Fan Fiction / Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Revolutionary Gerudo Nabooru ❯ Someday When We Meet Again - (No, See, It's SYMBOLICALLY Good!) ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N: WOW! I'm actually about to finish this craptacular story! ::celebrates:: Yeah, go me! Anyhoo, I know this isn't my most popular story, or even if anybody's actually reading this... But I'd like to thank Sailor Star Keeper, my close personal friend, for letting me use her Utena DVDs and trying to explain what was going on to me. I was as confused as you probably are the first time I watched it... Eeesh.

ANYWAY... Next and really final chapter is going to be based on Revolutionary Girl Utena Adolescence Mokushiroku: The Movie (Wow, that's a mouthful.).

I need to explain something about the movie... IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHOW. AT ALL. It's basically a whacked-out, drugged up re-telling of the entire series with so much symbolism you won't understand ANY of it. Even SSK has no clue what's going on for most of this movie... But if you enjoyed the previous chapters, and you want to read a retelling of them in which characters are killed or transformed into creatures, incest runs rampant, several parts are completely unrelated to anything at all, and THERE IS NO PRINCE. I repeat, THERE IS NO PRINCE, then you just might enjoy it! Two good things about the movie- There is no Nanami (PHEW! But wait... then who's the incest???), and the Touga/Utena elevator scene left me crying my eyes out!

"Goodbye, Touga... You really were my prince..."

WAAAAAAAAAA- AHEM!

OK, where was I? Right... Since I believe that the ending of the Utena series really, really sucks, I'm going to first write out how the show actually ended, followed by MY retelling of the ending, in which the viewer is actually satisfied.

Naturally, since this tells how the Utena series REALLY ends, it contains mega spoilers. You MIGHT NOT want to read most of this chapter if you were really looking forward to being surprised by the end of Utena. Don't worry, I'll tell you when to stop to avoid spoilers.

And finally... FINALLY... this chapter, the identity of Prince Lios is revealed!

Again, more discrepancies in this chapter from the show. I haven't seen that far. Oh well!

That's all! Enjoy the last chapter of GASPLOZ: Revolutionary Gerudo Nabooru!

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She's a Sage who lives heroically and big pants are her style!
(Really big pink pants!)
This is what happens when you badly mix up game and anime!
She's Nabooru! Chick of the Revolution!

Zelda was this ultra popular video game series
For systems by Nintendo
A great fantasy RPG-thing
All about this weird place called Hyrule

And Utena's an awesome anime
About a girl who wears a boy's uniform
And fights to possess this soulless girl
Who has to do whatever someone tells her to!
(INCLUDING GROSS THINGS!)

So I messed it up, So I screwed it up
I mixed both them all up
And now you cannot even tell
Which is which!
Let's see if anyone can understand a word of this fic!
I don't think so!
I screwed it up too bad!

So who is the prince? Who is the prince? I can't tell you quite yet!
But I'll tell you something; you'll know it! BY THE END!
So enjoy this fic about sword fights at school and evil-monkey-mice things!
She's Nabooru! Chick of the Revolution!

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(GG runs across the stage with a poster board that had the episode name scribbled out on it.)

SOMEDAY WHEN WE MEET AGAIN -or- DAKIO'S AMAZING EARRINGS OF DOOM!

(Scene: A big, IMPORTANT flashback. In the past, inside a small fortress in the middle of the desert where three coffins have been set. A wailing little girl is in the arms of a mysterious prince, whose face we are unable to make out under his fluffy, light purple hair.)

Lios: Once upon a time, there was a young prince. Like me...

Nabootena: Was he strong and handsome?

Lios: Not yet, he wasn't. You see, this prince wanted to help princesses in distress... But he wasn't strong enough to do so. So he decided that he needed some help...

Nabootena: From who?

Lios: In the same castle as the prince lived a beautiful princess. She was the prince's Sworn Sister. And ever since she was young, she could use magical powers that she had been born with.

Nabootena: Was she an ugly, wicked witch?

Lios: (chuckles) No, she wasn't... She was as beautiful as you are. But some people called her a witch... So she never could go outside to sit in the garden, or do anything that princesses normally do.

Nabootena: How sad...

Lios: The prince asked the princess if she could give him powers... The powers to rescue princesses like her. The princess agreed, and she gave the prince all the power he would ever need. The prince went on to rescue many damsels in distress, while the princess stayed in the castle, helping him.

Nabootena: That's nice... Is that the end?

Lios: No... You see, while the prince was using the princess's power to be a prince, the two of them became strongly connected by her magic.

Nabootena: Oh?

Lios: And one day, while the prince was on his way to return home, some people in the village learned about what the princess had done. They became very frightened... They were worried that the princess was a witch, and that she would hurt them. And as they say in Star Wars, fear turns to anger, turns to hatred.

Nabootena: Uh oh...

Lios: Their hatred gathered, and finally, they stormed the castle to kill the princess.

Nabootena: OH NO!

Lios: "Witch! Witch!" they cried, as they all pointed their swords at her. The princess screamed and begged for mercy, but no one had any to give.

Nabootena: They didn't... They didn't KILL her, did they?

Lios: Be patient, Nabootena. Just then, the prince rushed in, his bright sword gleaming in the light of the villager's torches. "Leave her alone!" he cried. "I will defend this princess, on my honor as a prince!"

Nabootena: Did he save her?

Lios: The prince fought valiantly, but there were just too many of them. He was thrown to the ground... And the million swords of hatred stabbed the princess... The hatred of the villagers.

Nabootena: Oh no...

Lios: But then the prince did a noble thing. He was so closely connected to the princess with her magic, he took her wounds for himself. He took every stab wound she had received, and placed it on his own body. The princess survived because of his sacrifice, but the prince died.

Nabootena: (tearing up) How horrible! What... what happened to the princess?

Lios: She became trapped. Since they were so closely connected by the magic, when the prince died, a part of the princess died. She needed a new prince with which to share her power. She needed someone to replace the part of her that was gone- her free will. She has become a Rose Bride... unable to make her own decisions, and unable to break the curse that she has succumbed to.

Nabootena: Is that a true story?

Lios: It has yet to become true, Nabootena... But it will come true.

Nabootena: PLEASE! (sobbing) You've got to save her! You have to be her prince! You can't let that part of her die, and you can save the prince too! If you know it will happen, why not stop it!?

Lios: I'm not one to tamper with destiny, Nabootena. It is too late for me to save her. I haven't much time left on this earth... But I knew I could save one more princess... (hugs Nabooru)

Nabootena: Then I'll save her! I'll be her prince!

Lios: (smiles) But you're a girl.

Nabootena: I don't care! I'll be a prince anyway!

Lios: That's very noble, Nabootena... Thank you... I know now that my sister will be in good hands.

Nabootena: Huh?

Lios: (holds her hand, slips the Triforce Signet onto her finger) Take this ring, and remember this day, Princess... Someday... Someday, this ring will lead you to both me and the princess. And you will finally be able to be a prince, just like you said.

Nabootena: Thank you, mister... My prince...

(The scene fades out.)

(Scene: Nachu runs out on stage, takes a bow, and removes her helmet.)

Navi: PHEW! It's hot in there! Anyway, about a month has passed since we last checked up on our favorite wacky school kids at Farore Academy. There have been a lot more duels... All of which Nabootena won... There have been a lot more strange goings-on... Rutanami laid an egg... Rauonjii had a barbecue at midnight in a frilly yellow apron... And there have been a lot more instances like this one. (points behind her, to the parking lot of the school.)

(Darunia is holding his car door open for Nabooru. She gets out of the car, and bows.)

Nabootena: Thanks for the ride, Dakio.

Dakio: Oh, no problem at all, my lovely...

Nabootena: Lovely? Hey bucko, watch it.

Dakio: What, I can't call you lovely? You are.

Nabootena: (blushes) Thank you, but I feel uncomfortable when you do that...

Dakio: Very well, Nabootena. I'll call you later, all right?

Nabootena: Sure, fine. Maybe Impthy can go with us next time!

Dakio: (scowls) No, no... I don't think... Impthy will be able to... She's complained of feeling ill.

Nabootena: Oh really?

Dakio: Listen, Nabootena, would you like to come up to my room and-

Nabootena: I'd better go see how she is. (runs off quickly)

Dakio: (shakes fist angrily at himself) STUPID, STUPID... Oh well. There's not a person on this campus who can escape Dakio Farore! HA HA! (rolls over the hood of his car) CIAO!

(The hood of his car collapses under his weight, and he hits the pavement)

Dakio: OOF! DARN THE LUCK, DARN THIS LUCK! Now I need some Armor-All!

(From the shadows, Link is watching, scowling.)

Louga: Something is very wrong here... What is she doing with him? I hope he hasn't... (shudders, then glares at Darunia) I've got my eye on you, Dakio Farore. You just leave Nabootena alone... Or else I'LL have to get involved...

(Scene: The East Dorm. Nabooru arrives just in time for lunch with Impa)

Nabootena: Hi, Impthy! Dakio said you were sick! Is it true?

Impthy: Sick? Me? (turns head and coughs, feels chest) I don't think so.

Nabootena: Oh. Oh well. I'll just have to yell at him for lying to me.

Impthy: Hmm... Please, Nabootena. Have a seat and have some lunch!

Nabootena: (stretches) Don't mind if I do! I've had a long day in the Dakio Car...

Impthy: (eyes bug out, stares at Nabooru) ... THE CAR?!

Nabootena: Uh... yeah. Why are your eyes bugging out like that?

Impthy: Miss Nabootena... Uh, don't you know about my brother's car?

Nabootena: ... (blinks) Uh... it's... really nice?

Impthy: (whispers) Everyone who rides in it gets... um... (raises eyebrows)

Nabootena: (cringes) EWWW, GROSS! Hey but wait a minute... I didn't get-

Impthy: SHHHH! (covers her mouth) Don't say it! Maybe he'll forget!

Nabootena: But Impthy, you rode in the- (cringes) EWWWWWWWW!

Impthy: (blushes) Well... he's not REALLY my brother y'know.

Nabootena: EWWWWWWWWWW!

Impthy: I know... (sigh)

Nabootena: OK, y'know what? I really don't like to use my power over you, but that's just wrong. I don't want you riding in that car anymore.

Impthy: But what about you?

Nabootena: Well... I won't ride in it either. Now that I see some of its former passengers... EUUUGH. (glances at the window where Ruto, Kazoo, Anju and- Euugh, Ganondorf are getting into the car.)

Impthy: (sighs) I can't believe you forgot about the car... Just like you forgot about Mikauge...

Nabootena: (groans) Will you cut it out with the Mikauge stuff?! There's no one named Mikauge at this school!

Impthy: Well then, Miss Nabootena... How do you explain the Black Rose Duelists?

Nabootena: Mmmm... You have a lot of enemies.

Impthy: (sighs) And what about all those swords?

Nabootena: Hey, cut me some slack, Impthy. The AUTHOR can't even explain about the swords.

Impthy: (scratches chin) True... Anyway Nabootena, Mr. Louga stopped by here earlier to talk to you. I told him you were out with Dakio again.

Nabootena: Well, that's the last time, that's for sure! Euugh! I didn't know he was such a playboy. He makes Louga look like a one-man lonely hearts club.

Impthy: Louga said he'd come by later today.

Nabootena: I don't care much for him either. At least Dakio's a LITTLE BIT charming. After that whole evil duel thing, I don't even want to LOOK at Louga. And at least Dakio can take a hint... How many times have I said that I DON'T LIKE LOUGA? At least Dakio will leave me alone if I ask him to! And I won't, mind you. I need to hang out with him for a little while longer so I can learn more about the Duel Called Revolution. And after that I'll... (thinks) Naah, I'll keep talking to him.

Impthy: But you said you wouldn't...

Nabootena: I said I wouldn't ride IN HIS CAR. I said nothing about talking to him. He's an interesting guy, once you get past the playboy-ness... And the rich spoiled brattiness... And the rolling over cars... And the constant jingling of money from his pockets...

Impthy: (sighs) I was afraid this would happen...

Nabootena: What?

Impthy: Nothing... (suddenly perky) Would you like some tea, Nabootena?

Nabootena: ... Oh. I get it. You're upset that I'm dating your brother.

Impthy: ... A little, Nabootena.

Nabootena: Well to tell you the truth, Impthy... the only reason I'm dating him right now is... He... he looks an awful lot like my prince...

Impthy: I thought you couldn't remember what your prince looked like.

Nabootena: Well, I had a dream the other night. My prince was in it, and I was just a little girl... And he told me a story about a witch princess and a prince.

Impthy: (looks interested) Really? How interesting.

Nabootena: And I noticed that the prince looked an awful lot like Dakio... So I guess I'm only dating him to try and find out something about my prince.

Impthy: Oh. Well that's OK! Just as long as you don't ride in his car!

Nabootena: I thought we already discussed that... (peeks out window, sees Rauru, Kafei, and Sheik riding in the car.) EWWWW... (shudders)

(They hear a knock at the door.)

Nabootena: (gets up to answer it) Let me get it, Impthy.

(She opens the door to see Link standing there, holding a small white box.)

Louga: Hi, Nabootena! (waves cheerfully) I was in the neighborhood...

Nabootena: This is a school campus Louga, you're ALWAYS in the neighborhood.

Louga: (blinks) Oh yeah. Well anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk with me.

Nabootena: (disgusted) Uh, not really. What's in the box?

Louga: It's something for you. And come on, it's a nice day. The least you could do is hear me out.

Nabootena: (rolls eyes) Fine. Impthy, I'm going for a walk with Louga The Human Shrew.

Louga: (growls)

Impthy: Certainly, Nabootena! See you later!

(Scene: A corridor near the dueling tower. Link and Nabooru are walking, and talking.)

Louga: Listen, Nabootena. I've seen you around with Dakio a lot lately, and I... I just wanted you to know that I-

Nabootena: I don't CARE what you think about him, Louga. I think he's an interesting person, and you can't decide who I can and can't talk to.

Louga: That's not it. (holds his ring up to the door, the stairs to the tower open.)

Nabootena: Hey, wait. Why are we going here?

Louga: It's private, isn't it?

Nabootena: (rolls eyes) Sure.

(As they reach the top of the tower, Link turns to Nabooru)

Louga: All I wanted to ask you was if you were in love with him.

Nabootena: DAKIO!? ARE YOU INSANE?! Ewww!

Louga: OK, good. Then are you-

Nabootena: And I'm not in love with you either, horndog.

Louga: (turns red) That's not what I was going to ask!

Nabootena: Yeah, sure it wasn't. Then why did you bring me up here?

Louga: OK, OK. (looks upset) I'll admit it, I've had a crush on you ever since you came here, Nabootena. I've watched you duel, and how you treat Impthy, and I think it's really great. You're a really nice girl.

