Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Transformers Fan Fiction ❯ Bots And Z Senshi ❯ Bots And Z Senshi ( One-Shot )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: harlem_angel 
The Z Senshi and Transformers are forced to do unspeakable horrors!!!
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Transformers Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 09.15.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 809 | Status: Completed
The Z Senshi and Transformers are forced to do unspeakable horrors!!!
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Transformers Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 09.15.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 3.3K | Visits: 809 | Status: Completed
BOTS AND Z SENSHI
This fanfic isnºt supposed to make any sense, so donºt try to analyze it. Maybe this will keep me occupied, while I try and fix my other story, which wonºt work on this doggone iMac. Enjoy!!!
*********************
Hot Rod woke up from his abrupt nap, and found himself staring at some spiky haired human, a noseless, bald little guy, and some green dude. He vaguely remembered driving around Cybertron, when all of a sudden the ground beneath him disappeared and gave way to empty air. Plummeting around five hundred thousand odd feet, he screamed for thirty seconds, inhaled and kept screaming. On the way down, he had been turned into a blue mammoth, a tiny baby eagle, a six-foot tall refrigerator, and an old pick-up truck, respectively.
Just as he had been about to cash in his microchips, he stopped about ten feet, turned into a miniscule frog, and crashlanded with a thud. It was only then that he had turned back into himself, with the exception of his left arm, which had inexplicably remained a carrot.
Deciding that maybe he had smoked too much of that Earth substance that shared a name with a popular cooking utensil, Roddy tried to transform, but his car form had turned into a pink beetle shaped like a grossly overfed golden retriever. It was then he heard a strange, low whistling sound and looked up just in time to see a bowling ball the size of Mt. Etna fall on his noggin.
There was something about the way the three beings looked at him that made him uncomfortable. They looked like malnourished lepers that had suddenly discovered an eternityºs supply of chocolate, hentai magazines, Nivea cream, pudding pie and boiled neck of hippopotamus. It was then he smelt his rear end merrily roasting on a pit and realized that he had become a turkey.
With a squawk, he bounded from the ground, and was relieved to be his huge self again, only to slip on something slippery and land facefirst in some brown stuff that smelled like limburger cheese well over twenty years expired. Puking out bolts, nuts and yahoos, he leapt up, and grabbed the shortest one of the humans.
»Where the hell am I? Why was I a turkey on the verge of homicide? And why did you try to eat me?¡ The squeaky-bald man only managed to gape and gulp and stutter like a lizard having an apoplexy attack. It was then that the spiky-haired dude miraculously flew to Hot Rodºs face, and launched some polka-dotted energy ball that exploded on contact and exuded dancing circus bugs. As Roddy screamed and batted the dancing insects with his pinky, the spiked one managed to catch the bald man before he could kick the bucket.
»Yeesh, you forgot how to fly, Krillin?¡ said he of the spiked hair. »No, Goku. Course I know how to fly!!! I donºt know what happened!!¡ By that time, Hot Rod had managed to get rid of the circus roaches. Growling, he launched himself and was prepared to flatten the three beings, when they all flew again, and he managed to flatten himself.
Groaning, he got up and was graciously bombarded by things known only as energy balls, because they were of spherical shape and because they hurt like hell when they made contact with his body. Screaming, or rather squawking in pain for he had become a turkey again, he ran and managed to fall into a hole some fifty feet deep that had suddenly appeared under his feet.
Goku, Krillin and Piccolo landed beside the hole. »You think that heºs gone?¡ »Only one way to make sure,¡ growled Piccolo, he of the green skin, and prepared to deliver one of his special death attacks, when suddenly a red glow surrounded the hole, and huge sparks of fire gushed forth and made the three warriors move, shake and do the Ginyu Force pose.
It was then that Hot Rod flew from the hole and hovered just before the three fighters. His expression was fierce and angry, then became confused as all of them started laughing at him. It was then, judging from the change in his appearance, that he realized that he had been turned into a fat bunny rabbit wearing a pink tutu and sporting the wings of a pixie. He screamed in shock and demanded to know what happened to him.
