Fan Fiction ❯ Deus ex Conker ❯ Skirmish ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Ultimanium 
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.14.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 170 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.14.2002 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 170 | Status: Completed
Berri jogged around the corner. She turned again, to the left. She went the other way at the next junction. She turned left again. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left.
She came to rest at a flight of stairs heading down. "How do you find your way out of a place like this? Okay, this should be some kind, like, of underground exit... let's see..."
Berri had taken no less than 40 steps when a shot rang out in front of her. Sparks kicked off the stone wall next to her.
"Oh, great... now what..."
The grunting and the slobbering of the Tediz could be heard from the darkness below. Several red eyes lit up the area.
"Eep.."
Berri turned and went into a windsprint up the stairs. The guns went automatic and shots ricocheted from the steps where she once stood.
********
The portal disappeared with a flash. The bolt slid down with a clank on the steel door and it slowly swung open. Rodent stuck his head out. He looked back at the other people. "Guys! The way is clear..."
"We'll go when we wake up...zz.."
Rodent sighed. He made his way out of the room and ran off into the darkness ahead of him. He tripped on the first step of stairs. "Yaaahh!!"
He threw his hands in front of him to break his fall, but they, as you might think they would in a life-or-death situation like this, landed on top of this glasses, busting the lens.
"Ooohhh.... great... what was that? Aaah, where's my glasses? Somebody? Nobody move, I lost my lens... "
Rodent jabbed his hand into the fractured glass on the ground.
"I... so... OOOOOWWWW!! Frick frick frick..." Rodent began sucking trace blood from his hand. It was just a minor cut, but it was enough to make Rodent yell.. and blow his cover.
From several steps up, one of the Tediz turned and began descending.
Rodent froze. "W...who is it?" He ducked inside the vault, took a bottle of vodka off of the storage shelf, and busted it against the door. He held the fragmented bottle in front of him, jabbing randomly. After about 10 tries, he began to get frustrated. "Aw, forget it! I'm helpless like this!" Rodent cried. Furious, he whipped the jagged bottletop in front of him.
A shrill cry pierced his ears. The Tedi hit the ground with a thud, a point on the jagged bottletop embedded in its eye.
"Oh, man.. who was that? Somebody? Anybody? If that was you, Conker... urrggghhhh!!! This isn't funny, people!!"
********
"Oh, yes... th *fizzz* is is spect *crackle* actular... you will all su *zzzt* ffer!!"
"Alright! J2! I vant answers, now!"
The probe turned to see an angry Pringle standing in the door in his housecoat. "You are NOT a recorded voice! I know thees for a FACT! I want answers!"
"Ooohh... glad to see you've got *zorch* a hold on schematics, 'Pringle'! This is a int *zzt* ercepted transmis *eeee* sion! I have command over the J2, and that way it wil *eeeeeee* l stay! Ultimanium w *fizz* ill know TRUE power.. and he will be de *zorch* stroyed by it, by my hand!"
Pringle looked about him, expecting some intervention. "Ultimanium! Vhoever you are, show yourself!"
"Ultimanium will not sav *zzzt* e you... Ultimanium is no *crackle* thing to me!"
The J2 shook for a second.
"You and your king *ffzz* dom will not last, either! Now that th *oooo* e Tediz are loose in the center of the kingdom once ag *fizzz* ain, nothing will be left standing! The Chosen will NOT get in my way!"
Pringle backed away. "The Chosen? Vhat is the Chosen?"
"The single warrior of this dimension that supposedly is destined to interfere in my plans! Not that the fact alone will save him... soon, the Tediz will have this country swarmed... and Conker... he is going to regret coming against me..."
The transmission was beginning to clear up. It was clear to Pringle, that, whoever was talking, he was coming closer.
********
"Alright, men, form up!" Sergeant Epson barked. The 56th, 57th and 58th brigades lined up on the parade square in a flurry of motion. "ATTENTION!!"