Nabootena: Louga, come on. I already told you, I don't...

Louga: Remember how for a while you thought I was your prince? (reaches for her hand, she pulls it away)

Nabootena: Don't touch me. And yeah, I remember. So what?

Louga: (blushes) I know I'm not the guy who comforted you the day your parents died... But do you think... I could be your prince anyway?

Nabootena: (looks sincere) Oh... Louga... That's so sweet...

Louga: Do you think I could be?

Nabootena: (her look suddenly drops) NO.

Louga: (sighs) But could I have been?

Nabootena: ... No.

Louga: Could I PRETEND that I was?

Nabootena: No. I don't like you very much at all.

Louga: (sighs) I thought you'd say that. But let me say one more thing, Nabootena: I don't care if you don't like me. I'll always wish I had been your prince.

Nabootena: Well you'll just be fooling yourself, then. (turns to leave) Now leave me alone.

Louga: Wait-

Nabootena: (spins around, upset) LOOK, I TOLD you that I don't-

Louga: It's not that! (throws down the little box) This is for you from Headmaster Dakio. He asked me to give it to you. I didn't want to, but I am anyway, because I think it will make you happy. But...

Nabootena: (picks up the box, opens it) Oh, earrings? Little rose-shaped earrings... They're so cute! But oh, they won't look good on me...

Louga: (clears throat) It would mean a lot to me if you didn't wear them.

Nabootena: (glares at him) Why shouldn't I? Get a life Louga, I don't like you and I never will. You're just jealous because Dakio actually knows how to treat a girl. And even if they don't look good on me, I'll wear them if it'll make you leave me alone. (takes the earrings out of the box and puts them on) Goodbye, Louga.

(She stomps out of the tower)

Louga: (watches her go, sighs) Well, that's it then... It's too late.

(He pulls something out of his pocket, and drops it on the ground. It's a red rose.)

Louga: ... I have to stop her... Before she... (races down the stairs, heading for the Student Council Tower)

(Scene: A meadow on the school grounds. Nabooru sits, eating lunch with Impa, Nachu and Saria)

Nabootena: Ooh, do you guys like my earrings? (shows them off)

Saraba: Oh WOW! They're gorgeous!

Impthy: (sees them, looks sad) They're nice, Nabootena. Did my brother give you those?

Nachu: (jumping up and down in that hyper, anime mascot way of his)

Nabootena: Yep! Actually... it was Louga. But inside the box the note said they were from Dakio.

Saraba: Oh, you lucky tramp! I wish boys would give ME earrings! One boy in particular...

Nabootena: UGH... not Rauonjii again.

Saraba: You just be quiet, Nabootena! After I got done being sick last month... he came to my dorm and asked if I was OK! You have your prince, and I have mine.

Nabootena: (smiles smugly) Heh...

Saraba: (rocking back and forth) When I was little, the Great Deku Tree said I was a princess from the Onion Kingdom, and someday my Onion prince would come and get me...

Nabootena: Your tree made fun of your big forehead too, huh?

Saraba: Har har, very funny Nabootena! But I'm not worried. I'm sure that Rauonjii is my Onion Prince... And he'll rescue me someday!

Nabootena: You're awfully quiet today, Impthy. Something wrong?

Impthy: Hmm? Oh, nothing! It's just...

Nabootena: What?

Impthy: My brother said that the student council received another letter from End of the World today. It said... that the Duel Called Revolution was going to be tonight at midnight in the dueling arena.

Nabootena: WHAAAAT?! THE DUEL CALLED REVOLUTION?!

Saraba: ... What's that?

Nabootena: Impthy! You mean... if I can beat whoever the final duelist is at the arena tonight, then I'll revolutionize the world and set you free?

Impthy: (nods, smiling)

Nabootena: OH WOW! Hey, Saraba, good luck with your turnip prince or whatever, I gotta go start practicing for that duel!

Saraba: It's ONION PRINCE!

Nabootena: Impthy, are you coming?

Impthy: I guess so, Nabootena! (stands up, pulls Nachu away from Saria's lunchbag) Don't eat Miss Saraba's lunch, Nachu!

Nachu: NACHUUUU...

Saraba: Bye Nabootena! See ya, Impthy! (hums to herself, eats some potato chips happily)

(Scene: The Student Council elevator tower thing, later that day)

Louga: SHELL, EGG, BREAK BLAH!

Student Council: FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!

(Scene: The student coucil tower)

Zuri: What's this about, Louga?

Giki: Yeah, we were going to have a meeting this afternoon anyway. Why'd you call it early?

Rutanami: Have you come to profess your love to me?

Rauonjii: Oh, JEEZ.

Louga: Shut up, all of you! This is important... I called this meeting today because I... I want to challenge Nabootena to another duel.

(They all raise their eyebrows)

Zuri: But Louga... Isn't she supposed to fight the Duel Called Revolution sometime soon?

Louga: Yes.

Giki: ... I'm confused. I thought we'd all had enough dueling... (rubs his chest) After last time...

All: (shudder)

Louga: It's important. I've got to beat her. And after I do, I propose the dissolution of the Student Council.

All: WHAAAAT?!

Rauonjii: WHADDYA NUTS?! Why would you do that?

Rutanami: But Big Brother! If you do that, then no one will be able to bring the world revolution and get the power!

Louga: Exactly!

All: ... Huh?

Louga: (hangs head in shame) I've got a confession to make... I haven't exactly been honest with all of you. I know things that the rest of you don't, and I truly am sorry that I do... But I think it's time I told you, what with the Duel Called Revolution being held tonight...

Zuri: (seriously) What kind of information?

Louga: ... Plenty of it. But the most important bit of it is... (sighs) You're going to be mad at me when I say it.

Rauonjii: Oh, come now Louga! (puts his arm around his shoulder) You're my best buddy, and the rest of us like you too! We wouldn't be mad at you for telling us something important.

Louga: (smiles weakly) OK. The most important bit of information is... There is no power to Revolutionize the world.

All: (mouths drop open) WHAT?!

Giki: ... Whaddya mean there is no power!?

Louga: The power of revolution is simply the term given to the act of opening up the castle that hangs over the dueling arena... Inside, you won't find power, money, anything. Just a prison. Inside that prison is a poor, tortured soul who's been trapped inside for a very long time. And his name is Lios.

All: LIOS?!

Rutanami: As in the SWORD of Lios?

Louga: Yes...

(Scene: A strange sort of flash-forward in time. That night around 11:30, Nabooru has donned her dueling outfit, and Impa her Rose Bride costume. Nabooru looks at Impa, smiles, and hands her a bottle of homeopathic pain pills.)

Nabootena: Tonight's the night, Impthy... I'm finally going to be a prince and set you free...

Impthy: ... (looks sad) ... Nabootena?

Nabootena: Yes?

Impthy: I'm sorry.

Nabootena: For what?

Impthy: For dragging you into this... It really is none of your business...

Nabootena: I've made it my business by my own choice, Impthy.

Impthy: But Nabootena... Do you understand that I have no free will of my own?

Nabootena: ... Uh, yeah. I thought we understood that from the beginning.

Impthy: But do you understand that I cannot control what I do, if my prince orders me to do it?

Nabootena: ... Impthy, what do you mean?

Impthy: (blushes) Oh, nothing... Good luck, Nabootena.

Nabootena: Don't worry, Impthy. I won't lose. I won't let myself lose, either!

(Impa smiles weakly, and nods. Then the two of them set out from their dorm on the way to the dueling arena.)

(Scene: Back at the explanation in the Student Council tower...)

Louga: You see... Lios is a prince. Using the term in a non-literal way. He's not royalty... He was an ordinary person given extraordinary powers by his sister, a witch. He used those powers to save damsels in distress, just like someone we know wants to do. And it turns out, Lios is the reason that person wants to be a prince in the first place.

Zuri: Lios is Nabootena's prince?

Louga: Yes.

Giki: ... And what does Impthy have to do with any of this?

Rauonjii: YEAH! I DEMAND to know why Impthy is the Rose Bride, the supposed key to the power, when there really is no power!

Louga: That's a very long story, but the gist of it is that she was born with amazing magical powers. Being the generous person she is, Impthy gave her power to her Sworn Brother to turn him into a prince. But one day, Impthy was stabbed with the million swords of hatred... And in a final princely act, Lios gave his own life to save hers. The prince known as Lios ceased to exist, and the evil half of him, called End of the World by us, was set free to wreak havoc.

Rutanami: End of the World? That quack is evil?!

Louga: Well DUUUUH. I thought we knew that from the beginning! The free will half of Impthy died along with Lios, and she now has become dependant on finding a new prince to share her power with.

Giki: Poor Impthy...

Zuri: But... But I don't understand! Then why the stupid dueling game? Why did End of the World want us to keep passing around the Rose Bride, and not just find one person to be the prince?

Louga: (sits in a chair) Because after he was set free, End of the World... Known to us as Dakio Farore...

All: DAKIO FARORE!?!?!

Louga: WILL YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME!? ANYWAY, Dakio locked what remained of Lios up in the castle to make sure that he would never take over his evil half again. Dakio instituted the dueling game and made up the story about the Power to make sure that the Rose Bride kept changing hands. Because if no one person could own the Rose Bride forever, they could never truly become her prince and set Lios and her free.

Rauonjii: ... Of course... So Dakio's the BAD GUY?

Louga: Yes...

Zuri: Then how do you know all this?

Louga: Because... He told me.

All: WHAAAAAAAT?!

(Scene: Flash forward to 11:40, the school grounds. Impa and Nabooru are walking towards the dueling tower, when suddenly...)

Louga: (steps out from behind a tree) Good evening, Nabootena.

Nabootena: AGH! (freaks out) LOUGA! You scared the crap outta me!

Louga: I'm sorry... Good evening, Miss Impthy.

Impthy: (bows) Good evening, Mr. President.

Louga: Nabootena... You're on your way to a duel?

Nabootena: THE duel, Louga. The Duel Called Revolution, to be exact! I finally get the power that you wanted so badly...

Louga: (sighs) Nabootena... I can't let you do this.

Nabootena: What?

Louga: (pulls out his sword) I can't let you fight in this duel.

Nabootena: (sighs, turns to Impa) Impthy, you go on ahead to the arena, OK?

Impthy: Of course, Miss Nabootena... (runs off)

Nabootena: (stares at Link with hands on her hips, sighs) What do you want?

Louga: I'm not going to let you fight this duel.

Nabootena: GAWWWWWD, Louga... You are THE WORST loser I've ever known! The last duel between us was almost a month ago! And you're STILL not over it!

Louga: This isn't about that, Nabootena! I can't let you go up in that tower!

Nabootena: Listen, pal... Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a prince! And I won't let anyone, not you, not the Student Council, NOT ANYONE stand in my way!

Louga: Nabootena, you don't understand! If you go up in that tower, you'll... (hesitates)

Nabootena: What?

Louga: You may never come back!

Nabootena: ... Heh. Yeah, sure. Oh, I believe you. (dripping with sarcasm) I'd better turn around, or the big bad dueling tower might kill me!

Louga: I'm serious! Do you know what happens to people when they don't revolutionize the world?

Nabootena: ... What?

Louga: They disappear into the crowd! They lose the ability to revolutionize the world at all! You'll never be the same wonderful person you are if you lose!

Nabootena: Oh, will you SHUT IT? I already told you, I don't like you that way!

Louga: I'm past that now. I challenge you to another duel. And I'm doing it to save you, Nabootena...

Nabootena: Well unfortunately, I don't have a sword yet. So, I can't.

Louga: Then we'll do it the old-fashioned way. (throws down his sword, puts up his fists)

Nabootena: (raises an eyebrow) Oh you've GOT to be kidding me.

Louga: Come on! I want to be your prince tonight, Nabootena! I'm going to save you with my bare fists! Come 'ere!

Nabootena: (walks up to him, brandishes her fists, and punches him in the nose)

Louga: (HONK!) OWWWWW! (clutches face in agony) AAGG! (hits the ground, bleeding and screaming)

Nabootena: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to set Impthy free.

Louga: NO! NABOOTENA, DON'T GO! (still bleeding all over)

Nabootena: I'm GOING.

Louga: NO, NABOOTENA, I LOVE YOU!

Nabootena: (turns back, gives him a funny look) ... I'm still going!

Louga: NO, PLEASE! DON'T GO UP THERE!

Nabootena: GOOD-BYYYYYE, Louga!

(She races across the grounds towards the dueling tower, while Link sits up)

Louga: The others... the other Student Council members... they know the truth... They'll make her understand! (stands up, hobbles off)

(Scene: Back at the explanation)

Louga: (sighs) I knew there was no power... I knew that we were just dueling pointlessly so that the evil part of Lios could continue to live. But you don't understand... I had to... Dakio told me he'd expel Rutanami and myself if I didn't play along with his game. I couldn't let him do that to my little sister, so I played along.

Rutanami: (lovestruck) OH BIG BROTHER! THAT'S SOOOOO ROMANTIC!

Giki: (smacks her) Shaddup...

Louga: I received personal letters from Dakio every week, demanding a new duel. And it was my job to glorify the story about the Power, so you'd all want to do it.

Rauonjii: I don't believe it... I can't believe it! Louga, you're lying! If you knew the power was fake, why did you go all crazy and duel anyway?

Louga: That's when I started to doubt that I could trust Dakio... At first, he wasn't worried about Nabootena... He wanted to test her. That's why he called for duels so often when she first claimed Impthy... But after she beat you, Rutanami, he began to worry. "Why is this girl so good?" he wondered. Dakio started to think that maybe he should try and rub Nabootena out... His first plan was to get rid of the Student Council altogether.

Zuri: By brainwashing you?

Louga: Yes... I already trusted him, so he was easily able to make me go nuts. Though I knew the power was fake, he made me believe that I wanted... no, NEEDED that power, DESPERATELY. He had me write fake duel letters to all of you to try and get you up into the tower. There, I would kill you. And thus would end the dueling game, and Lios' chance of being set free.

Giki: Oh... (rubs his face) So THAT'S why you beat the hell out of me!

Louga: After the spell was broken, I experienced... Em... SIDE-EFFECTS for a few days. And after that was over, I had decided not to help Dakio anymore. He threatened to expel Rutanami and me again, and I threatened to tell everyone that the game was a set-up. He immediately shut up. And he let me go...

Rauonjii: So that's why you were as confused as the rest of us at what happened next...

Louga: Dakio was looking for a new way to beat Nabootena. He decided that he needed more duelists.

Zuri: The Black Rose guys!

Rutanami: Is that why Katsuru and Anjuko and all them went crazy?

Louga: Yes. Dakio lured them to him by advertising a club for people who hated the duelists or the Rose Bride... And using rings of duelists that had died, he took over them and made them really, really violent...

