Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The penultimate bizzare digimon humor fic ❯ Death, or lack thereof. ( Chapter 3 )
When the last chapter ended, the chosen were debating the allegorical significance of Wizarmonâ€™s death and trying to figure out what the author would write for the rest of the chapterâ€¦ It is for precisely this reason that they now find themselves on infinity mountain, looking over the ruins of the digital world and mourning their earlier failure to save itâ€¦
â€œWait a minute. How the hell did the digital world get destroyed?â€ Miyako yelled, scratching her headâ€¦
â€œIt obviously happened between chapters, but it doesnâ€™t really matter whenâ€¦ It doesnâ€™t make any sense, but we still need to rebuild this worldâ€¦â€ Yamato replied nonchalantly.
Elsewhere in the digital world, an amazing transformation was taking placeâ€¦ â€œFinally, Iâ€™ve found my answerâ€¦â€ Platinum Sukamon said cryptically, as it began to glow and then explode as a giant sauropod emerged. â€œPlatinum Sukamon shinka! Brachimon!â€
â€œSo, this is my new formâ€¦ But what the hell happened to the digital world, and how did it assist in my transformation?â€ Platinum Sukamon asked no one in particular, as Iori was randomly summoned to the digital world and materialized on Infinity Mountain.
â€œWhy am I here?â€ Iori asked, not in the philosophical way that most people would ask such a question, but just inquisitively, as one tends to do when suddenly teleported somewhereâ€¦
â€œQinglongmon has his reasonsâ€¦â€ Sora responded, as a recently revived Black War Greymon flew downâ€¦
â€œWell, Hikari and I should gather some plants or something, we need something to eat stranded in the digital world. Taichi and Yamato, find out what the hell happened to this world between chapters. Sora and Takeru, uhâ€¦ Find something to do! Iori, stay and make sure the place weâ€™re meeting back at doesnâ€™t get leveled or somethingâ€¦ Miyako ordered, winking at the older chosen.
â€œHey! Donâ€™t all disappear on me!â€ Iori yelled, but Miyako only smiledâ€¦
â€œLove canâ€™t bloom when there are so many people around.â€ She said, looking towards Black War Greymon, as the inheritor of Curiosity and Sincerity blushed.
For reasons that are to be officially stated as â€œGeneral Insanityâ€ but are in reality merely an attempt to let the author avoid writing Ioblacku fluff, we now resume the fic three days from now, as the dark masters attempt to throw themselves against the chosenâ€™s well-held positions.
â€œYou canâ€™t resist for long against Brachimon-sama!â€ A Tyrannomon taunted, as an Angemon-thrown staff impaled him.
â€œThese are the digimon that call themselves the dark masters these days? How weak, how very weak.â€ Takeru said, his emotions a mix between anger and amusement that they adopted such a name.
â€œA perfect is ten times weaker then an ultimate, thatâ€™s trueâ€¦ But itâ€™s still ten times stronger then a champion!â€ Brachimon yelled, charging. â€œHammer Head!â€
â€œTrue, very trueâ€¦ But you forgot to consider that freedom of movement can be far more important in combat then raw power.â€ Takeru taunted, as the brachiosaurus began to sink.
â€œKuso!â€™ Brachimon yelled, but then began to feel a surge of energyâ€¦ â€œBrachimon shinka! Chaos Seadramon!â€ He yelled, turning into a black and white sea serpent. â€œUltimate stream!â€
Arenâ€™t you evolving a little too quickly?â€ Taichi pointed out rationally.
â€œYeah, butâ€¦ umâ€¦â€ The chaotic sea serpent began to think, and then his head exploded. The end.
â€œHowever, the horrendous serpentâ€™s head exploding was not enough to destroy it once and for all. As the chosen left it for dead, the chaotic serpent grew a new head and floated away, as everyone knows that the seadramon line keeps their brains in their tail.â€ A Jijimon read to a listening group of young digimonâ€¦
Now, back to the main storyâ€¦
With their master beaten, the attack seemed to endâ€¦ But Platinum Sukamon was far too dark a digimon to be beaten that easily, and once more, as the digital world was rebuilt, rumors spread of a metallic Sukamon (How he devolved is anyoneâ€™s guess) causing massive destruction and evilâ€¦
However, the chosen werenâ€™t investigating those rumors at all, and instead were in battle with another virus-type nightmare soldier, specifically Vamdemonâ€¦
â€œWait a minute, first Pico Devimon revives, then Vamdemon? Canâ€™t the author think up his own villains, or at least expand the roles of surviving ones?â€ Takeru asked, and the skied burned with hot flamesâ€¦
â€œDo not question the author!â€ A voice growled from the sky
â€œWell, heâ€™s found ways to come back from what we were sure was his death twice before, so who knows?â€ Miyako said, as Tailmon recklessly charged into battle fueled by blind rage at the rape and torture she had suffered at the vampire digimonâ€™s hand, along with a desire to avenge the wizard digimon who had been her first loveâ€¦ One â€œBloody Streamâ€ left her an injured Nyaramon on the floor though.
