Fan Fiction ❯ Crazy Colonel Campbell Codec Calls ❯ Living With a Hernia ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Scarbie 
Raiden gets a hernia and the Colonel gets on his case.
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.03.2002 | Updated On: 10.03.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 595 | Visits: 542 | Status: Completed
Raiden gets a hernia and the Colonel gets on his case.
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.03.2002 | Updated On: 10.03.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 595 | Visits: 542 | Status: Completed
Konami also deleted this particular codec conversation, because they felt that it would portray Raiden as a whining brat. Seeing that MGS2 was Raiden's debut, they wanted him to be shown as positively as possible, considering the gaming public would be playing him instead of Snake. They predicted that this change would cause a large uproar in the MGS fan community; they did not want to pour salt on the wound by making the new character lame. *Coughs*
Living with a Hernia
*Raiden is on the heliport located on the roof of Strut E. He has just taken down the mad bomber, Fatman. Unfortunately there is one bomb remaining; it is the largest of all the bombs Fatman constructed to detonate in the Shells. The bomb going off could undermine all of Raiden's previous disarming efforts. On a hunch, Raiden, exerting much effort, drags the humongous corpse about a yard.*
Raiden (out of breath): This psycho must weigh a ton.
*Calls Colonel on codec*
Raiden (in triumphant voice): Colonel, I have deactivated the final bomb.
Colonel: Excellent, Raiden. Now you can resume the prime objective.
*Rose's image appears the screen*
Rose: Jack, are you okay?
Raiden: Yeah, just a little winded from the battle. A fat guy on roller blades, what a nut job. What did that guy have, a Kevlar head? I must have shot him fifteen times.
Rose (laughing): It was twelve. By the way, Jack. Do you remember what tomorrow is?
Raiden (sighs): Rose, not this again.
Rose: I'm sorry. Well good luck Jack.
Colonel: Would you use his codename? Two syllables: RYE-DEN. Is that so hard, Rosemary?
Rose: No sir. Sorry sir.
*The Colonel clicks off*
As Raiden goes to the stars leading down he feels an intense pain in his abdomen.
Raiden (in pained voice): ARRRGH!
*Codec beeps*
Colonel: Raiden, what's wrong.
Raiden (in overly dramatic tone): I'm suddenly... experiencing... pain in my... abdomen.
*Rose's image replaces the Colonel's*
Rose: According to the biofeedback from your Skull Suit, you've gotten a hernia. Oh, Jack!
Raiden (shocked): A hernia? How did that happen?
*The Colonel's image appears*
Colonel (assuming a matter-of-fact tone): It happened when you lifted Fatman.
Raiden: I didn't lift him; it was more like, uh, dragging him. Plus isn't this suit supposed to supplement my strength.
Colonel: Only slightly. What can you lift?
Raiden (rather proud of himself): On a good day, 250.
Rose (impressed): Wow, Jack.
Colonel: Raiden.
Rose: Oh yes. I'm sorry.
Colonel: The suit only increased you strength approximately twenty percent.
Rose (doing the math in her head): That means with the suit, you should be able to lift about 300 pounds.
*Rose types on a keyboard*
Rose: I'm analyzing a full body shot of Fatman now.
*A moment passes*
Rose: According to this readout Fatman's weight was in the range of 430-470 pounds.
Raiden (incredulously): Four hun'ned and seventy pounds!! You have got to be kidding me.
Rose: And that's not including his blast suit. So add another seventy-five pounds.
Colonel: Raiden, when you lift or drag heavy objects you must always remember to lift from the knees as well. You shouldn't have let your back take the brunt of the burden.
Raiden (exasperated): Yeah, I know. We covered it in VR training.
*Raiden clutches his stomach in pain and feels a knot breaking the smooth line of his abdomen. He sits down on one of the stairs.*
Raiden (gasping in pain): I-I need to take a rest.
Colonel (in stern, authoritative voice): No! Get your ass up and proceed with the mission according to the simulation!
Living with a Hernia
*Raiden is on the heliport located on the roof of Strut E. He has just taken down the mad bomber, Fatman. Unfortunately there is one bomb remaining; it is the largest of all the bombs Fatman constructed to detonate in the Shells. The bomb going off could undermine all of Raiden's previous disarming efforts. On a hunch, Raiden, exerting much effort, drags the humongous corpse about a yard.*
Raiden (out of breath): This psycho must weigh a ton.
*Calls Colonel on codec*
Raiden (in triumphant voice): Colonel, I have deactivated the final bomb.
Colonel: Excellent, Raiden. Now you can resume the prime objective.
*Rose's image appears the screen*
Rose: Jack, are you okay?
Raiden: Yeah, just a little winded from the battle. A fat guy on roller blades, what a nut job. What did that guy have, a Kevlar head? I must have shot him fifteen times.
Rose (laughing): It was twelve. By the way, Jack. Do you remember what tomorrow is?
Raiden (sighs): Rose, not this again.
Rose: I'm sorry. Well good luck Jack.
Colonel: Would you use his codename? Two syllables: RYE-DEN. Is that so hard, Rosemary?
Rose: No sir. Sorry sir.
*The Colonel clicks off*
As Raiden goes to the stars leading down he feels an intense pain in his abdomen.
Raiden (in pained voice): ARRRGH!
*Codec beeps*
Colonel: Raiden, what's wrong.
Raiden (in overly dramatic tone): I'm suddenly... experiencing... pain in my... abdomen.
*Rose's image replaces the Colonel's*
Rose: According to the biofeedback from your Skull Suit, you've gotten a hernia. Oh, Jack!
Raiden (shocked): A hernia? How did that happen?
*The Colonel's image appears*
Colonel (assuming a matter-of-fact tone): It happened when you lifted Fatman.
Raiden: I didn't lift him; it was more like, uh, dragging him. Plus isn't this suit supposed to supplement my strength.
Colonel: Only slightly. What can you lift?
Raiden (rather proud of himself): On a good day, 250.
Rose (impressed): Wow, Jack.
Colonel: Raiden.
Rose: Oh yes. I'm sorry.
Colonel: The suit only increased you strength approximately twenty percent.
Rose (doing the math in her head): That means with the suit, you should be able to lift about 300 pounds.
*Rose types on a keyboard*
Rose: I'm analyzing a full body shot of Fatman now.
*A moment passes*
Rose: According to this readout Fatman's weight was in the range of 430-470 pounds.
Raiden (incredulously): Four hun'ned and seventy pounds!! You have got to be kidding me.
Rose: And that's not including his blast suit. So add another seventy-five pounds.
Colonel: Raiden, when you lift or drag heavy objects you must always remember to lift from the knees as well. You shouldn't have let your back take the brunt of the burden.
Raiden (exasperated): Yeah, I know. We covered it in VR training.
*Raiden clutches his stomach in pain and feels a knot breaking the smooth line of his abdomen. He sits down on one of the stairs.*
Raiden (gasping in pain): I-I need to take a rest.
Colonel (in stern, authoritative voice): No! Get your ass up and proceed with the mission according to the simulation!