Fan Fiction / Zoids Fan Fiction ❯ ARG MATIE! ❯ Part Two: In Which Two Brothers Hate Each Other for No Reason ( Chapter 2 )

***Somewhere about some other whimsical waves…***

Colonel Schubalts: ARRRGGGG HIMMMM!

Random Pirate #45: Eh? Arg him? Arg who?

Colonel Schubalts: MY UGLY BROTHER, FOOLISH FOOL!

Random Pirate #45: Oh, right…that's the one you hate for no apparent reason, right?

Colonel Schubalts: YES! YOU MAY NOT BE AS FOOLISH AS YOU FORMERLY WERE, FOOL!

Random Pirate #45: WOW! …..

Colonel Schubalts: Now I will turn sexy and vivacious in order to sway my enemies, both male and female (Take his chin in his hand with a sparkle in his teeth)

Random Pirate #45: Y'know, Colonel guy, the way you said male first was kinda weird…

Colonel Schubalts: (Looks out to the ocean meaningfully, the breeze ruffling his fine locks) As it should, Random Pirate #45, as it should…

*

*

*

Lieutenant Schubalts: This sucks.

Random Pirate #54: Why so?

Lieutenant Scubalts: Because it does. And it doesn't help that I can't think of a good opening line…

Random Pirate #54: Hey, maybe I can help! How about something like, "I am about to whoop my bro's lily ass!"

Lieutenant: (Sighs) Ho-hum…

Random Pirate #54: Or even, "I will crush anyone who stands in my path, especially my brother and his lily ass!"

Lieutenant Schubalts: My brother does not have a lily ass!

Random Pirate #54: (Grins) And how would you know?

Lieutenant Schubalts: …

Random Pirate #54: Eh?

Lieutenant Schubalts: (Stammers) N-no reason!

Random Pirate #54: (Shakes head)

*

*

*

~ARG MATIE! A Zoids Guardian Force Comedy ~

~Part Two: In Which Two Brothers Hate Each Other For No Reason~

~By The Devious D/Chick~

*

*

*

Raven: O,O (Staring at Van's gay man ho shirt)

Van: (Frustrated) WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!?!?

Irvine: (Whacks Raven over the head) snappouttait!

Raven: O.O huh?

Irvine: (Shakes head)

Raven: -.- Oh, right…(Gets up and saunters off to the Captain's Quarters)

Van: (Outraged at Raven's absurdness) Oh right? OH, RIGHT!?!? JUST WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?

Irvine: (Outraged because he can be) YEAH, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!?!?

Raven: (Slams the door)

Irvine: YOU LITTLE-(realizes what Raven did) WAIT, DON'T GO IN THERE!

Raven: (Bursts out screaming) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Prozen: (Attempting to glomp Raven) AWWWW YOU IS SO PRETTY!! BE MINE!! (Makes gross smoochy sounds)

Raven: (Gets captured) AHHHHGGGGGGG!!!

Prozen: (Crushes the air out of Raven) Anhyummmmmm!!

Van: (Stomps over and beats Prozen off with a stick) GET AWAY!

Prozen: (Runs off to his quarters whimpering)

Raven: (Looks up all starry-eyed at Van) WOW! YOU'RE SO AWESOME!

Van: Really? (Suave grin) Glad you think so, `cause most people don't.

Fiona: Got that right.

Irvine: But what about all those times you gave Van longing looks of hidden love when he wasn't looking?

Fiona: (Scoffs)

Irvine: …

Fiona: …

Irvine: …

Fiona: …Wait…how do you know that?

Irvine: …

Fiona: Hm?

Irvine: …I must confess…I've…BEEN STALKING YOU FOR YEARS!! I'M SO ASHAMED!

Fiona: Wow! I have a creepy pirate that's considerably older than I lust after my young body rather unhealthily like a pedophile with no life!

Irvine: Indeed… (Rests a hand over Fiona's) I'm glad you understand my creepy ways.

Fiona: Who ever said I understood them?

***…Meanwhile…***

Van: GEDOFFA ME!!! (Trying to pry Raven off of his leg)

Raven: MY HERO! NO, MY SAVIOR!

Van: (Shakes head) I don't get you! JUST STOP ALL READY!!

Raven: (Releases Van's leg with a polite cough) I'm sorry, it's just that the author has butchered my personality and now I have a conveniently cute attraction towards you…(Rests a hand on Van's) I'm glad you understand.

Van: Who ever said I understood? And don't touch my hand. (Pulls it away and rubs it against his pants)

Raven: Oh, right. Sorry.

***The Schubalts are suddenly in the Scene, both ships surrounding the pirate cruise***

Lieutenant Schubalts: ARG! WHERE IS THAT LILY ASS!?

Colonel Schubalts: ARGGGG!!! WHERRRRE ISSSS THATTTTT UGLY BROTHER OF MINE!! (Fist of Rage)

Both Schubalts: (Clamber onto the pirate cruise along with their random pirates)

Irvine: Who are you people? And why are you on our ship disguised as a cruise?

Both Schubalts: Oh, we just both hate each other for no reason and plan to face off-(Both look at each other) Stop copying me!

Irvine: …o…k…just don't make a mess.

Lt. Schubalts: BTW, my name is Schubalts…

Col. Schubalts: …And I'm Schubalts.

Everyone: (Look at each other in question) …

Both Schubalts: (Look at each other again, also in question) …

***And in which the author will now refer to the brothers as "Cute Schubalts" and "Ugly Schubalts" because it's easier identification... heh***

Irvine: (Points at Thomas) Hey, aren't you Lt. Schubalts, a.k.a. Ugly Schubalts?

Thomas: (Places a hand on his chest) ME? NOT. I.

Ugly Schubalts: Huh?

Cute Schubalts: Just what do you mean?

Ugly Schubalts: You mean I'm Thomas and Thomas is me?

Cute Schubalts: What happened?

***In which the author realizes she screwed up her characters, and makes a pathetic excuse to cover it up***

Irvine: Wow! Somehow a sudden solution to this weird problem has popped in my head! (Points his finger up inquisitively) You see, Thomas is a robot! A robot modeled after Ugly Schubalts!

Cute Schubalts: Hey, that makes perfect sense!

Irvine: Indeed! Thomas was created by a mad scientist with a life shrouded in mystery, so there will be no way for us to officially back up this random excuse!

Thomas: (Throws up a fist) AWRIGHT!

Both Schubalts: (Look around) Hey, where are our Random Pirate counterparts?

Van: (Pushing them down a plank, sharks circling the water below)

Fiona: Oh dear!

***A sploosh is heard as the Random Pirates fall into the ocean***

Cute Schubalts: Shame…

Random Pirates: AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Ugly Schubalts: Yeah, that's too bad.

Everyone: …

Irvine: …

Irvine: (Makes a stupid grin) OKAAAYYY!!! WHO'S READY FOR A SMACKDOWN!?!?

Everyone: (Mauled by hordes of confetti) AW-(Choke on confetti) Ackckgghkk!! (Hack up confetti) …RIGHT!!

Irvine: Who is this Thomas person? Is he really a person? How will the Schubalts brothers face off? Why was Van so heartless to the Random Pirates? Where is Moon of the Bay? AND IS RAVEN STILL A FAG!?!?! (Gasps)

Fiona: Why are you making such a big deal about Raven?