Cat Girl Nuku Nuku Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Wrong Place Wrong Time ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.
Please feel free to review, and make comments. If you find a spelling or wordage mistake, feel free to let me know. Thank you.
Author Note: This was originally an Omake File, but feedback I received demanded it be a separate short story.
Few things truly explained how Ranma had felt this day.
Happiness? No, Kasumi's breakfast and lunch had been ruined by the incessant questions and later by Nabiki's preparations for the up-in-coming press conference.
Hell? To Ranma, that word didn't seem strong enough. Having a green haired magic girl chase you proclaiming that cutting off your manhood was necessary for the future of mankind was not a good thing in Ranma's opinion. Nor were all the fiancées chasing after him because he had apparently been cheating on them with Sailor Moon.
The fact that said Sailor Senshi's best help for the situation was constantly muttering “it wasn't supposed to be like this” in a constant rhythm like a chant, didn't exactly instill within her confidence that things were going to get better soon.
A seriously fucked up life? Yes, the sounded closer.
Whose fault was this?
Genma? Ryoga? George W. Bush?
Hell, he decided if Ryoga and the others could get away with it, so would he.
Ranma Saotome then and there decided this was all their faults.
So, what could he do? The city was now abuzz with the rumors that he was with his new girlfriend who was currently carrying his child. Ranma would bet good money that somewhere along his/her life; the old man had engaged him/her to whoever this girl was. They had only the money she had hidden on her—she wasn't about to check Sailor Moon for funds while she was currently experiencing a mental break from reality—and what she had swiped from the two fathers before he had gone up on the roof of the Dojo to prepare his Last Will and Testament.
So, having enough, and disguising herself in some girl clothes that managed to never fool Ryoga but did everyone else, she rented a room in a hotel pretending to be a crying girl whose parents had ditched her because of ties of honor.
Not like Ranma-chan could tell them the truth.
“This is all your fault.”
Ranma blinked. The girl had a vocabulary? “How so?”
Sailor Moon huffed. “You should have told them the truth.”
Ranma sighed as she got some hot water and changed back to male. “I was, but someone decided to interrupt my press conference and then slip her tongue down my throat.”
“Hey, that was because of that Dark General with the big hammer,” said Sailor Moon.
“That was my uncute fiancée,” said Ranma.
“So you're engaged to a Dark General?” Sailor Moon sighed. The other Inners would be upset that once again, evil claimed the cute single boys. Oh, why were all the cute guys married, gay, or members of an evil cult out to rule the world?
“No, I'm a martial artist currently trying to stay alive after a urban legend decided to make my life hell by stuffing her tongue down my throat to keep me from denying we're together.”
“Hey!” shouted Sailor Moon, before Ranma slapped his hand over her mouth.
“You want us found?” he gasped, looking around to make certain no weirdoes were about to bust through the walls to kill/marry/drug/abduct/charge him.
“Eep!” she managed to say, before ducking into a corner. Those girls had been scarier than Rei.
Sighing, Ranma called up room service, getting the “Royal Su” special, for ¥5000.
Though he did wonder why it came with so many bananas.
After doing that he turned on the TV to see if the chase was over.
Afterwards, he picked a different corner than Sailor Moon to cower.
“Currently, no one knows where the two love birds are, but we have had artists render what the child may look like when it gets older.”
Minako blinked. “Hey, it's Chibi-Usa!”
Rei sighed, putting her hand to her head, feeling the migraine return. “Oh, fuck this shit.”
Setsuna was currently bound, gagged, drugged, and wrapped in steel pipes that would hopefully keep her from going out to nuke Tokyo.
“Also, we have news of a Gay Pride march that went through downtown Tokyo just hours ago. But get this; all of them were wearing Tuxedo Mask costumes.”
The scene changed to show a woman with short cut blond hair. “We're just doing this to show our support for the first openly gay superhero.”
“Damn it, Haruka,” mumbled Michiru.
“But they needed my support,” said Haruka.
“Now what do we do?” asked Makoto, wondering what she could do now. She had made all that food, and without Usagi here, it would all go to waste.
“I say we trust in Magic Girl Genetics and let things go their course. After all, nothing bad's happened,” proclaimed Minako.
“In other news today, a Mamoru Chiba was arrested for protesting the Gay Rights Parade, claiming Tuxedo Mask was straight. He was placed within psychiatric care of Tokyo Imperial Hospital until deemed sane for trial.”
