Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Clueless-DBZ style ❯ I don't know, like stuff... ( Chapter 3 )

Clueless, DBZ style
I do not own DBZ or the rights to the movie Clueless owned by paramount pictures.



*Over the last month, ChiChi and I took 18 under our wings, gave her a make over. She needed it badly. Had to teacher the fashion do's and don't. You know how hard that was? She's still kinda rough, but I think she'll be totally phat soon.*

"Squeeze it in."
"Bulma, I don't wanna do this any more. I'm already flat as a damn board. Why do I have to have buns of steel? I got plenty of that already in me." Bulma sighed and turned off the work out video they were training with.
"Ok, it will get easier I promise. Just as long as we do it every day. Not just sporadically.
"How do you know if we're doing it sporadically?"
"That's another thing 18, we've got to work on your annoying accent and vocabulary. See, sporadic means once in a while. Try using it in a sentence today. Makes you sound better and the boys love it when you use big words with them."
"Alright I'll try. But no promises. And I happen to like my accent." Bulma rolled her eyes.

*Yeah, if you like talking to a computer, I guess it's alright.*

"Ok, from now on 18, we're going to alternate Aerobicise video from Hercule and Buns of steel, and reading one non school book a week. My first book is "Fit or Fat".
"Mine is "Men are from Vegeta sei, and women are from Pluto".
"Good choice. Now that takes care of our minds and bodies, but we should do something good for mankind or the planet for a couple of hours. Like kill Vegeta, the world could do with out him." Bulma snickered as Vegeta walked into the living room and sank down on the couch.
"Hey blue haired brainiac."
"Uh, the dreaded saiyan. 18, this is Vegeta."
"Cool, another freak. Get out of my way."
"Hey! Vegeta, you know about this stuff. I want to do something good for humanity."
"How about sterilization? Paper bag over your head? Get lost at the Mall?" Vegeta rudely spat out at Bulma while 18 laughed. Bulma growled and headed for the kitchen with Vegeta following her.

"So what you think of 18?"
"I'm amazed." Bulma cocked her eyebrow to him.
"That I'm devoting myself so generously to someone else?"
"Shit no, that you've found someone ever more clueless then you are to bow down and worship you."
"Vegeta, that isn't funny. I'm rescuing her from teenage hell. Do you know the wounds from adolescence can take years to heal?"
"Yeah, and you've never had a mother so you're acting out on that poor woman as if she was your personal Barbie doll."
"Totally mean Vegeta, uncalled for. Freshman psych rears it's ugly head."
"Hey, I am not taking psych. Just a lot of martial arts so I can become a Super Saiyan."
"What ever Vegeta. I am going to take that lost soul in there and make her well dressed and popular. Her life will be better for everything I do for her. How many girls can say that about you? Oh yeah that's right. Haha stupid me. None." Bulma pulled her last verbal punch and came back into the living room finding 18 singing along to the commercial on T.V.

*Oh we are going to have to work on that. Don't need her singing the meow mix song at school.*

"I'm out of here. I got training to do. Be seein' ya." Vegeta made a quick exit out the back door.
"Yeah, I hope not sporadically." 18 said not taking her eyes off the T.V.


*Finally the big day to reveal 18's new look. It took me and ChiChi hours to find the right clothes for her to wear. But I think it looks totally sweet on her.*

