Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The Walls Between ❯ The Pillar at the Center of the World ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Daisuke had just finished washing his hands and putting on his coat, and was about to leave the restaurant for home when Yoshino cornered him in the back of the kitchen. "Hey, Daisuke," he said.

"What?" Daisuke turned around, but kept pulling on his gloves. He was running a little late, and if he didn't hurry, he might miss his train.

"Aren't you coming with us down to the bar tonight?"

Daisuke frowned, wondering what was special about tonight. Then he remembered, and swore. "Shit! That was tonight?" He pulled back his sleeve to check the date on his watch. "Fuck!"

"What's the matter?" Yoshino ducked back as one of the servers swept past, loaded down with food.

"I can't go. Fuck!" How could he forget? He and Yoshino and Shotaro had planned this weeks ago. He stamped his heel on the ground, feeling the passage of time and his need to leave right now, and yet wanting so badly to stay.

"Why the hell not?"

"Ken and I made plans. I can't believe I forgot. I'm so sorry."

Yoshino made a sour little face; it was one of his favorite expressions, and Daisuke often teased him about it, but Daisuke wasn't in a mood to tease right now. "Man, this is the World Cup qualifying matches we're talking about! This isn't nothing! Come on, call your girlfriend and tell him you can't make it."

"He's not a girl," said Daisuke, automatically. This had become an old joke, and one Daisuke had never much appreciated.

"What's going on?" asked Shotaro, pausing on his way out of the kitchen and into the dining room.

"Daisuke's not coming," said Yoshino. "He has to go home for his anniversary or something."

"What?" Shotaro stared, disbelieving at Daisuke.

"It's not our anniversary, okay? Ken wants to go to a ceremony they're holding at some shrine in Akasaka, and then we're going out to eat."

"You're ditching us for some froofy monks and free dinner?"

"Hey, you're letting the food get cold," said Yoshino. Shotaro, with one final look of doubt at Daisuke, moved off into the dining room.

"Look," said Daisuke. "I really have to go, or I'm going to miss my train and then me and Ken will miss our train to Akasaka and then he'll be fucking pissed. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow."

Yoshino snorted. "I wanna meet your girlfriend someday, he's got you whipped. I never thought I'd see it from you of all people."

"He does not!"

"He does so! You're getting as bad as Niu, calling his wife for permission to wipe his own ass."

"I am not!"

Leaning casually against the counter, ducking back again to be out of a server's way, Yoshino said, "Then come with us and forget about the shrine thing."

Daisuke really wanted to. He wanted to stay and hang out with his friends so badly he could taste it, and every moment he wasted here increased his chances of missing his train anyway. "Fuck," he said.

"Come on," wheedled Yoshino.

"Fuck!" said Daisuke again, torn, wanting to stay and at the same time not wanting to disappoint Ken. The temptation present in front of him won; after all, living with Ken didn't mean that Ken owned him, and he had a right to do what he wanted. A shrine ceremony and dinner at some expensive restaurant would be much less fun than an evening spent at the bar with his friends. "All right."

"Cool!" Yoshino grinned, and offered Daisuke a victory sign. "Shotaro's shift will be over in a couple of minutes, we can leave then."

"Yeah," said Daisuke. "Lemme just call Ken and let him know."

"You'd better not let him talk you out of it."

"I won't, chill." Daisuke pulled his gloves back off and took out the cell phone that Ken had given him. It took a few seconds of careful study to figure out how to turn it on and dial.

Ken shouldn't be home yet, so Daisuke dialed his lover's cell number instead. It rang exactly twice before Ken's clipped, professional voice said, "Moshi moshi, Ichijouji speaking." Daisuke paused to draw another breath; this was the first time he'd called Ken at work, and he sounded so different. Yoshino grinned encouragingly, and Daisuke plunged ahead.

"Ken-chan, it's me. Is this a bad time?"

"Daisuke?" The detachment melted out of Ken's voice, immediately replaced by concern. "What's happened? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to make it to the shrine thing tonight."

"Why not? Did you miss your train?"

Tempted beyond all reason to say "yes" and give himself an excuse that went beyond his control, Daisuke said, "No, it's not that. I just ... I can't make it, okay?"

There was a long, drawn-out silence on the other end of the line. Daisuke fought the urge to fidget during it by finding support in Yoshino's renewed V-sign. There was no reason for him to feel like a naughty child, he had a perfect right to decide for himself what he should do tonight. He'd spent virtually all of his evenings with Ken since they'd gotten back together, and surely Ken would see that Daisuke had accommodated him enough for the time being.