“Besides,” said Minako, “if something bad comes up, I'm sure Usagi will stop worrying about her pregnancy and help us out.”
Hotaru paled. “But what if it costs her Chibi-Usa?”
“Who?” asked Minako.
“Cut it off,” mumbled Setsuna.
“There's no such thing as Magic Girl genetics,” said Ami.
“Then how do we pass our powers to our children?” asked a smug Minako.
Sighing, Ami once again delved into the Mercury Computer. “Hey, where are the moon cats?”
A silver haired man looked into the mirror above the sink in the men's restroom at Club Shock. Luna had made him take human form, and then dragged him to this techno dance club, claiming she needed to get drunk after what Usagi had done, while constantly crying “WAH! Now the Kingdoms will never be joined!”
“Rough night?”
Blinking, Artemis looked over, seeing a dog demon in human form standing beside him, looking just as tired. “Um ... yeah, Mister...”
“Inuyasha,” said the dog demon.
“I'm Artemis.”
Inuyasha nodded. “What she'd drag you here for?”
“Claims the future is ruined and we should abandon all hope. You?”
“Claims she is old after a fox demon we knew 500 years ago introduced her to her adopted great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren.”
“Damn,” muttered Artemis.
“Yeah,” said a tired Inuyasha.
Artemis looked at the side of the dog demon, noticing his sword. “Think you could use that thing to kill the both of us?”
“I would, but she said if I tried that again, she'd have me neutered.”
“Artemis! Get your bony hairless ass out here! The DJ's playing `Baby's Got Back'!”
Tears falling, moaning as if his world was ending, Artemis slowly made his way out of the bathroom.
Inuyasha simply shook his head. “Poor bastard, I know how he feels.”
Unfortunately, that was loud enough to be heard by a girl waiting outside the door. “SIT BOY!”
As the rosary beads slammed him into the restroom floor, Inuyasha decided that he was really starting to miss Naraku. Sure, he was an evil sadistic bastard.
But he was kinder than Kagome.
Ranma sighed a she finished his second “Royal Su” special. He only wanted one, but when Sailor Moon wanted to eat as well—which upset him because she never even bothered to offer to help pay, like she expected free food—he had to defeat her, and was enjoying the sensation as she stopped at the eighth banana split with steak toppings.
“So,” he finally asked, “any more bright ideas? Maybe you'd like to jump me on the national news during a session of the Diet?”
“Stuff it,” whined Sailor Moon, patting her distended stomach, and finally knowing what it meant to be full. She had heard rumored, but had never experienced the sensation itself. This full is kind of neat. I wonder if I could convince mom to make that much food?
“Oh, that helps us out,” mumbled Ranma. “Maybe you'd like to suggest baby names while you're at it, considering it's your fault we're in this mess.”
“Well, I wasn't the one stuffing their tongue down the other's mouth,” Ranma said.
“Right,” countered Sailor Moon. “I bet you're some evil entity thinking this is a way to help you conquer the world and steal our star seeds or something. For all I know, you're some perverted sex demon, with all those girls we had chasing us.”
Ranma was about to retort, when his mind registered her comment. Sex demons weren't monogamous. Was his mother a sex demon? It would explain why she acted the way she did? She must have seduced Pops...
Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, bad thoughts!
Shaking his head, Ranma turned back to face her. “Yeah right. I could do way better than a flat-chested, bony, whiny, little wannabe super hero.”
“WHAT?” screamed Sailor Moon, stalking right up to him and staring right into his face, noses mere inches apart.
She wanted to retort, she really did.
But as anyone who has stayed in a hotel could tell you, a wondering cleaning lady had walked by their room, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sign, and decided that these people obviously needed a batch of fresh towels.
So, when our cleaning lady opened the door, she barely had time to begin to say “housekeeping”, when she saw them.
It was the hot guy from the television that everyone was looking for.
It was the magic girl that everyone was looking for, with a noticeable bulge in her stomach.
So, she did what any kind and respectable housekeeper would do.
She took out her camera, took several digital pictures, and asked them if they needed anything.
“Oh, how could I have raised such a worthless boy?” whined Genma.
Sighing, Kasumi swatted Nabiki's hand as she reached for that damned list of exactly what they had so far discovered Genma had done to deserve Ranma turning on him.
Currently, they were on Volume 4.
Shampoo just growled. “Shampoo no let magic nice girl steal Airen. Shampoo much better at snuu snuu than small chested girl.”
