Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Smooth Sailing ❯ Smooth Sailing ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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With two geniuses on the case, one would have assumed that the Kira investigation would proceed smoothly and brilliantly along, the mismatched pair working in perfect tandem, twin predators seeking out their prey. In some respects, this was true. When they were focused on the topic at hand, Light Yagami and the detective known as L tended to move with uncanny precision, zoning out completely in their search for The Truth. At times, however, Light Yagami and L had to be forcibly hauled apart from one another as they routinely attempted what was either a rival's homicide or a lover's suicide, and the rest of the investigative team (with the notable exception of Light's father) spent their scarce spare time and funds in setting up an elaborate betting pool revolving around that particular question.

The problem was thus: although Light and L tended to think along the same lines - different pathways, to be certain, but the same destination - they were also polar opposites.

Example one: The first ten minutes.

"Ryuuzaki, you're moving your arm too much. I can't type like this."

"..."

"...Ryuuzaki, are you listening to me?"

L rocked a little in his chair.

"Ryuuzaki, I will yank on this chain and you will not like the consequences."

L nibbled on his thumb.

Light fisted his fingers in the chain and pulled, intent on yanking L out of his chair and thusly dumping the detective onto the floor, preferably so that he landed on his face. (There were crumbs from a previously-devoured cake on his face. His sloppiness was irksome, unhygenic, and frankly unbecoming of someone so well-respected.)

Unfortunately for Light, L had fisted his own fingers into the chain and pulled back, leaving them both to lurch awkwardly towards one another and scramble to maintain their mutually precarious balance.

Light glared. L blinked.

Five minutes later, they were engaged in a vicious tug-of-war that sent their computer chairs spinning in a wild arc across the room, their investigative team diving for cover, and Soichiro Yagami out of the room in a state of mild embarrassment.

Five minutes after that, a very ruffled and extremely sheepish Light Yagami was apologizing for his appalling behavior while discreetly stomping on an entirely unrepentant L's foot.

Example two: The first three hours.

THUD.

Light Yagami blinked.

L tilted his head and looked down at him. "Yagami-kun, what are you doing on the floor?"

Light blinked again. "I appear to have fallen out of my chair, possibly because you got up and started to walk away, neglecting to inform me of your actions. I believe that my wrist may be sprained."

"That's ridiculous, Yagami-kun. At that angle?"

Light sat up with a bit of a pout, though he'd never admit that was what he was doing. "It hurts," he said crankily, and clambered to his feet. "And where are we going, anyway?"

"The bathroom," L said, "I have to pee."

Light blanched. "The bathroom."

"That is where one usually goes to relieve oneself, Yagami-kun, and I have consumed four cups of tea in the time that we have been sitting here."

"I'm going to the bathroom with you," Light said numbly, somewhat dazed with horror.

"Not if you don't start walking, in which case I will be forced to urinate in the soil of that potted plant in the corner."

"...I'm going to the bathroom with you," Light decided, and started walking.

Example three: The first evening.

"Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

"How are we supposed to take off our shirts, much less shower, with these handcuffs on?"

"They're not coming off, Yagami-kun."

"But that's ridiculous! I'm not going to shower with you in the room!"

"I'm not unlocking us."

"No way! I'm not getting naked around you!"

L blinked at him. "Why not?"

"...just take off the damn cuffs, Ryuuzaki."

L bit his thumb and gnawed thoughtfully.

"It's impractical! It's absurd!"

L tilted his head. "Do you have body-image issues, Yagami-kun?"

"What? No!" Flustered, he drew back. "I just don't want to share my shower with a slob!"

"...whoever said we would be showering with each other, Yagami-kun?"

Light felt himself go rather pink around the ears and did not reply.

"If you wish to do so, however, I wouldn't mind."

The pink was shading to crimson.

"Yagami-kun? Are you all right?"

Crimson.

"Very well. In that case, I will shower first."

"Hu- wah? Ryuuzaki, what are you - no! Ryuuzaki, put your pants back on!"

Example four: The first night.

"Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

"I find myself in an uncomfortably close proximity to your butt."

"You could move."

"You could move."

"I am comfortable where I am."

"So am I. Except your butt is directly in my line of vision."

"I am equally displeased about our sleeping arrangements, Yagami-kun." L shot him a vaguely reproachful look over his shoulder. "You are disrupting my routine."

"Eight hours of sleep is essential for proper mental and physical functioning." Light shot a sleep-deprived glare at his back. "You are disrupting mine."

"That may be so," L said simply, "But I am not suspected of mass murder."

"I'm innocent."

"So you claim."

"Ryuuzaki, I'm innocent, I'm exhausted, and I'm staring at your ass. Get on the damn bed. I'll even let you take the laptop. Just move."

"Yagami-kun is a very inconvenient suspect," L muttered, spinning his chair around to stare at him. "You sleep too much."

"You eat too much! And poorly, at that! No wonder you don't get enough rest, ingesting all of that junk."

L sniffed. "Yagami-kun has no appreciation for the finer things in life."

"Sleep is one of the finer things in life."

"Sleep is overrated."

"Just get over here and go to sleep already! It's not that hard!"

L blinked. "Yagami-kun wants me to sleep with him?"

Light blinked back at him. Then he hurled his pillow in L's face.

Exactly three minutes and twenty-two seconds later, Matsuda burst into the room and stared at the thick mass of feathers that layered the floor, the chairs, the computer desk, and the two teenage boys crouching on the bed and brandishing rather wilting pillows over their heads.

Light and L turned in unison to stare at him.

Matsuda turned a little red. "Er... the visuals on the cameras... got all fuzzy, so we thought someone should check on you two..."

Light coughed a little and placed his pillow back down on the bed. "Ah... apologies, Matsuda-san. It's been a rather stressful day."

"You have a feather in your hair," said L. "You look like a peacock."

"No, he looks like a crested ibis," Light countered, and hit him with the pillow again.

Three minutes later, Matsuda left the room, and both of them agreed that he now bore a very strong resemblance to an anthropomorphized duck.

Example five: The next morning.

"So how are you two holding up?"

Light paused in mid-toast-munch and shifted around a little, hoping to dislodge Misa's deathgrip on his arm. He shot a look over at L, who was happily ignoring everyone in favor of lavishing his attention on a honey-glazed doughnut.

"We're... coping, I suppose," he said to his father, pasting on a long-suffering smile. "This is going to take some time, I think."

"So no real problems?"

Light winced internally, but kept the smile on his face. "I'm thinking of this as a learning experience."

L chewed thoughtfully on his doughnut. "Yagami-kun is a cuddler. It is very annoying. I suggest your purchase a small stuffed toy for him to squeeze." He turned wide dark eyes seriously on Light. "My ribs hurt. And you nearly pulled my pants off."

Light went crimson. "I certainly didn't mean it!"

L blinked. "You did it with your teeth, Yagami-kun. I am not a chew toy."

The Kira investigation had to be called to a temporary halt while the chief suspect attempted to strangle the lead investigator to death with his own handcuffs.

"...eight percent, Yagami-kun."

"AGH!"

After a few weeks into the investigation, the fighting began to die down, and for the most part, things seemed like smooth sailing for the Kira team.

Excepting in those rare circumstances in which their boat capsized.

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