(Scene: Flash forward, 11:45 PM. Nabooru arrives at the base of the dueling tower, and starts her ascent. But instead of singing the Random Weird Song, the chorus singers are just humming the tune of it.)

Chorus Singers:
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMMMMM HMM HMM HMM!

So on, so forth...

(Meanwhile, Link is frantically knocking on dorm room doors)

Louga: (pounding on a door) GIKI! GIKI, WAKE UP! OPEN THE DOOR, HURRY!

Kazoo: (answers the door) ... GIKIIIIII! THAT DUMB GUY IS HERE TO SEE YOU!

Giki: (arrives at the door in a pair of footy pajamas) LOUGA... IT'S REALLY LATE! WHAT do you want?

(The humming starts up again, as Link's mouth moves and Ganondorf looks more and more horrified. Finally, Ganondorf runs inside, changes into his uniform [... but of course you don't SEE him change], and races back out to join Link)

(A few minutes later, Ganondorf and Link and pounding on another door. Zelda opens it, looking really, REALLY mad. Link and Ganondorf both wave their hands animatedly, and Zelda suddenly wakes up. Racing inside, she emerges a minute later with her uniform on, and they all race off across the grounds)

Chorus Singers:
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMMMMM HMM HMM HMM!

(We see Nabooru, still climbing the stairs of the dueling tower.)

(Scene cuts to the three Student Council guys, banging on another dorm. Rauru appears, with a Twinkie shoved up his nose. The others wave their hands animatedly, and Rauru looks horrified. He races inside, emerging a minute later with his uniform on, and they all race off.)

Chorus Singers:
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMM!
HMMM HMMMMM HMM HMM HMM!

(The Student Council appears at another dorm, banging on the door. Ruto appears, and the four of them start waving their arms animatedly. Ruto shakes her head and slams the door. Link looks upset, opens the door and runs inside. Minutes later, he has forced Ruto into her uniform and is dragging her out by the fin. The five of them speed off towards the dueling tower)

(Scene: Back at the explanation)

Louga: The Black Rose duelists sent us a letter then. It told us to all meet Nabootena at the dueling tower... We did, and then... EEECH. (rubs his chest)

All: (rub their chests)

Zuri: So what was up with that?

Louga: No clue. I don't think even the author knows that.

GG: (voice cuts it) No, I don't... EECH.

Louga: (shrugs) Nabootena won then, too. Then Dakio's former friend and assistant, Mikauge, challenged her. She won... again. Which leads us to now. Dakio has been acting friendly to her for a while now... That's because it's part of his final plan to destroy Nabootena.

Giki: Which is...?

Louga: He's going to challenge her to the Duel Called Revolution, and she's going to lose.

All: (gasp)

Rutanami: But... if you lose that duel, doesn't it mean that you no longer have the power of revolution AT ALL?!

Louga: You lose your ring, you lose your duelist position, and you forget everything. No one has ever beaten the Duel Called Revolution... And Nabootena won't be the first.

Zuri: What makes you so sure?

Louga: (sighs) ... I just know. And so, that's what's been going on. I've known everything the whole time, and I am truly ashamed that I didn't tell you. So... what do you think? Do you all hate me now?

(Rauru calmly stands and clears his throat, walking over to where Link is sitting. He sets his hand on Link's shoulder)

Rauonjii: Well pal... You really had no choice, but... (screams in rage, punches him in the face repeatedly) THAT WAS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF YOU DOING, YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID-

Giki: RAUONJII! (runs over, pulls his hand away) SAVE SOME FOR ME! (they both start punching him)

Zuri: BOYS! Ladies first! (runs over, starts punching Link)

Louga: OW! OW! OW! AAIEEEE!

Rutanami: ... (brooding look) Y'know Big Brother, normally I would object furiously to you getting the pulp beat out of you... BUT TODAY I DON'T CARE!

(Scene: Flash forward, 11:59. The song is still being hummed as Nabooru reaches the top of the tower. It suddenly stops.)

Nabootena: (looks around, sees no one) ... Impthy? Hellloooooo?

(She slowly starts walking around the dueling tower, and she still sees no one.)

Nabootena: Is anyone here? HELLOOOOOO!?! I came here for a duel, not a solo! (pa-dum, CHI!)

(Suddenly, the clock on the tower strikes midnight. As each gong sounds, Nabooru turns around again, still seeing no one.)

GONG...

Nabootena: Hello?

GONG...

Nabootena: Is anyone here?

GONG...

Nabootena: Come on! (GONG...) I'm waiting for you, and I'm ready to duel! (GONG...) COME ON OUT AND FIGHT! (GONG...) HEY! (GONG...) Didn't you hear me? (GONG...)

GONG...

Nabootena: IMPTHY!

GONG...

Nabootena: IMPTHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

GONG...

(Suddenly, the chiming stops. Nabooru looks around suspiciously.)

Nabootena: Hey... wait a sec! That was only 11 "GONGS"! It's midnight, there's supposed to be-

GONG!

(Nabooru is thwapped on the back of the head by a frying pan. She hits the ground, unconscious. We can't see who hit her.)

(Scene: Back at the explanation- er, BEATDOWN.)

Louga: (applying peroxide to his cuts) Yes... I think I deserved that... But that's nothing compared to what my real punishment will be...

Rauonjii: What?

Louga: ... I'm going to lose the woman I love forever...

Rutanami: (swoons) NO YOU WON'T! I'M RIGHT HERE, MY DARLING BROTHER!

Louga: Oh, put a sock in it, Rutanami.

Rutanami: (looks pissed)

Zuri: Louga, you seem so sure that Nabootena's going to lose! Why?

Giki: (holding out his stopwatch, watching the numbers go up) Hmmm... Is it because now, it's all up to Nabootena? We, the Student Council, no longer have control over what will happen... We can only sit here and wait?

Louga: No... those earrings she's wearing...

All: EARRINGS?!

Louga: Yes, those earrings... (sighs) It's hopeless. She wore the earrings, so she will lose.

Rutanami: What are you talking about?

Louga: DAKIO'S EARRINGS OF DOOM! (thunder and lightning crash)

(The student council sits in silence, staring from one to another. The camera zooms on Link, sitting sadly and staring at the table... To Rauru, folding up a Twinkie wrapper into origami shapes... To Zelda, building a house of cards... To Ganondorf, watching his stopwatch tick... To Ruto, resting her head on her hands and looking worried.)

Rutanami: (out of nowhere) We won't let it happen.

Louga: Hmm?

Rutanami: We won't sit here and wait while Nabootena goes up there and gets herself killed... She's one of us. (holds up her ring) She's got a ring, and she's one of us!

Zuri: But... she's not in the Student Council...

Rutanami: It's not ABOUT the Council anymore! Plenty of people outside the Council have dueled. It's about the rings! They're what unites us. You know, you could say... um... (pauses)

Giki: Um... "One ring to rule them all..."

Rutanami: Yeah! "One ring to find them!"

Zuri: "One ring to bring them in..."

Louga: (still sounding depressed) "And in the darkness bind them!"

Rauonjii: Wow... you know, that would make REALLY, REALLY COOL fantasy novel!

Louga: But Rutanami, I thought you hated her!

Rutanami: I don't hate her if she really makes Louga happy! And besides, that doesn't matter anymore! Like we just said, it's the rings! It's the rings that make us family! WE'RE THE LORDS OF THE RINGS!

Giki: Rutanami, for once in her life, is right! We're Nabootena's friends!

Rauonjii: Well... some of us are...

Giki: No, we all are! And I say, we don't sit here and wait! We find out when that Duel Called Revolution is... And then we go and help her!

Zuri: Giki is right about Rutanami being right! Nabootena helped all of us! It's time we helped her!

Rauonjii: Zuri is right about Giki being right about Rutanami being right! Let's can that evil headmaster, and then set Lios free, and then... (grins) And then Impthy and I can finally be together!

Giki: LIAR! IT'S ME SHE LOVES!

Rauonjii: NO, ME YOU SAP-ARTIST!

Giki: ME!

Rauonjii: ME!

Louga: (quietly) ... If it cannot break its shell, the chick will die without ever truly being born...

(Ganondorf and Rauru both shut up)

Louga: We are the chick, and the world is our egg...

(Zelda and Ruto look at Link and both grin)

Louga: If we don't smash the world's shell, WE will die without ever truly being born!

(They all gather around the table)

Louga: (yelling) Smash the world's shell...

All: (hold up their rings triumphantly) FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE WORLD!

Louga: (all pep-assembly-ish) SO LET'S SIT DOWN AND WAIT FOR THAT DUEL!

All: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(They all collapse into chairs and look the same as they did a few minutes ago)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
(OK, all you non-spoiler type people. You'd better stop reading now. Continue reading where you see the squiggly line again!)












(Scene: Flash forward, 12:05 AM. A strange room speckled with exploding stars and galaxies and that sort of thing. A set of golden double doors, locked with a really big lock are set on the other side of the room. Nabooru is lying face down on the floor.)

Dakio: Wake up, Nabootena.

Nabootena: Ugh...

Dakio: Wake up, my princess...

Nabootena: Eh?

(Nabooru sits up quickly. She sees Darunia, dressed as a prince and sitting in a throne in front of the doors. Impa stands next to him, still in her Rose Bride dress, looking solemn.)

Nabootena: ... Dakio? Impthy?! Where... where are we?

Dakio: (points around him) We're inside the castle, Nabootena. The Castle Where Conformity Dwells.

Nabootena: Isn't it supposed to be "Eternity"?

Dakio: We had to pay extra to use the real name. Now shut up... Yes, this is my bedroom, Nabootena...

Nabootena: (leaps to her feet, screams) EWWWWWWWWWW! OH GROSS, GROSS, GROSS, GROSS!

Dakio: (annoyed) ... RELAX. Nothing HAPPENED.

Nabootena: (points at him furiously) OK Dakio... Explain. Why are we in here? And why am I NOT fighting the Duel Called Revolution?!

Dakio: You're here because it's the way things are supposed to be. At the end of the fairy tale, the prince and the princess get married and live in the castle... Happily ever after.

Nabootena: (eyes pop open) You... you're the...

(Suddenly, memories come flooding back to Nabooru. She remembers the whole conversation with Mikau last episode that she conveniently forgot for all of this chapter.)

Nabootena: YOU! YOU'RE LIOS!

Dakio: Me? (chuckles) Don't be silly. I'm nothing like that ridiculously stupid goody-goody prince. I'm his EVIL half. I see you finally remember.

Nabootena: You... How could you lie to me? You were so nice to me the last few months... And these earrings! Why did you give them to me?

Dakio: Because. Princesses do look lovely with earrings. And as for the Duel, you can forget about it, my dear princess... Because who ever heard of a princess who fights?

Nabootena: Plenty of them do! Xena, Warrior Princess fought bad guys! Princess Leia fought Storm Troopers! Princess Diana fought hunger! (screaming) POP PRINCESS BRITNEY SPEARS FIGHTS ALL THAT IS CONSIDERED GOOD, WELL-WRITTEN MUSIC! PRINCESS-

Dakio: OK, OK, OKKKKKK! BAD EXAMPLE! But the point is, Nabootena... You're not one of those Princesses...

Nabootena: I'm not a princess, I'm a prince! And I've come to save the princess, Impthy, the Rose Bride! You never should have existed, Dakio, and now I'm going to destroy you!

Dakio: Oh yes. You want to... SAVE Lios. Right. (chuckles) But does that make him a princess? A damsel in distress? Heh heh heh heh heh...

Nabootena: It's not about boys or girls anymore, Dakio! That's what this show is all about! Proving that you don't HAVE to be a boy to be a prince! Or a girl to be a princess in need of rescue! Gender roles are merely stereotypical lies set by centuries of stupid people! And I WANT TO KEEP BREAKING THOSE LIES!

Dakio: Oh, how noble. Well, too bad, you can't.

Nabootena: (scowls, points her sword at him) Who says!?

Dakio: Those earrings.

Nabootena: What about them?!

Dakio: You really need to catch up on your fairy tales, Nabootena. Who ever heard of a princess who betrayed her prince?

Nabootena: ... what?

Dakio: Lios is your prince... And you are wearing earrings from me. I am not your prince. You betrayed him, Nabootena... And because of that, you cannot save him...

Nabootena: LIAR! Impthy, say something! Tell him that you believe in me! I'm your prince, and I'm going to save you!

Impthy: ... I am the Rose Bride, Nabootena... A living corpse, stabbed by the swords of hatred but saved by my Sworn Brother, who died instead... I am punished for his sacrifice... I am bound to him, my prince... And I can never, never leave his side... (touches Darunia's arm)

Nabootena: (eyes widen) You... SHE'S BEEN WORKING FOR YOU!

Dakio: The whole time, Nabootena! Impthy's known everything! All my evil plans, all my tricks, all my traps... She's known, because I am her true prince... And I have complete control over her... And I will never, NEVER let her go...

Impthy: (tearing up, but still sounding full of sarcasm) Are you angry, Nabootena? Are you mad at me? Because you never were my real prince?

Nabootena: (dumbstruck)

Dakio: Awww... (mock sadness) How sad... Abandoned by your princess, your majesty... Heh heh heh... You see? Now there's no point... You'll be doing nothing for Impthy by letting her go... So... (holds out his hand) Come with me, Nabootena. Be my princess. Let's live happily ever after.

Nabootena: Then... what will happen to Impthy?

Dakio: She will remain the Rose Bride... Forever.

Nabootena: Forever...

Impthy: (a single tear rolls down her face) You know you want to, Nabootena. Abandon me, because I'm a horrible, terrible girl... I'm a tramp who lied to you. I'm happy being the Rose Bride... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry I fooled you... But as Saraba once told you... I'm a weirdo... As Rutanami once said, I'm a Big Fat Weirdo Who Keeps Snails In Her Pencil Box... And A Mongoose In My Drawer... And An Octopus In My Closet...

Nabootena: (smiles) And as Giki once said, you're His Shining Thing... The Apple Of His Eye... The Cream In His Coffee...

Impthy: (eyes widen)

Nabootena: And as I once said, you're my best friend.

Impthy: (eyes really widen) ... What?

Nabootena: And so, Dakio, because Impthy is my best friend, I will NOT abandon her. I will stick by her, be her prince, and save her and Lios... from YOU! (points her sword at him) I challenge you... To the Duel Called Revolution!

Dakio: (sighs) ... It wasn't meant to be this way Nabootena... Heh heh... That's just like you. You haven't changed, even since that day your parents died. Defiant to the end. Very well, then. IMPTHY!

Impthy: (holds up her hands. An orange rose appears at Nabooru's chest, and a dark red one at Darunia's chest.) Triforce of Hyrule Castle... Power of Lios that sleeps within me... Obey your master and come... AAGGH... FORTH!

