Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Love of Oblivion ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I state no claim to the popular anime Digimon. I am merely writing a fanfictional story based on its characters. It does not belong to ME. Thank you-

For Love of Oblivion

Ssj_hotaru

To the one who was always there

From the one who wasn't

To the one who seemed to care

From the one who didn't

The ocean was beautiful. It was almost ironic that nature had chosen that evening to reveal herself in all her magnificence. Waves broke rhythmically over the sand and the lights of the city reflected gaily onto the water. A crescent moon hung high in the sky, twinkling stars gathered round like peasants paying tribute to their queen.

Two figures walked in silence down the long stretch of sandy beach. One pensive, lost in thought as he stared at the waves while his companion was near bursting with the pleasure of being in his company.

"Oh Yamato, isn't it beautiful?" Mimi asked in a hushed whisper, throwing her arms wide as if to embrace the night. Yamato smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"There's nothing like the beach at night." He agreed softly. She turned her face up to his, her doe brown eyes holding tiny crescent moons imprisoned in their depths, curved lips smiling brilliantly. He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. How he wished he could paint that look permanently on her face. How he'd like to give her what had put that look there even more. But it wasn't to be.

"Mimi…" Oh God! He hadn't a clue of how to tell her.

"What is it?" Her smile stayed in place, the corners of her lips turning up even more in her confidence of what he'd say. He flinched inwardly. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't know who'd helped her get the thought into her head, but if he found out, he'd make it a point to strangle them at the most opportune moment.

"It's just that… Well… there's something I have to tell you."

"There… is?" The breathless anticipation in her voice made him flinch physically and he fluently cursed whoever it was that had gotten her hopes so high.

"Well, it's just that Sora and I…" He tried in vain to swallow the lump in his throat, but he felt as if his guilt was trying to choke him. Mimi's eyes widened eagerness.

"Yes?"

"Mimi… The past two weeks have been great. Really, you've been the best of friends. But…" For the first time since he'd asked if he could speak to her alone, he saw her confident smile falter. "Mimi, I'm real sorry if you think I led you on these past weeks, but… the truth is that I love Sora and we're going to be married." He held his eyes closed for several seconds, hoping cowardly, that she would laugh it off. Say something like: "You don't need to tell me that, I knew all along, it was obvious." But he heard nothing, and he opened his eyes to find hers staring up at him.

Her face, even in the slight moonlight, was paler than it had been moments before, her brown eyes like two giant saucers. Her mouth hung open in disbelief and she was so tense he could see the muscles in her neck and shoulders rigid beneath her skin.

He felt like a cad. Like he'd taken advantage of her somehow, when he knew perfectly well that he hadn't.

"But-but I thought that you and her were…finished…?" She stuttered and trailed off, her voice a hollow, empty sound that made him feel even guiltier.

"We'd gotten into a fight and she left." He admitted, attempting an explanation. "I care about you Mimi, you're my friend, and you were there for me while she was gone, I probably would have gone under if it hadn't been for you. But she came back yesterday and we just clicked. I love her." He finished humbly, willing her to understand.

"So I was just… a substitute." The statement, spoken with such calm and composure, threw him off balance for a moment. He wasn't sure if he'd understood what she'd said. When he did, his reply was vehement.

"No! God no!" He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, barely restraining the urge to shake her. "You're my friend Mimi! You were there for me. You kept me from drinking myself into a stupor every night. I love you for that. But I love Sora more. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Her eyes weren't quite as wide as they'd been, but if anything, her face was paler and she was twice as tense. She nodded her head and slowly removed his hands from her person.

"I understand, Yamato." She answered him clearly, the very coolness of her words distressing him. She placed her hands on her upper arms and turned away. "It's getting cold outside, I think I'll go home now. I'll see you around, Yamato." She walked away from him, her head held high, her shoulders stiff, her back ramrod straight. Her silhouette fading as she put more and more distance between them.

His first impulse was to run after her, force her to realized what he was trying to say. But there was really nothing else he could say that hadn't already been said. She was special to him, even if she would never be his lover, but she just couldn't seem to accept that.

***

She felt cold inside, that was the only way to describe it. A chilling feeling that permeated her being and caused her to shudder so violently that she feared she'd never make it to her apartment.

She'd thought something special was growing between them, something that might one day lead to a wedding ring and children and happily ever after. But he'd only been using her as a stand-in until his true love returned. Humiliation sat like a rock in her stomach. He'd called her away to speak to her about it privately which meant he must have known how she felt. That was the worst part. Not only that he was getting married to someone who wasn't her, but that he knew that she loved him to distraction. She couldn't just laugh it off, smile and nod like a mindless idiot and pretend that nothing was wrong.

If she was so transparent that Yamato had discovered her feelings, would everyone else know as well? Would they cast her pitying looks and express their sympathy at her situation? At that moment she wanted nothing more to sink through the sand she was walking on. The humiliation was not to be borne. She'd die if that happened. Just the idea that all her friends must know how she felt about Yamato made her afraid to show her face. What could she do?

Her pride was the only thing she had left. She'd be damned if she'd lock herself away like some silly chit wasting away from unrequited love. Even if she was. She would show them! Mimi wasn't going to slink away like a kicked pup with her tail between her legs. She'd show them how strong a Tachikawa could be!

But, she realized with a sinking heart, it would all be an act. Everything had gone dull now that Yamato wouldn't be there everyday for her to jump up and run to. For the past two weeks she had woken with a smile on her face and words of joy spewing forth from her mouth until Taichi, who'd been quite smitten with Sora before her relationship with Yamato and still brooding over her, had threatened to tape her mouth shut.

She felt empty she realized as she opened her apartment door. Like a body without a soul. Without emotion or any kind of sensation. If it wasn't for the movement of her feet, she would have entertained the thought that maybe she had died. That's what she felt like. Death. As if the life had drain away when the love of her life had uttered those three fatal words. I love Sora.

There was no life in her. No will to live. If she'd been the suicidal type, she fancied she'd be seriously contemplating a fall from her balcony. But the thought of her body, broken and twisted, lying spread-eagled on the pavement six stories below made her knees week with repulsion. Just because she felt like dying didn't mean she really wanted to. The thought of no longer living scared her. Even if she lived her life in an oblivion of her own making didn't mean she wanted to end it! No sir, not her. She'd live her life as long as she could. But whether she actually lived or just existed was something she'd have to deal with later, she was just to tired that night.

She decided then and there, as she slipped out of her clothes and climbed numbly into bed, going through the motions only because it was routine; that oblivion didn't sound so bad. No one could hurt you if you just didn't care. She would live her life without emotional ties. Oh, she'd still have her friends of course, but one day they might hurt her aswell. She couldn't have that. From that night forward, the only person she would love was herself. Herself and Oblivion.

To the one who loved to give

From the one who wouldn't

To the one who chose to live

From the one who couldn't

Author's Note: Just another strange little quickie that I wrote in school. If all you people who read my fics regularly are wondering why I've suddenly switched to writing pro-Sorato, I've decided to challenge myself and write something NICE about Sora. How do you think I'm doing so far? I really am making an effort at it. J Well, I hope you enjoyed it, please tell me what you think. Thank you-