Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Coffee Break ❯ Coffee Break Chapter 1: Sakura gets Eaten by a Lobster ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: SaturnOolaa 
Yeah. Sakura gets eaten by a lobster.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.10.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 246 | Status: Completed
Yeah. Sakura gets eaten by a lobster.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.10.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 246 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Well...
AN: This fic came to me in a dream. Really, it did. The more normal parts, anyway... This *will* be a series and will be written whenever I feel like it. It will feature many cameos from other anime/manga, mostly Clamp, and will not be S+S because I'm using the couples from the dream. Believe me. I'm normally absolutely religious about CCS cannon. It's a manga based fanfic, but Meiling appears in it anyway. And the title was picked at random. That's about it, so sit back and enjoy the extreme weirdness.
COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER ONE: SAKURA GETS EATEN BY A LOBSTER
It was a bright and sunny day in Tomoeda. The grass was green, the sky was blue, and the cherry trees were pink. Kinomoto Sakura had just been eaten by a giant lobster.
It would have been a shark, but we're on a low budget. Oh well.
Tomoyo gasped. Syaoran growled. Kero-chan yelled. Eriol raised an eyebrow. The lobster looked rather sheepish, and even managed a blush. Meiling did not do anything, because this was a manga-based fic and thus she did not exist. But the author likes Meiling, so she appeared.
Meiling looked around. Being fairly observant, she noticed that-
(a) Everything was in shades of grey,
(b) There were little white flecks everywhere, and,
(c) The people around here appeared to be much better-drawn than she was used to.
"I'm in the manga." she stated. "Hoeee."
"Hey!" yelled a voice from inside the lobster. "That's my line! No fair! Just because I'm inside this lobster doesn't mean I can't- who are you, anyway?" There was a great deal of kicking from the inside of the crustacean, who burped.
"Oh, good... she's alive." Eriol smiled in that nice, mildly evil way he has, and jumped down the lobster's throat. Instantly the much-abused sea creature was transported back to where it came from. This was the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Damn.
***
Kinomoto Sakura gave a last half-hearted kick at the inside of the lobster's stomach. It was dark, it was scary, and she didn't have her Sakura Cards. Could things get any worse?
They did. A ghost landed on her lap.
"HOEEEEEE!!" she screamed, kicking at aforementioned ghost. "GHOST! GET OFF ME! GO AWAY! HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..."
Eriol produced a small globe of light from his palm and smiled at her. "You're strong, Sakura-san."
"Oh!" Sakura blushed. "Eriol-kun! I'm so sorry I kicked you, I thought you were a ghost, and..." the blush deepened, "would you please get off me?"
"Hm...." Eriol pondered. "Well, there's not that much room inside this lobster, and this is very comfortable..." Seeing Sakura frown, he gave another mildly evil smile and moved to the other side of the lobster stomach.
Sakura looked worried. "Eriol-kun, can't you just use magic to get us out of here?"
Eriol shook his head. "You gave the teleportation magic to Fujitaka-san. I don't have anything else that would help us out of here and back to Tomoeda. And you don't have the Sakura Cards, which means that we're effectively stranded in this lobster."
"Oh great." muttered Sakura. "Even the ghosts would be better than this. We're in the middle of the ocean, and we can't get away! I'm supposed to be the world's most powerful sorceress and I can't handle a stupid second-rate plot device?" She turned chibi and burst into loud, wet tears in that way only Clamp characters can manage.
Eriol handed her a tissue. "It's okay. We'll find a way out of this somehow, Sakura-san..."
Sakura blew her nose loudly and threw the tissue up the intestine of the lobster. "Thanks. But... I don't see how we can! Things just couldn't get any worse!"
Sakura had never heard of Murphy's Law, and therefore would not have understood why at that very moment the lobster got swallowed by a giant shark.
***
Meanwhile, back in Tomoeda, things were going to hell in a handbasket.