"Oh my god. Do you see how boys are responding? Well, the Saiyans respond to anything that walks on two legs but that's beside the point. My heart is totally bursting here." Bulma exclaimed at she walked with 18 and ChiChi from the school parking lot to the courtyard of the school.
"I know I'm totally bugging here. We did a great job." ChiChi winked.
"Great, here comes Goten. Wonder what he wants." Bulma flipped her hair back behind her ear.
"Bulma, you have Frieza right?"
"Satan."
"Hey 18, did you get a flyer yet?" 18 looked at Goten and crinkled up her nose.
"Nope."
"Well here." Goten dug around in his backpack and ripped out a yellow sheet of paper.
"Thanks. Wow, a party girls!" Goten nodded and threw down his skateboard and busted ass away from them
"It's in the Valley. The cops usually break em' up in less than an hour, and it take that long to just get there. Well if you're driving."
"And besides, it's just local loadies. Who would want to be caught dead with them anyways?"
"Do you guys think Goten will be there?" 18 asked as she turned around to see where Goten was going.
"18! I thought we moved on from there?" ChiChi scolded her.
"Don't sell yourself short now. You've got something going for you that no one in this school has." Bulma smirked.
"Oh, I'm not a virgin anymore if that's what you're talking about."
"God 18, get your mind out of the gutter. I mean mystery. As far as everyone is concerned you were the most popular girl in your school, and the fact that you are hanging out with Chi and I, well..."
"Speaks very highly of you." ChiChi finished Bulma's sentence and laughed.
"If you strike while the iron is hot, you can have any guy that you want. Take Zarbon over there. I saw him checkin you out." Bulma giggled.
"Who else are we talking about?"
"Let's see. Who's available? There's Sharpener...I got it! Oh my god yes. Trunks! He just broke up with Marron." Bulma patted herself on the back as she searched the courtyard of possible male victims to hook up with 18.
"Oh yes! Bulma good call." ChiChi nodded her head with satisfaction.
"Who's Trunks?"
"Oh my god you don't know who he is yet? He's like the social director of the crew. He's so damn cute. If I didn't have Goku wrapped around my finger half the time I'd snag him."
"Yeah, and his Dad can get you about anything you want. He's the owner of Capsule Corp. And I just noticed him scoping you out." Bulma squealed.
"He was looking at me? No way."
"He said you gave him a bellyache."
"How'd I do that? I'm way over here and I've never met him before."
"Geeze hello? It's just an expression. It means he thought you were too sweet for him." Bulma slapped her hand to her forehead as she watch 18 walk away.
"Wow, is that true Bulma? Did Trunks really say that?"
"No."
"Oh you are so bad. What is going to happen if Trunks don't like her?"
"Guess we'll find out won't we. I have an idea though. Time to play glamour shots."

*I had to find a way to get 18 and Trunks together. I figured why not take some pictures with my new expensive camera Daddy got me. Well all right, maybe Daddy didn't get it for me, but his credit card did. I planned on using this camera to get some blackmail pictures of Vegeta. But we always end up fighting cause he knows when I'm trying to snick around. Go figure.*

"Wow, guys this fountain will be great for this picture. Ok you guys all get together. ChiChi don't hit Goku. Oh that's great. 18! Hey 18, get a little closer. Closer 18. There ya go. Hey Trunks, uh why don't you put your arm around 18?" Trunks sighed but did it anyways.
"That's beautiful, now give me a minute." Bulma stumbled with the lens cap and focused her camera smiling like a kid in a candy store.
"Yajirobe? Get your fat ass out of the picture. What are you trying to do break my camera?"
"Shit, you'd break the camera before I did." Yajirobe spat as he marched away.
"Oolong! Will you stop trying to look down Bra's shirt. Damn Hetai!" Bra turned around and slugged Oolong with her purse causing him to fall backwards into the fountain.
"Teached him didn't I?"
"Bulma please hurry. I'm hungry dang it."
"Shit, chill out Goku. Give me just a second. There, I'm ready." Bulma clicked off five or six pictures of the group.
"Done, you all happy?" Everyone cheered thanking Kami that Bulma was done making their life hell for a stupid picture.

"Ok, 18, c'mere. I want to take a few pictures of you over here." 18 Rolled her eyes and walked over and stood by the bushes.
"Here hold this." Bulma gave her a flower, and 18 frowned and looked at the poor thing.
"Hurry up Bulma."
"Ok, I'm hurrying."
"Cool picture." Trunks said walking up to Bulma as she snapped a few pictures of 18 and the wilty flower.
"Doesn't she look classic? Like an angel or something like that."
"Yeah, beautiful." Trunks looked up and then back to Bulma.
"She looks like one of those old artist chicks doesn't she?"
"Hey why don't you make me a copy of this ok?" Bulma raised an eyebrow to his request.
"Sure, I can do that for you." She watched Trunks walk away as she squealed with delight.

*I am the master! I can't believe it was that easy. Trunks and 18 would be so perfect together. I am totally speechless. Vegeta would find this a sight to behold. Lousy bastard. Well I invited 18 over for dinner tonight. This should be interesting.*

