Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ V18 ❯ Chapter 1

V18

By: Bulmafox

On one warm and beautiful Saturday morning, Bulma, Vegeta, Krillin, and Android Eighteen all went shopping at Satan City mall, the largest mall in the world. After a few hours of shopping, Bulma and Krillin decided to take a rest in the food court. They arranged their seating so Vegeta and Eighteen sat next to each other. A few minutes later, Vegeta heard a metallic snap. He dismissed it as someone setting their tray down too hard and went right back to sulking. Almost as soon as the sound vanished, Krillin and Bulma got up and told their spouses they'd be back in a few hours.

"What?!" Vegeta yelled, "You can't leave me with her! Come back here!" He tried to run after Bulma and Krillin, but was violently yanked back to the bench. "Hey rustbucket!" Vegeta yelled, "Let go of me right now!"

"Who, me?" Eighteen asked innocently, "I'm not holding on to you." She held up her wrist and revealed the cause of Vegeta's captivity; a pair of big, shiny handcuffs had been placed on Vegeta and Eighteen's wrists.

Vegeta slit his eyes at Eighteen. "You did this, didn't you?" He then stuck his nose in the air. "I know; I'm irresistible. Well you can't have me. It's so hard being the prince of all Saiyans."

"Who said I wanted a midget like you? One is enough for me, thank you very much."

Vegeta rushed up to Eighteen. "Come here and say that to my face! Or are you chicken!?"

"Me, afraid of such a tiny man? Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots. Sorry I can't stay and play, but I have better things to do." Eighteen snapped the handcuffs like they were nothing and flew off…only to come crashing back down. "What the-" she yelled. She looked down at her wrist and saw the handcuff was still intact. "What happened? I broke it! I swear I did."

Vegeta laughed his villian's laugh and said, "That's what you get for being hasty."

"Oh shut up. You think you can get us out? Be my guest."

"Gladly." Vegeta led Eighteen one of the tables and they stood on either side of it, with the chain stretching across the surface like a cat. "Marvel at my ridiculous power and weep, tin can."

Eighteen rolled her eyes. "Gag me with a spoon already. Just hurry up so I can leave."

Vegeta channeled all his ki into his free arm and struck the chain with all his might. He destroyed the table and made a crater in the floor…but the dreaded chain remained intact.

****************************************************************

Krillin flew top speed as he headed for Capsule Corporation. "Hurry up, Krillin," Bulma ordered after calling Chi Chi to tell her to keep Trunks for the rest of the day, "I don't wanna miss a second of it."

"I'm going, I'm going, Bulma! Geez, you'd think you were missing your soaps."

"Are you kidding?! This is a soap! A real life soap!" As soon and Krillin landed at Bulma's house, Bulma mad a beeline for the TV and a microphone she had set up. "Yamcha? Yamcha, are you there?" she asked into the microphone after she turned the TV on. "Come in, Yamcha."

"Yeah, Bulma, I'm here with the Secret Yamchacam!" Yamcha boasted out loud.

"'Secret Yamchacam?'" Krillin asked Yamcha as he sat down next to Bulma, "Isn't that a little…lame? Why not say something cool, like 'hidden camera'?"

"Aww but dude, the Secret Yamchacam rocks the house! Don'tcha think, Bulma?"

"No, it's lame. And don't talk so loudly. Vegeta and Eighteen are not supposed to know you're there."

"OH, sorry," Yamcha whispered. "So if Vegeta fails, can I have you?"

"Of course not. I told you that four years ago; I'm not going back to you."

"Aww, but Bulma…if Vegeta fails he'll be a cheating jerk."

"Yeah, same as you."

Yamcha whimpered on the TV.

"Hey Bulma," Krillin asked, "Do you really think this'll work?"

"Of course it will," Bulma gloated, "Android Eighteen is the one female Vegeta is closest to, besides me of course, so she's the perfect subject to test his fidelity. And if you're worried about them breaking free, don't be. The handcuffs are Goku-proof; I tested them myself."

"Good." Krillin leaned back into the couch. "Now where's the popcorn?"

"I'll get it." Bulma pushed a button on one of her remotes and a servbot came out and served the two fresh-popped popcorn. Bulma and Krillin each took a bowl and watched their real-life soap opera.

****************************************************************

"Hahaha," Eighteen laughed, "Good job, Vegeta. Not only did you fail to break the handcuffs, but now you look like your IQ."