(Impa falls backwards and Nabooru catches her, yanking the Sword of Lios out of her chest.)

Nabootena: GIVE ME THE POWER TO BRING THE WORLD REVOLUTION!

Dakio: Oh yeah? Heh, you think you're so special, Nabootena... WATCH THIS! IMPTHY! (snaps his fingers)

Impthy: (sighs) Triforce of Hyrule Castle... Power of Lios that sleeps within me... Obey your master and come... FORTH... AIEEE!

(Darunia throws Impa over his knee, and pulls a black Sword of Lios out of her chest)

Dakio: I will have you as my princess, Nabootena... No matter what.

Nabootena: ... How many swords has she got in there, anyway?

Dakio: A MILLION! Remember?

Nabootena: Oh yeah... HIIYAAAA!

Dakio: AAGGGIEIIIIII!

(Long, violent, "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" -esque sword fights, as the two of them keep screaming things. Impa stands by, watching.)

@-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->----

(OH NO! RIGHT AT THE EXCITING PART, TOO! IT'S THE LAST SHADOW PLAY!)

(Scene: The Shadow Play stage. All the shadow guys are sitting around, talking, and jumping around, as usual)

M-ko: What do you want to be when you grow up?

H-ko: (in a chef's hat) I want to be a chef!

D-ko: (hearts pop out of his head) I want to be your lover...

H-ko: Never mind! (makes out with Darling)

G-ko: WANNA BE! WANNA BE! PSYCHOPATHIC AND CRAZY!

T-ko: I want to be a mapmaker when I grow up! KOOLOO LIMPAH!

M-ko: And I've always wanted to sell masks! What about you, S-ko, S-ko?

S-ko: I want to be a superhero...

T-ko: A superhero? You can't be! KOOLOO LIMPAH!

S-ko: Why not?

G-ko: POWERS, NO! POWERS, NO! YOU CANNOT BE A BIG HERO! WITHOUT POWERS YOU... ARE OUT OF LUCK, IT'S TRUE!

S-ko: I don't believe you! I'll be a superhero anyway!

M-ko: But it doesn't make sense for you to be a superhero!

S-ko: Who cares? I have to follow my dreams...

T-ko: THAT'S SO BRAVE! KOOLOO LIMPAH!

S-ko: It's not that brave! It's just what I've always thought, even since I was a kid.

M-ko: (suddenly wearing an astronaut costume) When I was a kid, I thought I'd be an astronaut... But then I learned how hard it would be, and I gave up! (costume disappears)

T-ko: I wanted to be a Forest Fairy... But of course, I can't... So I gave up! KOOLOO LIMPAH!

S-ko: I just never let go of my dreams! That way, they still might come true!

M-ko: That's good advice... I'M GONNA BE AN ASTRONAUT! (gets his suit again)

T-ko: FOREST FAIRY, KOOLOO LIMPAH!

G-ko: DREAMS COME TRUE! DREAMS COME TRUE! IF LET GO OF THEM DO NOT YOU!

S-ko: I think everyone can do it, but I'm not sure. Do you know?

All: DO YOU KNOW, DO YOU KNOW, DO YOU REALLY, REALLY KNOW?!

@-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->----

(Scene: The Student Council guys are banging on the door of the dueling tower, but it won't open)

Louga: DARNIT! We may be too late!

Giki: We won't be too late! We can't be! We won't give up!

Zuri: Yeah, if the door won't open for our rings, let's try something else!

Rauonjii: Let's smack Rutanami's head into it!

Rutanami: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING! I've got a better idea...

Rauonjii: ... what?

(A few minute later, they're all lifting up Rauru and they keep smacking his head into the door)

Rauonjii: OW! OW! OW! YOU STUPID... OW!

Zuri: Look! It's denting!

Louga: Attaboy, Rauonjii! I knew that fat head of yours would come in handy someday!

(Scene: Up in the castle, the "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon"-esque duel between Nabooru and Darunia continues.)

Nabootena: (runs through the air, perches on the wall) I won't let you win, Dakio!

Dakio: You have no choice, you fool! (does a quadruple back flip and lands on the ceiling, launches himself at Nabooru) THE PRINCE AND THE PRINCESS BELONG TOGETHER!

Nabootena: Not THAT prince with THIS princess!

Impthy: (silent, looks worried)

Dakio: YAAAAAH!

(He slashes his sword at Nabooru, and she holds hers out. His sword snaps in half, and he stares at the handle in disbelief.)

Dakio: ... FINE! IMPTHY! (jumps down to the ground, throws Impa over his knee and pulls another sword out of her chest)

Impthy: UUUGH...

Nabootena: (jumps down to ground) Come on, pal! Let's finish this!

Dakio: EEEEYAAAAAAA!

Nabootena: HIYAAAAAAAAA!

(Their swords clash, and Darunia's snaps in half AGAIN.)

Dakio: (stares at his sword in disbelief) ... Pain in the... IMPTHY!

Impthy: (falls backwards, ANOTHER sword is pulled out of her chest)

Nabootena: (raises an eyebrow) That has GOTTA hurt... Poor Impthy...

Impthy: I'M... FINE! (gasps, downs a few more pain pills)

Dakio: You're being stupid, Nabootena! The princess was never meant to fight! You're just putting off the inevitable! I WILL HAVE YOU! I HAVE EVERYONE WHO RIDES IN MY CAR!

Nabootena: EWWWWWW! Just for that, I'll be SURE not to lose!

Dakio: AAAAAGGGGHHH! (tries to stab her, gets his sword stuck in the wall) CRAP!

Nabootena: You're really not as good as you put on to be...

Dakio: AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA! (snaps his fingers, a new sword flies out of Impa's chest and into his hand) AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Nabootena: (slashes her sword, Darunia's sword breaks again)

Dakio: (stares at it) Good GRIEF. OK... (throws down the broken handle) I bet you never anticipated THIS, Nabootena! (waves his hand dramatically)

Nabootena: What the... (her parachute pants start glowing) HEY!

(There is a flash of light, and Nabooru's parachute pants and uniform top transform into a bright orange Rose Bride dress, just like Impa's!)

Nabootena: HEY! THOSE WERE MY FAVORITE PANTS! Why'd you go and do that?!

Dakio: Because then I can do THIS!

(Nabooru's chest starts glowing... Uh oh.)

Nabootena: YAAIEIIEEE!

(Darunia throws Nabooru over his knee and yanks a sword out of her chest. JEEEEZ! I am SO CONFUSED!)

Dakio: And now...

Nabootena: (gasping for air on the floor) YOU... HOW... HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

Dakio: (thinks for a moment, shrugs) I dunno. NOW WE'LL FINISH THIS!

Nabootena: (slowly stands up, points the Sword of Lios at him) I won't let you do it, Dakio... I won't let you enslave Impthy forever! PLEASE! Think about it, Dakio!

Dakio: Think about what?

Nabootena: (points to where Impa is... Er, WAS standing...) You sacrificed your life to save her... Why do you want to enslave her now?! Without Lios, you're nothing! You're only living a half-life! Why would you do that to yourself?

Dakio: ... A HALF-LIFE? (chuckles evilly) Are you kidding? With Lios hanging around... even if it IS rightfully his body... I can only do things that are RIGHTEOUS or TRUTHFUL! Without that Prince of the Prudes around, I can DO whatever I want! I can GO wherever I want! I can SCREW whoever I want!

Nabootena: Whoa... hey, too much info! (Suddenly looks full of energy again) Well, fine... if you're going to be stubborn... But Lios saved me when I was a kid, and now it's time I RETURNED THE FAVOR!

Dakio: Fine... You know what I say? Enough of this silly dueling! (takes off his rose, throws it on the ground) They could say that this isn't a life or death situation... WELL IT IS NOW! One of the two of us will DIE, Nabootena! Either you or me! TWO duelists came in this tower, and only ONE will leave! I say we do one last strike... And the one who's not dead when it's over will be the winner!

Nabootena: (throws off her rose) Fine by me! But first... (lifts up the Rose Bride skirt, cuts it off just above her knee) I'M SICK OF THIS DAMN DRESS!

Dakio: FINE!

Nabootena: ... FINE!

Dakio: Swords in place! (points his sword at Nabooru)

Nabootena: Swords in place! (points her sword at Darunia)

Dakio: Are you ready, Princess?

Nabootena: I've been ready to set Impthy free since I first met her...

Dakio: Fine... On the count of three, we strike. I'm sorry it had to come to this, Nabootena. You would have made a wonderful princess.

Nabootena: Cut the crap, Dakio! Let's do this!

Dakio: (sneers) One...

Nabootena: (sneers) One!

Dakio: Two... (leans back, as if he is going to jump at her)

Nabootena: Two! (does the same)

(Triumphant, dramatic music plays)

Dakio: THREE! (steps back, like he's not going to move)

Nabootena: THREEEEEEEEE! (leaps at him, doing a Gerudo spin attack) FOR THE REVOLUTION OF THE-

(Suddenly, the music immediately stops, and Nabooru lets out a scream of agony. Her feet touch the ground and she gasps in pain)

Nabootena: AGGHHH...

Dakio: Well done... My princess.

(Impa has leaped up in between Darunia and Nabooru, and stabbed Nabooru through the chest with yet another sword pulled out of herself.)

Impthy: (glaring evilly) Farewell... Miss Nabootena!

Nabootena: AGGGHHHH... (clutches her chest and collapses to her knees, blood is dripping all over) IMPTHY... I... why?

Impthy: I can't let you hurt my prince, Nabootena... I'm happy being the Rose Bride.

Nabootena: You... LIED... No... (collapses facedown, clutching her chest in agony) Impthy... what did Dakio do to you?

Dakio: (laughs wickedly) It appears that Lios knows you betrayed him, Nabootena... His sword has given up on you.

Impthy: (smiles evilly) I can see it pleases you to watch her die, brother... And pleasing you pleases me...

Dakio: Heh heh heh... Oh dear... Look... The princess IS dying! Impthy, this DOES look familiar, doesn't it?

Impthy: Yes, Brother...

Dakio: And thus, the princess was stabbed with the Million Swords of Hatred...

(Dramatic, evil music plays in the background. The room falls into shadow, and Nabooru rolls over, still screaming in pain. Suddenly, the silhouettes of millions of swords flash across her body, and she screams even louder)

Nabootena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH! IMPTHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Impthy: (is silent)

Dakio: Oh dear... (laughing even more evilly) But there's a difference this time, Impthy! There IS no prince to show up and save the princess now! She'll just give up... Roll over and die in a pool of her very own blood... A... POOR... PITIFUL... WEAK little princess without a prince...

(The flashing silhouette swords stop, and Nabooru is starting to look pale. She pushes her head off the floor weakly, and stares with wide, horrified eyes at the golden door in the corner.)

Nabootena: (sounds like she's dying... Because she IS, I guess) I... I'm... sorry... Impthy...

Impthy: ... what?

Nabootena: (slowly crawling over towards the doors) I couldn't... save you... from... him...

Impthy: ... You're stupid, Nabootena! You're STILL not giving up? But can't you see that you're dying? YOU'RE AN IDIOT! You just won't give up! When Louga beat you, when the Black Rose Duelists came, and now, even when you're dying, you won't give up! WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED?

Nabootena: I wanted to... save you from... him... And from... yourself...

Impthy: (pauses, then gasps, as if she just realized something)

Dakio: How pathetic. The princess wants to say a dramatic little speech before she dies. Oh well, let's hear it. (flops against the wall, rests his head in his hands)

Nabootena: I've got to... free him... (is about 2 yards away from the door)

Dakio: (stares at her) What are you doing? You idiot. You can't get out that way. That only leads further into the castle.

Nabootena: I've got... (breathing gets shallow)

Dakio: (stands up in terror) Stay away from that door! That door will only kill you faster, you stupid girl!

(Nabooru touches the door, and it starts to glow softly.)

Nabootena: I... can't...

Dakio: I SAID TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT DOOR! You won't be able to open it by yourself! You're just wasting time before you die! STOP, NABOOTENA! AS MASTER OF THIS SCHOOL, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!

Nabootena: As if... that matters now... (pushes as hard as she can against the door)

Dakio: YOU CAN'T OPEN THAT DOOR BY YOURSELF! You'll never...

(Suddenly, you hear a creaking noise, and the door begins to move as Nabooru pushes it)

Dakio: WHAT?!

(Impa is pushes on the door along with Nabooru, trying to get it to open)

Impthy: Hang on, Nabootena! Keep pushing!

Dakio: IMPTHY! YOU BACK- ... Er, CHEST-STABBING TRAMP! GET OVER HERE, NOW!

Nabootena: (shoves with all her strength) Why... won't it open?

(Suddenly, a beautiful hymn begins to play in the background, and letters begin to form at the top of the door)

Dakio: What... AGGGGHHHH! (screams, ducks his head) IT'S LIOS! LIOS IS COMING OUT TO GET ME!

(The first line of letters forms to spell out DAKIO'S)

Dakio: OH CRAP! OH CRAP! HE'S WRITING A MESSAGE TO ME! STOP OPENING THAT DOOR NOW, IMPTHY, I COMMAND YOU!

(The second line forms the words PRIVATE OTHER HALF STORAGE. A third line begins to form, as Impa and Nabooru push harder)

Impthy: Don't die, Nabootena! I'm so sorry! I couldn't help it... I couldn't...

Nabootena: I... believe you! Just keep pushing!

Dakio: (eyes wide in horror) The words... the third line of words, what do they say?

(The third line of words appears, and Impa and Nabooru stop pushing on the door to read them)

DAKIO'S
PRIVATE OTHER HALF STORAGE
PULL TO OPEN

Nabootena: ... NOOOOOOOO! (screams in agony again, clutches chest, and collapses to the ground... Dead?)

Impthy: (gasps in horror) NABOOTENA!

Dakio: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU HAVE TO PULL TO OPEN THAT DOOR!

Impthy: Nabootena!

(Impa reaches down to take Nabooru's pulse, but as she does her chest explodes in a burst of light, and she starts screaming. The light engulfs the room... and as the next scene shows, apparently more)

(Scene: The top of the dueling tower. The Student Council arrives just in time to watch the castle slowly engulfed by a white light)

Giki: LOOK! THE CASTLE!

Zuri: It came down!

Rauonjii: Impthy and Nabootena must be inside!

Rutanami: Come on, let's- Hey, what's that light!

Louga: Oh... Oh NO! We're too late!

All: WHAT?!

Louga: It's... It's... AAAAAAAGGGGHHH! (the light engulfs him)

Zuri: AGIIIIIEIEEE! (light engulfs her)

Giki: IMPTHYYYYYYYYY! (light engulfs him)

Rauonjii: AHEEEEEEEUUUUUUIII! (light engulfs him)

Rutanami: HEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (light engulfs her)

(The camera zooms way out and we watch as the light engulfs the entirety of Farore Academy. We hear hundreds of simultaneous screams of terror, and above all, the screaming of Impa and Nabooru.)













