Fan Fiction ❯ Hey, OCARINA! - The Cheesy Zelda Musical ❯ Scene One: Prologue & Exposition ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Hey, OCARINA! - The Cheesy Musical!
By Galaxy Girl

Scene One: THE BEGINNING OF THE FUN!

A/N: This is the basic storyline of Ocarina of Time, souped up with my own special ingredients with lots of stupid songs, most I made up, but a few I "borrowed" from other places with new lyrics. As corny as it gets, PLEASE remember it's supposed to be cheesy. I hope you enjoy my latest desperate accomplishment.

{ = Music}

[ = Stage directions ]

( = Scene )

CAST FOR THIS SCENE:

Link, the Hero!
Navi, the Singing Musical Fairy!
Mido, the Jerk!
The Deku Tree, the... TREE!
Several Misc. Kokiri!
Narrator (AKA mysterious form)

(Scene: A small dark blue room with a single spotlight shining in it. Interior. Dry ice mist seeps across the floor and the Narrator appears in a navy blue robe. You can't see his/her face.)

{ Light piano music }

Narrator: [singing] A long, long time ago...
In a forest so far away...
In this weirdo place called Hyrule...
In a tree lived a little boy
Who owned no furniture or toys
And nobody thought that he was cool...

(Child Link slides out on his knees.)

Link: [low voice] NOOOOBODY THINKS I'M COOOOOOOOOOL...

(The blackness fades away and the narrator disappears. Trees and fairies appear, and we see the Kokiri Forest. Link stands up, slumps over sadly, and begins "Ode To Loneliness")

{slow and tedious}

Link: [Sadly]
Nobody likes me...
Everyone hates me...
I have no friend in the world!
Nobody likes me...
Everyone hates me...
Except for one little girl!

(He walks by several Kokiri, who add to the song)

Twin #1: [Snobby]
Mido says he's faking!

Know-It-All: [Snobby]
Our heads are all shaking!

All Kokiri: [Snobby]
HE HAS NO FAIRY, THAT'S WHY!

Mido: [Snobby]
He's such a dumb, stupid guy!

Saria: [Sweetly]
Come on, you'll make Linky cry!

Mido: [Suddenly Nice]
Saria, let me be your guy?

Saria: [Angry]
How about a nice black eye?

Mido:
Why do I try?

Link: [turns away, heads for his house]
Nobody likes me...
Everyone hates me...
I have no friend in the world!
Nobody likes me...
Everyone hates me...
Except for one little girl!

Saria: [Nicely, walking with Link]
Come on Linky, you know that's not true!

Link: [Sad]
You only say that cause I'm nice to you!

Random Kokiri: [angry]
Hey people, someone
Filled my shoes with glue!

Saria: [Stares at Link]

Link: [Depressed] I have no fairy, that makes me unworthy!

Mido: [Snobby]
He acts like one of us!
Why, of all the nerve-y!

(The other Kokiri laugh)

Saria: [Frowns]
Now come on buddy, they're all total jerks!

Link: [mad] Then how come they like you?

Saria: [Pushes hair back] I have hair that works!

(All the Kokiri stare at her)

Saria: Uh, Uh... I mean... SHOOT!

Link: [turns to his house. Saria stops following him and watches him go]
Nobody likes me... Everyone hates me...
I have no friend... in the world...

(Link shakes his head and goes up the ladder into his house)

(Scene: Inside Link's house. Link sits down on the bed)

Link: Why does everyone hate me, anyway? Hmmph. I'll show them. Someday... They'll learn that I'm a Somebody! Link Somebody... that's what they'll call me!

(Laugh track and Classic comedy drum beat)
PA-DUM, CHIIIII!

(Scene: In front of the Deku Tree. The music speeds up)

Deku Tree: [Singing like one of the 4 Tenors]
NAVI!
WHERE ART THOU, NAVI!
SO SAYS THE DEKU TREE!

Navi: [Singing]
I'm here!
I'm here!
Just back from drinking beer!
What is it Mr. Deku Tree?
Is there a problem?

Deku Tree:
YESSIREE!
Someone has put a curse on MEEEEEEEEEE!

Navi:
Oh no!

Deku Tree:
Oh yes!

Navi:
Oh no!

Deku Tree:
Oh yes!

Navi: [Ear splittingly high]
I'LL GO AND GET THE BOYEEEEEEEE
WITH OUT THE FAIRYYYYYYYYYYY!
THIS IS SO SCARYYYYYYYY!

Deku Tree:
AND HURRY! I do not have much time!

Navi: NO TIME?

Deku Tree:
NO TIIIIIIIIIIIME...

(Navi heads off to find Link. She flies all around the forest, and finally into his house.)

(Scene: Inside Link's house. Navi flies over to the bed, where Link is asleep)

Navi: [singing]
Hey boy!
Hey boy!
Hey little bitty boy!
The Deku Tree has called for thee
I'm sorry to annoy!

Link: [Wakes up] Huh?

[Looks up in surprise to see Navi above his bed]

Link: Who are you?