With one unisoned bang, the feet of the troops hit the concrete ground and the soldiers were all set.
Conker stood alongside Epson, set in his Neo Conker outfit. On his sides he struggled to hold up a pair of chainguns. "urrghh... how much longer do we have to stand around? We need to get to the palace!"
"Shut up, Corporal," Epson growled. "you'll never get to Sergeant if you can't hold up tiny guns like those."
"I wouldn't mind some tinier ones." Conker winced. His hands were getting sore from grasping the handles of the large-bore guns and he would've rather had his agile Uzis back in a heartbeat if he could help it.
"Forget it. Alright, troops! Listen up! Readings from outside the camp reveal a sort of portal developing outside of our camp. Our scientists have identified it as a temporary vorte... temperal.. vortical... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that you need to get through it! We have taken note that it leads straight to the King's Palace and we have to clean the place out! Hop to it, men!"
The entire group let loose various war cries and scattered to grab their weapons. Soldiers ran off in different directions and returned with varying arsenals with weapons. Different teams reorganized themselves wielding assault rifles, bazookas, sniper rifles, ... hey, you name it.
Conker glanced at Epson nervously. "Isn't this a bit much for hall fighting?"
"Son, you can never have enough weapons. Get that through your head."
"Sorry, sir."
Conker hopped off the platform and attempted to drag the dual autocannons with him. "urrghh... ghh.... aw, forget it!" He tossed the guns to the ground. "I'll just go Corporal for a while." Conker reached into his trenchcoat and unsheathed the Uzis he had grown to love. He started off toward the ominous blue light off in the distance.
********
A dark man watched from over a hill. He smiled to himself. The plan was working perfectly. Conker was exactly where he was needed. He brought his hands to his temples.
"J2. Close the portal."
Conker had just stepped into the aura off in the distance, and it closed behind him.
"Excellent," the strange figure laughed. "Go, my Tediz."
********
Berri rounded another corner. She sprinted to the end of the hall and stopped when she saw a massive blue flash from around the corner, followed by a deepening rumble. Berri quickly dodged into a storage room in time to miss the charging triple-prong attack of the liberating brigades. She turned and walked out of the room and tripped, falling on her face.
"Damn it, ow!" Conker rubbed his head. "Who's foot was that?"
Berri sprung up and darted down the hall after the mobile minor army.
Conker hopped to his feet. "Who is that...? Man, whoever she is, she's hot! She almost looked like Berri there for a second... well, better keep going." He started into a windsprint down the vacant hall. Gunshots rang out around the corner, echoing throughout the empty corridor.
Conker looked around him. "Where'd that come from? There's no way to tell in halls like these...! I gotta choose some way, anyways..."
He turned around to find a Tedi right against him. Conker quickly threw his hand up and held the bayonet that was targeted at his throat, and used his other hand to grab his uzi and pump several rounds into the target. The Tedi hit the ground hard.
Conker stepped away from the mess of yellow blood that was accumulating at his feet, and clenched his left hand tightly to stop the bleeding via the cut from the bayonet. "Whatever, I have to find where I'm going, and quick!"
"Everybody! Over here!!" A private shouted. 8 squirrels ran to his position.
Another loud sustained autofire commenced. A soldier backed around the corner, assault rifles firing in each hand. "Corporal! We're not sure if we can hold them here!"
"Fall back, everybody!" Conker shouted. "We need to get to higher ground! All brigades report to the second floor mezzaine! We'll use the terrain there and establish a beachhead!"
The private saluted, as did others in the background. They all turned and hightailed it to the stairs at the end of the hall. Conker ran off after them.
He grinned. "This is coool."
********
The dark figure sat down on the grass ahead of him. "This is perfect... just perfect.."
The J2 in Pringle's lab beeped loudly. "Artificial dimensional analomy detected. Coordinates 3522553657X 883575878375Y 2850385608Z."