Finally, Ken said, "What will you be doing, that you can't make it?" His voice was very flat; Daisuke was glad that he was on the other end of the phone line.

"Me and a couple of guys from work are going to go watch one of the World Cup qualifying matches at a bar."

"Daisuke ... we planned this a week ago."

"Yeah, and we'd planned this thing a couple of weeks ago and I just forgot until Yoshino reminded me."

There was another spell of silence, during which Shotaro apparently finished his shift and came over, pulling on his jacket. Finally, Ken said stiffly, "I'll see you when you get home, then."

Daisuke fought the urge to sigh in relief; Ken sounded mad, but not mad enough to argue, which was a good thing. "Yeah, see you."

He hung up the phone then and grinned at his friends, almost sick with relief. "Let's go!"

A huge number of people from the surrounding district packed themselves into the bar down the street from the restaurant, and the place was deafening whenever a goal was scored or someone made a particularly good play. Daisuke, who couldn't see any of the televisions very well from where he was sitting, had to practically stand on his seat in order to change that, so that's exactly what he did. Sitting on the high back of the chair with his feet in the seat, he was precariously perched throughout most of the game, but it gave him a great vantage. The air of the bar was misty with heat and cigarette smoke, and Daisuke's beer grew fetidly warm before he finished it three times straight.

He glanced down at Shotaro when his friend nudged his knee. "That guy right there," said Shotaro, pointing his cigarette at the screen, "Nagareyama, the one who just passed the ball over, he's from my town."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I went to middle school with him."

"That's cool." Daisuke leaned down a little to better hear Shotaro. "Did you know him?"

His friend shook his head. "No, he was a couple years older than me, but I remember he was good back then too. I played soccer for a few years because I wanted to be just like him, but I was too old to be any good at it."

"I think everybody played soccer when they were a kid," said Daisuke, taking a long swig of warm beer to finish out the bottle, and then setting the bottle down on the table.

"You too?" asked Shotaro.

"Hell yeah. So did Ken. We played each other one year, in fact, and he completely kicked my ass."

Shotaro stubbed out his cigarette and pulled out a fresh pack, tapping them on the heel of his hand a few times before opening them. As he was lighting another, he offered the pack to Daisuke.

"No thanks," said Daisuke.

Exhaling smoke out his nose, Shotaro said, "You ain't started smoking yet? I figured you would have now that you're practically married. Niu smokes."

"Well, I ain't Niu, okay? And I ain't married either. And I really need some more beer."

"Let's send Yoshino for it." Shotaro shoved Yoshino hard in the shoulder, practically knocking him out of his seat.

"Hey!" protested Yoshino, turning around. "What the hell!"

"Go get us some more beer," said Shotaro.

"Why me?"

"Because you'd have to move anyway to let me out of this corner, and Daisuke would break his neck if he tried to get down off that chair. And then you'd have to cover his shift."

"All right, all right." Yoshino got up and pushed his way through the crowd toward the bar.

"You act like you're all gooshy in love, that's all," said Shotaro. "Me and Yoshino were talking about it the other day behind your back while you were off in your own little world with this stupid-ass grin on your face. You never acted that way about Miyako, and me and him don't get how you can be so goofy about another guy."

Daisuke shrugged, leaning down with his forearms on his knees. "You've never been in love with anyone but your mother."

Shotaro frowned. "Leave my mother out of this!"

Grinning, Daisuke said, "I'd introduce you to Ken and then maybe you'd understand, but I'm afraid you'd try to steal him from me."

"Eww!" Shotaro's lip curled, and he took another drag off his cigarette. "There is no chance of that!"

The beer and the lack of oxygen due to the thick smoke in the air were starting to go to Daisuke's head, and he giggled a little. "I don't know, he's awfully pretty. He was so pretty when we were kids, but he's still awfully hot."

"How'd you meet this guy anyway?"

It seemed like a good idea at the time to say, "Oh, he tried to kill me a couple of times when we were younger."

Shotaro stopped, mid-drag, and cast an incredulous look up at Daisuke. "What? No."

"Yeah." Daisuke grinned happily. "He was such a sexy little psychopath."

Shotaro stared at him for a few seconds, and then pointed at him with his cigarette. "Daisuke, man, you are fucked up."