"Sakura-chan..." whispered Tomoyo. "She's gone... I can't believe it! Who else will wear my costumes? Who else will I videotape?" She broke down into tears, wailing like the end of the world was nigh.
"It is." said various random X characters.
Tomoyo continued crying, and then started to laugh hysterically. And if anyone can imagine Iwao Junko laughing hysterically, they're either insane or a big Perfect Blue junkie.
Kero-chan, Syaoran, and Meiling stared as Tomoyo continued to cackle. "At last..." she whispered evilly. "At last, the brat is gone... Now I can finally achieve my plots of... WORLD DOMINATION! But I need an accomplice. Someone young, someone innocent, someone totally cute..." Her gaze fell on one very disturbed Meiling Li.
Evil Tomoyo got up and walked over to Meiling. However, technically, 'walked' is not quite the right word for how she moved. She seduced over to Meiling.
"What's your name?" she purred, running a pale hand through Meiling's hair.
The Chinese girl shivered in fear. "M- meiling desu!" she stuttered, backing away from the slowly advancing Evil Tomoyo.
"Meiling-chan..." whispered Evil Tomoyo. "Would you like to help me take over the world?" Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed her by the hand, pulled her into a conveniently appearating limousine, and roared off towards her secret fortress in Wonderland.
Kero-chan and Syaoran watched them go. "That was strange." said Kero-chan, scratching his head. "Did Tomoyo know how to drive?"
"I don't think so." said Syaoran, shaking his head. "Today is getting waaaay too surreal..."
"Yeah." agreed Kero-chan. "Hey, you wanna go buy me some cake?"
"In your dreams... I'm broke, anyway." Syaoran sighed. "Mother won't send me my support checks until I come back home for a visit... I need a part-time job."
"Oi!" yelled a male voice from down the street. "Where's Sakura?!"
Syaoran, hearing aforementioned male voice, turned bright red and melted into a pile of blushing goop. The Syaoran-goop slid behind a tree as the figure approached...
TO BE CONTINUED
Will Sakura and Eriol get out of the lobster-inside-the-shark? Will Evil Tomoyo take over the world? And who is the mysterious figure? Tune in next time for another chapter of 'Coffee Break'!
AN: This fic came to me in a dream. Really, it did. The more normal parts, anyway... This *will* be a series and will be written whenever I feel like it. It will feature many cameos from other anime/manga, mostly Clamp, and will not be S+S because I'm using the couples from the dream. Believe me. I'm normally absolutely religious about CCS cannon. It's a manga based fanfic, but Meiling appears in it anyway. And the title was picked at random. That's about it, so sit back and enjoy the extreme weirdness.
COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER ONE: SAKURA GETS EATEN BY A LOBSTER
It was a bright and sunny day in Tomoeda. The grass was green, the sky was blue, and the cherry trees were pink. Kinomoto Sakura had just been eaten by a giant lobster.
It would have been a shark, but we're on a low budget. Oh well.
Tomoyo gasped. Syaoran growled. Kero-chan yelled. Eriol raised an eyebrow. The lobster looked rather sheepish, and even managed a blush. Meiling did not do anything, because this was a manga-based fic and thus she did not exist. But the author likes Meiling, so she appeared.
Meiling looked around. Being fairly observant, she noticed that-
(a) Everything was in shades of grey,
(b) There were little white flecks everywhere, and,
(c) The people around here appeared to be much better-drawn than she was used to.
"I'm in the manga." she stated. "Hoeee."
"Hey!" yelled a voice from inside the lobster. "That's my line! No fair! Just because I'm inside this lobster doesn't mean I can't- who are you, anyway?" There was a great deal of kicking from the inside of the crustacean, who burped.
"Oh, good... she's alive." Eriol smiled in that nice, mildly evil way he has, and jumped down the lobster's throat. Instantly the much-abused sea creature was transported back to where it came from. This was the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Damn.
***
Kinomoto Sakura gave a last half-hearted kick at the inside of the lobster's stomach. It was dark, it was scary, and she didn't have her Sakura Cards. Could things get any worse?
