Fan Fiction / One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ One Vampire Slayer ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: nectar

One Vampire Slayer

[The Going Merry is chasing a pirate ship on the Grandline.]

Luffy: Faster, faster!

Nami: We're catching up to them!

(The enemy pirate ship sails past a sign.)

Sanji: Hey Usopp! What does the sign say?

Usopp: (Using the binoculars.) It says, “Warning! T-LOP ECIVED! Do not enter these waters!”

Sanji: T-LOP ECIVED?

Robin: I've heard of it. It says that none who enters ever returns.

Usopp/Chopper: Whaaaatttttt!?

Luffy: Cool!!!!!! Keep going!

Nami: Luffy?

Luffy: I'm going to kick their asses for stealing from us!

Sanji: What did they steal?

(The Going Merry is engulfed by blue fog)

Usopp: Wha…wha…what's going on?!!!!

Robin: We entered the T-LOP ECIVED.

Usopp: (Crying) NOOOO!!!!

Zorro: ……… (I didn't forget about Zorro, he's sleeping.)

Nami: This isn't so bad.

(The Going Merry sails through the blue fog)

Nami: We're out? That's it?

Usopp: Yahahahahaha! Up yours T-LOP!

Chopper: Up yours! (Usopp and Chopper dance around the ship)

Luffy: An island! Whoa ho ho!!!

Nami: That's not an island, it's too big! We…..we're no longer in the Grandline!

Crew: WHAT!!!!!!!

Chopper: Look!!!! It's the pirate ship!

(Going Merry sets anchor near the ship.)

Nami: No one's onboard!

Luffy: Damn it! I want it back!

Usopp: What are you taking about?

Nami: Never mind that. We have to figure out where we are and how do we get back!

(Luffy jumps onto the beach)

Nami: Luffy!

Luffy: I want it back! (Luffy takes off running for the city)

Nami: Idiot!

(Zorro wakes up.) Zorro: (Yawn!) What's going on?

Usopp: You slept though the whole thing?!

Nami: Okay. Robin and Sanji, you find out where we are. Usopp, Chopper, and I will try to find Luffy. Zorro, look after the ship.

Robin: OK.

Sanji: I'll protect you with my life Robin-chan!!!

(The two teams head toward the city.)

[Later, at the Bronze.]

Buffy: This place is really jumping today.

Willow: Yeah. It's those guys over there.

(Buffy looks at the Dragon Fang Pirates partying.)

Buffy: Circus must be in town.

Snout: Hey! Another order of wings!

Spook: This place is great! Right bro?

Snout: Where the hell are my wings?!

Bronze Employee: You don't get more wings until you pay for the ones you already ate!

Snout: You expect Snout, leader of the Dragon Fang Pirates to pay for my food!

Bronze Employee: Yeah.

Snout: Oh! Well I'm really sorry but I'm short on cash right now. What am I saying?! Fangs! Let's tear this dump apart!

Pirates: Yeah!!!

(The pirates start wreaking the Bronze and everyone runs away in terror.)

Buffy: Hey!

(The pirates turn around.)

Buffy: Don't you have a birthday party to perform at?

Spook: Stay out of our way little girl or else!

Buffy: Ok, I'll say it. Or else what?

Spook: Your funeral. Get her!

(The pirates charge at Buffy.)

(Luffy busts through the door.)

Luffy: Gimme back my meat!

[Meanwhile, in another part of Sunnydale]

Sanji: Robin-chan!!!!! Where are we going?

Robin: (Picks up a newspaper on the ground) Sunnydale? Never heard of it.

(Robin sees three guys walking through the cemetery and follows them.)

Sanji: Wait for me Robin-chan!!!

(Sanji sees a group of girls walk by and stops to ogle them.)

(The cemetery men turn around.)

Guy: What do you want?

Guy #2: Who cares, we were going to get something to eat anyway.

(The men show their vampire faces)

Robin: ….!

(Robin uses her devil's fruit powers to choke them with her hands)

(The Vampires keep coming toward her.)

(Sanji arrives) Sanji: I'll take care of them Robin-chan! (Sanji roundhouses them away.)

Vampires: Ahhh!

Girl: Come on, you gotta get out of here!