â€œNoâ€¦ I canâ€™t fall, this authorâ€™s looking for any excuse he can find to turn this into a Vamdemon/Tailmon rapeficâ€¦â€ Nyaramon gasped out, then fell unconscious.
â€œNyaramonâ€¦ You hurt Nyaramon, Iâ€™ll never forgive you!â€ Hikari responded, then displaying her ultimate cat androbot power, sent Vamdemon to the village of beginnings in thousands of pieces with a single punch.
â€œWell, that was easyâ€¦â€ Yamato said, sweatdropping at recent events.
Just then, a small squadron of Clockmon appeared from a randomly placed hiding tree. â€œIshida Yamato, for continued use of logic and rational thought, you shall now be deported to the local reeducation chamber for rational citizensâ€¦â€
â€œSo, rationalityâ€™s illegal now in this worldâ€¦ Very well then, Garurumonâ€¦â€ Yamato said coldly, and a blue wolf shot flames burning a few of the chronomancer digimonâ€¦
The battle against Vamdemon had just been wonâ€¦ â€œWell, that was easyâ€¦â€ Yamato said, sweatdropping at recent events.
Just then, a small squadron of Clockmon wearing fire-resistant gear appeared from a randomly placed hiding tree. â€œIshida Yamato, for continued use of logic and rational thought, you shall now be deported to the local reeducation chamber for rational citizensâ€¦â€
â€œVery well thenâ€¦â€ Yamato said, clearly smirking as the Clockmon came for himâ€¦ 10 minutes later, the other chosen in the digital world heard a loud explosive noise, which they didnâ€™t think much of until Hikari was hit on the head by the mallet of a Clockmon and various pieces of a bronze-looking metal began falling from the skyâ€¦
â€œWhat was that?â€ Hikari asked while rubbing her head.
â€œIâ€™d say it was some sort of explosion, probably caused by a bomb of some sortâ€¦â€ Koushirou responded, as if he were explaining why people read Taikari lemons or something else equally obviousâ€¦ (The answer, if you donâ€™t know, being â€œFor the plotâ€)
â€œWe all knew that, but who blew what up, and why?â€ Takeru asked, ignoring Koushirouâ€™s sudden entry into the fic.
â€œUhhâ€¦ I donâ€™t know.â€ Koushirou said, nodding as the others sweatdropped.
â€œThatâ€™s not very helpfulâ€¦â€ Miyako pointed outâ€¦ â€œThen again, rationality is a terrible, terrible thing, so Iâ€™ll ignore that fact.â€ She added, smiling and glomping Hikari for no reason.
â€œIn Soviet Russia, bomb explode you! Wait, that doesnâ€™t work.â€ Koushirou randomly said, and then was whisked back to the human worldâ€¦
â€œThe gates between worlds are really fucked up now.â€ Ken commented, for the first time in ages.
â€œThey must be fixed, or else, or else both worlds will be destroyed, and the terror of the forbidden badgers shall be unleashed upon human and digimon alike!â€ Takeru said fearfully, sounding as he did when speaking about Devimon. But as he spoke, a mysterious sword-like object flew through the portal between worlds and stabbed him through the heart.
â€œTakeru! Nooooooooooooo!â€ Sora yelled out loudly, crying over Takeruâ€™s fatal woundsâ€¦ â€œYou died, before, before I could tell you what I must.â€ She said, a tear running down her face. â€œYou never knew how strongly I felt, how much I cared for you.â€
At that moment, Takeru stood up unharmed by the dagger, and was promptly glomped by Soraâ€¦ â€œDid I miss something?â€
â€œThe gods of death are out of service at the moment, please try again later.â€ Yamato said, having returned from the scene of the explosion without anyoneâ€™s notice.
â€œThey are?â€ Takeru said sadlyâ€¦ â€œGuess thereâ€™s no point in trying to stop the horrible evils that threaten both worlds, weâ€™ll just have to wait.â€ And then, added smiling, â€œAfter all, thereâ€™s nothing we can do about it, so we might as well enjoy ourselves.â€
3 hours later, after various lemon scenes including Miyakeru in there somewhere, regardless of plausibility, the chosen had become sick of waiting and set out to fight the Ultimate Evil, when they once more encountered their old foe and the main â€œvillainâ€ of the fic, Platinum Sukamonâ€¦
â€œYou got us into all of this. Giga Destroyer!â€ Metal Greymon said angrily, and Platinum Sukamon exploded, then recombinedâ€¦ â€œOkay, new quest, we find the gods of death.â€
â€œAgreed...â€ Ken added, and the chosen and their digimon began walking away in search of some clues to where the gods of death had goneâ€¦ On the way, Wormmon was assassinated by Platinum Sukamon, taking a â€œfilthâ€ dagger through his heart, but he recombined and was once more on his wayâ€¦
But the quest to find the gods of death was a hard one, as they lay not dead but just dreaming in somewhere akin to Ryâ€™leh, where Cthulhu was holding them captiveâ€¦ And thus, the chosen set out for a diplomatic mission to convince Cthulhu to free the gods of death, and threaten him with some sort of international sanction if he did notâ€¦
So there the chosen were, off on an impossible quest, when suddenly someone rolled the proverbial natural 1 on the random encounter chart, and an enraged Gryphomon in the twisted nationalistic hopes that a Gryphomon could somehow free itself from the constant non-appearance in the various digimon series and fics, brutally attacked Hikari.