Daisuke laughed. Yoshino came back then with the beer, and no sooner had he set down the bottles on the table when Shotaro pointed at the nearest television screen and said, "Look, look!" Daisuke looked, just in time to see the goalie dive to nab the ball out of the air. Those watching who were supporting the defending team cheered; Shotaro, who was for the other team, groaned and banged his forehead on the table. Daisuke, who really didn't care much either way, chuckled and grabbed a bottle of beer to maintain his pleasant high.

It was not quite ten in the evening when Daisuke emerged from the train station in Tamachi, still nicely buzzed and humming merrily. It had been a good game, with Shotaro's favorite team winning by a last-minute goal. It would have been better if Ken had been there, but all in all, Daisuke counted it an evening well spent. Much more interesting than some shrine thing over in Akasaka. Once the game was over, he'd lingered at the bar just long enough to get himself drunk enough to see himself home, and long enough to tease Yoshino about the unhappy sour face he was wearing as a result of having lost his bet with Shotaro.

The song that Daisuke was humming was one he'd heard on the way home; he'd seen pictures of the singer and thought she was cute and pert, and although her voice was too shrill for his tastes, the tune was catchy. The lyrics fit his mood anyway, being all about freedom and not needing anybody, and the good things about living life for yourself. He didn't try to sing them because he didn't know them very well, but snatches ran through his mind as he hummed and this put him into a splendid mood.

There was a good chance that there would be some sort of confrontation when he got home, but Daisuke felt completely up for it. Ken had promised not to be so possessive, and Daisuke intended to hold him to that. The phone conversation before the game had been a good start, and Daisuke had the advantage now. He knew that he needed Ken a hell of a lot less than Ken needed him ... after all, he wasn't addicted to Ken the way he'd been before. He was still an independent person. He could stop whenever he wanted. This gave him the upper hand in this relationship, and when Ken started his expected, "If you loved me, you wouldn't break dates with me," crap, Daisuke would be able to look him in the eye and say, "If you loved me, you'd let me spend some time with my friends every once in awhile."

Yep, life was good. And Daisuke was drunk, but the intoxication was rapidly diminishing, and his good mood wasn't diminishing with it. If anything, he became happier as he grew sober, since he could think more clearly about how nice it was going to be with Ken this time around, once he established that he had rights too.

Arriving at the apartment building, he punched in his security code and opened the door, still humming as he waited for the elevator. Daisuke had heard somewhere that all relationships started out golden and rainbow-hued, and somewhat false. Then the rainbows would wear off, and it became time to actually learn to get along with all the quirks and issues and baggage that the other person carried. Eventually life would settle out again, the turmoil would go away, and things would become warm and comfortable and caring, and real. Success was simply a matter of both members of the relationship making an equal effort to accommodate, and weathering the troubled times in the middle.

Daisuke was willing to accommodate Ken's sexual kinks and his neurotic worrying, and he was even willing to do all the cooking and clean all the dishes. Ken was just going to have to learn to accommodate Daisuke's desire to spend a night out with his friends every once in a blue moon. He didn't think that was asking that much.

Pausing outside the door, Daisuke took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for anything. There was no doubt that Ken would say something, and Daisuke felt ready for it, no matter what it turned out to be. He unlocked the door and opened it.

"I'm home," he said cheerily, kicking off his shoes.

There was a pause before Ken appeared in the hallway that led to the bedroom and bathroom, wrapped in his robe. "Welcome back," he said.

Stuffing his feet into his slippers, Daisuke said, "Did you eat already?" He was tired, but not too tired to cook if Ken hadn't. He would offer because he honestly liked to see Ken enjoying something that he'd made, but also because doing a favor for Ken would put him firmly on the side of Right, and put Ken indirectly into his debt. If there was going to be an argument, Daisuke would want both of those things to offset Ken's attempts to manipulate him.

"Yes," said Ken. "Did you? There's some sauce left, and I can reheat the rice if you didn't."

"No, that's okay," said Daisuke, frowning a little. There went that tactic. "Is there any water for tea?" He moved into the kitchen, and Ken followed him.

"I turned the stove off about half an hour ago, it should still be hot enough. How was the game?"

Daisuke searched through the cupboards for a clean teacup. Was that a hint of reproach he heard in Ken's tone? Or was he just imagining it? "It was okay. I wasn't really that interested in the game, though." He inspected a teacup and decided it passed muster.