The dark man hopped up. "What the... no one can do that... I have the J2..!"
********
Ultimanium stepped around the corner and unloaded with his railgun. A 120mm lead slug ripped through the air with a blue-white smoke trail, decapitating 6 Tediz at once. He sheathed the enormous cannon on his back and took a pair of pulse cannons from a slot in the arms of his battle armor. A squirrel soldier ran by.
"Excuse me," Ultimanium asked. "Do you know where I can find Corporal Conker?"
The trooper shrugged. "How should I know. He ordered us all to report to the second floor mezzaine, so you might be able to find him there."
"Thank you." Ultimanium turned around and fired a blue laser burst at a Tedi, causing it to explode upon impact.
********
Rodent slipped in a pair of backup contact lenses. He blinked and squinted for a couple of seconds before finally getting his vision straight. "Damn it, I HATE these... It's the best I'll have for a while, though..." He reached over and snatched a bazooka off of the wall rack and stepped outside. Another brigade charged by, with Tediz in hot pursuit.
"DIE MUTHAFUCKAS!!" Rodent squealed, totally out of character. He swung the rocket launcher in front of him and fired an RPG into the crowd of Tediz ahead of him, sending limbs flying.
Conker ran out of a side hall. "Rodent! Second level mezzaine!"
"C-Conker? Where were you?! We were worried sick!!"
Conker jumped to a skid-halt. "Shut up before I waste you."
"Oh, yes? Conker? Some woman stopped by here and said she was looking for you. She was rambling on about not letting the Tediz take you away."
Conker shifted an eyebrow. "O....kay... forget about it, we need to get to the next floor, now!"
"With you all the way!"
Rodent and Conker were ready to depart when a man stepped in front of them. "Stop."
They both looked up at the behemoth, encasing in gleaming white armor. "...uh oh." Rodent sighed.
"Corporal Conker, I need to speak to you right away. Can we go somewhere?" the man mumbled.
"Second floor mezzaine," Conker said. "I can't stress it enough."
"It's about the Tediz. I know of their plan and I know how to stop them."
Conker folded his arms. "Go on."
"You may not know me. My name is Ultimanium. The Tediz you are fighting are accessing the castle using a device of mine, a dimensionsplitter called the J2. The Tediz are coming into the palace through a temporal gate in the basement, one created by the J2. If we can get to the J2 in time, we'll be able to shut down the portal and stop the Tediz."
Rodent nodded madly. "That was the portal I saw in the bomb shelter...!"
"A man named Pringle has the J2. He is using his old researching room in this castle to store the J2."
"Pringle's still alive?!" Conker exclaimed.
"Yes. There's no time to explain. Do you know where his room is in this castle?"
The weasel guards came up behind Conker.
"Yuh, his room was in the east wing tower." Encarta hummed.
"Then that's where we need to go," Ultimanium said. "Conker, I need you to get one of your brigades to get to the tower and destroy the J2.
Keyvan : Wait a minute, wouldn't you not be able to get back then?
"Correct. But how did I get here? I used a new probe that I recently constructed. The J3."
"How did you lose control of the J2?" Conker asked. "Didn't you travel here with it?"
"That's what's bothering me, Conker. I had perfect control over it. Though, somehow, my telepathic control of the J2 was jarred somehow and a stronger force took over and redirected the J2's trajectory, while I did not know. So the J2 took off in a different direction and I continued on, effectively slingshotting me into this dimension."
"Like... uh... whut kind of force?" Diablo said.
"I don't know. Whatever it is, it now has full control over the J2, and there's no stopping it. We'll have to destroy the probe ourselves."
Conker lifted up a walkie-talkie. "57th brigade, storm the east wing tower. Raze any departments you find."
"We're set then," Ultimanium announced. "Me and Conker will go ahead of the brigade and clear out the tower. Understood?"