»ARRRGGGHHH!!!! What the HELL did you do to me?¡ he asked in his normal voice. Krillin, despite his excessive snickering, managed to get out an »I donºt know what the hell youºre talking about¡ before collapsing to the ground, hysterical. But he soon stopped laughing when he found that he had been turned into a blue monkey wearing red and white overalls and sporting a white beard. Soon it was his turn to be laughed at, but not for long as Goku was turned into a voluptuous weasel, and Piccolo became a fat cabbage.
»Argh!!! Whatºs going on here?!?!?!?!!¡ yelled Piccolo. Trying to walk on his stumpy legs, he tripped and fell on top of the weasel-Goku, nearly squishing him. As for Krillin, the beard had come off, and he had been changed from a blue monkey to a short and stout little teapot. »Guys, whatºs happening? Whyºs this happening to us?¡
At that moment, a low whistling sound could be heard, and Optimus, Preceptor, Kup, Megatron, Starscream and Vegeta all landed on top of everyone else. Before the first four could suffocate and be squashed to death simultaneously, the six of them were picked up and thrown into a nearby blueberry tree the size of several seqouias stacked on top of each other.
»Wha....where in the name of Primus.....Megatron!!!¡ gasped Optimus. Megatron only managed to duck out of the way of Optimusº laser gun. Taking out his weapon, he prepared to fire, when suddenly his laser gun changed into a baseball bat. Optimusº own gun had undergone an exact transformation. Suddenly, the both of them were picked up unceremoniously and left hanging in the empty air, much to the chagrin of both of them. Then, the baseball bats were also picked up, and, taking well aim, gave both of them a good spanking, to the amusement of Starscream and utter horror of Preceptor. While all this was going on, two gloves and two umbrellas had appeared. A glove was hitting each mech on the face, and one umbrella on the head. Thus, both mechs were given a major biotch slapping.
As for the rest of them watching below, they were suddenly turned into various shapes and made to do the entire routine to »Itºs Gonna Be Me,¡ »Iºm A Slave 4 U,¡ »Tragedy,¡ »Wannabee,¡ »Lady Marmalade,¡ »The Macarena,¡ and various eighties hits including »Right Stuff,¡ »Wake Me Up,¡ and »Walk Like An Egyptian.¡ Among the shapes they undertook included a polka-dotted dodo bird, a wooly gorilla, a hefelump, a woozel, three blind mice and a sabretoothed tiger made out of raspberry jelly.
Finally, Optimus and Megatron were left to fall, rubbing their afts in pain and still reeling from the biotch slapping. Everyone else was on the point of death from all those dance routines, and Piccolo was still coughing up gorilla fur. »What the hell happened just here?¡ said Vegeta. »I swear I will destroy whosoeverºs responsible for this bull that just happened!!¡ And just then, a soap bar was shoved into his mouth and his mouth was thoroughly washed for five minutes before his stomach fluids managed to emerge from his body.
»A-ha!!!¡ yelled Goku all of a sudden. »Judging from the analysis I have made of our surroundings, which still looks normal but for the fact that all the colours are mixed up; the way we were turned into random and nonsense animals, we seemed to have found some form of alternate dimension where our very lives are at the mercy of some fearful being. Known only as writius badforyourhealthum , or in normal language, an author.¡
By this time, everyoneºs eyes had glazed over, and Krillin was looking at him in the utmost disbelief. »Could you run that by me again, Goku?¡ »He said that we were in a fanfiction, you idiot!!!¡ yelled Starscream. »Well, I for one am not going to stick around while some bubbleheaded poor excuse of a writer toys with my very will!! Iºm leaving!!¡ And with that, he transformed and tried to fly out of the page. Most unfortunately, an anvil fell on top of him, thus grounding him and causing him pain that caused him to cry for help.
»Help!! Help!!¡ he cried.
Just then, Bulma and ChiChi ripped through the pages, screaming bloody murder. They were soon followed by a white fluffy squirrel. »Goku!!!!¡ ChiChi yelled, before flingin herself into his arms. »Help us!! Itºs going to kill us!!¡ she continued, while Bulma pointed a shaky finger at the little squirrel, sitting peacefully at the entrance, its big blue eyes batting innocently.