"Did you have fun with your friends then?" Daisuke frowned at the wall, not because he heard insinuations in Ken's voice, but because he didn't. Why wasn't Ken mad?

"Yeah, I guess." He spooned some tea into the strainer and poured water over it into the cup. It steamed a bit, still scalding hot.

"Good." Ken leaned closer to kiss the back of Daisuke's neck before moving off and returning to the bedroom.

Daisuke paused for a few moments before vengefully stirring the strainer around in the hot water to make the tea a bit stronger. Something about that exchange with Ken annoyed him, and after the tea had turned a murky green he tossed the strainer into the sink and returned to the living room. He turned on the television and began to randomly flip channels while sipping the bitter tea and brooding.

He'd gotten what he wanted. He'd done what he'd wanted for the evening instead of what Ken wanted, and Ken hadn't tried to stop him either before or after the fact. Ken had even sort of endorsed it, in an indirect way, by not objecting to the broken date at all. He could probably do this kind of thing again, whenever the mood struck him, exactly as he'd been able with Miyako.

Daisuke ground his back teeth together, dissatisfied in spite of all the positive points. He took a deep swig of tea, wishing it were vodka, and burned the back of his throat a little. When the tea was gone, he set down the teacup, turned off the television, and went back into the bedroom to have it out with Ken and maybe sort out why he was so annoyed at the same time.

Ken was laying in bed reading a book. He put it down immediately when Daisuke came in and looked serenely up at him for a moment. "You look unhappy," he said finally.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Daisuke. He felt quite hostile all of a sudden, and angry at his own confusion, so he folded his arms across his chest. "Why aren't you pulling all that manipulative crap you always pull? I have a right to do things without you every now and then."

"I know," said Ken quietly.

"You don't have to be jealous of me. I'm not going to sleep around on you. I'm not made of porcelain either! I don't have to be protected!"

"I know that too," said Ken.

"Then what the hell's the matter with you?"

Ken just stared at him for a few seconds. "Nothing's the matter with me," he said slowly.

"Then why don't you care?" demanded Daisuke.

Ken was silent, chewing the inside of his lip a little, and finally Daisuke couldn't take the silence anymore. He turned furiously around to face the doorway. "Why don't you care?" he asked again, over his shoulder. "Why aren't you mothering me and smothering me like you always do?"

"I thought you hated that," said Ken, with a careful tone. Daisuke finally heard a hint of strain in his voice, an indication that all was not well with Ken. "Would it make you feel better if I threw a fit and made an enormous scene, and forbade you from ever changing your plans at the last minute again?"

Now it was Daisuke's turn to be silent a moment. He angrily mulled that over before saying, "That's what I expected."

"Dai-chan, come here."

Daisuke turned around. Ken had moved over closer to the wall, making room on the bed, and after a bit of hesitation Daisuke went and sat down on the proffered space. Once he'd settled himself with his back to Ken, his lover came up closely behind him until he could feel Ken's warmth all down his back and faintly smell Ken's scent.

"I want to," said Ken softly. "You hurt me badly tonight, Daisuke."

"Well, I didn't mean to," said Daisuke, still with some lingering hostility.

"You know as well as I do that intentions don't count for much. I want to forbid you from canceling things with me without at least a little notice, but I'm not going to do that. I promised you that I'd try very hard to curb my controlling tendencies, and I intend to uphold that promise, no matter how much you hurt me."

Ken's presence moved away a little, and the bed shifted as his weight shifted. Daisuke glared at the far wall, the first twinges of guilt starting to gnaw at him. "I didn't know this was important to you."

"Well," said Ken, with a rustle of paper that Daisuke interpreted as picking up his book again, "I don't recall you asking if it was important to me or not." His voice was still low-pitched and casual, but because Daisuke knew him so well, the effort it took to remain that way was audible.

Fuck. Daisuke chewed his lip. "If it was important, why didn't you say something? How am I supposed to know to ask? Or do you expect me to ask for every little thing?"

"No, Dai-chan. I expect nothing. It's enough for me that you're here at all."

There he went again, taking the wind out of Daisuke's sails of righteousness with bland acceptance. Daisuke turned around a little and found Ken squinting a bit at his book. "Look, it was either cancel with you at the last second, or cancel with my friends at the last second. Either way, I had to cancel with somebody, and they had dibs because we'd talked about this last month."

Ken glanced over at him, raising a hand to rub at the bridge of his nose. "I see."

"So what did you want me to do?"