Navi: [singing]
I AM NAVIIIIIII!
YOUR NEW FAIRYYYYYYY!
THE DEKU TREEEEEEE!
HAS CALLED FOR THEEEEEE!

Link: [Shocked] The Deku Tree? Wow, really?

Navi: Yes, really.

Link: The Deku Tree? But... he only talks to important people!

Navi: Then I guess that makes you an important person.

Link: WOW! I can't believe it! That means...

{"Romeo and Juliet"}

Link: [singing really badly]
FINALLYYYYYY!
THE MIGHTY DEKU TREE!
HAS CALLED FOR MEEEEEEE!
I FINALLY WILL BE
IMPORTANT, DON'T YOU SEE?

Navi: [Sticks finger in ear] Uh, sure...

Link: [ecstatic] Well come on! Let's go! We gotta go see the tree! WHOOPEE!

Navi: Boy, you sure seem happy! Why?

Link: Well, let me start from the beginning...

{Corny banjo music}

Link: [Singing to "Oh Susanna"]
I had a dream the other night
When everything was still!
I saw a princess and her nanny
Riding down a hill!
An evil guy with red, red hair
Knocked me down in the grass!
A few years later I grew up
And beat his evil...

{Banjo music squeaks out}

Navi: [Interrupts, just as Link is about to say a bad word] THAT'S IT!

Link: [scratches hand] What's it?

Navi: You had a dream! This means...

Link: [Stands up] It means what?

Navi: I can't believe it!

Link: [Grabs Navi, screams at her] WHAAAAAAAT?

Navi: If you dreamed about being a hero... THIS MUST BE DESTINY!

Link: Destiny?

Chorus Singers: [Angelically singing]
DEEEEESTINYYYYYYY!

Navi: Yeah... you and me kid, we're going places!

Link: My dream is finally going to come true!

{majestic music, as the big show tune "Someday" starts}

Link: [singing squeakily]
I've always dreamed of leaving!
I've always dreamed I'd go!
Out of this crappy forest!
Somewhere where it might snow!
And when I got there people
Along the streets would say...

Chorus Singers:
"WE KNEW THAT KID WOULD GROW RIGHT UP
AND BE SOMEONE SOMEDAAAAAAY!"

Link: [grabs mike]
And as this summoning may show...

All Singers: SOMEDAAAAY, IS NOT SO FAR AWAAAAAAAAY!

(The scene changes to a big show-style stage with an external spiral staircase with lots of pretty girls tap dancing on it)

Link: [Put on top hat and grabs cane just as music picks up]
Maybe I'll meet a princess!
Who came by Destiny!

Chorus Singers: [Angelically]
DEEEEESTIIIINYYY!

Link:
Or I'll sell shoes and coffee
And I'll make lots of money!
But I'll grow up and be a hero
Someday, but I say!

All Singers: SOMEDAAAAY, IS NOT SO FAR AWAAAAAAAAY!

Navi:
But what if this coincidence
Is not just as you please?
And the Deku will want to bust you
For stealing fruit and cheese?

Link:
I have done no such thing, my friend!
Don't say that or this sequence you'll end!

Mido: [Sticks his head in the door]
Whatever you'll be, at no time
Will you be anyone who has to RHYYYYYME!

{music stops}

Link: [Speaking sweetly] Mido?

Mido: Yes?

Link: Shut up!

Mido: HARUMMPH!

{music picks up again}

All Singers:
MAYBE HE'LL MEET A PRINCESS
WHO CAME BY DESTINY!

Chorus: [angelically]
DEEEESTIIIIINYYYY!

All Singers:
OR HE'LL SELL SHOES AND COFFEE
AND MAKES LOTS OF MONEY!

{Music heightens}

BUT HE'LL GROW UP AND BE A HERO
SOMEDAY AND WE WILL SAAAAAAAY...

Half of chorus: [low voices] We will SAAAAAAAAAY...

GRAND FINALE!

All:
SOMEDAAAAAAAAY, MAY NOT BE FAR AWAAAAAAY!

Link: [Ascending spiral staircase]
Hoo, yeah!

All:
SOMEDAAAAAAAAAY, MAY NOT BE FAR AWAAAAAAY!

Link:
Sing it, guys!

All:
SOMEDAAAAAAAY, MAY NOT BE FAR AWAAAAAY!

Link:
I'm gonna be BIG!

All:
SOMEDAAAAAAY, MAY NOT BE FAR AWAAAAY!

(Link reaches the top of the staircase, and starts to can-can)

Link: One more time!

All: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, MAY
NOT...
BE...
FAR...
AAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!
Navi:
Dooby, dooby, dooby, dah doowah!

All: YEAH!

(the song ends, and Link loses his hat and cane, and appears back in his house.)

Navi: [clapping loudly]

Link: Wow... I've never had my own musical number before!

Navi: Hmm... Whoa, look at the time! We gotta go see the Deku Tree, soon! Come on Link, let's go!

Link: Coming!

(Link and Navi race out of the house.)

~~~~~END OF SCENE ONE~~~~~