Vegeta was taken aback for a second before he responded. "Did you just make a blond joke at me? Did you just make a blond joke at me? Ha, you're one to talk. If you were any blonder you'd be albino. And you know what they say about the blonder they are…"

"Whatever. I don't have to put up with this." Eighteen concentrated her ki into an ever-growing ball aimed straight at the handcuffs and Vegeta. However, before Eighteen could launch it, Vegeta punched her straight in the stomach, dissipating the energy and drawing quite a crowd.

A concerned father covered his young daughter's eyes. "Now sweetie, that is exactly the kind of scum I don't want you marrying," he told his daughter, "They'll bring you nothing but heartache."

"You shouldn't have done that," Eighteen growled in a low voice, "Now everyone thinks you're a wife beater."

"First of all, I don't give a care what those morons think. Second of all, we're not married. Third of all, who are you calling a wife beater? As I recall you toyed with me quite a bit before breaking my arm and using my son as a weapon against me. Now who's the abuser?" Vegeta smiled at the public humiliation he had just caused Eighteen.

"Why you---if I didn't have such good credit at this mall, I'd beat you to a pulp right now."

"O-of course, women can be abusive, too, you know," the concerned father squeaked out to his daughter.

"Get outta here!" Eighteen yelled to the crowd, "There's nothing to see here!"

The crowd just stood still.

"Now!!" she shouted again. The crowd scattered to the four winds and Vegeta and Eighteen sat on a nearby bench and sulked.

****************************************************************

"No!" Krillin shouted, "We want action! We want life! Yamcha, are you sure they're just sitting on a bench?"

"Yes!" Yamcha whispered harshly, "It's not like I can edit the camera when it's sitting right on top of my head!"

"Come on, Vegeta, Eighteen, do something. Buy each other flowers, go to the movies, have a romantic candlelight dinner, for crying out loud!"

"Gee, you really want Vegeta to cheat on you, don't you?" Krillin asked.

"No, I want him to get off his throne and do something. I think I'm about to fall asleep here."

Krillin pointed at the screen in amazement. "Look Bulma, Eighteen's yawning!"

Bulma let out a yawn of her own. "It's pathetic when the most exciting thing going on is a yawn."

****************************************************************

After Eighteen got tired of sulking, she yawned and said, "I'm bored. Let's go shopping." She got up and yanked Vegeta toward the most overpriced clothes store she knew of.

Vegeta dug his heels in the floor. "Now wait just a minute. I never agreed to go shopping with you."

"Well you're agreeing now." Eighteen gave the handcuffs another good tug, nearly cutting Vegeta's circulation off in the process.

"Oww!" Vegeta yelled, "That didn't tickle, you know!" Vegeta gave the cuffs a good yank of his own to show Eighteen, then he stomped off to the exit.

"And where do you think you're going, mister? If I have to suffer this miserable day with you as my partner, then you will too, now come on!" Eighteen whipped around and kicked Vegeta right in his tailspot, earning a slight whimper and a crumple to the ground from Vegeta. "Oh don't look so surprised, Vegeta. I know a thing or two about Saiyans. You don't program an android to destroy something and not tell her its weaknesses." She dragged Vegeta across the floor to her overpriced fashion store.

Vegeta allowed himself to be dragged around by Eighteen as she sampled various dresses and accessories, for lack of anything better to do. After Eighteen picked out fifteen of the most revealing dresses in the twenty most basic colors, she dragged Vegeta over to the tuxedo section to buy some clothes for him.

"No, I refuse to be dressed up and down like a model! Haven't you got better people to buy stuffy attire for?"

"There's not a children's section here."

****************************************************************

Krillin almost choked on his coffee when he heard Eighteen's remark about the children's section. "W-what?! Did she just make a crack at me? Tell me Bulma, did she just make a crack at me?"

Bulma chuckled. "Looks like it. Aw, don't look so sad, Krillin. At least you're taller than a five-year-old."

Krillin plopped back on the couch and sulked. "Oh thank you very much, Bulma. May I remind you you're not much taller than Gohan?"

"So what? I'm a woman; I'm supposed to be short. Men are supposed to be big and tall and giant."

Krillin grinned an evil grin. "Oh, like Vegeta?"

"Oh hush." Bulma tuned Krillin out and continued watching her real-life soap.

****************************************************************

"Oh come on," Eighteen scolded Vegeta as she held up a lavender tuxedo, "You're being a big baby. Just try it on."

Vegeta crossed his arms and said childishly, "No."

"You are going to try it on whether you like it or not."

"Oh yeah? Make me."