Ken moved his bookmark to mark his place and set the book down again, folding his hands in his lap and giving Daisuke his complete attention. Daisuke drew back slightly, uncomfortable although he didn't really know why. "It's not a question of what I want," said Ken quietly. "I live with you, Daisuke. I love you. I would do anything for you. I was willing to die for you once, and I think I still am, although I doubt I'll ever be given another chance. I love you so much that I think about you all the time, and I feel torn in half when I'm not with you. Sometimes I swear I can still hear your heart beating in time with mine, and if anything happened to you I'd probably lose my mind. I'm not saying that you have to spend every minute of every day with me. I'm not saying that you have no right to go out with your friends. But it disappoints me to find out that you don't feel the same way about me, and that I don't mean any more to you than they do."

"Ken," said Daisuke, stung by this, and scored to the bone by the notion that he'd disappointed his elegant lover.

"No, I mean it. You made two promises, and you couldn't keep both of them. I understand that. Obviously you gave them equal weight and kept the promise that had seniority. But what that tells me is that your friends from work mean as much to you as I do. That's fine. I suppose it's better for me to know sooner than later that you just think of me as another friend."

He picked up his book then, opened it to the bookmark, and with that funny little squint he began to read again.

Daisuke sat on the bed, unmoving. He hadn't been putting the choice into those terms when he'd made it, or at least he didn't think so. Ken did have a point, though ... he had thought of his plans with Ken as being just as breakable as his plans with his friends, perhaps more so because he wasn't so interested in what Ken wanted to do. Was that right? Was that fair to Ken? It had seemed so at the time.

"Look," he said finally. "I wasn't trying to make you think that I don't love you, and it's really unfair for you to be saying that I don't from one broken date."

"I didn't say that."

"No," said Daisuke, annoyed again now on top of the sting of guilt from Ken's words. "You just said that somehow I don't love you as much as you love me, which as far as I'm concerned is the same sort of thing."

Ken looked like he wanted to reply to that, but then thought better of it and closed his mouth. His attention returned to the book, which was starting to get onto Daisuke's nerves. So Daisuke took the book out of his hands and set it aside, to force Ken to look at him.

"Where the hell do you get this idea that I'm somehow not committed to you?" he asked. He intended this to come out angrily, accusingly, but the glistening moisture that threatened Ken's blue eyes softened the words considerably. "I spend almost all my time with you, I love being with you. I moved in with you. I'd fucking marry you if I could. What the hell more do you want from me?"

Pulling away little, Ken drew up his knees and defensively wrapped his arms around them. It was something he'd done a great deal when he and Daisuke were children, and it made him look very young. "Nothing," he said softly. "You're right. I can't help how I feel, but I know that you're right. Just accept that you're right and let me be miserable in peace, okay?"

"Oh, no," said Daisuke. "I know how your fucked-up little mind works, Ichijouji, and I'm not going to let you sit here and convince yourself that you're a martyr."

"I'm not a martyr," said Ken into his knees.

"You're damned right you're not. And you're not some kind of tragic anti-hero either, doomed to be alone forever. Okay? You're the one I love more than anything, and I want you to be happy. I'm not going to walk out on you, and I'm not going to let you walk out on me this time. We're going to stay together and have fun and have fights and have embarrassingly good sex together, and I'm counting on you to be there to remind me to take my pills every day when I'm eighty. We're going to be normal people, as fucking boring as that sounds."

Ken was quiet for a little while, and Daisuke watched him to see if he was buying it. Then he said, "You picked them over me."

"Yeah. I did. Nobody ever accused me of thinking things all the way through, okay? I wasn't trying to send you some kind of fucking message by that, you know as well as I do that I'm not that subtle. I just didn't think things through, and I didn't know that this shrine thing meant anything to you. You didn't tell me it was important to you."

"It's not that," said Ken softly. "It just hurts to come in second behind your friends."

"You don't come in second!" Daisuke fought the urge to grab Ken by the shoulders and shake him hard. "Okay? I just wasn't thinking, famous Daisuke not-thinking-ness again. So stop with the tragedy, I'm not going to do it again. I promise."

Ken raised his eyes to Daisuke's, and Daisuke smiled encouragingly. "Stop hugging your knees," he said, reaching out to run a hand through Ken's black-silk hair.

Uncurling a little, Ken obeyed, and Daisuke shifted his caress down to cheek and neck. "I love you," whispered Ken.