"Hi Daddy, this is my friend 18" Bulma smiled watching her dad huff his way into the dinning room.
"Get out of my chair." 18 flinched and got out of the way fast moving across from Bulma. Piccolo finally decides it's time to bring the meal out that he's been preparing all day. He was muttering under his breath as he slammed down the plates in front of them all. Bulma gave him a confusing look.
"Umm, thanks Piccolo, it looks great." Bulma tried to hide her fake enthusiasm over his meal he made.
Piccolo just glared at them and started to mutter under his breath again and headed back towards the kitchen.
"What the hell is this crap?" Dr. Briefs asked poking his food with a fork.
"Daddy! It's from the "Cut your cholesterol the Namek way" Cookbook. Doctor Dende says you're got to get down to two hundred." Bulma grinned before he pager started going off.
"No calls tonight."
"Daddy! It's ChiChi, it might.."
"Sorry!"
"It might be important." Bulma whined.
"We're going to stop this and have a nice family dinner. So, what'd you do at school today Bulma?"
"Well let's see? Hrmm oh yea I broke in my new clogs I bought last week, and I took Chi and.." Bulma was about to continue her itinerary of her day events when her Daddy's cell phone rang. She smiled knowing it was the perfect opportunity to call ChiChi back with out her Dad having a litter of kittens.
"Yeah, hello? All right, Korin. Yeah, no. What? Say that again."
"Chi? What's up?" Bulma asked in a hush voice.
"So, check this out. Goku's basic math class is right by Trunks' locker, and taped up inside was the picture you took of 18." ChiChi exclaimed.
"Oh my god! No way?"
"What?" 18 looked over to Bulma as she danced in her chair.
"Trunks got a picture of you hanging up in his locker." Bulma squealed.
"Oh, no shit? Get out of here."
"Hello? Bulma listen to me damn it. So, anyways the whole crew is going to this party in the Valley. I think you know where."
"On it. I got to go before Daddy blows his stack."
"Laters."
"Bye." Bulma folded up her cell phone and smiled before she turned back to 18 to tell her what was up.
"Looks like we're going to have to make a cameo at the Val party tonight." Bulma jumped up and ran up the stairs with 18 not far behind.

*Ok, so we weren't going to go to this loadies party, but Trunks is going to be there and well we have to get 18 and him together. This is perfect. Party while doing something good.*

"Goku! Damn it where are we?"
"Just look at the top of the map Chi. Sun Valley is north."
"Ok, no. No all I see is Ginger Town."
"Then you're on the wrong map."
"I am not on the wrong map monkey brain. I got the right one here."
"Look at the number at the top. What is the number say?"
"There are no numbers at the top dip shit. Just letters." ChiChi screamed. Goku growled in frustration before ChiChi clubbed him in the head with her frying pan.
"Goku, shut up."
"Guys? Can we just get there in one piece?" Bulma asked from the back seat only to be greeted with Goku and ChiChi's angry faces.

*Finally, after getting lost seven times cause Goku is a complete idiot when it comes to directions we make it to the party. God I hope the rest of the night goes better then that car ride did. I'm like totally surprised that those two haven't killed each other yet.*

"Ok, listen 18 when we get there make sure Trunks sees you. But don't say hi first. Look like you're having a blast and you're really really popular. Talk to someone in his eye line, preferably a guy. You know guys hate it when a chick they like talk to other guys, especially Saiyans. Make him come to you, and find an excuse to leave while he's still into the conversation. The key is, always have him wanting more. You got it?" Bulma finally ended her lecture to 18 who simply nodded the whole time.

"Heads up!" Goten yelled as he slide himself down the stair rail on his skateboard perfectly.
"Oh, did you just see that?" 18 watched in amusement.
"Oh god skateboards, that's like so five years ago." Bulma scoffed.
"Wow great you guys came. You want a beer or something? I'll get you one." Goten asked before he took a long drink from his cup.
"No, don't even think about it 18. We are here on a mission. And that's not the mission." Bulma pulled 18 up the stairs and into the house where the music was blaring and people were dancing and drinking.

"Whoa, I'm over joyed."
"Lets do a lap before we commit to a location." Bulma pulled 18 with her. ChiChi was having problems of her own when she found some hoochie momma dancing with her Goku. She took out her secret weapon and rapped the girl in the head and drug her off.
"Who the hell was that?!?!?" Goku backed away fast with ChiChi right after him.
"Hey Bulma? Ain't that the same dress that you were wearin' yesterday?" Bulma looked up with disgust to see Bra wearing the exact same outfit she had worn to school the day before.
"Say Bra strap?"
"Oh, hi." Bra looked up from her beer and smirked at Bulma.
"Was that you going through my laundry? I seem to remember this outfit quite well."
"As if. Like I would really wear something from Wal-Mart."
"Do you prefer fashion victim or ensembly challenged on your headstone?"
"Uh! Real funny Bulma." Bra stuck up her nose and walked away.
"God what a clone. She is so last week."
"Bulma, you looked much better in that dress then she did."
"Thanks 18. Hey ass munch." Bulma yelled as Goten busted through the doors spilling beer on her shoes.
"Damn, ruin my satin shoes why don't you!"
"Oh man I'm sorry." Goten tried to apologize, but 18 and Bulma walked away so he followed them into the kitchen.