»Yeesh, you Earth women. Are you so weak as you are afraid of something as small as that?¡ snorted Megatron, trying to ignore Starscream, who had stopped screaming and was now eeriely silent. »I couldnºt agree with you more,¡ said Vegeta, eyeing Bulma with disgust. The squirrel, meanwhile, had come up to him, chittering and extending a small paw in friendship. Bulma shrieked and jumped into Krillinºs arms. Vegeta kicked the squirrel away, sending white fur flying. »Humph. That was easy.¡
As he turned away, he felt something latch onto his neck, and he screamed as he was lifted up by a snarling, drooling, red-eyed and powerful three-headed white squirrel mutant!! Vegeta then started to cry like a girl. »Please, donºt eat me, nice squirrely!!!¡ he whimpered. Goku recovered out of his shock just long enough to drop his wife, and fly towards the monster to punch it. The squirrel dodged, and transformed back into his cute self, looking at Goku with large, tear-filled blue eyes.
»Awww, poor little thing. I didnºt mean to hurt you, you wittle sweety, you,¡ he said. »No, Kakorotto!!!¡ screeched Vegeta, still nursing his bruised neck and pride. »It will ensnare thee, and make thee a slave to do its bidding. Fall not for this trickery, for it shall surely be thy undoing!!!¡
»Poetic fellow,¡ muttered Kup. »Shakespeare, he ainºt,¡ agreed Optimus.
However, Vegetaºs words rung true, for Gokuºs eyes had suddenly become glazed over, and turned to big, puppy blue eyes. A goofy smile appeared on his face. Suddenly, he took off all his clothes, leaving him with nothing. The squirrel chittered with glee, and barked something to Goku in his native Saiyan language. Goku nodded, and barked like a dog in return. Then, he turned to Vegeta, who had paled. »No! Stay away from me, Kakarotto!!!¡
»Hug me!!!¡ squealed the hypnotised one, and started chasing Vegeta. After about ten minutes of running in one 360 degree circle, Goku caught him and gave him a bear hug. »Noooooo!!!!¡ wailed Vegeta, and paled again when about seven seven went off. Each person was holding one camera. »Iºm going to remember this day,¡ said Piccolo. »How Goku got hypnotised by a squirrel, and stripped butt naked and hugged Vegeta, thus insulting his manliness.¡
Megatronºs eyes were amused by this, then they glazed over, and became the same big blue of Gokuºs, who had put Vegeta down and was now sucking his thumb. Megatron suddenly tipped on his toes, and started doing the solo routine to Swan Lake. Then, both Bulma and ChiChi were hypnotised, and started doing something weird involving elephants, makeup and buttered toast. Then, Preceptor and Roddy and Starscream, who had miraculously escaped from the anvil, started doing the routine to »The Full Monty.¡
»Argh!!!!¡ shrieked Optimus. »Enough is enough!!!¡ And with a snarl, he lunged for the evil squirrel, but it suddenly vanished, and reappeared sitting on Kupºs head. »NOOOO!!!!¡ screamed the old one. »Prime, help!! Donºt let me get me!!....Iºm my own worst enemy....!!!¡ And so it was that Kup started singing the song by the famous pink-haired artist, in a voice that could have stunned a banshee from twenty miles.
The squirrel chittered and turned its eerie eyes to Piccolo and Krillin, trying to hide behind one of Bulmaºs pink elephants. But it was to no avail, as both of them sprouted red and yellow fur, complete with shaped antennas. They gained a lot of weight, and they felt as though large televisions had been forced into their systems. Soon, both the fighters once known as Piccolo and Krillin had been turned into.....Lala and Po from the Teletubbies!! But these werenºt the friendly, children brain eaters that the world has come to know and dread. Upon their transformation, both turned on each other and started biotchslapping each other, and began the biggest cat fight known to man.
And so Optimus was left. His optics went wide as he saw his fell comrades acting like complete loons: Preceptor and Starscream and Hot Rod, who were now doing the routine to »YMCA;¡ Kup now shrieking the tunes to »Hit Me Baby One More Time;¡ Megatron now doing the routine to The Nutcracker; Piccolo and Krillin black and blue and still clawing at each other; Bulma and ChiChi now spreading butter on top of the elephants, who looked as though they had visited the Revlon factory; and Goku, who was crying and peeing everywhere.
»No!! This must end!!!¡ he cried, and lunged for the squirrel again. This time, he grabbed it, and squished it into a bloody pulp. But none of the enchantments were lifted. »No!!! How can this be?¡ he cried. A majestic voice, rich and powerful and awesome, heard his cry and answered him.