"I love you too," said Daisuke, leaning forward to kiss him. Ken remained unmoving beneath the kiss at first, but then moaned a soft, desperate moan and began to hungrily kiss back. Daisuke nudged Ken to lay back down and then stretched out beside him, ardently fingering his lover's nipples and chest through the thin fabric of his robe and groaning a little when Ken's hands found their way under his jacket.

It was no secret to Daisuke that Ken loved to be touched. He responded to virtually every motion of Daisuke's hands with soft, staggering cries and writhes, more so once Daisuke got the robe open and began mouthing his nipples and collarbone. Ken had always been so sensitive, as if he'd been deliberately designed for sex; whenever Daisuke had the presence of mind to think about it, it surprised him a little that Ken usually preferred to bind Daisuke so that he couldn't be touched.

He was surprised this time when, after Daisuke's jacket and shirt were off, Ken rolled them over and drew back a little, gazing down into Daisuke's eyes as he said, "Let me tie you."

"Why?" asked Daisuke, although he didn't resist when Ken took his wrists and held them out to either side.

"I like it," murmured Ken, just before leaning down to suck gently on Daisuke's left nipple. Daisuke closed his eyes and twisted a little, moaning in pleasure as Ken's tongue flicked over the delicate flesh. "Don't you?" he whispered, after rising up again.

"Yeah." Daisuke caught his breath and opened his eyes a little. "I like screwing you just as much without it, though. I don't understand you."

Ken began to brush his lips across Daisuke's chest, saying softly as he did, "I like to focus your mind entirely on yourself, what you're feeling, what I'm doing to you. I don't want you to be thinking about what you're going to do to me next, or where you're going to put your hands, or how you're going to kiss me." The edges of Ken's robe tickled over Daisuke's groin as his lover moved, barely felt through the fabric of his pants, and he squirmed. "I just want you to enjoy yourself, and let me love you."

"All right," murmured Daisuke, and not just because of the explanation Ken was giving him. The feather-soft touch of Ken's lips was highly arousing, even more so because his arms were being held out of the way to prevent any defense. He closed his eyes again and thrust his hips up against Ken's body; he wondered sometimes why Ken liked the bondage, but he never questioned his own agreement to it.

Ken rolled him over onto his belly then, and drew his hands together behind his back. It took several minutes to complete, and Daisuke kept his eyes closed, savoring this feeling of Ken sitting atop him, straddling his thighs while patient fingers wrapped the ropes and tied the knots with all the care of an artist. Daisuke felt conquered, and this was not an unpleasant sensation, not at all.

Presently, he was rolled onto his back again, and Ken removed his pants, and knelt between his thighs to kiss and lick his throat and chest. Daisuke experimentally twisted and tugged at his wrists, which were crossed under the small of his back, and found them securely bound. There was just enough slack to avoid cutting off circulation, but nowhere near enough to get loose. He felt with his fingers, and couldn't reach a knot anywhere. He was well and truly caught, deliciously at the mercy of the dark-haired man holding him down and raking teeth over his neck. Even with his eyes closed and his arms bound, he could feel Ken's increasing ardor in the strength with which he was held, the tiny growling moans that accompanied each kiss. Ken's erection, pressing against his own, was merely an arousing but unnecessary afterthought.

"Take me," he whispered.

"Shhh." A possessive hand mauled through his hair, and Daisuke nipped at his lover's forearm as it passed. In response, Ken drew his own wrist over Daisuke's mouth, allowing Daisuke to latch onto the inner surface and suck eagerly on the tender skin overlaying the hard tendons and bone. This muffled his groans of frustrated pleasure as Ken continued to stroke his body with his mouth and free hand.

Daisuke wanted to feel Ken inside him, and more than anything he wanted to come, he wanted relief from the sweet ache growing in his groin; every additional minute that separated him from this goal was intolerable. He twisted at his wrists again, and this time it was not experimental but a legitimate attempt at escape. Ken laughed a little and pulled his wrist away to hold Daisuke down by the shoulders.

Panting as Ken kissed his chin and neck, Daisuke whimpered again, "Take me. Please, fuck me, I need you." Bracing his feet against the mattress, he pressed his hips upward, the motion almost involuntary in his arousal. Ken drew back a little, so that Daisuke accomplished only brushing the tip of his cock against his lover's belly, no more.

"Mmm ... maybe I should. Maybe I should fuck you so hard you think you're going to lose your mind." Ken kissed and lapped gently at one of Daisuke's nipples.

