Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ D&D FF7 style ❯ Chapter 1
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: supercalisto 
The cast of FF7 play D&D hero's and villians. Special guest apprence from Bob the talking worm.
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 02.11.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 707 | Status: Completed
The cast of FF7 play D&D hero's and villians. Special guest apprence from Bob the talking worm.
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 02.11.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.1K | Visits: 707 | Status: Completed
Dungeons and Dragons
Welcome again to another fanfic from the all-powerful supercalisto. I would like to disclaim now that I do not own final fantasy 7 or dungeons and dragons or anything else other then the crazy story line. Well not at the moment but one day I tell you one day. (Insert evil laughter) Also there is lots of bashing of all characters but less on Yuffie and Vincent, as they are the best!
It was a not so beautiful day in Costa Del Sol. In fact it was bloody horrible because it was pissing it down with rain. We join Yuffie, Vincent, Aeris (brought back from the dead when Cloud finally remembered you could use phoenix downs to bring back the dead) and Cid. In the villa, which Cloud with wife Tifa, had brought almost two years ago.
Yuffie: "I'm so bored. I hate it when it rains! This sucks eggs!" She throws her self on to the sofa next to Aeris.
Aeris: "Why don't we rent out some videos?"
Vincent: "We can't, Cid and Barret broke the TV when arguing our whether to watch the A team or Dukes of hazed yesterday" Every one glares at Cid.
Cid: "I said I was sorry. But I had the ^$&*ing remote first!"
Yuffie: "Yeah but didn't mean who could throw your spear through the TV shouting that if you didn't get to the %*$*ing Dukes no one would ever watch TV again!"
Aeris: "Why don't we play a nice board game?"
Vincent ":.... Aren't we a bit old?"
Cid "*^*£ I'm so bored I'll play anything!" Aeris jumps off the couch and starts rummaging the cupboard where they keep all the other useless crap such as board games.
Aeris: "Lets see holy materia no, Tissue no, Tifas orderpedic under wear no, Jenova limb no, Pikachu plush no."
Vincent: Hey wait I'll have that!" Every one anime sweat drops at Vincent.
Aeris: "Sure knock your self out." Throws plush at Vincent.
Vincent: "Now I'll have my revenge! Mwwa haaa haaa ha ha ha!" Starts setting fire to Pikachu. Every one else inches away from Vincent.
Yuffie: "OK any board games yet?" She starts to look in the closet as well.
Aeris: "How about hungry hungry hippos?" Holding up the box.
Cid: "We can't play that remember Cloud got over excited and ate all the little balls him self?"
Yuffie: "Hmmm how about monopoly?"
Vincent: " Can't use that either we had the Turks over with Reeve last week. Reeve kicked all our arses then started to sing, "I'm on top of the world looking down on creation" When Reno dropped a paving slab on top of the game saying "just like sector 7 splat!"
Aeris: "Alright what about piconary? Would you all play that?"
Yuffie: "Well before we brought you back. We were playing but RedXIII went into a rage destroying the game when Cid didn't guess the right answer to the picture."
Cid: "Well the mutts got no thumbs and his pictures looked like vomit."
Vincent: "Cid that's what the picture was supposed to be of."
Cid: "oh!"
Yuffie: "Dumb ass. Hey what's this?" Pulls out a red box covered in dust.
Aeris: "Never seen it before." Yuffie blows off the dust. The words dungeons and dragons are written in gold.
Vincent: "I haven't played that since high school!"
All the others: "Me too."
Yuffie: "Oh gawd we have to play this."
Cid: "I call dungeon master."
All: "No fair!"
Cid: "To late. I am the dungeon master I control your fate! You are my pawns! PAWNS I SAY! Mwa ha ha ha!" Pulls on black cloak and sits at the end of the table un-packing all the kit and setting it up.
Cid: "Do you want to start new characters or do any of you still have your profiles for your original ones?"
All look sheepishly at each other.
Vincent: "Well his names Lusis he's a Tiefling." Pulls out lead minture of a guy with a black cap and black hair and well dressed all in black.
Aeris: " Very gothic very you. I don't think any one was expecting that." Aeris added sarcastically.
Vincent: " What? I like black it's sliming!"
Every one sweat drops.
Vincent: "Any way he also has a brave and noble companion!" Vincent pulls out a pink sock puppet.
Yuffie: "Oh dear god it's a penis!"
Vincent's sock puppet: (very badly lipped sinqued by Vincent) "No I'm not you daft cow I'm Bob the worm"
Yuffie: "Dear gawd NO! It's a talking penis! I thought the episodes stopped after therapy!" Starts screaming and running a round in circles with her hands over her eyes.
Cid: "Put that damn thing away Vincent it's screeching gives me a head ache!"