»Simple, thee of little RAM,¡ it thundered. Optimus covered his audio receptors. »Could you tone it down a little?¡ »Sorry,¡ it replied, in a much more real voice. »The squirrel was a sick manifestation of my mind!!! Did you think that little thing was capable of such power?¡ At that point, angry chittering could be heard, then the fire of a laser blast mingled with shriller chittering, then nothing. »Sorry about that.¡
Optimus gasped. »So it is you....YOUºRE THE AUTHOR!!!!!¡
»Correct,¡ came a new voice. Optimus turned around, and saw a sight so spectacular it was truly spectacular. It was a young girl of caramel skin, dressed in a black DKNY top, DKNY jeans, and Timberland boots. On her head she wore the latest Burberry hat, and on her face, Chloe glasses and Maybelline makeup. Around her were angel wings, with little black stripes around the edges.
»Behold!!¡ she cried, her voice resounding with awesomeness. »I am the one they call Caramel, She of the Light Brown Skin, the Ultimate Fashion Icon, DKNY Diva, and Lady of New York!! But you can just call me harlem_angel.¡
»Uhhh...okay. Could you please turn my friends back?¡ he said. »No. Why should I? Itºs my fanfic, and itºs my world, so why should I do what you tell me to do? Why, I could turn you into a.........tutu-wearing brambleberry bush!!¡
»Argh!!!¡ yelled Optimus, for the thorns pierced his delicate fruit skin immensely. »Turn me back!! Turn me back!!!¡ »Okay. From brambleberry to......a Barbie doll!!!!¡ »Mph!!!!!¡ said Optimus, for his mouth had become glued into the forever white, forever cheesy grin of the voluptious, irritating, child-hypnotising doll. She wore her Barbie pink ballerina outfit, and her blonde hair was tied back, and adorned with a tiara.
The evil angel laughed. »Now, Megatron is looking lonely....¡ The Barbie gave a muffled shriek, as Megatron grabbed her and spun her around the room. After about an hour, Optimus returned, and he clipped Megatron on the forehead. »Enough!! Let us leave this place!!¡
»No!! Not unless I want you to!!¡ returned the angel. It was then that an idea struck the CPU of Optimus, and it collided into his mind with a thunk. »Ow, that hurt,¡ he thought. Inhaling some breath, first choking and hacking up some white fur, he started to sing this little song:
»This is the song that never ends/ It just goes on and on, my friend/Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was/And theyºll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends....¡
Harlem_angelºs eyes widened, and she screamed. »No!!! Do not utter that monstrosity here!!¡ she shrieked. »Minions, attack!!!¡ Suddenly, everyone under hypnosis stopped doing their nonsense, and lunged for Optimus, who was still singing, ignoring the rapid beating of his spark and the mercuric sweat clinging to his armour. As they were prepared to rush in for the kill, they blinked, did a backflip, sang the Canadian anthem, shook, rattled, did the Mambo, Mambo No. 5, and the sorry excuse of a remix that a certain animated British construction worker did, and all were back to their normal self.
»What the hell happened?¡ they chorused. »Not now, keep singing!!!¡ sang Optimus, and one by one they caught on, except Preceptor who got confused and did a little gig to the song that strangely looked like the routine to the Full Monty.
»NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........*inhale*...OOOOOOOOOO!!!&iex cl; shrieked the fell one, and split into two, revealing another version of her, except that all her accessories were pure white, except her shades, and her wings were wider and whiter. Everyone covered their eyes to stop from being permanently visually challenged.
»Wonder what detergent she uses,¡ said Bulma, trying to wonder what she was doing holding a Revlon makeupbag and about three dozen peanuts.
»I thank thee for freeing me from mine prison,¡ she said in a quiet voice. »I now grant thee leave to abjure this place and return to thine worlds.....and better make it quick, cos I have an appointment to have my wings trimmed and washed.¡
A portal appeared, leading to the outside world. Everyone rushed outside, and were once again suspended about five hundred thousand feet of empty air. Universally shrieking, they plummeted to the ground, turning into different flavourings of gingerbread men, the entire So Solid Crew gang, Ali G clones, musical notes, cherry pie, and a music box that featured very disturbing Jack-in-the-Boxes doing an Irish Riverdance on top of a pumpkin shaped like the average human vestigial bone.
