Fan Fiction ❯ Survivor Special Edition: The Gang ❯ Introduction ( Chapter 1 )

Jeff Probst: Welcome, welcome one and all to the one and ONLY Survivor Special Edition: THE GANG! Today you will meet 8 brave contestants, all ready to stand up to the challenge of a living on a deserted tropical island for up to 8 WEEKS!

 

Macy: 8 WEEKS? Are you kidding?

 

Jeff: No.

 

Macy: Oh. Okay. Just making sure.

 

Jeff: As I was saying, they will withstand—

 

Tara: Can we start? I'm hot. *is sitting in a boat with 8 other people*

 

Jeff: No, you—

 

Hoshii: I'm hot, too! You'd think if this was really a multi-million show they'd be able to afford bigger boats.

 

Jeff: No, it's—

 

Spork: What kind of host are you, anyway? And I WANT A WAFFLE!

 

Jeff: I'm sorry, we—

 

Peachie: Jeff, sorry to say this, but you SUCK at your job! Why did CBS hire you, anyway?

 

Ashley: Probably because of his sexy aftershave.

 

Peachie: Exactly my point!

 

Jeff: Look, I can't—

 

Kwiddy: This is stupid. Why'd I come, anyway?

 

Skittles: Money.

 

Kwiddy: Oh yeah.

 

Jeff: Wait—

 

Peachie: THAT'S IT! Jeff, you're fired. EVERYONE ASSEMBLE!

 

Everyone: *gets in a bunch behind Jeff*

 

Peachie: And…FIRE!

 

Everyone: *pushes Jeff off boat*

 

Jeff: *drowns*

 

Peachie: Now that that's covered…

 

Tara: How are we going to have a show without a host?

 

Peachie: Simple.

 

Tara: …

 

Peachie: I'M HOST! *frolics in 8-centimeter space in the boat*

 

Spork: You can't be host! You're a CONTESTANT!

 

Peachie: So?

Spork: So, it's…

 

Peachie: Look, WHO'S WRITING THIS? YOU OR ME?!

 

Kwiddy: She has you there, Bricky.

 

Ashley: *?!* What kind of SURVIVOR is this without sexy JEFF as host?

 

Peachie: You really wanna know?

 

Ashley: Yes.

 

Peachie: It's a If-Ashles-Contradicts-Me-One-More-Time-She-Will-Be-Thrown-Into-The-Firey-Pi ts-Of-Death kind of Survivor!

 

Ashley: …oh.

 

Hoshii: Yeah, but—

 

Peachie: *transforms into a fire-breathing demon and singes Hoshii's hair*

 

Hoshii: *twitch*…NEVERMIND

 

Peachie: *transforms back* That never happened.

 

All: …………

 

Peachie: Now that we have that settled, let me give you the PROPER introduction!

*survivor music begins to play*

 

Throughout all legions of time…

 

ALL the way back in the past…

 

There has never been something so great, so horrifying, so AMAZING in ALL THE LANDS! Yet…it is HERE NOW!

 

It is…

 

SURVIVOR SPECIAL EDITION: THE GANG!

 

----insert gasp here---- *music grows louder*

 

8 BRAVE contestants from ALL OVER AMERICA have courageously come entered this LIFE- RISKING cheesy reality TV Show to prove to America that they are the ULTIMATE SURVIVOR!

 

The contestants are: *drumming*

 

Of Tribe ZAKAWALA!

 

MYSELF!

TARA!

HOSHII!

And ASHLEY!

 

Of Tribe QUEKEMO! *more drumming*

 

SPORK!

KWIDDY!

SKITTLES!

And MACY!

 

These two tribes will battle it out, competing various challenges to win IMMUNITY and other prizes! But mostly they will fight to STAY ALIVE!

 

So welcome, everyone, to the first day of the ULTIMATE SURVIVOR!

*normal voice* The end.

 

Skittles: Oooh, crap.