â€œHikari-chan!â€™ Angewomon and Miyako both yelled, and then ran over to tend to her woundsâ€¦
â€œCome on, donâ€™t you have a Gryphomon to fight?â€ Miyako askedâ€¦
â€œYes, but thereâ€™s no other competent healer around.â€ Angewomon responded, and then they both went super-deformed with bolts of blue lightning coming out of their faces as they glared at one another.
Meanwhile, Gryphomon sweatdropped, wondering if anyone was planning to fight himâ€¦ â€œMobeius Bite!â€ He added, sinking his sharp teeth into Takeru in an attempt to provoke the chosen.
â€œWait, shouldnâ€™t my little brother be dead by now, he just took an attack from an Ultimate?â€ Yamato asked, and was gently reminded what fate awaited the rational.
â€œHehehehe.â€ Takeru said evilly, as Gryphomon tried desperately to hang on to his arm. â€œDid you really think it would be that easy?â€
â€œYouâ€™re bluffing, those powers only work on viral nightmare soldiers, or â€œThe powers of darknessâ€ as you like to call them.â€ Gryphomon responded, not convinced.
â€œRight.â€ Takeru answered, and went back to having his arm eaten.
â€œHeavenâ€™s Knuckle!â€ A beam of light shot from Angemonâ€™s fist, deflecting harmlessly of Gryphomonâ€™s odd-looking tail.
â€œYouâ€™re an Adult, heâ€™s an Ultimate, you donâ€™t stand a chance.â€ Ken pointed out, as a â€œSuper Sonic Voiceâ€ sent Angemon to the ground, writhing in the pain it brought to his earsâ€¦
But even the greatest, save for ghosts and dragons, have a weakness, and in time, after taking massive injuries and the brutal murder of Hawkmon(Who instantaneously revived), it was found to be Garurumon flame. Once that was revealed, it took a simple â€œFox Fire!â€ and the Gryphomon was driven off by a digimon two levels lower then it, and the chosen finally began to pick up the pieces and try to recover from having one of their digimon slain in a random encounterâ€¦
â€œSo, what now?â€ Yamato asked.
â€œIsnâ€™t it obvious? There arenâ€™t any gods of death now, so itâ€™s not like weâ€™re any danger, we have to just keep going and find Cthulhu, err, Dagomon.â€ Taichi responded.
â€œNo, itâ€™s not that simple! For all you know death is still possible once you reach the dark ocean, and then all of us are doomed!â€ Yamato answered, punching Taichi.
â€œEven if that is the case, we have to try, without the possibility of death who knows what evil digimon could inflict upon the digital world?â€ Taichi replied, punching the bearer of friendship back.
Then they got into a fight and ended up having rabid monkey sex. The end.
â€œAuthor, youâ€™re not supposed to end the chapter yet.â€ Miyako said angrily, her face expanding a hundredfold.
â€œWhat do you mean Iâ€™m not supposed to end it yet, this chapter was already 2050 words before that sentence!â€ A disembodied voice replied.
â€œThatâ€™s counting the authorâ€™s notes! And besides, werenâ€™t you going to make this chapter longer then the ones preceding it?â€ Miyako asked angrily, and the author gave in, though he did first make a comment to the effect of â€œWhat authorâ€™s notes!â€.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled fanficâ€¦
After some fighting and yaoi, the chosen had entered the misnamed â€œDark Oceanâ€ which was actually quite grayish in appearance. As they entered, a shadowy multitentacled creature appeared causing Hikari to recoil in horror, until he gently explained that he was Dagomon and asked if they were the diplomats he had been promised.
â€œYes, weâ€™re the diplomats.â€ Takeru explained.
Dagomon then retreated into the water, and came out carrying various spices. â€œTell me, what do humans go well with? I havenâ€™t had any in a long time.â€
Miyako yelled that they were the diplomats, not the food, and promptly had some spice which will remain nameless sprinkled on her.
â€œThe treaty was that in exchange for freeing the gods of death, the digital world would send me twelve diplomats to eat as tribute, correct?â€ Dagomon asked.
â€œYes, but since we are diplomats, we can also re-negotiate the treaty, correct?â€ Angewomon asked, loading up a â€œHeavenâ€™s arrow.â€
â€œRight.â€ Dagomon responded, after some negotiation the gods of death were finally released in exchange for recognition of Dagomonâ€™s claims to the dark whirlpool and a surrounding 1-mile buffer zone, and the chapter for once ended at a logical point to end a chapter.