Ukyo nodded. “Yeah, Akane's built better than her.” Not seeing the growing smile on said girl's face at the fact she was better built than a famous super heroine, Ukyo continued. “I'm beginning to think Ranchan has a thing for small chested women.”
And like that, Akane had gone from happy to murderous rage in a new speed record; 0.00034 seconds.
Shampoo blinked. “That explain much, and why Airen pick Kitchen Destroyer and not Mercenary Girl or Too Too Nice Girl.”
Smirking, Nabiki enjoyed the chaos generated by that comment, wondering herself how much of it was true, while Kasumi blushed.
No one had ever turned down Kasumi because she was packing bazookas. Who knew Ranma preferred grapes to watermelons?
“See,” said Genma, “further proof that him and Akane belong together! After all, Soun was blessed with a daughter with almost nothing on top.”
And thus, Genma was introduced to the very land under his feet ... by about two feet of air and floor supports, and the helping hand of one Mega-Mallet X.
Of course, Akane was slightly happy, and more from Ranma's choice in women than the fact that she had just evolved her Mallet-sama to Mallet-sama Mark II be sending Genma partially to Hell via the Earth's crust.
It was because while she didn't admit to wanting the pervert, the fact Ranma-chan looked for mannish girls meant she preferred the Tendo girl.
Of course, this still meant Akane had to rescue her Ranma-chan—a skill only a martial artist of her caliber could pull off—from the vile temptress known as Sailor Moon.
That bitch would not be allowed to steal Akane's beloved Ranma-chan from her. Akane would see that Love and Justice won today.
“So,” asked Ukyo, throwing the shells of a few shucked peanuts on top of Genma's comatosed form, “we need to find Ranchan and get some answers.”
Agreeing, the girls prepared to try and track Ranma down.
Of course, it being a school day tomorrow, they decided it would be better to pay Nabiki to track them down. After all, they never could figure out how she managed to keep track of Ranma.
Truth be known, Ranma wasn't the cleanest of people. If he was, he would have discovered the transmitter hidden inside his pigtail. But thanks to the Dragon Whisker episode, he still had trouble learning to wash his hair.
Kasumi sat in her room, thinking.
She was used to being the most desired Tendo in a traditional role dominated society. She had cooking skills that were supremely above par in all of Japan, had caused many men besides Tofu Ono to have fits by her mere presence, and to be honest, she knew she had a body that was second to none—even Ranma-chan couldn't compare.
But what hurt most of all, was that Ranma ... didn't find her attractive.
And something was born that day inside the oldest daughter of Kimiko Tendo; something that had long remained dormant for the safety of all mankind.
Kasumi began to get angry.
This was a force unmatched by anything within nature, and only surpassed by a pissed-off Belldandy when searching for forces outside the mortal sphere.
Now, while she wasn't too upset that she was not engaged to Ranma, as he was too young for her and his attitude was grating on the nerves with continuous exposure, he should still have had desire for her.
It was what Kasumi prided herself on. How many girls could wear a housedress like her and cause a seven car pileup on the express way just by smiling and waving hi?
But he preferred minis to a full sized SUV.
It was then and there that Kasumi decided: Ranma would learn that compacts had nothing on a full sized sedan.
Looking in her closet, she decided she would have to “borrow” something of Nabiki's. Her clothes just didn't scream “free meat” to her intended target.
Ranma sighed once again from his campsite in a park several wards away from either Minato or Nerima. He had been half tempted to ask Nuku Nuku for a place to stay for the night.
But she had that delivery-off with Shampoo tomorrow, and she would need her rest.
So, he found a nice park in one of the rare areas of Tokyo that didn't experience much chaos, and pitched camp.
For those wondering, when you lived Ranma's life, you needed to learn Hidden Weapons quickly, so that you could store the camping gear for those “nightly visits” into LEO by your uncute fiancée.
Besides, he needed to save up his money for when Nabiki decided he owed for something. And it did keep him from being sued by those motels for when the fiancées would show up and demolish it looking through every room to find him.
That, and those other couples did not enjoy having their sessions interrupted by angry women looking for Ranma.
He half suspected it was why Ms. Hinako had doubled his school workload, but he decided it was safer not to ask too many questions along that line.
It would have been better, had one sailor suited warrior of haunting his life had left him the hell alone.
“WAH! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?” screamed the future queen of the Earth.
It is at this point even the author is wondering if freezing to death was so bad a fate when considering who would be ruling if he survived.
