Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Vegeta's Christmas Carol ❯ The Two-Faced Spirit ( Chapter 3 )

Vegeta's Christmas Carol

by Orchideater

Rated: R

Warnings: Humor yaoi, Gk/V, Christmas cheer, grinchiness, OOCness, nudity, innuendo, a bit of Vegeta torture (the fun kind, not the bdsm kind), and bizarre underwear.

Disclaimer: DBZ and all DBZ characters property of Akira Toriyama and official licensees. But the ranger and Dr. Earl N. Meyer are my original characters (though they're not very developed yet). Story inspired by Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, Mickey's Christmas Carol, and the movie Scrooged.

Chapter 3 warnings: het flirting (scandalous!), weird innuendo

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Chapter 3: The Two-Faced Spirit

Ding-ding-ding-diiinnnggg... Ding ding ding DING.

*BONG!*

Vegeta stirred under the covers, shifting back into a lighter phase of sleep. Mmm... Something about one in the morning...

A light rap on his shoulder, and a sacchrine-sweet voice addressed him. "Wakey, wakey, Vegeta sweetie! We have lots to do."

Who the fuck was bothering him now?

He cracked one eye open and scowled at what he found. A lovely blue-haired girl in a poofy, sparkly princess dress stood at his bedside, a childlike smile upon her face. A haze of fairy dust surrounded her.

"Time to get up, dear heart." She tapped him again with her star-tipped wand. "I am the ghost of Dragonball past- I-I mean, the ghost of past and present affections, heh heh. I have much to tell you."

Vegeta shot her a look of supreme indifference and then turned his back to her. "Go away."

"Ah... N-Now, honey, it's in your best interests to cooperate. Tonight is a crossroads for many lives, and the decisions you make will affect them all. I need you to get up now, sweetie."

"Beat it, will you?"

"Now, I know you don't mean that. Don't be difficult, dear, you won't like me when I'm angry... Don't you want to be with your Goku-san?"

"No I do not, and I said go away. This is nothing but a stupid dream. All I have to do is focus on other things and the dream will change, and you'll disappear like a good girl." She reminds me of Bulma's mother, he thought disdainfully.

"Sometimes dreams hold great wisdom, sweetie-bunches. Please, it's time to wake up and come with me." She tapped him insistently with the star wand. "Honey? Please?"

Reaching over with lightning speed, he grabbed the wand, snapped it in two, and threw the pieces in her face. "Get bent!" He then flopped back into his previous position and ignored her.

Silence reigned as the scandalized fairy shook in fury.

"Rrrrr....RrrrRRRRR! Now you've done it. Vegeta... GET up, ya lazy monkey!!!"

A swift army boot to the butt sent Vegeta flying out of bed and skidding across the floor. He glanced around wildly and saw that the culprit had somehow transformed into a blonde, leather-clad street punk. She aimed an AK47 that appeared out of nowhere, spraying ki bullets in his general direction.

"Ow-ow-ow-ow!"

"When I say get up, you get up, and when I say dance, you dance, monkey!"

Vegeta recovered his senses and snarled, springing out of the way. "That is it. You are one dead bitch! No one treats me this way. Haiiii!!!"

He sent a vicious ki blast barreling toward her midsection, which only traveled straight through her body and left her completely unaffected. "You can't hurt me, you dumb jerk," she sneered, "I'm a ghost."

"What the? So I can't hurt you, but you can hurt me? That's hardly fair!"

"Those are the rules, baby. Get used to it."

It dawned on Vegeta that he'd seen this woman just last night, in Bulma's old scrapbooks. He thought the blonde and the blue-haired girl were two different people! At any rate, he knew he couldn't win. Here was the most fearsome creature known to man, more dangerous than Frieza, more unpredictable than Buu: a woman with PMS.

She grabbed him by the ear and began dragging him toward the window.

"Ouch! Goddammit, you crazy bitch, let go!"

"Are you gonna come with me willingly?"

"Yes, alright!" he spat.

"Wonderful." The ghost immediately popped back to her happy sugar plum fairy form, and took his hand instead of his ear. She gave it a friendly shake.