Back in her realm, the angelºs wings grew black stripes, and she laughed to herself with glee.
THE END
This fanfic isnºt supposed to make any sense, so donºt try to analyze it. Maybe this will keep me occupied, while I try and fix my other story, which wonºt work on this doggone iMac. Enjoy!!!
*********************
Hot Rod woke up from his abrupt nap, and found himself staring at some spiky haired human, a noseless, bald little guy, and some green dude. He vaguely remembered driving around Cybertron, when all of a sudden the ground beneath him disappeared and gave way to empty air. Plummeting around five hundred thousand odd feet, he screamed for thirty seconds, inhaled and kept screaming. On the way down, he had been turned into a blue mammoth, a tiny baby eagle, a six-foot tall refrigerator, and an old pick-up truck, respectively.
Just as he had been about to cash in his microchips, he stopped about ten feet, turned into a miniscule frog, and crashlanded with a thud. It was only then that he had turned back into himself, with the exception of his left arm, which had inexplicably remained a carrot.
Deciding that maybe he had smoked too much of that Earth substance that shared a name with a popular cooking utensil, Roddy tried to transform, but his car form had turned into a pink beetle shaped like a grossly overfed golden retriever. It was then he heard a strange, low whistling sound and looked up just in time to see a bowling ball the size of Mt. Etna fall on his noggin.
There was something about the way the three beings looked at him that made him uncomfortable. They looked like malnourished lepers that had suddenly discovered an eternityºs supply of chocolate, hentai magazines, Nivea cream, pudding pie and boiled neck of hippopotamus. It was then he smelt his rear end merrily roasting on a pit and realized that he had become a turkey.
With a squawk, he bounded from the ground, and was relieved to be his huge self again, only to slip on something slippery and land facefirst in some brown stuff that smelled like limburger cheese well over twenty years expired. Puking out bolts, nuts and yahoos, he leapt up, and grabbed the shortest one of the humans.
»Where the hell am I? Why was I a turkey on the verge of homicide? And why did you try to eat me?¡ The squeaky-bald man only managed to gape and gulp and stutter like a lizard having an apoplexy attack. It was then that the spiky-haired dude miraculously flew to Hot Rodºs face, and launched some polka-dotted energy ball that exploded on contact and exuded dancing circus bugs. As Roddy screamed and batted the dancing insects with his pinky, the spiked one managed to catch the bald man before he could kick the bucket.
»Yeesh, you forgot how to fly, Krillin?¡ said he of the spiked hair. »No, Goku. Course I know how to fly!!! I donºt know what happened!!¡ By that time, Hot Rod had managed to get rid of the circus roaches. Growling, he launched himself and was prepared to flatten the three beings, when they all flew again, and he managed to flatten himself.
Groaning, he got up and was graciously bombarded by things known only as energy balls, because they were of spherical shape and because they hurt like hell when they made contact with his body. Screaming, or rather squawking in pain for he had become a turkey again, he ran and managed to fall into a hole some fifty feet deep that had suddenly appeared under his feet.
Goku, Krillin and Piccolo landed beside the hole. »You think that heºs gone?¡ »Only one way to make sure,¡ growled Piccolo, he of the green skin, and prepared to deliver one of his special death attacks, when suddenly a red glow surrounded the hole, and huge sparks of fire gushed forth and made the three warriors move, shake and do the Ginyu Force pose.
It was then that Hot Rod flew from the hole and hovered just before the three fighters. His expression was fierce and angry, then became confused as all of them started laughing at him. It was then, judging from the change in his appearance, that he realized that he had been turned into a fat bunny rabbit wearing a pink tutu and sporting the wings of a pixie. He screamed in shock and demanded to know what happened to him.
»ARRRGGGHHH!!!! What the HELL did you do to me?¡ he asked in his normal voice. Krillin, despite his excessive snickering, managed to get out an »I donºt know what the hell youºre talking about¡ before collapsing to the ground, hysterical. But he soon stopped laughing when he found that he had been turned into a blue monkey wearing red and white overalls and sporting a white beard. Soon it was his turn to be laughed at, but not for long as Goku was turned into a voluptuous weasel, and Piccolo became a fat cabbage.