Ultimanium and Conker turned and headed back toward the stairs, and went beyond the second floor and started up the spiral access stair that led to the tower access for the east wing.
Ultimanium was little prepared for what he would find.
She came to rest at a flight of stairs heading down. "How do you find your way out of a place like this? Okay, this should be some kind, like, of underground exit... let's see..."
Berri had taken no less than 40 steps when a shot rang out in front of her. Sparks kicked off the stone wall next to her.
"Oh, great... now what..."
The grunting and the slobbering of the Tediz could be heard from the darkness below. Several red eyes lit up the area.
"Eep.."
Berri turned and went into a windsprint up the stairs. The guns went automatic and shots ricocheted from the steps where she once stood.
********
The portal disappeared with a flash. The bolt slid down with a clank on the steel door and it slowly swung open. Rodent stuck his head out. He looked back at the other people. "Guys! The way is clear..."
"We'll go when we wake up...zz.."
Rodent sighed. He made his way out of the room and ran off into the darkness ahead of him. He tripped on the first step of stairs. "Yaaahh!!"
He threw his hands in front of him to break his fall, but they, as you might think they would in a life-or-death situation like this, landed on top of this glasses, busting the lens.
"Ooohhh.... great... what was that? Aaah, where's my glasses? Somebody? Nobody move, I lost my lens... "
Rodent jabbed his hand into the fractured glass on the ground.
"I... so... OOOOOWWWW!! Frick frick frick..." Rodent began sucking trace blood from his hand. It was just a minor cut, but it was enough to make Rodent yell.. and blow his cover.
From several steps up, one of the Tediz turned and began descending.
Rodent froze. "W...who is it?" He ducked inside the vault, took a bottle of vodka off of the storage shelf, and busted it against the door. He held the fragmented bottle in front of him, jabbing randomly. After about 10 tries, he began to get frustrated. "Aw, forget it! I'm helpless like this!" Rodent cried. Furious, he whipped the jagged bottletop in front of him.
A shrill cry pierced his ears. The Tedi hit the ground with a thud, a point on the jagged bottletop embedded in its eye.
"Oh, man.. who was that? Somebody? Anybody? If that was you, Conker... urrggghhhh!!! This isn't funny, people!!"
********
"Oh, yes... th *fizzz* is is spect *crackle* actular... you will all su *zzzt* ffer!!"
"Alright! J2! I vant answers, now!"
The probe turned to see an angry Pringle standing in the door in his housecoat. "You are NOT a recorded voice! I know thees for a FACT! I want answers!"
"Ooohh... glad to see you've got *zorch* a hold on schematics, 'Pringle'! This is a int *zzt* ercepted transmis *eeee* sion! I have command over the J2, and that way it wil *eeeeeee* l stay! Ultimanium w *fizz* ill know TRUE power.. and he will be de *zorch* stroyed by it, by my hand!"
Pringle looked about him, expecting some intervention. "Ultimanium! Vhoever you are, show yourself!"
"Ultimanium will not sav *zzzt* e you... Ultimanium is no *crackle* thing to me!"
The J2 shook for a second.
"You and your king *ffzz* dom will not last, either! Now that th *oooo* e Tediz are loose in the center of the kingdom once ag *fizzz* ain, nothing will be left standing! The Chosen will NOT get in my way!"
Pringle backed away. "The Chosen? Vhat is the Chosen?"
"The single warrior of this dimension that supposedly is destined to interfere in my plans! Not that the fact alone will save him... soon, the Tediz will have this country swarmed... and Conker... he is going to regret coming against me..."
The transmission was beginning to clear up. It was clear to Pringle, that, whoever was talking, he was coming closer.
********
"Alright, men, form up!" Sergeant Epson barked. The 56th, 57th and 58th brigades lined up on the parade square in a flurry of motion. "ATTENTION!!"
With one unisoned bang, the feet of the troops hit the concrete ground and the soldiers were all set.