"My name's Launch, by the way. I'm so glad you decided to cooperate. I can tell we're going to make a lot of progress tonight. We'll knock down that pesky resistance of yours."

"Oh, no we won't."

She waved a hand at him and giggled. "Oh, you're so funny! Now come along, Prince-sama." She pulled him out the window into the night sky.

Vegeta had the strange sensation of his body being stretched, pulled like taffy, and the next thing he knew he was looking at a small capsule house in the woods.

"Wh- where are we? Wait, this is Kakarot's house, isn't it?"

"Indeed." She tugged on his arm, trying to usher him inside.

"We can't just walk in there."

"The scenes I will show you tonight are only memories, the events of a day just one week ago. The people cannot see or hear us, and we can have no effect on them."

They flew in through the window, and settled in the kitchen mere feet away from Son Chichi. Vegeta stared at her nervously, but as the fairy said, she did nothing to acknowledge their presence.

Goku walked through the door then, giving her a hello and a nod. Chichi looked slightly alarmed. "Goku! It's about time you got back. Good heavens, what can be so interesting in those woods?"

"I was training, Chi, you know that."

Launch leaned over and whispered in Vegeta's ear. "He has been gone since daybreak, and neither truly missed the other. Not even a peck on the cheek, a gentle touch, or warm gaze in greeting."

"Goku, stay right there. I need you to go to the market in town as soon as possible and buy me some wasabi and other ingredients for dinner. Here's a list I made."

"Okay." Goku walked off toward the bedroom and the invisible guests followed.

"You see?" Launch pointed to their sleeping arrangement: separate beds with a small bedside table inbetween, like something out of a classic black and white TV show.

"Both in their own worlds, the intimacy gone- a shame for ones so young. They care for one another, appreciate the work of the other, but live more as roommates than as husband and wife. Only once or twice a month will Goku come and kneel at her bedside, imploring quietly, and when finished he will return to his own bed. A cold life, indeed."

"Gods, what a waste of a saiyan in his prime."

"Tragically familiar to your own situation, is it not?"

"I get more sex than that!"

"Yet you keep separate rooms, separate lives. What do you share with Bulma, besides the same house, two progeny, and the occasional roll in the sheets? Your interests are not hers."

Goku bent over (Vegeta blushed at the sight of that ass in the air) and rifled through the dresser drawers until he found his wallet. Launch pointed, instructing Vegeta to peer over his shoulder.

The front photograph in the picture section was a family portrait of the three Sons and Chichi. Goku checked for the needed zenni and then paused, turning the picture over. On the other side sat a photo of Vegeta, the best he could find since the prince did everything in his power to avoid cameras.

For a long moment he gazed at the photo, rubbing the corner with his thumb, his expression unreadable. He then clapped the wallet shut and instant transmissioned away.

Vegeta was frozen. "Th-That's... That was my picture. He keeps a picture of me. He looked at it like- like- no, it can't be!"

"Goku has strong feelings for you, Vegeta-sama, but doesn't understand them, or know how to act on them. It's never occurred to him that he even could change his life. He thinks this is just how relationships work."

"But Chichi- why does she stay? For Goten?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, a loveless, lifeless marriage is also a poor example to a child. He is resiliant, and would adapt quickly to a separation. At the start Goku and Chichi did share a gentle love, but once Gohan was born Chichi found that she enjoyed the rigors of motherhood far more than keeping up a relationship with a man profoundly different from her. Added to that, Chichi is a very traditional woman, and views divorce as failure.

"However," the fairy said with a knowing smile, "she still fantasizes. Watch."

Chichi's face lit up as she heard the noise of a vehicle coming up the dirt path. Perfect timing. She hurriedly dried the dishwater from her hands, pulled her bun loose and straightened her clothes, and put on some lipstick from a tube hidden in her pocket.

Seconds later a rugged man in a forest ranger's uniform pulled up in front of their house on a 4x4. Chichi waved at him from the window.

"Why, hello, Ms. Chichi! How are things in your neck of the 439 East mountain range?"