»Argh!!! Whatºs going on here?!?!?!?!!¡ yelled Piccolo. Trying to walk on his stumpy legs, he tripped and fell on top of the weasel-Goku, nearly squishing him. As for Krillin, the beard had come off, and he had been changed from a blue monkey to a short and stout little teapot. »Guys, whatºs happening? Whyºs this happening to us?¡
At that moment, a low whistling sound could be heard, and Optimus, Preceptor, Kup, Megatron, Starscream and Vegeta all landed on top of everyone else. Before the first four could suffocate and be squashed to death simultaneously, the six of them were picked up and thrown into a nearby blueberry tree the size of several seqouias stacked on top of each other.
»Wha....where in the name of Primus.....Megatron!!!¡ gasped Optimus. Megatron only managed to duck out of the way of Optimusº laser gun. Taking out his weapon, he prepared to fire, when suddenly his laser gun changed into a baseball bat. Optimusº own gun had undergone an exact transformation. Suddenly, the both of them were picked up unceremoniously and left hanging in the empty air, much to the chagrin of both of them. Then, the baseball bats were also picked up, and, taking well aim, gave both of them a good spanking, to the amusement of Starscream and utter horror of Preceptor. While all this was going on, two gloves and two umbrellas had appeared. A glove was hitting each mech on the face, and one umbrella on the head. Thus, both mechs were given a major biotch slapping.
As for the rest of them watching below, they were suddenly turned into various shapes and made to do the entire routine to »Itºs Gonna Be Me,¡ »Iºm A Slave 4 U,¡ »Tragedy,¡ »Wannabee,¡ »Lady Marmalade,¡ »The Macarena,¡ and various eighties hits including »Right Stuff,¡ »Wake Me Up,¡ and »Walk Like An Egyptian.¡ Among the shapes they undertook included a polka-dotted dodo bird, a wooly gorilla, a hefelump, a woozel, three blind mice and a sabretoothed tiger made out of raspberry jelly.
Finally, Optimus and Megatron were left to fall, rubbing their afts in pain and still reeling from the biotch slapping. Everyone else was on the point of death from all those dance routines, and Piccolo was still coughing up gorilla fur. »What the hell happened just here?¡ said Vegeta. »I swear I will destroy whosoeverºs responsible for this bull that just happened!!¡ And just then, a soap bar was shoved into his mouth and his mouth was thoroughly washed for five minutes before his stomach fluids managed to emerge from his body.
»A-ha!!!¡ yelled Goku all of a sudden. »Judging from the analysis I have made of our surroundings, which still looks normal but for the fact that all the colours are mixed up; the way we were turned into random and nonsense animals, we seemed to have found some form of alternate dimension where our very lives are at the mercy of some fearful being. Known only as writius badforyourhealthum , or in normal language, an author.¡
By this time, everyoneºs eyes had glazed over, and Krillin was looking at him in the utmost disbelief. »Could you run that by me again, Goku?¡ »He said that we were in a fanfiction, you idiot!!!¡ yelled Starscream. »Well, I for one am not going to stick around while some bubbleheaded poor excuse of a writer toys with my very will!! Iºm leaving!!¡ And with that, he transformed and tried to fly out of the page. Most unfortunately, an anvil fell on top of him, thus grounding him and causing him pain that caused him to cry for help.
»Help!! Help!!¡ he cried.
Just then, Bulma and ChiChi ripped through the pages, screaming bloody murder. They were soon followed by a white fluffy squirrel. »Goku!!!!¡ ChiChi yelled, before flingin herself into his arms. »Help us!! Itºs going to kill us!!¡ she continued, while Bulma pointed a shaky finger at the little squirrel, sitting peacefully at the entrance, its big blue eyes batting innocently.