(dramatic tension)












(Scene: The Farore Academy hospital wing, the next day.)

Nurse 1: How is the patient?

Nurse 2: Who, this one? What's her name again?

Nurse 1: Nabootena Gerudo.

Nurse 2: Oh yeah, her? She's doing fine. Resting quietly.

Nurse 1: I can't believe what a stupid stunt she pulled. Breaking into the dueling arena... And then she fell off the stairs! She's lucky she didn't DIE!

Nurse 2: Yes... She reminds me of another girl, I sort of remember. The one who always used to wear a boy's school uniform and a pair of pink parachute pants?

Nurse 1: ... I don't remember any girl like that.

Nurse 2: It's funny... I don't remember her well either. But from what I remember she looked like this one.

Nurse 1: I don't think so.

Nurse 2: Yeah, maybe you're right.

(Scene: A math classroom. Saria, Rauru, Kazoo, Malon, and Ruto are all sitting in a big huddle, staring at an empty chair in the last row)

Saraba: What happened to her?

Kazoo: Who?

Saraba: Nabootena Gerudo! Isn't she in the hospital wing now?

Rauonjii: Who are you talking about, my love? (... ew.)

Malori: Nabootena Gerudo? Which one is she?

Rutanami: Funny... I can't seem to picture her face.

Saraba: Isn't she the one with the twin brother who plays the bagpipes?

Kazoo: Uh... no, Saraba... That's me.

Saraba: Oh. Well then, I don't know who she is. But they say she really got herself hurt by doing something dumb.

Rauonjii: Hmmph. Typical girl.

Saraba: Oh Rauonjii, you're so funny! (glomps him) You'll be my boyfriend forever, won't you?

Rauonjii: Of course, my dear Saraba!

Malori: Hey, whatever happened to that girl who always wore the boy's school uniform?

Rutanami: Beats me. Maybe she moved.

(Scene: The music room. Zelda is sitting with Ganondorf, who is playing "The Sunlit Garden" on the bagpipes. But he doesn't seem to be doing too well.)

Zuri: Your bagpipes sound out of tune today, Giki.

Giki: Yeah, I know.

Zuri: Why is that? You're usually so good at playing them.

Giki: I can't explain it. It's like... something's missing. Some part of me that I really treasured has been taken away. You know... Like when you lose a friend who you really liked, and who really liked you.

Zuri: ... Why would you feel that way, Giki? Did you lose a friend?

Giki: No, I'm sure I didn't.

Zuri: Hmmm. Hey, did you hear about Nabootena Gerudo?

Giki: Who's she?

Zuri: I'm not sure. But I heard that she's in the hospital wing because she did something really stupid and got hurt.

Giki: Hmmm... The name sounds familiar. But I don't think I know her.

Zuri: Kinda like that girl who always used to wear the boy's uniform. Whatever happened to her?

Giki: I think the same thing. She did something stupid and got hurt... then they sent her home.

Zuri: Hmmm. There seems to be a lot of stupid people these days.

Giki: Yes, there does. (starts playing again)

(Scene: The hospital wing. Link stands outside the door, with a bouquet of flowers)

Nurse 1: (answers the door) What do you want?

Louga: Excuse me... I've come to give these flowers to Nabootena Gerudo. My girlfriend.

Nurse 1: Oh, you're just in time. She just woke up.

(Link walks into the wing and sees Nabooru, looking very sleepy in a bed)

Nabootena: Oooh... what happened?

Louga: You silly... you fell off the roof of the dueling tower, remember?

Nabootena: Oh yes, that's right... What was I doing up there?

Louga: I don't know. But I brought you these flowers. I hope they make you feel better.

Nabootena: Oh, Louga, you're so sweet! (kisses his cheek)

Louga: You too, Nabootena... But there's something different about you.

Nabootena: What do you mean?

Louga: I mean... There seems to be some character trait about you that's been forgotten. Like... you're not acting like yourself.

Nabootena: Don't be silly, Louga. I've always been like this! Just a plain, normal, everyday girl.

Louga: ... Yes, of course... (laughs) I am pretty silly, eh?

Nabootena: You certainly are... Oh, I think I'm going to go change out of this dumb hospital gown. Could you hand me my uniform?

(Link reaches behind the bed and pulls out A GIRL'S SCHOOL UNIFORM, handing it to Nabooru. She grins and walks into the bathroom to change. Link smiles, and leans back in the chair he's in. Suddenly, he sees Nabooru's Triforce signet ring on the table)

Louga: ... Nabootena, what's this?

Nabootena: (from the bathroom) What's what?

Louga: This ring on the table. Is it yours?

Nabootena: What ring?

Louga: It's a little silver ring with a pink circle on it. And inside the pink circle is a little Triforce symbol, just like the school seal.

Nabootena: ... That's strange. I don't own any ring like that. It's not mine.

Louga: Oh. OK!

(She emerges from the bathroom in an orange girl's school uniform, grinning)

Nabootena: Well, shall we go to lunch?

Louga: Certainly. I'm glad you're feeling better, wubby-kins.

Nabootena: Me too, snoofy-pie.

(The two of them leave the hospital wing, holding hands. The Triforce Signet ring stays on the table.)

(Scene: Darunia's office. He's talking on the phone with someone)

Dakio: What do you mean, Mikauge? There's no one like that here. A girl who wears a boy's uniform? It must have been a dream. Yes? Uh huh. OK, see you then. OK... Buh bye. (hangs up, snickers) It worked better than I expected. No one remembers her at all... Not even her. Yes Dakio, you've done it again...

(He pours himself a glass of champagne, and lifts it to the sky)

Dakio: To Lios... For your new eternal sentence of life in prison... Thanks for the memories, pal! Geh heh heh... (drinks the champagne, then spits it out) YEWESCCH! IT'S FLAT! (snaps fingers) IMPTHY! GET IN HERE!

(Impa enters but in a very different outfit from usual. It's a classy purple pantsuit. It looks like she's going to a job interview. Nachu is sitting on her shoulder, looking despicably cute as usual.)

Impthy: You called, Brother?

Nachu: NACHU! NACHU!

Dakio: Yes, get me some more champagne, on the double!

Impthy: But if I do that, I'll miss my train.

Dakio: (interested) Train? What train?

Impthy: I'm leaving school, brother. I don't wish to remain here anymore.

Dakio: (snickers) Don't be stupid, Impthy. You can't leave SCHOOL. You're the Rose Bride. How am I going to start the dueling game again with all new duelists if you're not here?

Impthy: Easy. You won't.

Dakio: (eyes bug out) WHAT!? How dare you speak to me that way, you mindless corpse! What happened to being quiet, and respectful, AND MY ETERNAL SLAVE!?

Impthy: I don't want to anymore.

Dakio: You don't- (chokes) WHAT?! Since when do you have a free will?

Impthy: Since Lios gave it back to me.

Dakio: (eyes bug out even more, looks really scared) L-L-LIOS?!

Impthy: Goodbye, brother. If you want someone to help you keep Lios under wraps, you'll have to find someone else. Because I want to leave this place. I want to go to the outside world.

Dakio: IMPTHY SHEIKAHMIYA, YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU ROSE BRIDE YOU! You are not leaving, because I SAID SO!

Impthy: Oh, put a sock in it, Dakio! (throws Nachu at him)

Nachu: NACHU! (bites his nose)

Dakio: OW! OW! (tries to shake him off) YOU LITTLE-

Impthy: Nachu, come on.

Nachu: NACHU! (leaps onto Impa's shoulder, and the two of them leave the office)

Dakio: (shaking in fear) No... Lios... It can't be... He can't have escaped... If he escaped, then... But he could have! But without Impthy... And without the dueling game, he... OH NOOOO! (screams like a girl) AAAAAAAIIEEEEE!

(Darunia starts gasping for breath, and then he sighs. He reaches in his desk and pulls out his Nabooru, Impa, Lios and his own action figures. He knocks Nabooru down, throws Impa across the room, and then makes the Lios figure attack the Darunia figure. Throwing Lios on the table in frustration, he eyes his own action figure and lets out a great sigh.)

Dakio: (makes his action figure back flip) Ciao...

(Scene: The parking lot. Impa gets in Darunia's red convertible, and starts pulling out. Nabooru, Link, Ganondorf, Zelda, Ruto, and Rauru, who all happen to be passing by, watch her drive away, seemingly interested.)

Nabootena: ... Louga, who was that?

Louga: I don't know.

Giki: She was awfully pretty...

Zuri: But look at all those bags. She must have been leaving.

Rutanami: Hmmm... Why is she so familiar though?

Rauonjii: Y'know... She looks like she'd be good for slapping.

(A rock and roll remix of the Utena theme song starts up, and all the FORMER Student Council members shrug, and continue about their daily business.)

Narrator: Impthy Sheikahmiya was gone... The dueling game was over. But who can bring the world revolution now? No one knows... Maybe it's you. Because in our hearts, every one of us has a little power to bring revolution... And we can find it, too... If we find that little part of ourselves, the prince, we too, can someday set Lios free. All you have to do, is face the future, smile, and promise that no matter what happens, you will change the world...














~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
(OK, all you non-spoiler people can start reading again!)


(The record shorts out, and the show is interrupted by angry screaming)

GG: (runs onstage, face red, fists clenched) HOLD IT! HOLD IT! HOOOOOOOOOOLD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

(All the character appear on stage, in costume, but out of character)

Link: Whassup, GG?

Nabooru: Yeah, is there a problem?

GG: THAT... WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST ENDING EVER!

Impa: What do you mean? I didn't think it was so bad.

Darunia: Yeah, and my character totally kicked butt!

Rauru: Yes, it was very symbolic.

GG: SCREW SYMBOLISM, THAT TOTALLY SUCKED! In the words of Homer Simpson, that "SUCK-DIDDLY-UCKED, FLANDERS!"

Ruto: ... (leans over to Saria) Who is Flanders?

Saria: (shrugs)

GG: That made the mass nudity at the end of Bubblegum Crisis 2040 look like a work of art! That was so bad, I think I could have written a better ending at 2:30 AM right after a big caffeine drop-off! What happened to the happy?! What happened to the revolution? (goes totally red) WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PRINCE!?

Zelda: Hey, YEAH! I wanna find out who the prince was! They never told us!

Darunia: Hey, I wanna find out who my other half was!

Ganondorf: Totally! We have GOT to know!

Navi: (yanks off the Nachu suit) I'm not leaving THIS STAGE until we find out!

GG: (thinking) OK, y'know what? (pulls out a pad of paper, scribbles down some notes) I'm going to rewrite it...

All: WHAT?

Link: But hey, GG! You can't do that! The fans will be FURIOUS!

GG: Who cares about them? I'm sure they feel as gypped as I do! There's just so much that didn't get resolved! What about Louga and Nabootena's relationship, huh?

Link: (scratches chin) ... Well, yeah... I would like that to get resolved... (eyes Nabooru)

Nabooru: Oh, JEEZ. Down, boy.

Ganondorf: Yeah, and what about Giki and Impthy? They didn't give us any closure at all there! THAT'S no way to end the series!

Saria: And what about the revolution and all that? Why is the name of the show, "Revolutionary Girl Utena" if she-

Zelda: (shushes her) Hey! The people who didn't read the spoilers are listening!

Saria: Oh... SORRY!

Ruto: Yeah, and why didn't Rutanami get to make out with Louga like it said in the script!? (points at her script, then gives Link goo-goo eyes.)

Link: IT NEVER SAID THAT IN THE SCRIPT!

Ruto: Oh... yeah... (tries to snatch GG's pen away to add something to the script)

GG: Hey! None of that, Ruto!

Ruto: But... But... I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH HIIIIIM!

Link: (barfs)

GG: (shakes head) So it's settled. We're redoing the ending. (takes a very deep breath, screams) OK EVERYBODY! TAKE IT FROM THE SCENE WHERE NABOORU WAKES UP IN THE CASTLE! I WANT A HAPPY ENDING, NOW! LIGHTS...

All: AGGH, WAIT FOR US TO LEAVE! (they all run off)

GG: CAMERA... ACTION!

(Scene: A strange room speckled with exploding stars and galaxies and that sort of thing. A set of golden double doors, locked with a really big lock are set on the other side of the room. [You should remember this if you read the spoilers, HELLOOOO?] Nabooru is lying facedown on the floor. Darunia is sitting in a throne near the double-doors, dressed in prince clothes, and Impa is next to him, in her Rose Bride costume.)

Dakio: Wake up, Nabootena... Nabootena, my princess...

Nabootena: Oy... (sits up slowly, rubs head) Where... where am I? Impthy?! What happened? (quickly stands up) What did he do to you?

Impthy: Miss Nabootena...

Dakio: (slaps her) Shaddup. Well, Miss Nabootena... I welcome you to the Castle Where Conformity Dwells...

Nabootena: The... the CASTLE!? We're INSIDE the castle?

Dakio: Yes... beautiful, isn't it? This is my personal room, Nabootena... This is where I take everyone who rides in my car... And you are no exception.

Nabootena: (gags) Do you hit them on the head with a frying pan too?

Dakio: Heh heh heh... Feisty to the end, as always... You haven't changed, even since you were a little girl.

Nabootena: Little girl? How did you-

(For the sake of saving time, Nabooru suddenly remembers everything that Mikauge told her at the end of the last chapter.)

Nabootena: (gasps in terror) YOU... YOU'RE LIOS!

Dakio: Me? (chuckles, slicks his hair back) Don't be silly. I'm nothing like that ridiculously stupid goody-goody prince. I'm his EVIL half. I see you finally remember.

Nabootena: (tearing up) You... How could you lie to me? You were so nice to me the last few months... And these earrings! Why did you give them to me?

Dakio: Because. Princesses do look lovely with earrings. And as for the Duel, you can forget about it, my dear princess... Because who ever heard of a princess who fights?

Nabootena: Plenty of them do! Xena, Warrior Princess fought bad guys! Princess Leia fought Storm Troopers! Princess Diana fought hunger! (screaming) POP PRINCESS BRITNEY SPEARS FIGHTS ALL THAT IS CONSIDERED GOOD, WELL-WRITTEN MUSIC! PRINCESS-

Dakio: OK, OK, OKKKKKK! BAD EXAMPLE! But the point is, Nabootena... You're not one of those Princesses...

Nabootena: I'm not a princess, I'm a prince! And I've come to save the princess, Impthy, the Rose Bride! You never should have existed, Dakio, and now I'm going to destroy you!

Dakio: Oh yes. You want to... SAVE Lios. Right. (chuckles) But does that make him a princess? A damsel in distress? Heh heh heh heh heh...