"Oh, fine, fine, thanks for asking. I was expecting you. You're always so punctual, always here at Wednesday at 4 on the dot."

"Yeah, that's me, Mr. Predictable. You must think I'm awfully boring."

"Oh no, no! I admire that greatly in a man. What did you say your daily schedule was, again?"

The man chuckled, stepping off the machine. "I enjoy having a rigid routine, it grounds me. I get up every day at 5:30 am exactly, have my usual breakfast of oatmeal, eggs, bacon and OJ, and get to work by 7:30 to do my rounds. Lunch is at 12, I get off work at 6, go to bed at 10, and cash the usual paycheck every other Friday. Same thing day in and day out. "

Chichi clasped her hands and looked dreamy. "That sounds wonderful."

"Ma'am, I know I've said so before, and please forgive my forwardness, but for a mother of two boys- and a 19-year-old at that- you still look fantastic."

"Ohh, you're such a flatterer, stop it!" She blushed like a schoolgirl.

"And you've done such a fine job of raising them. My mother always taught me that a good education was the most important thing in a child's life. The harder and longer a kid studies, the better off they are, I always say."

"Oh, it wasn't always easy, they can be such delinquents sometimes, hee hee! Always wanting to run off and play and spend time outside, just like their father. Fortunately I've squashed most of that out of Gohan, but I'm still working on Goten."

"Hmm. You know your husband's always gone when I come by."

"Oh, I've no idea why that could be..." It was no coincidence that Goku always had to go get groceries at 4 pm on Wednesdays.

"What's he like? What's he do for a living?"

"He's a 6' 2" world champion martial artist."

"Oh," he sweatdropped, bravado deflating instantly.

"B-But forget about that. Won't you come inside for tea?"

Vegeta watched the entire exchange in a mix of nausea and horrified disbelief, eyes bugging. "I can't believe it. The shrew is cheating on Kakarot. Her of all people! How- how... How dare she cuckold my subject!"

Launch cracked him on the head with a new magic wand. "Don't get excited, dear. She's not cheating on Goku, she's only flirting, and chatting with someone she feels a positive connection to. She'd never break her marriage vows, but the teasing and the compliments from him make her feel young again. They would make an excellent pair, though, and neither realizes how much of their heart they've already given away."

Vegeta watched the pair holding a lively conversation at the table. They did seem to be perfectly matched: two conservative people who enjoyed predictable, stable, and some might say boring lives.

He shook his head sadly. "Poor Kakarotto. He always was a naive fool. I bet he has no idea his woman has feelings for another man."

Launch sneered, morphing back into her "scary" form. "Heh. 'Fool,' indeed. The pot shouldn't say such things about the kettle, princey."

The world swirled around them, and when his vision cleared, Vegeta realized they were now standing in the main work lab at the research and development wing of Capsule Corp. Labs. The only people there were Bulma and a young sandy-haired scientist, both working on projects at opposite ends of the room.

"Wait a minute... This better not be what I think it's going to be. Bulma worships the ground I walk on!"

"Shaddap and watch."

The two worked in silence a few minutes longer, though Vegeta noticed them taking secretive glances at each other when one wasn't looking. Finally Bulma stood up, her metal workstool grating noisily on the floor. She made a great show of stretching, throwing her arms wide and arcing her back so her breasts thrust out. The dress she wore seemed suspiciously low cut and high-hemmed for labwork.

The man watched her discreetly, pretending to focus on his work. She sighed happily, put her hands in her lab coat pockets, and strolled leisurely over to him, heels clacking on the floor.

"So, what are you working so hard on, Dr. Meyer?"

"Nothing that couldn't be improved with some help from a beautiful genius."

Bulma quirked a haughty smile. "Doctor, are you asking me to give you a chemistry lesson? Here I thought you were already an expert."

"I've found there's always more to learn," he said, pushing back from the table to give her his full attention.

She nodded toward a bubbling solution to his far right, which sat over the open flame of a bunsen burner. "You realize you left the burner on?"