"Yes, yes please, fuck me. I need you."

"Maybe I should fuck you, but not let you come." Ken's lips moved back to Daisuke's chin with this. "How about that?"

The ache that had settled deep into Daisuke's groin suddenly spiked as this idea was presented, and he felt moisture leak out of the tip of his penis. "No," he moaned. "Please, Ken-chan, don't, you can't!"

"I think I will," said Ken, amused speculation in his voice as he moved a bit to reach for the table beside the bed. Daisuke opened his eyes in near-panic, just in time to see Ken wipe some lubrication down his own pale erection, and then put a little more onto the tip of his finger.

"Ken-chan, please, let me come, please oooh!" The teasing, gentle probing of Ken's fingertip made Daisuke writhe. "Yes ... please." Daisuke closed his eyes again and spread his thighs as wide as they would go, turning a little onto one hip as he did in order to allow Ken the best angle.

"Have I ever told you," said Ken softly, almost conversationally as he stroked Daisuke in the most intimate way possible, "how much I love to hear you beg?"

"No," moaned Daisuke, although it was possible that he had. Daisuke wasn't thinking very clearly by that point.

"I do," said Ken. His finger withdrew then, and Daisuke went a little limp as the electric sensations ceased for a moment. Soon enough, though, he felt Ken's warm cock nudging against his anus instead, and Daisuke hooked his leg around his lover's waist; Ken slid his arm under the knee thus offered, holding Daisuke's leg up.

"Please, take me," he said softly, needing relief so badly.

Ken's first thrust, deep and sure, made him cry out, and Ken gave a choked little cry of pleasure as well. He didn't pause, though, but drew back for another almost immediately, giving Daisuke no time to adjust to the sudden stimulation. Daisuke squirmed, biting into the pillow and groaning as he pulled vainly at his bound wrists. If he could just get them free, he could touch himself, make himself come ... But the ropes were secure. Daisuke was secure. Ken could do whatever he wanted, and Daisuke writhed like a fish as he was impaled again and again. It felt so wonderful ... but it wasn't going to make him come anytime soon, and with Ken holding his leg he couldn't get away from the maddening pleasure either.

Daisuke knew that Ken was about to come when his lover's thrusts and breathing both became rapid and shallow, and he screamed a little into the pillow. At the last second, though, Ken decided to have mercy, and reached down to squeeze and stroke Daisuke's erection. Instinct took over immediately, and Daisuke thrust rapidly into his lover's hand as best he could, and came explosively only a few moments later. It was like drowning, and he screamed again with the pillow clamped firmly in his teeth; the sensation of Ken reaching climax within him was a fresh warm current injected into the ocean of Daisuke's pleasure. It lasted an eternity, and Daisuke couldn't stop himself twitching and twisting his body, this way and that.

He was barely conscious of his hands being freed or of Ken drawing out and easing himself down at his side, although the ability to wrap his arms around warm, firm flesh while he drifted in his orgasmic high only added to the pleasant series of sensations. Daisuke came close to going to sleep, nuzzling his lover's shoulder and overwhelmed, but as his high gradually ebbed he felt more and more yucky.

"I need a bath," he murmured.

"Mmm," said Ken. "Me too. Let's go take one."

"Yeah," agreed Daisuke, but he made no effort to move. They lay in silence a little while longer, warm and exhausted, until Daisuke said, "You are a cruel bastard."

"You like it, though."

"Yeah. I do." He wouldn't have liked it at all if Ken had carried through on his threat, but the threat alone had been extremely arousing. That touch of cruelty, the barest taste of it, was spicy and exciting.

A somewhat disquieting thought occurred to Daisuke then, as he pondered Ken's dichotomous savagery, so at odds with the rest of his nature. Where did it come from? It had always been there, as long as Daisuke had known him, ever since the Seed went dormant : that occasional hint of ruthlessness, fleeting episodes of selfishness amidst the kindness and selflessness that defined him. Ken was the sort of person who would efficiently and without any sentimentality rip out a diseased plant so that it wouldn't infect the other plants, making no effort to save it rather than sacrifice it, and weep for it as he did so.

There was something important about that, something Daisuke felt he was on the verge of understanding when Ken interrupted his reverie by prodding him a little and saying, "Come on. Let's go bathe."

"All right," said Daisuke automatically, and a moment later he was on his feet and stretching the exhaustion out of his muscles, the mystery forgotten.