"Excuse me! Ugh my shoes. This is so not fixable." Bulma tried to get the stain out of her favorite shoes for the day.
"It's a small price to pay to the mighty party gods. Look, I'll make mends here. How about some chronic?"
"Well it's the least you could do." Bulma threw her shoe back on the floor and pushed her foot back in.
"Dude spark it." 18 smiled as Goten passed her the doobie.
"Hey lookie! There's Trunks over there. Act like Goten is saying something funny or something." Bulma whispered. 18 handed Bulma the doobie and blew some smoke in her face and grinned.
"Sorry." 18 said before she started cracking up laughing like she was insane.
"What's so funny?" Goten asked looking at 18 weird.
"Oh, nothing I guess." 18 smiled as she saw Trunks' muscular body heading in their direction. Trunks reached around Bulma and grabbed the doobie. Bulma scrunched up her nose and looked at him for a second before passing over to him. Bulma heard chiChi screaming from down the hall, and thought she should check up on her.

"It's Chi open this damn door now!" ChiChi was now pounding on the door of the bathroom trying to find out what Goku and the rest of the "Saiyan mafia" was doing in there.
"Oh my god, what have you done?!? Why did you do that too your hair?"
"Because I'm keeping it real. It's my heritage. " Goku walks out and his hair is sticking up all over.

*This is not going to be good. ChiChi loves Goku's hair all brushed out and down. Makes him look handsome over the rest of the Saiyans around that let their hair just stick up all over the place. Can you say major bed head? That's one thing I hate about Vegeta. He always has his damn hair sticking up. He must create a hole in the ozone twenty feet wide everyday with as much hairspray and gel he puts in it. As if, he's a walking fire hazard alone.*

"What! Goku why the hell?"
"I just told you why."
"Bulma, look. Look what he's done to his hair! Can you believe this?" ChiChi screams almost hyperventilating.
"Look at Raditz hair. At least I didn't do what Krillin and Tien did." Goku pointed to them, both clean-shaven and shiny. Krillin smiled goofy and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Bro this is the only way to be. Chicks dig being bald. Goku I think you should shave your head too."
"Man this rules." Raditz looked up and grinned.
"What'd you care what they think Goku? I'm the one that has to look at you. That was a big mistake. What am I going to do with you now? And right before the yearbook pictures? What am I going to tell my grandchildren?"
"Damn girl. Alright." Goku cringed as ChiChi gave him a verbal flogging.
"You know that's it!"
"That's it!" Goku mimicked ChiChi's words in a high-pitched voice.
"You want to play games?" ChiChi yelled getting angrier. Goku kept repeating every word she said like a mina bird.
"You want to play games?"
"Ohh that's it. I'm calling your mother!"
"I'm…I'm ca..Oh damn! Wait! Oh no no no no no Wait! Don't call my Ma" Goku cried out as ChiChi grabbed her cell phone and ran down the hallway out of sight.
"Yo Goku, chill, Chill ok?" Raditz said to try and calm the upset Saiyan.
"Chill? Oh no. My Mom is going to kill me." Bulma rolled her eyes at him and grabbed 18 and left the men to their 'hair' ritual.

"Same thing happened at the spring dance last year. ChiChi spent the entire after party locked up in the bathroom." Bulma sighed.
"See, that almost destroyed my buzz. I was actually starting to like this party"
"Well 18, I'm still baked."
"Yeah." They made their way towards the party again. Trying to make it a better night then what it has turned out to be so far.
"What do ya say we go bump into some people?"
"Yeah, I'm ok with that." They made their way around dancing people, Bulma smiling as she squeezes by.

"Hey! 18! Wait up. Whoa!" Goten yells and jumps into the crowd in front of him. Everyone dancing moved away letting him hit the floor like a rock.
"Oh, damn that's got to hurt. You ok?" 18 asked as she pulled Goten off the floor.
"Damn people! Where's your sense of pit hospitality at? Yeah I'm all right. I'm a Saiyan. Nothing can hurt me." Goten smiled.
"That was so cool. The way you did that. I wish I could do it. But not fall on my face."
"Oh no way!"
"Why not Goten?"
"Well, 'cause if girls did it, what would us guys do to impress them?" 18 looked at him funny.
"I don't know, like stuff."
"What kind of stuff."
"Oh, like blow up stuff with a ki blast is always cool, or go sparring off in the Mountians. If you know what I mean." 18 smirked. Goten thought for a minute before it hit him bringing the silly smile back to his face.
"Oh yeah I know what you mean."