Dr. Meyer looked over at it, pushed his protective eyewear up onto the top of his head, and locked eyes with her again. "Yes, I should take care of that. The flame is burning quite hot... and out of control. It could cause an explosive reaction."

"That depends on what you put into the formula. I certainly hope you can control any resulting explosions."

"I always do. What are you working on?"

"Just a few equations. Today I'm experimenting with the rules of reactivity and the levels of attraction."

"That's always been one of my favorite subjects," he said, smirking. "Today, though, I'm seeking a strong organic reaction. I'm sure you're familiar with how electrons can jump up an energy level when they become excited."

"Oh, yes, yes," she breathed.

"That's an important factor. Besides that, the result I'm trying to achieve relates to how the mixing of two fluids can create a positive charge."

"That's an experiment with tremendous potential."

"If you like that then you'll love my other experiment." Using tongs, he removed a bit of metal from the clamp that held it over a separate flame.

"Due to the intense heat, this steel rod of mine has been undergoing a hardening process."

"Oh, Dr. Meyer!"

Vegeta's eyelid twitched uncontrollably until he finally exploded. "What the HELL?! How dare that woman exchange chemistry-themed innuendo with that lab jockey! I'll hunt him down and wring his neck, and then I- I'll- I'll blow up her lab! I'll-"

Launch smashed him over the head with an oversized mallet. "Knock it off! You've got no room to talk considering how you're just dying to get into another man's pants. Don't be such a hypocrite. Like Chichi, Bulma is only flirting."

"And now I suppose you're going to tell me she'd be much happier with this guy than with me? What could she possibly see in him when she's got me? He's a science geek! That's like ordering a hot dog when you've got filet mignon on the table."

The blonde ghost snorted. "They share ambition, a love of science and technology, and a single-minded drive to create and invent. She can talk to him, Oujisama, and he actually finds what she says interesting and wants to hear more. Bulma cares for you, but she's growing older, and is tiring of your tempestuous relationship, of your moodiness and stony silence. She needs more. She wants someone she can share with, needs more than just a male presence in her house and a good fuck."

Vegeta scowled and fumed, but finally let out a weary sigh as he watched a red-faced Bulma hurry back to her own workstation. "I suppose you could be right. When she starts in on that Capsule Corp. talk and expects me to listen, I feel like killing myself just to escape. And I don't talk to her because so many of my private thoughts I just... can't tell her. She couldn't understand, because she's human."

"But you could open up to Goku-san, neee?"

"I-I didn't say that!" he spluttered.

"Vegeta, now is the time to push aside your fears and doubts and tell Goku how you feel. Now is the crossroads! Four lives can be changed and improved for the better. Four lives can experience true love- but you must be the one to take the initiative and dare to change things. You are the catalyst. Tell Bulma it's over, and tell Goku you want him."

"But I can't! These Earth kids are so damn sensitive; if I leave Bulma, Trunks will get pissed off at me and hate me."

"He gets pissed off at you now, but he still loves you. Bulma's understanding, and you'll be able to see them about as much as you do now. Kids are adaptable. If there's no anger or hate between you and Bulma, he'll be fine."

"But where will I live? I don't know how to hold a human job and earn money like they do."

"It'll work out. Stop making excuses!"

Vegeta faltered, considering it for a moment, then crossed his arms and turned away with a scowl. "Faugh! All this is a ridiculous waste of time. Why the hell should I believe a schizophrenic fairy, anyway?"

"I am not schizophrenic! I have multiple personalities. It's different."

"Who cares? Go back to your wacko, fairy-biker chick land. I'll have nothing more to do with you. Nothing you can say will change the fact that I don't want Kakarotto!"

"Grrr, you always were a stubborn, nasty piece of work. Have it your way. I don't have to worry, because you won't stand a chance against the next ghost. So long, sucker!"

Before he could argue, an even more enormous mallet came crashing down on his head, and his world turned to darkness.

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A/N Launch was my favorite female character in DBZ. I always liked the idea of the female Jekyll and Hyde (I feel like that sometimes). And they just sort of... forgot about her! T.T So I wanted to give her some screen time, heh.