"Fine, have it your way." Eighteen tackled Vegeta and tried to rip his clothes off. However, between the fact that Eighteen had recently trimmed her nails and Vegeta's spandex was skintight, and Vegeta curling up into a ball, she didn't get very far. After a while Eighteen told Vegeta, "Fine, have it your way, sourpuss," and kicked him while he was still down.

Vegeta swiped at Eighteen and knocked her down before he stood up. "Never do that to me again," he warned, "or you won't be so lucky next time."

Eighteen stood back up and dusted herself off, ignoring the gaping salespeople. "My my, someone hasn't had her saucer of milk today. Ree-ow." She made cat claws with her hands and hissed.

Vegeta realized which pronoun Eighteen used and shouted, "Are you questioning my masculinity?!"

"Yep, sure am, little man. And I do mean little."

"What did you say?! It is not tiny! It's gargantuan! In fact Bulma says it's as big as Godzilla!"

****************************************************************

"What??" Bulma shrieked, "That liar! I never said that!"

Krillin laughed his pants off at a beet-red faced Bulma ranting at the television.

Bulma glared angrily at Krillin and asked, "Mind telling me what's so funny?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just I've never seen you so red in my entire life." Krillin burst out in laughter again.

"Oh let me guess. You're Mr. Manly himself?"

Krillin sat back and twiddled his thumbs. "Um…well…uh…"

Bulma crossed her arms and sat back. "Uh huh, that's what I thought. You're a midget in every possible way."

Krillin let out a small whimper. "That really hurts, Bulma."

****************************************************************

"Ha ha, very funny. You're tiny and you know it. In fact, as they say 'small hands, small feet, small-'"

Vegeta clocked Eighteen straight in the face before she could say another word.

"Oh that's it," Eighteen fumed, "I've had it with your insolent self. Look, I tried being civil to you, I tried acting like a normal human for once and this is how you repay me?!"

"Oh don't give me that. You were totally ruthless and you know it. Now are you gonna fight or are you gonna run home screaming to your little doctor?" Vegeta mocked.

"Never mention Doctor Gero's name again! Bring it on little man!" Eighteen threw the first punch and before they knew it, she and Vegeta broke through the roof and were beating the living bejeesus out of each other.

****************************************************************

"Su-weet!" Krillin cheered, "Suc-cess! Yamcha, you getting' all that?"

"Uh…kinda. It's kinda hard to fly around without anyone noticing you, but it looks like Eighteen and Vegeta are really smackin' each other around." Yamcha sounded a little sad at the prospect of Vegeta passing the test. Then he asked, "Uh, don'tcha think we're jumping the gun a little? I mean that is exactly how Bulma and Vegeta got together."

Bulma threw some more popcorn in her mouth. "Only difference is, Vegeta and I never smacked each other around. Give it up, Yamcha. Vegeta and Eighteen hate each other, end of story. I win, fair and square."

****************************************************************

"Stop!" Vegeta yelled just before Eighteen's fist connected with Vegeta's face. "I'm hungry. We're eating."

"Oh I get it. You're too chicken to fight me head on, so you'll get out of it any way you can. Well I'm not buying it."

"Look you flaming heap of scrap metal, I don't care what you say. I'm hungry and I'm going to eat and that's final." Vegeta descended to the ground.

Eighteen pulled him back up. "Oh no you're not. I don't care if you're withering into a skeleton, you're going to fight me and that's the end of it."

Vegeta pulled out an old trick Cell used on him two and a half years ago. "Eighteen, I won't be at my best if I fight you on an empty stomach. I'm sure you want a challenge, don't you?"

"Oh, it's the old 'lure the Super Saiyan by offering a greater challenge' trick. Sorry pal, you'll have to do better than that……on second thought, it is getting boring sparring with just Krillin. I think I'll bite. Just know I may throw the first punch at any time."

"Right. And I'll remember to keep one eye on you, and one eye on my meal."

"Good. Now hurry up before I change my mind."

Vegeta led the way as he searched for a suitable restaurant to eat at. He saw a familiar restaurant called La Roma Italia. Eighteen's eyes widened as Vegeta marched right past it.

"Hey, what do you think you're trying to pull?" Eighteen asked sharply. "That was a perfectly good restaurant you passed right there….or are you stalling for time?"

"I'm not eating there. And I'm not stalling for time either." Vegeta continued searching for his suitable restaurant.

****************************************************************

"Huh?" a befuddled Krillin asked Bulma, "What's going on? I thought he wanted to eat. Is the food there terrible or something?"

Bulma blushed like a schoolgirl as she told Krillin, "Well…it's not that…it's just…that's where Vegeta and I ate just before…before we first made love." She giggled like a schoolgirl just thinking about it.