Nabootena: It's not about boys or girls anymore, Dakio! That's what this show is all about! Proving that you don't HAVE to be a boy to be a prince! Or a girl to be a princess in need of rescue! Gender roles are merely stereotypical lies set by centuries of stupid people! And I WANT TO KEEP BREAKING THOSE LIES!

Dakio: Oh, how noble. Well, too bad, you can't.

Nabootena: (scowls, places her hands on her hips) Who says!?

Dakio: Those earrings.

Nabootena: What about them?!

Dakio: You really need to catch up on your fairy tales, Nabootena. Who ever heard of a princess who betrayed her prince?

Nabootena: ... what?

Dakio: Lios is your prince... And you are wearing earrings from me. I am not your prince. You betrayed him, Nabootena... And because of that, you cannot save him...

Nabootena: ... But wait! Yes, they are from Lios! Because you are Lios!

Dakio: HOW many times do I have to say it?! I'M NOT LIOS! I'm his evil half!

Nabootena: Well if you're not Lios, then how come I'm supposed to be your princess and live with you in the castle, happily ever after?

Dakio: (blushes) ... SHUT UP! YOU JUST DO! Now, my princess...

Nabootena: Stop calling me that! I'm a prince, and I'm here to set Impthy and Lios free!

Dakio: Oh, how noble. But what if Impthy told you she didn't WANT to be free...?

Nabootena: What are you talking about, you slaphead? Impthy does want to be free, doesn't she? (turns to Impa, worriedly) Don't you?

Impthy: ... I am the Rose Bride, Nabootena... A living corpse, stabbed by the swords of hatred but saved by my Sworn Brother, who died instead... I am punished for his sacrifice... I am bound to him, my prince... And I can never, never leave his side... (touches Darunia's arm)

Nabootena: Impthy... What does that mean? (eyes widen, as if in sudden realization) You... SHE'S BEEN WORKING FOR YOU!

Dakio: The whole time, Nabootena! Impthy's known everything! All my evil plans, all my tricks, all my traps... She's known, because I am her true prince... And I have complete control over her... And I will never, NEVER let her go...

Impthy: (tearing up, but still sounding full of sarcasm) Are you angry, Nabootena? Are you mad at me? Because you never were my real prince?

Nabootena: (dumbstruck)

Dakio: Awww... (mock sadness) How sad... Abandoned by your princess, your majesty... Heh heh heh... You see? Now there's no point... You'll be doing nothing for Impthy by letting her go... So... (holds out his hand) Come with me, Nabootena. Be my princess. Let's live happily ever after.

Nabootena: Then... what will happen to Impthy?

Dakio: She will remain the Rose Bride... Forever.

Nabootena: Forever...

Impthy: (a single tear rolls down her face) You know you want to, Nabootena. Abandon me, because I'm a horrible, terrible girl... I'm a tramp who lied to you. I'm happy being the Rose Bride... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry I fooled you... But as Saraba once told you... I'm a weirdo... As Rutanami once said, I'm a Big Fat Weirdo Who Keeps Snails In Her Pencil Box... And A Mongoose In My Drawer... And An Octopus In My Closet...

Nabootena: (smiles) And as Giki once said, you're His Shining Thing... The Apple Of His Eye... The Cream In His Coffee...

Impthy: (eyes widen)

Nabootena: And as I once said, you're my best friend.

Impthy: (eyes really widen) ... What?

Nabootena: And so, Dakio, because Impthy is my best friend, I will NOT abandon her. I will stick by her, be her prince, and save her and Lios... from YOU! I challenge you... To the Duel Called Revolution!

Dakio: (sighs) ... It wasn't meant to be this way Nabootena... Heh heh... That's just like you. Like I said before, you haven't changed, even since that day your parents died. Very well, then. IMPTHY! PREPARE US!

Impthy: (holds up her hands. An orange rose appears at Nabooru's chest, and a dark red one at Darunia's chest.) Triforce of Hyrule Castle... Power of Lios that sleeps within me... Obey your master and come... AAGGH... FORTH!

(Impa falls backwards and Nabooru catches her, yanking the Sword of Lios out of her chest.)

Nabootena: GIVE ME THE POWER TO BRING THE WORLD REVOLUTION!

Dakio: Oh yeah? Heh, you think you're so special, Nabootena... WATCH THIS! IMPTHY! (snaps his fingers)

Impthy: (sighs) Triforce of Hyrule Castle... Power of Lios that sleeps within me... Obey your master and come... FORTH... AIEEE!

(Darunia throws Impa over his knee, and pulls a black Sword of Lios out of her chest)

Dakio: I will have you as my princess, Nabootena... No matter what.

Nabootena: ... How many swords has she got in there, anyway?

Dakio: A MILLION! Remember?

Nabootena: Oh yeah... HIIYAAAA!

Dakio: AAGGGIEIIIIII!

(Long, violent, "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" -esque sword fights, as the two of them keep screaming things. Impa stands by, watching.)

Impthy: (thinking) They're both fighting over me... But is it really over me? I know Nabootena is fighting for me, but... It doesn't make sense... Why would she... After I've lied to her?

Dakio: It's interesting to me, Nabootena... (thrusts at her)

Nabootena: (dodges it) What?

Dakio: We both pull our swords from the same Rose Bride... We both fight with the power of Lios... So which of us is truly worthy of that power?

Nabootena: I don't KNOW- You've locked away the only person who could answer that!

Dakio: But seriously... A prince, the other half of Lios... or a stupid girl who wants to be a prince? Which sounds more worthy of the power of Lios? ... I say Lios an awful lot, don't I?

Nabootena: It doesn't matter! I'm going to beat you, whether or not I'm worthy!

Impthy: (still watching, as the two flip off walls and ceilings and stuff) It doesn't make sense...

(Scene: The Student Council guys are banging on the door of the dueling tower, but it won't open)

Louga: DARNIT! We may be too late!

Giki: We won't be too late! We can't be! We won't give up!

Zuri: Yeah, if the door won't open for our rings, let's try something else!

Rauonjii: Let's smack Rutanami's head into it!

Rutanami: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING! I've got a better idea...

Rauonjii: ... what?

(A few minute later, they're all lifting up Rauru and they keep smacking his head into the door)

Rauonjii: OW! OW! OW! YOU STUPID... OW!

Zuri: Look! It's denting!

Louga: Attaboy, Rauonjii! I knew that fat head of yours would come in handy someday!

(Scene: Up in the castle, the "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon"-esque duel between Nabooru and Darunia continues.)

Nabootena: (runs through the air, perches on the wall) I won't let you win, Dakio!

Dakio: You have no choice, you fool! (does a quadruple back flip and lands on the ceiling, launches himself at Nabooru) THE PRINCE AND THE PRINCESS BELONG TOGETHER!

Nabootena: Not THAT prince with THIS princess!

Impthy: (silent, looks worried)

Dakio: YAAAAAH!

(He slashes his sword at Nabooru, and she holds hers out. His sword snaps in half, and he stares at the handle in disbelief.)

Dakio: ... FINE! IMPTHY! (jumps down to the ground, throws Impa over his knee and pulls another sword out of her chest)

Impthy: UUUGH...

Nabootena: (jumps down to ground) Come on, pal! Let's finish this!

Dakio: EEEEYAAAAAAA!

Nabootena: HIYAAAAAAAAA!

(Their swords clash, and Darunia's snaps in half AGAIN.)

Dakio: (stares at his sword in disbelief) ... Pain in the... IMPTHY!

Impthy: (falls backwards, ANOTHER sword is pulled out of her chest)

Nabootena: (raises an eyebrow) That has GOTTA hurt... Poor Impthy...

Impthy: I'M... FINE! (gasps, downs a few more pain pills)

Dakio: You're being stupid, Nabootena! The princess was never meant to fight! You're just putting off the inevitable! I WILL HAVE YOU! I HAVE EVERYONE WHO RIDES IN MY CAR!

Nabootena: EWWWWWW! Just for that, I'll be SURE not to lose!

Dakio: AAAAAGGGGHHH! (tries to stab her, gets his sword stuck in the wall) CRAP!

Nabootena: You're really not as good as you put on to be...

Dakio: AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA! (snaps his fingers, a new sword flies out of Impa's chest and into his hand) AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Nabootena: (slashes her sword, Darunia's sword breaks again)

Dakio: (stares at it) Good GRIEF. OK... (throws down the broken handle) I bet you never anticipated THIS, Nabootena! (waves his hand dramatically)

Nabootena: What the... (her parachute pants start glowing) HEY!

(There is a flash of light, and Nabooru's parachute pants and uniform top transform into a bright orange Rose Bride dress, just like Impa's!)

Nabootena: HEY! THOSE WERE MY FAVORITE PANTS! Why'd you go and do that?!

Dakio: Because then I can do THIS!

(Nabooru's chest starts glowing... Uh oh.)

Nabootena: YAAIEIIEEE!

(Darunia throws Nabooru over his knee and yanks a sword out of her chest. JEEEEZ! I am SO CONFUSED!)

Dakio: And now...

Nabootena: (gasping for air on the floor) YOU... HOW... HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

Dakio: (thinks for a moment, shrugs) I dunno. NOW WE'LL FINISH THIS!

Nabootena: (slowly stands up, points the Sword of Lios at him) I won't let you do it, Dakio... I won't let you enslave Impthy forever! PLEASE! Think about it, Dakio!

Dakio: Think about what?

Nabootena: (points to where Impa is... er, WAS standing) You sacrificed your life to save her... Why do you want to enslave her now?! Without Lios, you're nothing! You're only living a half-life! Why would you do that to yourself?

Dakio: ... A HALF-LIFE? (chuckles evilly) Are you kidding? With Lios hanging around... even if it IS rightfully his body... I can only do things that are RIGHTEOUS or TRUTHFUL! Without that Prince of the Prudes around, I can DO whatever I want! I can GO wherever I want! I can SCREW whoever I want!

Nabootena: Whoa... hey, too much info! (Suddenly looks full of energy again) Well, fine... if you're going to be stubborn... But Lios saved me when I was a kid, and now it's time I RETURNED THE FAVOR!

Dakio: Fine... You know what I say? Enough of this silly dueling! They could say that this isn't a life or death situation... WELL IT IS NOW! One of the two of us will DIE, Nabootena! Either you or me! TWO duelists came in this tower, and only ONE will leave! I say we do one last strike... One last attack... Y'know, Old West style... And the one whose rose remains intact when it's over will be the winner!

Nabootena: Fine by me! But first... (lifts up the Rose Bride skirt, cuts it off just above her knee) I'M SICK OF THIS DAMN DRESS!

Dakio: FINE!

Nabootena: ... FINE!

Dakio: Swords in place! (points his sword at Nabooru)

Nabootena: Swords in place! (points her sword at Darunia)

Dakio: Are you ready, Princess?

Nabootena: I've been ready to set Impthy free since I first met her...

Dakio: Fine... On the count of three, we strike. I'm sorry it had to come to this, Nabootena. You would have made a wonderful princess.

Nabootena: Cut the crap, Dakio! Let's do this!

Dakio: (sneers) One...

Nabootena: (sneers) One!

Dakio: Two... (leans back, as if he is going to jump at her)

Nabootena: Two! (does the same)

(Triumphant, dramatic music plays)

Dakio: THREE! (steps back, like he's not going to move)

Nabootena: GIVE ME THE POWER TO BRING THE WORLD REVOLUTION! (prepares to leap forward at Darunia, but suddenly stops)

Impthy: HIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (appears between them, a sword in her hands that is pointed at Nabooru's chest)

Nabootena: HEY! (pulls back her fist, punches Impa in the face really hard.)

Impthy: OOF! (hits the ground unconscious, glasses shattered)

(Nabooru shakes her knuckles as if they're in pain, adjusts her grip on the Sword of Lios, and grins at Darunia)

Dakio: (stares at Impa, on the ground, then at Nabooru) HEY! NOT FAIR! HOW DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS GOING TO DO THAT?!

Nabootena: Well DUUUUH, Dakio. She's under your control more than she's under mine! I knew you were going to do something like that, you snake!

Dakio: (growling) Fine... OK! FIIIINE! THAT'S IT! No more tricks, no more traps, no more stupid Rose Bride shenanigans! ONE MORE ATTACK. ONE... MORE. AND THE WINNER TAKES ALL!

Nabootena: Fine! (steps back, against the wall, eyeing Impa) I'm sorry, Impthy... But I had to do that to free you...

Dakio: (points his sword right at Nabooru) I'm going to turn you into a prince-kebab!

Nabootena: (closes her eyes, takes a deep breath) This is it...

(Scene: At the most inconvenient time, Nabooru starts to have a partial flashback to the conversation between her and Lios at the beginning of the chapter.)

Nabootena: I promise, Mr. Prince! I will become a prince, too! And I promise, I'll save your sister from the swords of hatred!

Lios: Are you sure you can really do it alone, Nabootena?

Nabootena: But I won't be alone... You said just now, you'd always be by my side... My prince... (holds up her newly-received ring) "Little princess who is so noble and tempermental... Please don't lose that strength or want for revenge as you grow older!"

Lios: (smiles, even though we can't see his face) Thank you... I never thought the day would come when the prince himself would need a prince...

(Back to the duel, Nabooru points the sword at Darunia's rose, and the whole scene becomes slow-motion. She starts to run towards him, screaming. He does the same. She closes her eyes, and her ring starts to glow steadily orange.)

Nabootena: (thoughts) LIOS... YOU'RE STILL WITH ME... I CAN FEEL IT...

Dakio: (slow motion voice) DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Nabootena: (slow motion voice)
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIII IIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(She twists up her body and goes into a Gerudo spin attack. Darunia continues running, and finally, launches himself into a thrust like a swordfish. We hear a slash, and suddenly the air is filled with rose petals... But unfortunately, the screen turns black and white just as the rose is struck, so we can't see what color the petals are. [But I think you can guess])

(Everything freezes, and Nabooru slowly opens her eyes. The color slowly returns to the screen, and...)

Dakio: (laughing maniacally) AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! YOU FOOLISH GIRL! YOU'VE LOST THE DUEL! THE AIR IS FILLED WITH THE SCENT OF- (opens his eyes) Dark red rose petals?! WHAT?!

Nabootena: (looks down, sees the orange rose still clinging to her chest) I WON!

Dakio: NO! NO! (starts screaming in rage) IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! NO!

Nabootena: I DID IT! YAHOOOO! (leaps up and down happily, singing and dancing) I'M A SAGE WHO LIVES HEROICALLY AND BIG PANTS ARE MY STYLE!

Dakio: (sneers, points his sword at her) YOU MAY HAVE WON THE DUEL, NABOOTENA, BUT NOW I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! HIYIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAA!