»Yeesh, you Earth women. Are you so weak as you are afraid of something as small as that?¡ snorted Megatron, trying to ignore Starscream, who had stopped screaming and was now eeriely silent. »I couldnºt agree with you more,¡ said Vegeta, eyeing Bulma with disgust. The squirrel, meanwhile, had come up to him, chittering and extending a small paw in friendship. Bulma shrieked and jumped into Krillinºs arms. Vegeta kicked the squirrel away, sending white fur flying. »Humph. That was easy.¡
As he turned away, he felt something latch onto his neck, and he screamed as he was lifted up by a snarling, drooling, red-eyed and powerful three-headed white squirrel mutant!! Vegeta then started to cry like a girl. »Please, donºt eat me, nice squirrely!!!¡ he whimpered. Goku recovered out of his shock just long enough to drop his wife, and fly towards the monster to punch it. The squirrel dodged, and transformed back into his cute self, looking at Goku with large, tear-filled blue eyes.
»Awww, poor little thing. I didnºt mean to hurt you, you wittle sweety, you,¡ he said. »No, Kakorotto!!!¡ screeched Vegeta, still nursing his bruised neck and pride. »It will ensnare thee, and make thee a slave to do its bidding. Fall not for this trickery, for it shall surely be thy undoing!!!¡
»Poetic fellow,¡ muttered Kup. »Shakespeare, he ainºt,¡ agreed Optimus.
However, Vegetaºs words rung true, for Gokuºs eyes had suddenly become glazed over, and turned to big, puppy blue eyes. A goofy smile appeared on his face. Suddenly, he took off all his clothes, leaving him with nothing. The squirrel chittered with glee, and barked something to Goku in his native Saiyan language. Goku nodded, and barked like a dog in return. Then, he turned to Vegeta, who had paled. »No! Stay away from me, Kakarotto!!!¡
»Hug me!!!¡ squealed the hypnotised one, and started chasing Vegeta. After about ten minutes of running in one 360 degree circle, Goku caught him and gave him a bear hug. »Noooooo!!!!¡ wailed Vegeta, and paled again when about seven seven went off. Each person was holding one camera. »Iºm going to remember this day,¡ said Piccolo. »How Goku got hypnotised by a squirrel, and stripped butt naked and hugged Vegeta, thus insulting his manliness.¡
Megatronºs eyes were amused by this, then they glazed over, and became the same big blue of Gokuºs, who had put Vegeta down and was now sucking his thumb. Megatron suddenly tipped on his toes, and started doing the solo routine to Swan Lake. Then, both Bulma and ChiChi were hypnotised, and started doing something weird involving elephants, makeup and buttered toast. Then, Preceptor and Roddy and Starscream, who had miraculously escaped from the anvil, started doing the routine to »The Full Monty.¡
»Argh!!!!¡ shrieked Optimus. »Enough is enough!!!¡ And with a snarl, he lunged for the evil squirrel, but it suddenly vanished, and reappeared sitting on Kupºs head. »NOOOO!!!!¡ screamed the old one. »Prime, help!! Donºt let me get me!!....Iºm my own worst enemy....!!!¡ And so it was that Kup started singing the song by the famous pink-haired artist, in a voice that could have stunned a banshee from twenty miles.
The squirrel chittered and turned its eerie eyes to Piccolo and Krillin, trying to hide behind one of Bulmaºs pink elephants. But it was to no avail, as both of them sprouted red and yellow fur, complete with shaped antennas. They gained a lot of weight, and they felt as though large televisions had been forced into their systems. Soon, both the fighters once known as Piccolo and Krillin had been turned into.....Lala and Po from the Teletubbies!! But these werenºt the friendly, children brain eaters that the world has come to know and dread. Upon their transformation, both turned on each other and started biotchslapping each other, and began the biggest cat fight known to man.
And so Optimus was left. His optics went wide as he saw his fell comrades acting like complete loons: Preceptor and Starscream and Hot Rod, who were now doing the routine to »YMCA;¡ Kup now shrieking the tunes to »Hit Me Baby One More Time;¡ Megatron now doing the routine to The Nutcracker; Piccolo and Krillin black and blue and still clawing at each other; Bulma and ChiChi now spreading butter on top of the elephants, who looked as though they had visited the Revlon factory; and Goku, who was crying and peeing everywhere.
»No!! This must end!!!¡ he cried, and lunged for the squirrel again. This time, he grabbed it, and squished it into a bloody pulp. But none of the enchantments were lifted. »No!!! How can this be?¡ he cried. A majestic voice, rich and powerful and awesome, heard his cry and answered him.
