Fan Fiction ❯ Lord of the Pants: Part Two ❯ The Two Towers ( Chapter 1 )

Hey ya'll! Some of you may have read the original Lord of the Pants by princess of pain. Before you read any further here, I insist you read the first part before you read my version. Well, princess has graciously allowed me to carry on what she began. So here is Lord of the Pants, continued. Enjoy!

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The quotes are grouped into categories, such as Helms Deep, Fangorn, Osgiliath, etc. The quotes follow each of the storylines. For my own convenience, I've put them in order- first Merry and Pippin, then Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, and finally Frodo, Sam, and Gollum/Smeagol. Only because I'm too lazy to actually go through the whole movie and put down where each quote appears. *sweatdrop* All right, stop talking, start laughing!

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MERRY AND PIPPIN

Riddermark (Part One)

Ugluk- What is it? What do you smell?

Random Uruk-hai- Pants!

Grishnakh- What about their pants? They don't need those!

Fangorn (Part One)

Treebeard- Pants? I have no pants. I am an Ent.

Treebeard-The trees have grown wild and restless. Anger festers in their pants.

Treebeard- There was a time when Saruman would walk in my pants.

Pippin- What is it?

Merry- It's Saruman's pants!

Merry- The pants of Isengard will spread.

Treebeard- It is likely that we go to our doom… the Last March of the Pants. (AN: Isn't it a little creepy how ents sounds like pants? lol)

ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, AND GIMLI

Riddermark (Part Two)

Gimli- Three days and nights pursuit. No food. No rest. And no sign of our pants.

Saruman- Who now has the strength to stand against the pants of Isengard and Mordor?

Saruman- (To the Dunlanders) The horsemen took your pants!

Eomer- If we don't defend our pants, Saruman will take them by force.

Gimli- Give me your pants, Horsemaster, and I shall give you mine!

Eomer- Theoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own pants.

Eomer- The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there, they say, as an old man, hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip into our pants.

Fangorn (Part Two)

Legolas- These pants are old. Very old. Full of memory- and anger.

Aragorn- Gimli! Lower your pants!

Gandalf- From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought them, the pants of Morgoth.

Gandalf- Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and pants.

Edoras

Gandalf- Edoras, and the Golden Pants of Meduseld.

Wormtongue- His pants! I told you to take the wizard's pants!

Theoden(Saruman)- You have no pants here, Gandalf the Grey!

Gandalf- Your fingers would remember your old strength better if they grasped your pants.

Theoden- Where is Theodred? Where are my pants?

Theoden- I will not risk open pants.

Hama- We make for the refuge of Helms Deep. Do not burden yourselves with pants. Take only what provisions you need.

Gandalf- Theoden has strong pants but I fear for him.

Aragorn- You have someskill with pants.

Aragorn- What do you fear, my lady?

Eowyn- Pants!

Gimli- It's true you don't see many dwarf pants.

Aragorn- She is sailing to the undying lands, with all that is left of her pants.

Helms Deep

Theoden- Our pants are safe. We have paid for them with many lives.

Isengard

Wormtongue- How? How can fire undo pants?

Saruman- This night, the land will be stained with the pants of Rohan!

Rivendell

Arwen- May the pants of the Valar protect you.

Elrond- Whether by the pants or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die.

Elrond- A im, u-erin veleth pants? (Do I not also have your pants?)

Arwen- Gerich meleth pants, ada. (You have my pants, father.)

Galadriel- The pants of the enemy are growing.

Galadriel- In his heart, Frodo begins to understand….. the quest will claim his pants.

Helms Deep (Continued)

Aragorn- It is an army bred for a single purpose- to destroy the pants of men.

Theoden- I have fought many wars, Master Dwarf. I know how to defend my own pants.

Legolas- Look at them. They're frightened. I can see it in their pants.

Guard- Send for the King! Open the pants!

Legolas- Your pants are with you, Aragorn.

Legolas- Faeg I-varv din na lanc- a nu pants. (Their armor is weak at the neck- and underneath the pants.)

Aragorn- You said this fortress would never fall while your pants defend it!

Theoden- For death and glory.

Aragorn- For Rohan. For your pants.

FRODO AND SAM

Emyn Muil

Frodo- Nothing ever dampens your spirits, does it Sam?

Sam- Those pants might.

Frodo- Release him, or I'll cut your pants.

Smeagol- We swears to serve the master of the pants.

Dead Marshes

Gollum- Come, master. We will take you on safe paths through the pants.

Smeagol- Pants! Pants on wings!

The Black Gate

Sam- Look! The pants, they're opening!

Ithilien

Gollum- You don't have any pants!

Smeagol- What's pants, precious? What's pants, eh?

Sam- Po-ta-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick em in your pants!

Hen Annuth

(AN: I think that's what it's called- the place Faramir took them?)

Madril- Theoden's pants have fled to Helms Deep.

Faramir- And where are your skulking pants?

Faramir- To enter the Forbidden Pants bears the penalty of death.

Sam- Use the pants, Mr. Frodo. Just this once. Put them on.

Faramir- Here in the wild I have you. Two halflings, and a host of men at my call. And the Ring of power withing my pants.

Osgiliath

Frodo- They're here. They've come.

Faramir- PANTS!

Sam- Folk in those pants had lots of chances to turn things back, only they didn't. They kept going! (AN: Dirty thoughts….)

Ranger- If you let them go, your pants will be forfeit.

Faramir- Then they are forfeit.

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How was it? As funny as the original? Reviews are always welcome! ^^