(Sanji and Robin turn their heads to see an amazed Dawn run toward them.)

Dawn: We have to get out of here before those vampires come back.

Robin: So they were vampires?

[Back at the Bronze]

Snout: Monkey D. Luffy! Nice to meet you again. Got anymore food you want to give me? Ahahaha!

Luffy: (growls) Asshole! I'm gonna kick your dragon ass!

Buffy: Uh, excuse me. What the hell are you two talking about?

Snout: If you want the right to fight me, you'll have to get past my men. Kill him!

Dragon Fang Pirate: Kill the straw hat! (The pirates charge at Luffy)

Luffy: Gum Gum Pistol!

(Luffy proceeds to kick lackey ass with his Gum Gum pistol attack)

Willow: (Watching Luffy attack with his devil fruit powers) Okay, that's new.

Buffy: (sigh) One night without the forces of darkness ruining my fun. Is that too much to ask?

Snout: This is getting boring! Let's find somewhere else to eat.

(Snout changes into his half-man/half-dragon form)

Spook: Heh heh heh, see ya straw hat! (Spook jumps on Snout's back and Snout flies through the roof of the Bronze and escapes)

Spook: Oomph! Damn it Snout! I thought you were going to fly through the window!

Luffy: Get back here!

(The last two Dragon Fang Pirates still standing are sneaking behind Luffy to strike him with their swords)

(Buffy grabs one from behind and punches him)

DF Pirate 1: Agghhh!

DF Pirate 2: You bitch!

Buffy: WHAT?! (Buffy knocks the hell out of the second pirate sending him flying on a pool table.)

DF Pirate 2: AHHH! *CRASH!!!*

DF Pirate 1: Y…you'll pay for this straw hat and strong bit..uh…girl! (The Dragon Fang Pirate runs away)

Buffy: (Turning to Luffy) You can stop staring at the sky, they're gone.

Luffy: My meat!!!

Buffy: Look, if you're hungry I'll order you something… (Buffy looks at the wreckage once known as the Bronze) …somewhere else.

Luffy: Eh? Who are you?

Buffy: ……… (Buffy looks at him in amazement wondering if she should just cut his head off and be done with it.)

[At Buffy's house]

(Dawn and Giles, who Dawn called over to help, has just heard Robin's recap of how they got to Sunnydale.)

Giles: This is…is astounding. A world of pirates.

Dawn: Sounds better than a world of shrimp. I'd like to go, what kind TV shows are there?

Sanji: TV?

Dawn: Never mind.

Giles: I'll have to consult my books concerning the T-LOP ECIVED. Dawn, we better inform Buffy about this. She can help track down your captain before something happens.

Dawn: Cool. (Turns to Sanji) You'll love the Bronze. It's the coolest place in Sunnydale. By lack of competition of course.

Robin: I'll stay here and help research the T-LOP.

Dawn: So, do you all wear suits or is this a special occasion? (Sanji and Dawn head to the Bronze)

[Elsewhere; Nami, Usopp, and Chopper are tracking Luffy]

Usopp: Are you sure Luffy went this way Chopper?

Chopper: (Sniffing the ground in beast form) Yeah. He's over here.

Man: A talking reindeer wearing pants? Now, I've really seen everything.

(The Straw Hats see a bleach blonde man appear from the shadows.)

Spike: Humans walking with demons, another new one.

Usopp/Chopper: Demons!!! (Usopp and Chopper duck behind Nami.) Where?!

Spike: I'm looking at `em mate.

Usopp: Nami's a demon! (Nami punches Usopp in the face.)

Nami: He's looking at Chopper!

Chopper: What?! I'm not a demon! I'm a doctor!

Spike: That's convenient. Cause your gonna need one. Nothing personal, but since I can't kill humans, I got to get my jollies someway. (Spike vamps out)

Usopp: Eeeeppppp! He's a monster! Run!

[At the Doublemeat Palace]

(Luffy is stuffing his face while Buffy tries to find out who or what the hell he is.)

Buffy: Let's me get this straight. That dragon guy flew on your ship and took your meat. Then, you followed him to this dimension to kill him.

Luffy: (eating) Mumph mulfs!

Buffy: Right. And in your world, people can stretch or turn into monsters. (sigh) Giles is going to love this.