Conker stood alongside Epson, set in his Neo Conker outfit. On his sides he struggled to hold up a pair of chainguns. "urrghh... how much longer do we have to stand around? We need to get to the palace!"
"Shut up, Corporal," Epson growled. "you'll never get to Sergeant if you can't hold up tiny guns like those."
"I wouldn't mind some tinier ones." Conker winced. His hands were getting sore from grasping the handles of the large-bore guns and he would've rather had his agile Uzis back in a heartbeat if he could help it.
"Forget it. Alright, troops! Listen up! Readings from outside the camp reveal a sort of portal developing outside of our camp. Our scientists have identified it as a temporary vorte... temperal.. vortical... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that you need to get through it! We have taken note that it leads straight to the King's Palace and we have to clean the place out! Hop to it, men!"
The entire group let loose various war cries and scattered to grab their weapons. Soldiers ran off in different directions and returned with varying arsenals with weapons. Different teams reorganized themselves wielding assault rifles, bazookas, sniper rifles, ... hey, you name it.
Conker glanced at Epson nervously. "Isn't this a bit much for hall fighting?"
"Son, you can never have enough weapons. Get that through your head."
"Sorry, sir."
Conker hopped off the platform and attempted to drag the dual autocannons with him. "urrghh... ghh.... aw, forget it!" He tossed the guns to the ground. "I'll just go Corporal for a while." Conker reached into his trenchcoat and unsheathed the Uzis he had grown to love. He started off toward the ominous blue light off in the distance.
********
A dark man watched from over a hill. He smiled to himself. The plan was working perfectly. Conker was exactly where he was needed. He brought his hands to his temples.
"J2. Close the portal."
Conker had just stepped into the aura off in the distance, and it closed behind him.
"Excellent," the strange figure laughed. "Go, my Tediz."
********
Berri rounded another corner. She sprinted to the end of the hall and stopped when she saw a massive blue flash from around the corner, followed by a deepening rumble. Berri quickly dodged into a storage room in time to miss the charging triple-prong attack of the liberating brigades. She turned and walked out of the room and tripped, falling on her face.
"Damn it, ow!" Conker rubbed his head. "Who's foot was that?"
Berri sprung up and darted down the hall after the mobile minor army.
Conker hopped to his feet. "Who is that...? Man, whoever she is, she's hot! She almost looked like Berri there for a second... well, better keep going." He started into a windsprint down the vacant hall. Gunshots rang out around the corner, echoing throughout the empty corridor.
Conker looked around him. "Where'd that come from? There's no way to tell in halls like these...! I gotta choose some way, anyways..."
He turned around to find a Tedi right against him. Conker quickly threw his hand up and held the bayonet that was targeted at his throat, and used his other hand to grab his uzi and pump several rounds into the target. The Tedi hit the ground hard.
Conker stepped away from the mess of yellow blood that was accumulating at his feet, and clenched his left hand tightly to stop the bleeding via the cut from the bayonet. "Whatever, I have to find where I'm going, and quick!"
"Everybody! Over here!!" A private shouted. 8 squirrels ran to his position.
Another loud sustained autofire commenced. A soldier backed around the corner, assault rifles firing in each hand. "Corporal! We're not sure if we can hold them here!"
"Fall back, everybody!" Conker shouted. "We need to get to higher ground! All brigades report to the second floor mezzaine! We'll use the terrain there and establish a beachhead!"
The private saluted, as did others in the background. They all turned and hightailed it to the stairs at the end of the hall. Conker ran off after them.
He grinned. "This is coool."
********
The dark figure sat down on the grass ahead of him. "This is perfect... just perfect.."
The J2 in Pringle's lab beeped loudly. "Artificial dimensional analomy detected. Coordinates 3522553657X 883575878375Y 2850385608Z."
The dark man hopped up. "What the... no one can do that... I have the J2..!"