They did. A ghost landed on her lap.
"HOEEEEEE!!" she screamed, kicking at aforementioned ghost. "GHOST! GET OFF ME! GO AWAY! HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..."
Eriol produced a small globe of light from his palm and smiled at her. "You're strong, Sakura-san."
"Oh!" Sakura blushed. "Eriol-kun! I'm so sorry I kicked you, I thought you were a ghost, and..." the blush deepened, "would you please get off me?"
"Hm...." Eriol pondered. "Well, there's not that much room inside this lobster, and this is very comfortable..." Seeing Sakura frown, he gave another mildly evil smile and moved to the other side of the lobster stomach.
Sakura looked worried. "Eriol-kun, can't you just use magic to get us out of here?"
Eriol shook his head. "You gave the teleportation magic to Fujitaka-san. I don't have anything else that would help us out of here and back to Tomoeda. And you don't have the Sakura Cards, which means that we're effectively stranded in this lobster."
"Oh great." muttered Sakura. "Even the ghosts would be better than this. We're in the middle of the ocean, and we can't get away! I'm supposed to be the world's most powerful sorceress and I can't handle a stupid second-rate plot device?" She turned chibi and burst into loud, wet tears in that way only Clamp characters can manage.
Eriol handed her a tissue. "It's okay. We'll find a way out of this somehow, Sakura-san..."
Sakura blew her nose loudly and threw the tissue up the intestine of the lobster. "Thanks. But... I don't see how we can! Things just couldn't get any worse!"
Sakura had never heard of Murphy's Law, and therefore would not have understood why at that very moment the lobster got swallowed by a giant shark.
***
Meanwhile, back in Tomoeda, things were going to hell in a handbasket.
"Sakura-chan..." whispered Tomoyo. "She's gone... I can't believe it! Who else will wear my costumes? Who else will I videotape?" She broke down into tears, wailing like the end of the world was nigh.
"It is." said various random X characters.
Tomoyo continued crying, and then started to laugh hysterically. And if anyone can imagine Iwao Junko laughing hysterically, they're either insane or a big Perfect Blue junkie.
Kero-chan, Syaoran, and Meiling stared as Tomoyo continued to cackle. "At last..." she whispered evilly. "At last, the brat is gone... Now I can finally achieve my plots of... WORLD DOMINATION! But I need an accomplice. Someone young, someone innocent, someone totally cute..." Her gaze fell on one very disturbed Meiling Li.
Evil Tomoyo got up and walked over to Meiling. However, technically, 'walked' is not quite the right word for how she moved. She seduced over to Meiling.
"What's your name?" she purred, running a pale hand through Meiling's hair.
The Chinese girl shivered in fear. "M- meiling desu!" she stuttered, backing away from the slowly advancing Evil Tomoyo.
"Meiling-chan..." whispered Evil Tomoyo. "Would you like to help me take over the world?" Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed her by the hand, pulled her into a conveniently appearating limousine, and roared off towards her secret fortress in Wonderland.
Kero-chan and Syaoran watched them go. "That was strange." said Kero-chan, scratching his head. "Did Tomoyo know how to drive?"
"I don't think so." said Syaoran, shaking his head. "Today is getting waaaay too surreal..."
"Yeah." agreed Kero-chan. "Hey, you wanna go buy me some cake?"
"In your dreams... I'm broke, anyway." Syaoran sighed. "Mother won't send me my support checks until I come back home for a visit... I need a part-time job."
"Oi!" yelled a male voice from down the street. "Where's Sakura?!"
Syaoran, hearing aforementioned male voice, turned bright red and melted into a pile of blushing goop. The Syaoran-goop slid behind a tree as the figure approached...
TO BE CONTINUED
Will Sakura and Eriol get out of the lobster-inside-the-shark? Will Evil Tomoyo take over the world? And who is the mysterious figure? Tune in next time for another chapter of 'Coffee Break'!