"Oh, I get it. Vegeta doesn't want to taint your and his special place with Eighteen's presence." He noticed Bulma still giggling and blushing. "Geez, Bulma," he scolded, "You'd think you were still sixteen or something." Krillin suddenly changed the subject. "Look, look! He found a restaurant."

Bulma stopped giggling and resumed her soap watching.

****************************************************************

Vegeta and Eighteen stopped at a fancy seafood restaurant. An overly stuffy waiter came up to them as soon as they sat down. "May I be of service to the young mister and missus?"

Vegeta thought for a minute before he said, "Um yes, bring me five of your biggest seafood platter, and bring the lady here some transmission fluid with a side of bolts."

Eighteen glared ice at Vegeta.

"What? You're a growing robot. You need your nutrition."

The waiter looked at them weirdly before he left.

"Thank you very much for dehumanizing me in front of the maitre d'."

Vegeta smirked his evil little smirk and leaned back. "Anytime."

"That was sarcasm, you oaf!"

"I know."

"You're walking on thin ice, Vegeta. Just remember that while you're gorging yourself."

About thirty minutes later, the suffy waiter came back with five Seafood 'N' All platters for Vegeta, and a bottle of transmission fliud and a bowl of bolts for Eighteen. Vegeta resisted the urge to laugh out loud lest Eighteen really carry through on her threat to attack Vegeta and interrupt his precious mealtime.

**************************************************************** ******

"Hey Bulma," Yamcha whispered, "Check those two out. Vegeta just might fail after all." He sounded hopeful once again.

"I doubt it."

"B-but look at Vegeta. He's staring at Eighteen like she's the hottest thing on Earth!"

"Can you zoom in a little bit?"

"Um...sure. Just a minute." After Yamcha zoomed in on Vegeta and Eighteen he boasted, "See? See? He thinks she's hot."

"Um, hate to burst your bubble Yamcha, but that is not an 'I think you're hot' stare. It's his 'I trust you as far as Bulma can throw you' stare."

"What?! How can you tell?"

"Because that is not the kind of stare Vegeta kept giving me before we hooked up. It's the one he gives everyone else, especially potential backstabbers. This proves he really does not like her. Like I said before, I win."

"You mean there's really no chance for them?" Yamcha asked sadly.

"Nope. I'll tell you once again, I...win."

Yamcha made a what sounded like a whimpering sound from within the bushes in the restaurant. His breath got shorter and shorter before Bulma realized what Yamcha was doing.

"No Yamcha, don't!" Bulma yelled into the microphone.

It was too late. Yamcha had sneezed.

Krillin jumped as Eighteen looked Yamcha's way. "N-no, she's gonna find him," Krillin whispered. "Move, Yamcha!"

"I would, but I'm backed up against a brick wall!"

Eighteen nodded her head, indicating she had seen Yamcha.

"Oh no, she definitely saw him!" Krillin whimpered, "What now?"

**************************************************************** ******

"What's got your bolts in a bunch?" Vegeta asked, looking at the bushes across from their table. "Don't say the man of the household is scared of a little mouse?"

"That wasn't a mouse," Eighteen said, before thinking it wasn't such a good idea to tell Vegeta about that camera in the bushes. "Say Veggie, after dinner, what's say we have a little rest?"

"What are you up to?"

Eighteen rubbed Vegeta's leg under the table. "Nothing you're not, big guy."

**************************************************************** ******

Krillin could not believe his eyes. "Is Eighteen actually coming on to Vegeta?"

Bulma said, "Well, she did see the camera. Maybe she's trying to trip

him up. This oughta be fun."

"Go Eighteen!" Bulma heard Yamcha cheer.

**************************************************************** ******

Vegeta looked at Eighteen as if she had just ingested rat poison. "What did you do just now?"

"What did it feel like I did?" Eighteen put on her most seductive stare for Vegeta. "C'mon bad boy," she said she got up and paid for the bill, "I know this nice little retreat..."

Vegeta continued to stare as if Eighteen had ingested her rat poison. What the--what is she trying to pull? "Fine, where is this fabled mosquito hut of yours?"

"Why, I thought you'd never ask. This way, fine thing." Eighteen used her platinum card and paid for the dinner, then she led Vegeta down the street to a shady side of town. Vegeta obediently followed her, ready to attack at a moment's notice lest she lead him to a trap.

Eighteen picked the lock on an abandoned room of a cheap run-down motel and walked in. Vegeta looked at her strangely, as if asking her what she hoped to do in there. Eighteen plopped down on the bed, face up, and said in the sultriest voice she could muster, "C'mon, ravish me, ya big strapping hunk of meat."