********
Ultimanium stepped around the corner and unloaded with his railgun. A 120mm lead slug ripped through the air with a blue-white smoke trail, decapitating 6 Tediz at once. He sheathed the enormous cannon on his back and took a pair of pulse cannons from a slot in the arms of his battle armor. A squirrel soldier ran by.
"Excuse me," Ultimanium asked. "Do you know where I can find Corporal Conker?"
The trooper shrugged. "How should I know. He ordered us all to report to the second floor mezzaine, so you might be able to find him there."
"Thank you." Ultimanium turned around and fired a blue laser burst at a Tedi, causing it to explode upon impact.
********
Rodent slipped in a pair of backup contact lenses. He blinked and squinted for a couple of seconds before finally getting his vision straight. "Damn it, I HATE these... It's the best I'll have for a while, though..." He reached over and snatched a bazooka off of the wall rack and stepped outside. Another brigade charged by, with Tediz in hot pursuit.
"DIE MUTHAFUCKAS!!" Rodent squealed, totally out of character. He swung the rocket launcher in front of him and fired an RPG into the crowd of Tediz ahead of him, sending limbs flying.
Conker ran out of a side hall. "Rodent! Second level mezzaine!"
"C-Conker? Where were you?! We were worried sick!!"
Conker jumped to a skid-halt. "Shut up before I waste you."
"Oh, yes? Conker? Some woman stopped by here and said she was looking for you. She was rambling on about not letting the Tediz take you away."
Conker shifted an eyebrow. "O....kay... forget about it, we need to get to the next floor, now!"
"With you all the way!"
Rodent and Conker were ready to depart when a man stepped in front of them. "Stop."
They both looked up at the behemoth, encasing in gleaming white armor. "...uh oh." Rodent sighed.
"Corporal Conker, I need to speak to you right away. Can we go somewhere?" the man mumbled.
"Second floor mezzaine," Conker said. "I can't stress it enough."
"It's about the Tediz. I know of their plan and I know how to stop them."
Conker folded his arms. "Go on."
"You may not know me. My name is Ultimanium. The Tediz you are fighting are accessing the castle using a device of mine, a dimensionsplitter called the J2. The Tediz are coming into the palace through a temporal gate in the basement, one created by the J2. If we can get to the J2 in time, we'll be able to shut down the portal and stop the Tediz."
Rodent nodded madly. "That was the portal I saw in the bomb shelter...!"
"A man named Pringle has the J2. He is using his old researching room in this castle to store the J2."
"Pringle's still alive?!" Conker exclaimed.
"Yes. There's no time to explain. Do you know where his room is in this castle?"
The weasel guards came up behind Conker.
"Yuh, his room was in the east wing tower." Encarta hummed.
"Then that's where we need to go," Ultimanium said. "Conker, I need you to get one of your brigades to get to the tower and destroy the J2.
Keyvan : Wait a minute, wouldn't you not be able to get back then?
"Correct. But how did I get here? I used a new probe that I recently constructed. The J3."
"How did you lose control of the J2?" Conker asked. "Didn't you travel here with it?"
"That's what's bothering me, Conker. I had perfect control over it. Though, somehow, my telepathic control of the J2 was jarred somehow and a stronger force took over and redirected the J2's trajectory, while I did not know. So the J2 took off in a different direction and I continued on, effectively slingshotting me into this dimension."
"Like... uh... whut kind of force?" Diablo said.
"I don't know. Whatever it is, it now has full control over the J2, and there's no stopping it. We'll have to destroy the probe ourselves."
Conker lifted up a walkie-talkie. "57th brigade, storm the east wing tower. Raze any departments you find."
"We're set then," Ultimanium announced. "Me and Conker will go ahead of the brigade and clear out the tower. Understood?"
Ultimanium and Conker turned and headed back toward the stairs, and went beyond the second floor and started up the spiral access stair that led to the tower access for the east wing.
Ultimanium was little prepared for what he would find.