»Simple, thee of little RAM,¡ it thundered. Optimus covered his audio receptors. »Could you tone it down a little?¡ »Sorry,¡ it replied, in a much more real voice. »The squirrel was a sick manifestation of my mind!!! Did you think that little thing was capable of such power?¡ At that point, angry chittering could be heard, then the fire of a laser blast mingled with shriller chittering, then nothing. »Sorry about that.¡
Optimus gasped. »So it is you....YOUºRE THE AUTHOR!!!!!¡
»Correct,¡ came a new voice. Optimus turned around, and saw a sight so spectacular it was truly spectacular. It was a young girl of caramel skin, dressed in a black DKNY top, DKNY jeans, and Timberland boots. On her head she wore the latest Burberry hat, and on her face, Chloe glasses and Maybelline makeup. Around her were angel wings, with little black stripes around the edges.
»Behold!!¡ she cried, her voice resounding with awesomeness. »I am the one they call Caramel, She of the Light Brown Skin, the Ultimate Fashion Icon, DKNY Diva, and Lady of New York!! But you can just call me harlem_angel.¡
»Uhhh...okay. Could you please turn my friends back?¡ he said. »No. Why should I? Itºs my fanfic, and itºs my world, so why should I do what you tell me to do? Why, I could turn you into a.........tutu-wearing brambleberry bush!!¡
»Argh!!!¡ yelled Optimus, for the thorns pierced his delicate fruit skin immensely. »Turn me back!! Turn me back!!!¡ »Okay. From brambleberry to......a Barbie doll!!!!¡ »Mph!!!!!¡ said Optimus, for his mouth had become glued into the forever white, forever cheesy grin of the voluptious, irritating, child-hypnotising doll. She wore her Barbie pink ballerina outfit, and her blonde hair was tied back, and adorned with a tiara.
The evil angel laughed. »Now, Megatron is looking lonely....¡ The Barbie gave a muffled shriek, as Megatron grabbed her and spun her around the room. After about an hour, Optimus returned, and he clipped Megatron on the forehead. »Enough!! Let us leave this place!!¡
»No!! Not unless I want you to!!¡ returned the angel. It was then that an idea struck the CPU of Optimus, and it collided into his mind with a thunk. »Ow, that hurt,¡ he thought. Inhaling some breath, first choking and hacking up some white fur, he started to sing this little song:
»This is the song that never ends/ It just goes on and on, my friend/Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was/And theyºll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends....¡
Harlem_angelºs eyes widened, and she screamed. »No!!! Do not utter that monstrosity here!!¡ she shrieked. »Minions, attack!!!¡ Suddenly, everyone under hypnosis stopped doing their nonsense, and lunged for Optimus, who was still singing, ignoring the rapid beating of his spark and the mercuric sweat clinging to his armour. As they were prepared to rush in for the kill, they blinked, did a backflip, sang the Canadian anthem, shook, rattled, did the Mambo, Mambo No. 5, and the sorry excuse of a remix that a certain animated British construction worker did, and all were back to their normal self.
»What the hell happened?¡ they chorused. »Not now, keep singing!!!¡ sang Optimus, and one by one they caught on, except Preceptor who got confused and did a little gig to the song that strangely looked like the routine to the Full Monty.
»NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........*inhale*...OOOOOOOOOO!!!&iex cl; shrieked the fell one, and split into two, revealing another version of her, except that all her accessories were pure white, except her shades, and her wings were wider and whiter. Everyone covered their eyes to stop from being permanently visually challenged.
»Wonder what detergent she uses,¡ said Bulma, trying to wonder what she was doing holding a Revlon makeupbag and about three dozen peanuts.
»I thank thee for freeing me from mine prison,¡ she said in a quiet voice. »I now grant thee leave to abjure this place and return to thine worlds.....and better make it quick, cos I have an appointment to have my wings trimmed and washed.¡
A portal appeared, leading to the outside world. Everyone rushed outside, and were once again suspended about five hundred thousand feet of empty air. Universally shrieking, they plummeted to the ground, turning into different flavourings of gingerbread men, the entire So Solid Crew gang, Ali G clones, musical notes, cherry pie, and a music box that featured very disturbing Jack-in-the-Boxes doing an Irish Riverdance on top of a pumpkin shaped like the average human vestigial bone.
Back in her realm, the angelºs wings grew black stripes, and she laughed to herself with glee.
THE END