Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Touched ❯ One-Shot

Cowboy Bebop doesn't belong to me in any way shape or form.

Well, here it is, my second Cowboy Bebop fanfic and yes, once again it is Spike's POV and his thoughts on Julia (she doesn't appear in the actual story itself other then in memory). This takes place during the series, not after.

This fic mentions Faye briefly, but I don't think it's a down play of her character. Character bashing is not my thing.

I have to say however, some lyrics of this song were a little complicated as far as trying to match actions to, but I tried my best. I also hope, that, I succeeded in getting into Spike's head. The two people I ran this by who know the show inside and out seem to think I did, so I hope those who ever take time out to read this aren't disappointed.

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//Touched//

Touched. That is what she called us once, her and me, touched. Whether she meant it as mental instability or as just our strong emotions for one another canceling out our logical thought processes I don't quite know. Maybe she meant both. Sometimes that woman spoke in riddles even I couldn't decipher. But I'm thinking what she said was most definitely true, for I'm standing here looking out into the vastness of space, feeling myself slowly growing more insane each day without her. Reality means nothing to me. Without her life holds no real purpose so whether I live or die, what will be will be I suppose. I always hated that song. I speak her name but know not whether it was out loud or just in the dark recesses of my mind where my memories of her dwell. Julia. I know never again will I find one to make me feel as complete as you made me feel.

//Touched//

//You say that I am too//

//So much of what you say is true//

//I'll never find someone quite like you//

//again//

I hear Faye's voice, raised as usual, screaming about something or another. I wonder if anything satisfies that woman? Not that I outright care, she's pretty and all in her own right, and I like her well enough, I guess. I even think if the circumstances of my life were different I could even grow to love her in some strange fashion, but getting involved in another relationship is the last, thing I want in my life. 'Cause no matter whom I may find out there none of them will be Julia. She is the only woman I will ever want, or need. She is amazing, special as no other and no one will ever come close to filling her shoes.

//I'll never find someone quite like you//

//again//

I turn around and exhale a breath to blow the bangs out of my itchy eyes. Why they itch, the smoke from my cigarette...nah, it's probably allergies...damned dog. Heh, Julia was allergic to dogs too. Just one more thing we had in common. Mmm. Wonder if she's standing by a window, looking out at the stars wondering about me? And if she does is her heart hurting just as much as mine? Yes, I know it is, like me she was always more sensitive then she outwardly appeared. God, why can't I stop thinking about her, agonizing over losing her? I should just find a razorblade and end my miserable existence. Yep, one deep, quick slash to each wrist would do the trick, then I could just lie down and wait to fade away, just as all of the roses I had ever gotten her had eventually faded, their silken red luster wilting, turning black then falling from the very stem, the lifeline which was the only source of their survival. It would be so easy, Julia, but for some reason I can never bring myself to do it, for even when I tell myself ever seeing you, holding you again is just wishful thinking, a shred of my psyche still holds onto the hope. Hope that I will find you again and that when I do, you will need me as much as I need you and we will never again be alone.

//The razors and the dying roses plead//

//I don't leave you alone//

But the powers that be, men, or one man, who think themselves/himself almost as gods has torn you from me, kept me apart from you, leaving me with nothing left of you save the memories that haunt my very mind. Their starving souls and ravenous appetites pick me apart eating away at my sanity. Why is it they can't devour and digest all my pain along with it? At first they weren't so bad, but the farther I got away from my home, from you, they began attacking mercilessly and I know they will not stop until I leave the foreign wilderness where I exist now and return to my home...return to you.

//The demigods and hungry ghosts//

//god, god knows I'm not at home//

Her eyes are what I most remember about her, funny I've heard she has said the same about mine. Eyes, windows into the human soul they say, but in Julia's pools of deep sea blue I saw so much more. Peace, hope and love, a world with no pain or hardship...death, our very own utopia...God damn it...look at me sounding like some shit-faced hippie. I feel like an idiot for, ever believing. I'm sure it was only that, a dream, places like that can never exist, not in the real world anyhow. Hell sometimes it feels as if we didn't even exist, that our love had been nothing more then an elusion of our inner most dreams and desires.

//I looked into your eyes and saw//

//A world that does not exist//

Wait, but didn't I say her eyes held hope as well? Oh Christ, here it comes, the other side of my brain having its say, trying to keep positive, telling me every part of it was in fact real. That such a place holds substance somewhere out there and that some day we will find it. Well, I suppose, if such a world existed I would pray to live in it but only with Julia, because it would be hell with out her there to share it with.

//I looked into your eyes and saw//

//a world I wish I was in//

Never will I find another soul, another spirit...another essence as my true love. Phh, true love...makes me sound like a fuckin' schoolgirl wrapped up in a damned fairy tale. Snow White had it a helluva lot easier. All she had to do was just lye back and wait for her prince to come... just once I'd like to see her get off her ass and have to rescue him and get the freakin' piece of apple out of his throat. But Julia was never good at playing the princess damsel in distress and I am far away as they come to ever being a prince. Have I given up finding her, being with her ever again? Nope. I simply realize the truth about my feelings, my love, and I have to believe in us, in our dreams. So I guess it's fought its way back, my steadfast resolve that there will never be another for me...Julia.

//I'll never love someone quite like you again//

//I'll never love someone quite like you again//

END