Vegeta laughed loud and long in Eighteen's face and said, "Not if you were the last battery in the universe."

Eighteen's face dropped comically and she said, "Wha--but---but it's not supposed to happen this way!"

Vegeta got serious again and asked, "What's not supposed to happen what way?"

Eighteen thought for a moment before she clung to Vegeta and faux-wept, "Oh Vegeta, you don't know how long I've wanted you, and you just---just---" she shed more crocodile tears and buried her face in his chest for good measure.

Vegeta stood up and unceremoniously let Eighteen drop. "Stop with the oilworks. You don't really want me; you're up to something. Now what is it?"

"But--but I really do want you. I want you so much, but our society won't allow it. We both have our duties to fulfill; that's why I couldn't tell you."

"So you mean to tell me you hate me so much because you love me? Even Bulma's GH can do better. Now fess up. What are you really trying to accomplish?"

Eighteen put on her best shocked face. "Why I never! Don't say you don't believe me? How could you ever doubt--"

Vegeta picked Eighteen up by her neck. "If you don't tell me what the blazes is going on, so help me I will chop your mechanical body up and sell it to the junk yard!" He tighened his grip on Eighteen's neck to emphasize his point.

Eighteen gasped out, "Fine fine, I'll tell you everything!" As soon as Vegeta let her go, she said, "Killjoy" and whispered something in his ear.

**************************************************************** ******

"Uh, is Eighteen telling Vegeta what I think she's telling him?" Krillin asked nervously.

"I think so," Bulma told Krillin as she watched Vegeta's face change with comprehension, "And I don't like it one bit." She stood up on the couch, ready to leap over it and run to the nearest guest bedroom if neccessary as she saw Vegeta fly off. "Yamcha, where's he going?"

Yamcha zoomed the camera as far as it could go and Bulma could see her compound in the far-off distance. "Oh Dende! Krillin, run!" she shouted as she dashed for the bedroom nearest the lab. Krillin yanked out Bulma's equipment and carried it with him as he trailed behind Bulma.

Soon after Bulma and Krillin hid, Vegeta burst through the door, with Eighteen dragging along, and headed for Bulma's lab. Bulma heard him rummaging through her drawers and unlocking the handcuffs before he said to Eighteen, "Now leave before I really hurt you." Immediately afterwards, she heard the breaking of expensive electronics outside--apparently Yamcha had been foolish enough to follow Eighteen and Vegeta--followed by a slamming door. Bulma and Krillin remained hidden until Krillin whispered that he couldn't sense Vegeta in the house. Krillin snuck out the front door and accompanied a whimpering Yamcha to parts unknown, leaving in the front yard the shattered remains of the Secret Yamchacam.

**************************************************************** ******

Bulma rolled over in her huge bed, worn out and surprised. A few hours after Vegeta got home, he emerged from his gravity room and ate supper, then when they went to bed, he made love to her as if nothing had happened. Satisfied that she was off the hook, Bulma let her eyes close as she drifted off into Dreamland.

Just before she fully fell asleep, though, Vegeta asked her, "Why did you feel the need to test me?"

Bulma jolted awake; she obviously hadn't been expecting that question. "What? I...I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me. I saw the crudely yanked out wires and the Worm's secret camera taped to his head, not to mention everything Eighteen told me. I know what you did. I want to know why. Surely you don't have so little faith in me as to think I'd jump the first woman I interact with. I'm not Yamcha."

Bulma laughed a small laugh and said, "Oh, that. Of course I wasn't worried about you. That was for a bet."

"You mean you jerked me around like a third-class pawn to settle a bet?"

"It wasn't just any bet. A couple days ago Yamcha came over to rag about you for the fifteen zillionth time and we got to arguing and that led to the bet. If Yamcha could show me cold hard proof that you would cheat on me--meaning if you failed the test--I'd see the error of my ways and divorce you. If you passed the test, Yamcha had to back off.."

"Oh, so it's Yamcha's fault."

"Yes."

"Are you sure you weren't suspicious?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Not even one little bit?"

"Not even."

"Not even a smidgeon worried?"

"Oh lay off! If I was worried you'd be thrown out by now."

"Good. Just making sure." Vegeta and Bulma both started drifting off to sleep. Right before Bulma sank into unconsciousness she heard Vegeta say, "Don't worry. I'll kill Yamcha for you in the morning."

The End

A/N: The GH that Vegeta referred to is a real ABC soap called General Hospital.