!"

<WHAM!>

Akane puts down the barstool she's just used to slam into Ranma's face and sits
down on it, smiling again at the camera. "As you can see, this is entirely
"Three Stooges" violence. No actual pain or harm done."

Ranma's down out of camera field but manages. "Yeah right!"

<WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!>

Akane tosses the mallet aside and smiles again, using a tone one would use to
explain something to a difficult preschooler. "Whether I use a mallet..."

<WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!>

"or a baseball bat..."

<THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!>

"or an archery set..."

<SCHNNNICK! SCHUNK!>

"or a razor sharp katana..."

"urk! can someone call Doctor Tofu?"

<CRACKLE! ZZZZZZZZZAP!>

"or even hundreds of thousands of volts, it doesn't hurt Ranma a bit because
it's all cartoon violence." Akane shrugs. "Besides he's got it coming for
calling P-chan a filthy pig."

[help] a tiny sign, smouldering slightly, appears at the bottom of the screen.
Akane stomps down on something out of sight a few times and the sign disappears.

Akane smiles again. "I hope this has made everything perfectly clear."

Akane leaves. A few moments of blank screen before a thoroughly beaten up, cut
up, arrows protruding from him, Ranma uses the barstool to crawl up into the
camera's view. He blinks a couple of times at the camera, then begins removing
arrows.

"Not real? Doesn't hurt? Doesn't matter? None of the bombs or blades or special
attacks or anything? After Jusendo and all? None of it?" Ranma stops and blinks
at the camera again. "Then why do I have something against hitting girls?"

Picking up a large mallet, Ranma (still bearing a few bruises and cuts) grins at
the camera. "Okay. Now who should I see first? Akane or Nabiki?"

After a few moments he nods and runs offcamera to the right. "Oh, Nabikiiiiii!
I've got something special for you today!"

"Well, give it here, Saotome."

"Okay. Since you asked for it."

<WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM! WHAM!>

"Oh, Akane! I've got something for you to express my affection!"

"Really Ranma?!"

<WHAMWHAMWHAM!>

"See folks, whether I use a mallet..."

"R-R-Ranma?"

<BLAM!>

"Or a mouko takabisha..."

"b-b-but you don't?!"

<WHAMx100>

"or a kachuu tenshin amaguriken, it doesn't matter!"

"medic?"

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