(Willow is outside the Doublemeat Palace calling Giles at home)

Willow: (The phone is ringing) Guess he's not there.

(Snout and Spook land outside the Doublemeat Palace)

Spook: This looks like a good place for dessert. Right Bro?

Snout: As long as it doesn't have any annoying clowns like the last hamburger place.

(Willow turns and looks at Snout and Spook walking into the Palace)

Willow: Oh no!

[Dawn and Sanji arrive at the Bronze and see the knocked out pirates]

Dawn: What happened here? Looks like a tornado hit this place.

Sanji: No, it's was Luffy.

Dawn: Your captain? So, you weren't kidding about that devil fruit stuff?

Sanji: Idiot. Where did he go?

Dawn: Buffy and Willow aren't here either. They must've followed him.

(Dawn and Sanji hear shouting in the distant)

Sanji: Huh?

(Dawn and Sanji go outside the Bronze and see Nami, Usopp, and Chopper running toward them.)

Sanji: You guys!

(The three stop in front of Dawn and Sanji)

Dawn: (Looking at Usopp's nose) Whoa!

Nami: Sanji! What are you doing here?

Sanji: Looking for you and Luffy. Mostly for you!!!

Nami: Idiot! You're supposed to be with Robin. Where is Robin?

Sanji: She's at Dawn's house. This is Dawn. Her sister is a vampire slayer and she's really pretty. I saw her pictures.

Usopp: We don't have time for this! There is a monster chasing us. A vampire!

Sanji: Vampire?

Chopper: It's him!

(Spike appears)

Spike: `Bout time you stopped pussyfooting around and got….Dawn?

Dawn: Spike?

[At the Doublemeat Palace]

(Buffy is thrown threw the window.)

Buffy: Ahh!

Snout: Finish the girl Spook. Let's take this outside Straw Hat Punk.

Spook: You got it bro.

(Willow rushes to Buffy)

Willow: Oh God, Buffy. Are you okay?

Buffy: Uh. I'm fine. Will, you better get out of here.

Spook: Nobody's going anywhere little girl.

(Spook charges Buffy and Willow)

Buffy: Willow! (Willow puts up a magical barrier)

Buffy: Good job Willow. On my signal, put down the barrier.

Spook: (Spook touches the barrier) What is that?! Are you a devil fruit user too? Too bad this doesn't work on me. (Spook becomes transparent and walks through the barrier.)

Willow: What? (Spook grabs Willow)

Spook: Give up and maybe I'll let you live. Maybe. (Buffy grabs Spook's arm and throws him over her shoulder.)

Buffy: Sorry. We're not the quitting type.

Spook: (Getting up) You're stronger than you look. This is going to be fun after all.

(Spook starts charging at Buffy)

Buffy: Willow, take cover!

[Meanwhile, behind the Doublemeat Palace]

(Luffy tries to punch a flying Snout who keeps dodging his attacks.)

Luffy: Come down here and fight!

Snout: Your rubber body is nothing compared to my dragon speed. Now die! Dragon Stream!

(Snout uses his wings to try to blow Luffy away)

Luffy: Whoa… (Luffy gets his footing and holds on.)

Snout: Not bad Straw Hat Punk. (Snout flaps his wings faster.)

Luffy: Ehhh… (Luffy jumps high in the air.) Gum Gum Pistol!

(Luffy punches Snout in the face.)

Snout: Ggghh! (Snout falls to the ground.) *boom*

(Luffy lands back on the ground.)

(Snout slowly gets back on his feet.)

Snout: You….Straw Hat Punk! I'll show you what a real dragon can do!

(Snout growls while transforming into his full beast dragon form.)

Snout: I'll burn you alive. Dragon Fire! (Snout breaths fire at Luffy.)

[In the park next to the Doublemeat Palace]

(Buffy, who lead Spook into the nearby park away from Willow, is ready to kick some ass.)

Buffy: (Stops running.) Time for round two Casper.

Spook: Ehahahahaha! My Boo Boo devil fruit power allows me to become a living ghost able to pass through any attack. Your dead little girl!

Buffy: Doo Doo? Guess that's explains your shitty attitude!

Spook: It's Boo Boo! (Spook runs toward Buffy.)

