Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ leeeets do the tiiiiime waaarp agaaaaiiin! ( Chapter 16 )

The Disclaimer Scene:

Akila: What now?

Queenie: Let's do a little leap in time!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[700 years later]

- Everyone in this fic died a long, long, long time ago -

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Akila: LITTLE leap?

Queenie: He he, sorry. I'll try again!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[70 years later]

- Everyone in this fic is in a home for old people -

Link: Gimme back my bloody denture!

Ganondorf: Never! MWAAAHAHAHAA *cough* HAHAHA *cough* *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* *gasp* *cough* *cough* *breathe* *gasp* *cough*

Zelda: NURSE!!!! NUUUUUUUURSE!!!!!

Link: MY DENTURE!!!

Ganondorf: *cough* *gasp* *gasp* *cough* HAHA *cough* *cough* *breathe* *gasp* *cough* HAAAAAA!!!!!! *cough* *cough* *cough* *breathe* *gasp* *cough* *cough* ECK!!! [has a heat attack]

Link: If you don't give me my denture I shall defeat you with this mighty sword of mine!! [wants to draw the Master Sword but only cuts his finger instead] Ooooowie!! Ooooooooooowwww!!!! My finger!! Blood!!! I'm dying!! ECK!! [has a heart attack]

Zelda: NUUUUUUURSE!!!! I WANT THE %$$§(($/(=% NURSE!!!! NOW!!! I- ECK!!! [has a heart attack]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Akila: -_-*

Queenie: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!! This time it will be a very, very little, itsy-bitsy tiny leap!

Akila: I hope so!!

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[7 years later, in the Temple of Time]

Rauru: Ganondorf!!!

Ganondorf: [is still unconscious]

Rauru: Ganondorf!!! Wake up!!!

Ganondorf: [still unconscious]

Rauru: WILL YOU GET UP ALREADY??!!!

Ganondorf: [still unconscious]

Rauru: Triforce.

Ganondorf: [wakes up] Where??? [looks around] AH! IT'S THE LUMINOUS FATSO!!

Rauru: -_-*

Ganondorf: [rubs his head] Owie . . . what hit me?

Rauru: The amazing and powerful Hammer of Time!! [DUN DUN DUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: o_O*

Rauru: That's the only item capable of knocking people out for 7 years.

Ganondorf: I see . . . . . . . WHAT?? 7 YEARS??

Rauru: Yes.

Ganondorf: I was unconscious for 7 years???

Rauru: I'd say so.

Ganondorf: And now I'm 7 years older?

Rauru: Exactly.

Ganondorf: And . . . . 7 years passed?

Rauru: Yes.

Ganondorf: Did . . . . did I miss an episode of Buffy?

Rauru: Six whole seasons.

Ganondorf: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . .

Rauru: Ahem.

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . .

Rauru: I guess that's enough!

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO . . . .

Rauru: STOP IT!!

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . .

Rauru: I'LL BUY YOU THE DVD BOX!!!!

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . *sob* Really?

Rauru: Yes, for Heaven's Sake.

Ganondorf: Aaaaaaw, thanks!! [hugs Rauru]

Rauru: O_O*********

Ganondorf: Er, anyway. WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT??

Rauru: Because you're Hyrule's new hero.

Ganondorf: Yahoo. -_-

Rauru: That's only a temporary thing!!

Ganondorf: Thank Goddesses.

Rauru: But you have to help Link.

Ganondorf: I know that by now.

Rauru: And I will teach you how to be a proper hero.

Ganondorf: There's no need to. I don't need your help for this silly quest.

Rauru: Really? Well, maybe I should tell you that you - since you're a hero now - are not allowed to use your black magic.

Ganondorf: WHAT??

Rauru: You heard me. No energy balls, no curses, no spells-

Ganondorf: Not even a little brainwashing here and there???

Rauru: Nope.

Ganondorf: Drats.

Rauru: Are you sure that you still don't want my help?

Ganondorf: I guess this can't get worse, so-

Rauru: Perfect! I will finally teach you how to be a real hero!!

Ganondorf: And you weren't able to do that 7 years ago??

Rauru: Erm . . . no.

Ganondorf: Why not?

Rauru: Uhm . . . .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lawyer: Court in session!

Judge: Rauru - what's your surname again ?

Rauru: *shrug*

Judge: Er, anyway. You're accused of smoking weed in the sacred Temple of Time. I'm bored and I'm hungry - so do you plead guilty?

Rauru: Huh?

Judge: Awesome. I sentence you to 7 years of prison. Bye! [leaves]

Rauru: D'OH!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rauru: Erm . . . you were not mature yet.

Ganondorf: I was 23!!

Rauru: Uhm . . . it's more a question of the mind.

Ganondorf: -_-**

Rauru: Anyway, prepare for your first lesson!!

Ganondorf: Wait!

Rauru: What is it?

Ganondorf: Can I ask you something?

Rauru: There are the flower and the bees and then they come together to make love. Can we start the lesson now?