Sighing, Ranma looked from his campfire to the crying girl. “Keep that up. I'm sure no reporters are looking for us here.”
“Really?” she asked excitedly.
Standing up from his face fault, Ranma was once again asking himself why he even bothered to help people anymore. “No, that was sarcasm.”
“Meanie,” said the blonde, as she stuck her tongue out at him.
Rubbing his temples, Ranma decided to turn in. “Well, hope you have a way home, I'm taking the tent. Try not to get yourself interviewed.”
Sailor Moon blinked. They had left the hotel after the housekeeper had run off, claiming about getting a reward, to where they were now, riding on top of several different subway cars to get there.
Of course, in that time, she never once considered just dropping her transformation and heading home.
So of course, she now was out past curfew, the trains had stopped running, and she had no shelter.
So, she switched into her bag of tricks. “Um, could I—”
She blinked. “Huh?”
“Every time I stay with you, some nut shows up and ruins the hiding spot. Go find a hotel or call a cab to get you home. But you ain't staying here.”
So, she fell back on Girl Trick #7: if all else fails, remember these words: cry, threaten to expose, and continue loudly crying.
“Aren't you a super powered girl?”
Girl Trick #21: if you are exposed to common sense by the target, use emotional blackmail.
“How could you leave me like that?”
“Cause we ain't an item and you've caused me nothing but pain, misery, and suffering.”
Girl Trick #42: if all else fails, assault his pride for failure to do what you asked.
“How can you call yourself a man when you let me be by myself on this cold and lonely night?”
Ranma sighed as she grabbed her canteen and splashed herself. “There, all better. Now I'm just a heartless bitch. Night.”
It was several minutes of blinking that accompanied Ranma-chan's statement before Sailor Moon sighed. How was she to know he was so damned strong-willed? Even Mamoru would have bought her a mansion after the second trick.
“Hey, I can just call Pluto and have her come get me.”
Taking out her communicator, she smiled. “Ha, and Mars thought I didn't have a brain in me.”
Mamoru sighed as he slept in his cot inside the prison. So far, none of the Senshi had arrived to bail him out, so he was forced to spend the night in lock-up.
He had called Motoki to bail him out, and contact the other girls in hopes of raising the necessary funds.
Unfortunately for him, Motoki had assumed Mamoru had interfered with the Gay Rights March not because he believed Kamen was straight—Motoki didn't see how anyone could believe that—but because Mamoru was homophobic.
So, Mamoru's best friend decided to let him stew in prison for a bit to learn “not to hate others for their life choices”.
Unfortunately, Mamoru was scheduled to be transferred to a better equipped facility tomorrow, instead of the holding pen at the local police station, and many of those in prison had came to the same decision as Motoki.
Poor Mamoru.
In the early morning, a pack of Nerimaites were following a girl with a laptop computer. The leader of said group with the computer was a tired Nabiki, who had been forced to follow the signal all night.
The others that were following were various fiancées who wanted answers, rivals who wanted proof/revenge, and parents who had wanted answers/wedding/grandbabies.
The one thing out of place was Kasumi. She had followed on the pretense Ranma was injured. But considering she was currently only wearing a halter top, short-shorts, and chewing on a sucker, they had their doubts.
They would have been there sooner, but they had to answer questions for several fatalities caused by the massive wave of damage that seemed to follow, ninety-eight percent of which was caused by people catching a glimpse of Kasumi.
But, those eighteen men, three women, and one squirrel had died happy.
So, they now approached a lone tent.
“Airen in there, yes?” asked Shampoo.
Nabiki nodded. “Yep, unless he dumped the tracker.”
She literally felt the backlash of wind as the girls raced forward.
Sadly for Ranma's bank account, the girls thought that opening the tent via the zipper would take too much time, so they decided to simply rip it apart.
Gasps were heard as the discovered what was inside.
On the floor of what had once been a very well designed tent, lay a sleeping bag. Inside it were one pigtailed girl, and one dumpling headed girl currently chewing on said pigtail.
The girls were not amused.
Akane was pissed. How dare another girl steal her Ranma-chan's purity! With her rage at an all-time high, her Mallet-sama Mark II evolved once again to become “The Widow-maker”.
Hefting the steel mallet with several large and pointy spiked above her head, Akane called out her anger to the foolish girl who dared take what was rightfully Akane's. “Sailor Moon, because of you, I've seen hell! Prepare to die!”