Nabootena: (gasps, tries to move)

(It appears that Nabooru has lost anyway as Darunia prepares to skewer her. But suddenly, a white glowing beam pierces through his chest, stopping him short)

Dakio: EH!?

Nabootena: What the-

Dakio: (touches where the beam is coming out, his hand moves all the way through his body) Oh CRAP! NO! It... it can't be!

(Another white beam shoots through his shoulder, then through his leg.)

Dakio: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! I CAN'T HAVE LOST! THIS... THIS GIRL CAN'T HAVE BEAT ME! I am the PRINCE! PRINCE DAKIO! I CANNOT LOSE!

Nabootena: (one of the beams strikes her, and her dress returns to her usual uniform and parachute pants) WOOHOO!

(Suddenly, Darunia drops his sword and it goes shooting towards Nabooru, hitting her right in the chest. But if you remember right, you shouldn't be alarmed.)

Nabootena: OUCH! (flies back, hits the wall) DAAAAAANNNNNG! (rubs chest) That was really painful!

Dakio: YOU HAVE NO IDEA! (more beams shoot through his body) AAGGGGGHHHHHH... You may have beat me in the Duel Called Revolution, Nabootena! And you may have released Lios, but I SWEAR! I SWEAR, YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET THIS! I, DAKIO, PRINCE OF FARORE ACADEMY, SWEAR THAT I WILL-

Nabootena: Ah, stick a fork in you, Dakio. You're finished! (kicks him backwards, he smacks into the golden doors)

Dakio: OH YEAH!?!

(Just as a beam shoots out of his forehead, Darunia snaps his fingers.)

Dakio: IMPTHY! I COMMAND YOU, THE ROSE BRIDE, TO BRING THIS CASTLE DOWN ON TOP OF YOU! KILL Nabootena Gerudo!

Impthy: (slowly stands up, her chest glowing [and nose bleeding]) Triforce of Hyrule Castle...

Nabootena: Impthy? HEY, WAIT! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!

(The castle starts to rumble, as Impa continues the incantation and Darunia starts to glow white, screaming in agony)

Impthy: ...POWER OF LIOS THAT SLEEPS WITHIN ME...

Nabootena: IMPTHY!

Impthy: OBEY YOUR MASTER AND COME FORTH! AGGGHHHH!

(Impa throws her head back, and an exploding purple beam shoots out of her chest, giving us all a public safety warning about the side-effects of bust-enhancing creams. Rubble starts to fall from the ceiling, and Nabooru gasps in horror. Darunia starts laughing maniacally)

Dakio: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! BURN IN HELL, NABOOTENA GERUDO!

Nabootena: YOU FIRST! Come on, Impthy!

(She leaps across a few piles of broken swords and rubble, and grabs Impa, dragging her away. Nabooru pulls open the golden door next to Darunia, and inside, finds nothing but a long, long, long, long, very dark, dark, dark, bottomless pit.)

Nabootena: This has got to be the way out... But if I jump, I'm going to DIE!

Impthy: (unconscious)

Nabootena: No, wait... (holds up her signet ring) LIOS! GIVE ME A HAND HERE, WILL YA?

Dakio: IT'S USELESS, NABOOTENA! LIOS WILL NOT COME TO YOUR RESCUE! YOU WILL DIE IN THE CASTLE, JUST LIKE LIOS DID WHEN HE SAVED IMPTHY!

Nabootena: Not exactly, Dakio!

(There is a bright glint of light from the other side of the room, and a shadowy figure in prince clothes appears, grasping a sword that looks just like Nabooru's. He walks slowly over to the golden doors, and points the sword at Darunia, who is cowering in fear)

Dakio: L... LIOS!

Nabootena: It IS you!

Lios: (smiles, even though we STILL can't see his face) Dakio... You have jaded the Triforce Seal with your evil ways and unending horniness...

Dakio: LIOS, PLEASE! My... My brother! I was only kidding! Really! I was going to give your body back, really!

Lios: You are no brother of mine, you traitor... And now, it is time to put an end to your evil FOREVER!

Dakio: No, buddy... please! You have to... Come on! Without me, you'll only be living a half-life! Think of how much fun we could have, screwing everyone we pick up in my car!

Lios: It's MY car, and that's really, really gross. GOODBYE, DAKIO! (pulls back the sword)

Dakio: AACCK!

Lios: (turns to Nabooru, nods) My princess... You have truly become a prince... You do not need me anymore. You must save the princess, my sister, on your own.

Nabootena: (in disbelief) All that summoning drama for THIS? (sighs) OK, good, whatever you say! (faces forwards, looks up in the sky) God... Please save my little broken body... (jumps) AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Scene: The top of the dueling tower. The Student Council stands, staring in awe at the castle, which has lowered and is now flashing with a purple light)

Louga: Impthy and Nabootena are still in there!

Giki: NO! It's collapsing!

Rauonjii: We're too late!

Zuri: I... It's impossible! Is THIS the power to bring the world revolution?

Rutanami: They're going to die up there! (shrugs) Oh well. (throws her arms around Link's shoulder) I'll be HAPPY to comfort you, my darling brother...

Louga: GET OFF! Look! Here they come!

(A beam of orange light appears from the castle, and Nabooru floats gently down from the castle into it, carrying the unconscious Impa. Suddenly, the floating stops and she free-falls, smacking into the roof with a great BOOM!)

Student Council: NABOOTENA!

(They all race over to the two of them. Nabooru's eyes are wide open, and she's muttering something.)

Louga: Nabootena?! HEY! Come on, we've gotta get out of here!

Nabootena: (mumbles something)

Giki: What did she say?

Nabootena: OW!

Zuri: Oh. COME ON! Grab Impthy and let's go before that castle explodes and smashes us!

(Nabooru stands up, and with Ganondorf and Link's help, they drag Impa over to the other side of the tower. Zelda, Ruto, and Rauru follow. They all gaze up at the rumbling castle, and you can hear screaming from inside.)

Rutanami: (rubs her hands together) Oh boy oh boy oh boy... I can't WAIT for this thing to explode!

Rauonjii: And WHY is that?

Rutanami: We've saved our ENTIRE budget from the series to pay for this singular explosion!

Zuri: That's right! That's why we didn't have a magic, shifty fountain rose door thing at the base of the dueling tower, and why we had to sell the "Forest Behind The School" set!

Giki: Um... shouldn't we be worried about Impthy? (lifts up her hand, it drops again when he lets go of it)

Louga: Don't worry. GG guaranteed us a happy ending. She'll be fine.

Giki: Oh yeah...

Nabootena: This is gonna ROCK!

(They all put on 3D glasses, and pull out boxes of popcorn. The "Ode To Joy" plays, as a great series of fantastic, colorful, really, really cool explosions rock the castle. Think "Star Wars Special Edition" + Your Local 4th of July celebration)

All: OOOOOOOH...

Voice from Castle: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(The castle explodes in a burst of shimmering dusty-type stuff and rose petals, and a figure in a cape falls to the ground. The cape covers his face, and he appears to be unconscious... or dead?)

Louga: (takes off the glasses) WHOA! Did you guys... Did you see that?

Rauonjii: It was a bird!

Rutanami: It was a plane!

Giki: It was BATMAN!

Nabootena: No, you stupids! It was DAKIO! He should be dead now!

All: WOOOHOOO!

(From the figure on the ground appears a ghostly figure of Darunia. He points at them all angrily, and starts screaming)

Dakio: YOU! YOU KILLED ME! YOU KILLED MY BEAUTIFUL BODY... YOU'LL ALL PAY FOR THIS! I'm gonna get you, Louga! I'm gonna get you, IMPTHY, WHEREEVER YOU DISAPPEARED TO!

(The Student Council turns around, and sees that Impa is indeed missing)

Nabootena: ... Hey, where did Impthy go?!

Dakio: BUT... BUT I AM ESPECIALLY GONNA GET YOU, NABOOTENA GERUDO! I'M GOING TO SHOW UP AT YOUR HOUSE AND-

Impthy: (has suddenly appeared behind him, still in her Rose Bride dress, holding a Dustbuster vacuum.) Oh, can it, Brother!

Dakio: IMPTHY! YOU-

(Impa turns on the vacuum, sucking up Darunia's ghost)

Dakio: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... CIAO! (WHUMP!)

Impthy: (holds up the vacuum) Trash like this can really ruin a perfect moment.

Nabootena: Impthy! You're OK!

Impthy: (bursts into tears) NABOOTENA! I'M SO SORRY! (races over, and hugs her) I'm so sorry... I knew the whole time that my brother was the dark side of Lios... But I never told you, because I couldn't, and... and you were always my friend, but I... I... I LIED TO YOU!

Nabootena: Hey! (pats her shoulder) Come on, Impthy. Give me some credit! I know that you couldn't help it! Being soulless isn't all fun and games, you know! What are friends for?

Impthy: Thank you all... (smiles) For being my friends...

All: Ah, it was... nothin'...

Rutanami: Hey, who said I was your friend?!

Nabootena: I'm just glad that you're... Wait a sec. Dakio's dead... Lios should be free! But then, Impthy... Are you free?

Giki: Yeah, Impthy! Nabootena did what she said! You should be free now!

Impthy: (blinks) I... I don't know. I think I- (lets out a sudden scream of pain, and three swords shoot out of her chest) OW! OW! OWWWWW!

All: EEECCCCH!

Impthy: ... I think I- OH! OW! AAAAGGGGHHHHHH! (three more swords pop out)

Zuri: Holy crap! How many swords have you got in there, Impthy?!

Impthy: A MIL- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(She explodes in a burst of purple light, and 999,996 swords appear in huge piles all around her, then disappear into a really big pile of dust. She falls to her knees, and clutches her chest in pain)

Impthy: ... OW! I... HEY! Those are the million swords of hatred! They're gone!

Nabootena: They are?!

Impthy: HEY! I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT! I'M NOT BEING ALL QUIET AND SHY!

All: (gasp)

Impthy: LOOK! LOOK AT ME! (runs over to Link, pokes his chest) You're a playboy!

Louga: !! (blushes) Aww... thanks for noticing!

Impthy: (runs over to Ruto, slaps her) THAT'S FOR SLAPPING ME, YOU STUPID FISH CHICK! AND YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU, OK?! THAT'S JUST GROSS!

Rutanami: (face turns red) I... I... OW! IT'S NOT NICE TO SLAP PEOPLE! WAAAAA!

Impthy: (looks at Zelda) I'm desperately terrified of you because you can be so evil at times!

Zuri: ... Thanks, I guess.

Impthy: Rauonjii, I DON'T LOVE YOU! I'M TIRED OF YOU HITTING ME, TOO!

Rauonjii: (eyes pop out) WHAAA?!

Impthy: GIKI, I LOVE YOU!

Giki: (tears up) I LOVE YOU TOO, IMPTHY, MY BEAUTY, MY SHINING THING!

Rauonjii: (punches Ganondorf)

Giki: OW!

Louga: Impthy is saying what she really thinks! Then that means...

Impthy: (tearing up) Nabootena you did it! I'm free!

(Nachu appears out of nowhere, and jumps onto her shoulder)

Impthy: NACHU, I'M FREE!

Nachu: NACHUUUUUUUUUUU!

Nabootena: You're free!

Impthy: I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (grabs her Rose Bride dress, chucks it over her head, revealing her school uniform) I'M FREEEEEEE! NO MORE ROSE BRIDE FOR ME! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Nachu: (does a little dance) NACHUUUUUUUU!

Nabootena: So Impthy... Are we seeing your real personality yet?

Impthy: (adjusts her broken glasses, suddenly quiet and shy again) Why no, Miss Nabootena. This is my real personality here.

Giki: ... So you really are sweet, innocent, gentle Miss Sheikahmiya?

Impthy: I guess so, Mr. Giki!

Rutanami: WELL THEN! (goes over, slaps her in the face) THAT'S FOR SAYING MY BROTHER DOESN'T LOVE ME THAT WAY!

Impthy: (pauses, slugs her back)

Rutanami: OW!

Impthy: Except for that one little thing.

Giki: (bursts into anime-style, jet-propelled, 50-gallon high-pressurized tears) THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

(Suddenly, they hear a groan from the other side of the arena. The caped figure, whose cape is covering his face, slowly begins to stir)

All: ...

Nabootena: Lios!

Impthy: Nabootena... You're finally... You're finally going to meet your prince again!

Nabootena: (turns to the council) I...

Louga: (sighs, smiles) Go ahead, Nabootena. Go meet your REAL prince.

(Nabooru begins to slowly walk over to where Lios is lying. "Sunlit Garden" plays in the background, and she slowly begins to tear up)

Nabootena: Lios?

Lios: (groans) ... Nabootena? Is that... you?

Nabootena: Oh Lios! (starts to run) Ever since that day you gave me this ring, I've been searching for you... You promised that we'd meet again someday!

Lios: (cape still covering his face) Today... is that day, Nabootena...

Nabootena: (bursts into tears) LIOS! I became a prince, because you said I could! I saved Impthy, and I brought revolution to the world! Now all I want is you!

Lios: Nabootena...

(Nabooru drops to her knees next to the caped figure, and sets her hand on the cape, preparing to pull it back over his head. The figure reached a gloved hand out and grabs her left hand, touching the ring)

Lios: This ring has served you well, Nabootena...

Nabootena: Screw the ring, Lios! I want to meet you again!

Lios: OK... go ahead...

(The Student Council and Impa run over, and stand near the two, craning their necks to get a close look at Lios' face. Nabooru slowly pulls back the cape, and lets it drop to the ground.)

Student Council: (gasp of shock)

Nabootena: (eyes closed, isn't paying attention) KISS ME, MY PRINCE!

(The Student Council's mouths drop open, and we hear kissy noises. The camera zooms back onto Nabooru and Lios, and at last, FINALLY, 7 chapters later, we see that the true identity of Lios is...)

Little Link of the Gorons: Nabootena, my princess! We're reunited at last!

(The music shorts out with a squeak, and Nabooru's eyes almost pop out of her head.)

Nabootena: LITTLE LINK OF THE GORONS?!?!

Student Council: LITTLE LINK OF THE GORONS?!?!?!

Lios: ... what?

(Suddenly, Lios appears a bit chubbier, and his hair isn't exactly as fluffy... Actually, he has... almost no hair. Just a little fluff up top.)

Nabootena: MY PRINCE... IS A GORON?!?!

Lios: What?! (shrugs) Hey, I AM the only real prince in Ocarina of Time.

Rutanami: (bursts out laughing hysterically) OH MAN! THAT IS TOOOOOO FUNNY! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Louga: ... YOUR PRINCE IS A GORON?!

Zuri: NABOOTENA! How do you not remember that your prince is a freakin' GORON!?

Nabootena: (speechless) I... I... I DUNNO! I was only 6, y'know!

Giki: ... That is majorly messed up.