Ganondorf: Now that was not exactly what I wanted to ask.

Rauru: *sigh* But?

Ganondorf: What happened?

Rauru: Huh?

Ganondorf: In those 7 years . . . did anything change?

Rauru: Do I really have to tell you all that stuff now?

Ganondorf: Yes.

Rauru: Fine. Then read this. [gives Ganondorf a huge book]

Ganondorf: What's that???

Rauru: It's the amazing Book of Time [DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: o_O

Rauru: The three Goddesses wrote down Hyrule's entire past in this book. Just read chapter 2347!

Ganondorf: (reads) Chapter 2347 - The storie about thoze seven years who Ganondorf misses becaus Rauru had hit his with the Hammer of Time. (says) HUH???

Rauru: Well, obviously you don't need any linguistic knowledge to be a Goddess.

Nayru,Din+Farore: WE HEARD THAT!!!!

Rauru: ^_^*************

Ganondorf: (says) Anyway. (reads)

~ ~ ~ THE AMAZING BOOK OF TIME - CHAPTER 2347 ~ ~ ~

*** Year 1 ***

Ruto and Link disappeared.

Zelda annoyed Impa as usual.

Darunia and Gamer Kid were eating King Dodongo.

Ganondorf didn't return to Gerudo Valley.

Everybody else was bored. Especially Saria.

*** Year 2 ***

Aliens abducted Talon. Ingo took over the Ranch.

Zelda annoyed Impa even more.

Nabooru decided to have a big party because Ganondorf still hadn't returned.

Lickmaflaminlamabitch bought Epona. They moved to a place called Radioactive Valley.

Darunia and Gamer Kid were still eating King Dodongo.

Saria was still bored.

*** Year 3 ***

Lady Storm married Lord Laceration. They bought a nice house near Kakariko.

Malon fell in love with Ingo. She annoyed him.

Zelda annoyed Impa. Impa quit her job. She moved to Kakariko.

Saru Saru tried to drag the unconscious Ganondorf away. But he was too heavy.

Nabooru had another big party.

Saria was still bored.

Darunia and Gamer Kid were still eating King Dodongo.

*** Year 4 ***

Navi returned to Hyrule to search for Link.

Kaepora Gaebora ate too many bombs and died.

Impa fell in love with Dampé.

Zelda felt lonely without Impa. She forgot to take her pills.

Nabooru had another big party.

Malon annoyed Ingo even more. He threw her out.

Lady Storm was getting bored.

Saria was still bored.

Darunia and Gamer Kid finished eating King Dodongo. They started to digest him.

*** Year 5 ***

King Zora met a handsome eel named Sarah.

Malon cried.

Dampé dumped Impa. She cried too.

Zelda refused to take her pills. She developed a strange obsession for cross dressing . . . . again.

Ravi managed to escape out of Kaepora Gaebora's belly. She decided to search for Link.

Navi was still searching for Link.

After a strange accident Epona was able to talk. She claimed to be a male horse named Jack.

Darunia and Gamer Kid finished digesting King Dodongo. They left Goron City to search for adventures and beautiful damsels in distress.

Lady Storm was bored.

Saria was really bored. She decided to burn down the Lost Woods.

Nabooru had another big party.

*** Year 6 ***

Nuna ur business and the scientist at Lake Hylia developed the amazing Ice Cream Blaster.

Malon stopped crying and founded a club for anonymous perverts.

Impa was still crying.

Lady Storm was still bored. So she sold her house and killed the King of Hyrule.

Zelda became Queen of Hyrule. She didn't notice because she was having dinner with her imaginary friends.

Sarah turned out to be an electric eel. King Zora dumped her.

Darunia and Gamer Kid killed Navi for no apparent reason at all.

Ravi was still searching for Link.

Saru Saru tried to drag Ganondorf away once more. She broke her nail and gave up.

Queenie found out, that Goron City was completely empty. She moved in and founded Author Village.

Epona, erm Jack returned to Hyrule.

Nabooru had another big party.

*** Year 7 ***

The aliens returned to Hyrule and joined Malon's club.

Zelda ran around in circles and eventually disappeared.

Most of the cuccos in Hyrule moved to Author Village.

Ravi didn't want to search for Link anymore. She moved to Author Village too.

Nabooru had another big party.

Jack was bored. He joined Nabooru's party.

Impa was still crying.

Ganondorf woke up

~ ~ ~ END CHAPTER 1237 ~ ~ ~

Rauru: Well?

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . interesting.

Rauru: So can we finally start your first lesson?

Ganondorf Of co-

Queenie: No way!

Rauru+Ganondorf: WHAT? WHY NOT?

Queenie: I'm broke. We can't continue unless I get some cash. Any ideas?

- silence -

Rauru: I think I've got an idea!

Queenie+Ganondorf: YOU???

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Chapter 16 of The Troublesome Quest for Sanity was brought to you by

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer and

Queenie û