(Buffy tries to punch him, but her attacks go right through him.)

(Spook dodges her last attack, becomes solid, and kicks her in the stomach.)

Spook: Hah!

Buffy: Oomph!

Spook: When I'm done with you, your friend is next. Or maybe I'll take her back to the Grandline with me.

Buffy: Trust me, you're not her type. (Buffy begins to attack again.)

[Back at Doublemeat Palace]

(Luffy dodges Snout's fire attack.)

Luffy: Wow! You can breathe fire!

Snout: Glad you like it punk. A good pirate knows when he's beaten. Give up straw hat. You can't beat me now. Dragon Fire!

(Luffy dodges again as the fire hits and melts the drive-thru intercom speaker.)

Luffy: Stop destroying the restaurant! (Luffy picks up the menu board.)

Snout: You're destroying it too!

(Luffy throws the menu board at Snout.)

Snout: Stupid. Dragon Fire!

Luffy: Gum Gum… (Luffy stretches his arms behind him and grabs a delivery truck.) …Hammer!

(Luffy smashes the truck over Snout's head.) *BAM!!!*

(Snout is KO'ed)

Luffy: (smiles)

Voice: Luffy!

(Luffy turns around and sees the straw hat search party running toward him.)

[In the park]

(Buffy is attacking Spook which has no effect on him.)

Spook: This is sad. You're going to wear yourself out, and then I'll ring your pretty neck.

(Spook catches Buffy's kick and counterattacks with several punches to the head.)

Buffy: Oomph, oomph, oomph! (Buffy staggers a bit.)

Spook: You should know your place little girl. No girl can ever beat… (Several baseballs hit Spook from behind.) …Ahhh!

(Spook falls to his knees, turns his head to see a pissed off looking Willow with sports equipment floating around her.)

Spook: You! No mercy you little bitch!

(Buffy charges at Spook and kicks him in the head.)

Buffy: Hah! *SMASH!!!*

(Spook goes flying landing on a trash can) *CRASH!!!*

(Spook is KO'ed)

(Willow runs to Buffy.)

Willow: Are you okay?

Buffy: I'm fine. So, you think that I could join the NFL?

Willow: And be forced to spend all your time with big strong men in tight uniforms? Nah.

[The Beach]

(It's almost dawn and the Straw Hats and the Scoobies are on the beach, engaged in conversations.)

Xander: So your brother can turn into fire?

Luffy: (Swallows the burger he was eating.) Yep!

Xander: You don't happen to have a sister who can turn invisible do you?

Usopp: And that's how I defeated the powerful Sir Crocodile!

Anya: Uh-huh. What's wrong with your nose?

Giles: Attention! Attention everyone! According to our research on the T-LOP EVICED, once the two ships sail away from the shore, they will be transported back to where they came from.

Buffy: You researched that?

Giles: Well, it took only five minutes.

Buffy: Hope you enjoy those burgers Luffy. Have a safe trip back.

Luffy: (Eating burgers.) Mumph mumfp munmf!

Buffy: Yeah. Me too.

Nami: Thanks for your help everyone! Bye!

(Everyone says their goodbyes as the Straw Hat Crew boards their ship and sails back to the sea followed by the beaten Dragon Fang Crew.)

(The blue fog appears and the two ships are gone from sight.)

Willow: Guess it worked.

Buffy: Yeah.

(The Scoobies start walking away.)

Buffy: Hey Willow.

Willow: Yeah?

Buffy: Did they look real to you?

Willow: Well, they looked a little big but they could be real.

Anya: No way they were real. Unless giant breasts is a natural occurrence in their world.

Xander: Maybe we should visit them and find out.

Anya: Not on your life.

[Later, in the Grandline]

(Luffy notices Usopp playing with an unusual object.)

Luffy: What are you doing Usopp?

Usopp: Trying to figure out how this thing Dawn gave me works.

Luffy: Let me try!

(Luffy snatches the rocket launcher away from Usopp.)

Usopp: Luffy! Give that back!

Luffy: I think I figured it out.

(Luffy fires the rocket launcher, blowing up half the ship.) *BOOM!*

Luffy: See, I figured it out!

Crew: LUFFY!!!!!

[The End]