Lios: What, is there a problem with inter-species relationships?!

Rutanami: YES! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA!

(Ganondorf taps her on the shoulder and whispers in her ear. She suddenly chokes, and stops laughing at once)

Rutanami: I MEAN... (eyes Link) NO!

Impthy: (runs over, gives LL a hug) Oh Lios, I'm so glad you're OK!

Lios: Hello, Impthy!

Nabootena: (in utter shock)

Rauonjii: ... Wow. Who would have guessed?

Lios: (stands up, and is comically 3 feet shorter than Nabooru) Well, Nabootena... You saved me! At last, I'm free of the evil curse that held me within that castle... You saved my Sworn Sister Impthy, and you've brought revolution to the world! (hugs her around the waist) What are you gonna do now?

Nabootena: (shrugs, looks incredibly depressed) I'm... gonna kiss the prince again? (gulps)

Lios: (puckers up) Pucker up, sugarlips!

Nabootena: (freezes) Uh... Lios, I really-

GG: (from offstage) HOLD IT! HOLD IT! HOOOOOOOOOLD IT!

(Everyone goes out of character)

Nabooru: What?

Link: Do you not like THIS ending either?

Ganondorf: Hey yeah, GG! I think this ending is fine!

Ruto: We found out who Lios is and everything! I DUN WANNA DO IT AGAIN!

GG: (runs onstage) No, no, no, it's not that!

LL: Whassamatter, GG?

GG: LL, you can't be Nabooru's prince.

LL: ... Why not?

GG: Because you're MY prince. (grabs him by the arm) Sorry Nabooru, but I just can't let you do that.

Nabooru: Hey, GG, he's a GORON! I'm not gonna kiss him!

GG: OK, then I will. (grabs her laptop, and a bottle of some strange black liquid)

Rauru: What's in the bottle?

GG: (uncorks the bottle, pours it onto the screen of her laptop) A plot-hole.

All: A plot-hole?

(GG reaches into the plot-hole and pulls out a round, orange, Sage-looking medallion with a smiley face on it. It's the Innocence Medallion, featured in GG's other story, "Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links And A Bunch of Authors")

LL: GG, what are you doing?

GG: (points medallion at LL) Innocence Medallion, Transform!

LL: WHAT THE-

(There is a puff of smoke, and in LL's place stands an ultra-cute 15-year old boy with messy tannish-brown hair, red eyes, dressed in a Goron tunic and pair of black shorts, with a very confused look on his face)

LL/Doseki: HEY! GG, I don't HAVE an alter-ego in this story!

GG: You do now! (grabs Doseki, makes out with him. A second later, she suddenly stops) And you all. Go ahead, keep going. Pretend I'm not here.

All Other Characters: ...

Impa: GG, you didn't write the rest of the ending.

GG: Come on! You can figure it out!

Doseki: SOMEONE HELP ME!

GG: Come on, lover boy! (... guess.)

(The characters all clear their throats, and they're suddenly back in character)

Nabootena: Um... Wow... how strange... Uh... The author just turned my Goron prince into a human and is making out with him stage left!

Louga: Wow... who would have thought it would end like that? I guess you didn't get the prince anyway, Nabootena.

Nabootena: Well, I kinda forgot that he was a Goron. (shrugs, pauses for a sec)

(She and Link look back and forth to each other, then the floor.)

Nabootena: Aw, the heck with it. (runs over, grabs Link, makes out with him)

Louga: (at first looks shocked, then his eyes roll back in his head)

Rutanami: HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! NO FAIR! BIG BROTHERRRR!

(Growling, Ruto stomps over to GG's laptop and reaches into the plot-hole, dragging out... Majora's Mask?)

Rutanami: HEY, KATSURU!

Katsuru: (appears) Yes, Rutanami, my darling?

Rutanami: (puts on the mask, waves her hands and chants gibberish)

(A puff of smoke appears around Kafei, and when it fades he's a full-grown adult again, like he's supposed to be.)

Katsuru: HEY! Check it out! I'm a grown-up again!

Rutanami: Come on, Katsuru... LET'S MAKE THAT BROTHER OF MINE JEALOUS!

Katsuru: (points a finger into the air triumphantly) WE'LL SHOW THEM HOW TO MAKE OUT!

(... Euuugh.)

(The rest of the characters turn red and step away from the six people who are currently making out.)

Impthy: ... Uh... yeah... I guess... Hey, this is a happy ending after all!

Giki: Yeah, everyone gets to be with someone...

Impthy: Aw, the heck with it.

(Impa grabs Ganondorf, and they make out. Ganondorf closes his eyes dreamily, and gives a thumbs-up to the camera)

Zuri: ... Oh, gag me with a spoon.

Rauonjii: What about us?

Saraba: (appears out of nowhere) RAUONJII, MY LOVE!

Rauonjii: Eh? (turns around, in time to be glomped by Saria) OH LORD, NO! AAAAAGGGGHHH-MMPPGGHGGMGGPGPGPMHMHMGMHMHHHH!

Zuri: -_-; This is getting ridiculous. NOW I'M ALL ALONE!

Sheika: (suddenly appears) Hey, has anyone seen the vending machines? I think Dakio forgot to pay the rent on them or something, and now they're...

Zuri: SHEIKAAAAA!

Sheika: ZURI!? AAGGGH! WAIT! WAIT, WAIT!

(Zelda stops, still grabbing his shoulders)

Sheika: This isn't right! I'M supposed to be YOU!

Zuri: Not in this story, you're not!

(... Fill in the blanks.)

(Kazoo, Malon, Anju, Maron and Judo appear on the edge of the set)

Kazoo: Oh, brother. GIKI! THAT'S NO WAY TO TREAT A ROSE BRIDE!

Malori: I don't get it! This ending makes as much sense as the last one!

Anjuko: Yeah, but this ending is happy.

Meiko: We figured out who the prince was!

Juko: And Nabootena finally got her prince! ... Even though he's not her REAL prince.

Anjuko: Impthy was freed from the evil spell.

Meiko: Dakio died.

Juko: And everyone got to be with their true love!

Rutanami's Lackeys: ... EVERYONE EXCEPT US!

Rutanami's Suitors: (Mikau, Deku Link, and Darmani) AND US!

Mikau: (ooc) ... Hey wait, I played DUAL roles in this story! The stupid author forgot about it! D'OH! So who am I now, Miko or Mikauge?!

Dekuko: WHO CARES?! RUTANAMI HATES US!

Anjuko: ... Y'know, Dekuko... You're kinda cute...

Meiko: OOOH, and you're a big strong man, Darmani!

Darmani: (blushes) ... Uh, I'm dead.

Mikauge: AND MY LULU HAS LEFT ME!

Lulu: NO I DIDN'T! (shows up out of nowhere, she and Mikau make out)

Kazoo: (rolls eyes) Now this is just silly. EVERYONE is making out with one another! This is stupid! This ending is almost TOO HAPPY! And what about the symbolism, hmmm?! THE SYMBOLISM IS LIKE, THE MAIN PART OF UTENA! You forgot all about that!

GG: By the way, Kazoo... I finally realized that you DO have a name.

Kazoo: I do?!

GG: Yeah, you're Aveil, from Majora's Mask.

Kazoo: ... Oh. IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT, THOUGH, ISN'T IT!?

GG: Yeah, I guess... But hey, the ending is happier, right?

All: YES, IT CERTAINLY IS!

Nabootena: (drops Link) But... there's one thing I still don't like... Just one thing that's missing.

All: ... What?

Nabootena: It seems like we forgot something... Like we needed to do something, but we forgot to...

(The chorus singers burst out in a rendition of the opening theme song, complete with the Really Annoying Weird Song's chords playing in the background)

Nabootena: Ah, of COURSE!

Doseki: ... What?

Giki: Yeah, Nabootena, what did we forget?

(Nabooru pulls away the scenery, to reveal a full chorus choir sitting on risers behind the scenery. They're singing in those really annoying voices, like nothing is going on.)

Nabootena: AHA! THERE YOU ARE! YOU AND YOUR ANNOYING SINGERS HAVE SUNG YOUR LAST!

(She runs up to the conductor, and punches him in the face, knocking him unconscious.)

Conductor: OOOOF! (falls over)

Chorus Singers: (gasp, all stop singing)

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!

Nabootena: WOOHOO!

GG: Gee... now we need to think of a really good way to close this out... Oh yeah, I know. CUE NARRATOR!

(A groovy rock-and-roll remix of the opening theme starts up, and the narrator begins a monologue.)

Narrator: Impthy Sheikahmiya, the Rose Bride, was free. Lios had been avenged. Dakio was dead, and Nabootena finally brought revolution to the world. The dueling game was over. But even after all of that, there are still more princes out there, trapped like Lios... Sitting... Waiting for the one who will set him or her free. Who can bring the world revolution now? No one knows... Maybe it's you. Because in our hearts, every one of us has a little power to bring revolution... And we can find it, too... If we find that little part of ourselves, the prince, we too, can someday set the prince free. All you have to do, is face the future, smile, and promise that no matter what happens, you will change the world...

The Whole Cast: (appears on stage, waving) THANKS FOR READING OUR REALLY STUPID STORY!

GG: AND PLEASE DON'T SUE ME, CENTRAL PARK MEDIA!

The Whole Cast: (in true dramatic style, they all start belting out the English lyrics to the theme song.)
OOOOOOOOH AAAAAHHH...
HEROICALLY, WITH BRAVERY, I'LL GO ON WITH MY LIFE!
JUST A LONG, LONG TIME!
AND EVEN IF THE TWO OF US SHOULD EVER SEPARATE
LET GO OF ME...
TAKE MY REVOLUTION!

Nabootena: (slides out front on her knees, belting it out)
In the sunny garden, hand in hand...
We consoled each other and we swore that never again
Would we ever fall in love...

All: EVERYTIIIIME!

Impthy: (slides forward, belting it out)
Looking at that photograph
Of the two of us smiling cheek to cheek
Into it I crammed a bit of my loneliness...
I'm feeling lonely!

All: REVOLUTION!

(The whole Student Council slides out)

Student Council, Impthy, Nabootena:
EVEN IF I DREAM, EVEN IF I CRY
EVEN IF I GET HURT
REALITY KEEPS ON COMING...
RECKLESSLY!
I WANT TO FIND OUT ABOUT MYSELF
THE POWER OF BEING ME!

Nabootena:
Gonna take who I've been up to today...

All:
AND FIND THE STRENGTH TO THROW IT ALL AWAY
STRIP DOWN TO NOTHING AT ALL!
AND BECOME LIKE A ROSE PETAL...

Nabootena and Impthy:
BLOWING FREE!

All:
EVEN IF THE TWO OF US SHOULD EVER SEPARATE
I SWEAR TO YOU, I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!

IIIIIIIII... WILL CHAAAAAAAANGE THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD!

Impthy and Nabootena:
Isagiyoku, kakko yoku, ikite yokou...

All: BAM!

(They all pause for a moment, then all of a sudden Darunia's car appears in the middle of all of them.

All: ...

Nabootena: Well, now that Dakio's dead, the car has lost its power to make people sleep with him.

All: YAY!

Nabootena: Guess there's only one thing to say now!

Impthy: What's that, Nabootena?

Nabootena: (dons a pair of sunglasses, rolls over the hood of the car.) CIAO!

(She hops in the driver's seat and starts up the car. The entire rest of the cast piles in, and they drive off into the sunset... Off the roof, and then into the sunset...)



(END THEME SONG! END THEME SONG!)

Chorus Singers:
It's missing TRUTH! The truth is gone!
This story's messed up really bad!
If you think that this fan fiction is ba-ad
You should see the anime!
I'm totally not kidding!
THE ANIME'S is JUST WEIRD AND TOTALLY WHACKED!

Nabootena's the lead, she's an all-around nice girl
Who don't like to see women picked on
Impthy's the Rose Bride, without a free will, without pride
Cause some crazy-arse spell is on her
LOUGA IS ALL STRANGE and a bit horny, too
RAUONJII IS A JERK! And he can't get enough junk food
Zuri's melancholy, Malori is real mean
Giki's obsessed with time and shining things!

(DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOO DOO!)

Nachu is a monkey-mouse! And he lives in Impthy's house!
Kazoo used to play a harmonica-AAA!
Lios is the missing prince!
Dakio smashes all his cars!
And Saraba... Who can't stop glomping everyone!

All these weirdos in one show!
It's plain kooky, don't ya know
But if you think all these people are weird ones
You just wait until you meet
Weird people all bow at her feet
Wait until... Rutanami comes on the scene!


@-->-----@-->----- @-->----- @-->----- @-->----- @-->----- @-->-----


GG: See? Now wasn't that a MUCH better ending?!

Disclaimer:

OH PLEASE, CENTRAL PARK MEDIA! DON'T SUE ME, PLEASE! CRISPIN FREEMAN AND RACHEL LILLIS, PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! SHIGERU MIYAMOTO AND EVERY SELF-RESPECTING ZELDA FAN IN THE WORLD, PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!

I don't own Utena, I don't own Zelda, I really don't EVER want to see the two of them crossed together...

OK, actually, if they did cross them together, I want to try out to be the voices of Kazoo, Rutanami or Nabootena! BUT ANYWAY, I'M SORRY I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS SICK, TWISTED IDEA OUT ON PAPER!!! Er, ON MICROSOFT WORD 97!






~~ As if you hadn't had enough of this crappy story already, stay tuned next chapter for:

NABOORU ADOLESCENCE MOKUSHIROKU: THE MOVIE!


WARNING: The following chapter is not for anyone who actually appreciated the symbolism in the Utena movie, and was actually able to understand and appreciate three or more of the following scenes:

-Touga in the Melon Patch

-Shiori as a Butterfly

-Utena turns into a car

-Anthy and Akio at home... euugh.

-Kozue tries to kill Miki while taking a bath

-Wakaba turns into a jeep

-Shiori turns into a tank

-Everyone turns into straw dolls

- The Vegetable Scanner

- Nanami turns into a cow

- Chuchu gets eaten by that lizard

- The entire ending sequence

But if you didn't understand those parts, or if you've never seen the movie, you may enjoy my botched massacre of the plot!

Also, don't read it if you think any of these ideas are scary-

- Shiori cleans Touga's ear
-
- Juri needs rescuing
-
- Kozue and Miki are 13 years old and still taking baths together
-
- Utena and Anthy go completely naked
-
- A car wash that turns people into cars
-
- Anthy is a complete psychopath
-
- Utena is a complete weirdo
-
- Saionjii is a complete weirdo
-
- Nanami turns into a cow
-
- Incest runs rampant

But then again, I'll also be botching and massacring THOSE plot points. Mostly the characters discussing why the heck they are doing what they are doing and what does it have anything to do with the plot!

Other than that, you're good to go!