Bob: "I will depart but I shall return!" Vincent removed Bob and put him in his pocket.
Yuffie: "Is it gone?" Her hands covering her eyes. Hits the wall. "Ouches!"
Aeris: "Are you ok?" Helps Yuffie up.
Yuffie: "epp!"
Aeris: "She's fine. Any way my character it the beautiful priestess Yuna. She likes flowers too." Pulls out little Yuna figure.
Every one: "How cute"
Yuffie: "My turn! My turn!" Pulls out a minture. Who's dressed in hot pants? "It's Riku and she a thief and she likes stealing, stealing things is fun! Yay!"
Cid: "A thief for Yuffie. How original!" In the most sarcastic voice ever.
Yuffie: "Hey!" Starts beating down on Cid with her Conformer.
Cid:"that hurts! Guys a little help?!" Vincent pulls Yuffie off Cid. Telling her if she stopped killing Cid he'd give her his Mastered Ice.
Cid:"Ok are we ready to start?"
Yuffie: "wait I need snacks" Runs in to the kitchen comes back with her arms full of Dr.Pepper, crips, dips and ten tons of sweets and chocolate.
Vincent: "No wonder she's always so hyper and puking up!"
Cid:" Moving on" Cid rolls the dice. But the force of the roll is so much that the dice hit Aeris in the head. Inflicting ten HP damage then Aeris dies. Again.
Yuffie: "Crap not again! Any one got any revive?"
Vincent:" I don't see why cloud just didn't use Life the first time she died" Throws a phoenix down on to Aeris.
Cid: "Clouds a idiot and a drama queen to boot. He wanted to the dramatic fallen lover scene!" Aeris awakes up.
Aeris: "Zack said hi"
Every one: "Hi Zack" In that worn out sing song voice you use when talking to people you dislike or are humouring.
Cid:"lets try again"
Mean while.
Lets see what the Turks are up to.
Reno, Rude and Tseng are sitting on a bench out side of Shrina HQ.
Rude: "So Elena saw in the video. You suck!"
Reno:" I know" Shrugs.
Two hot shrina employees walk past. All the guys' faces light up. Suddenly a gust from the east of wind blows their skirts up. Giving the Turks a good eyeful apart from Tseng whose hair got blown in his face.
Reno a huge grin on his face:" That was great"
Tseng: "God damn hair! How was it?
Rude:" The on of the left white lace" Nose starts to bleed.
Reno:" the one on the right pink"
Tseng:" Arrrr Arry!"
Rude:" Why don't you just cut your hair?"
Tseng: "Mind your own fucking business!"
Another little hottie comes along in a skirt.
All: *Focus Big wind! Giant Gust"
Tseng:*Hair down, eyes locked, good to go!*Holding the left side of his hair down.
A big gust blows up the skirt again but changes in direction at the minute. Blowing Tseng hair back in his face.
Reno and Rude: "oh my god" Drooling all over themselves. Look over at Tseng.
Tseng:"dont say a word to me. I told you to mind your own fucking business!" Starts pulling out his hair.
Tseng* If this happens again I'm shaving my head"
Reno: "I'm bored lets go and see what the goodie goodies are up to."
Back at Costa del sol.
Cid: "now lets see your using your wolf tooth sword. It ... " Rolls dices. "Hits"
Yuffie:"Yayness!" Jumping up and punching the air.
Cid: "Lets see D6 + 2" mumble mumble rolls dice. "congratulations you defeated the orc!"
All: "Yeah!!" Yuffie does her victory pose, Vincent puts his thumbs up and Aeris, well she died again.
Aeris: "It's not fair I always die" Pouting.
Vincent: "that's your job my dear."
Cid: "Ok let's move on with this quest for the magical grail, which has magical powers which are magical, hidden in a magical place.!
Yuffie: "It's magical all right!" sarcastically.
Aeris: "Is it anything but?"
Cid:" It's not my fault I forgot my thesaurus. Anyhow you were travailing in the forest of doom. From the last battle you gained 250 gold and a ring of aura"
Yuffie: "double yayness"
Outside:
We see Cloud being pulled along by RedXIII on a lish.
Cloud: "Damn it! slow down and stop humping peoples legs,"
RedXIII: "Its my protest against the lish law. I have rights"
Cloud: "No you don't your just a thing" Shouting.
Crashing though the front door of the villa with Cloud in tow RedXIII came across a very odd sight huddled round the dinning table deeply engrossed in something was Yuffie, Vincent, Aeris and Cid.
Cloud: "Oh god you guys aren't planning to take over the world too? Don't make me call a SWAT team"
RedXIII being the more iltengent of the two. Went over and actually looked at what they were doing.
RedXIII: "Cloud you moron their playing D&D. "
Cloud: "Mans best friend my ass!"
Cid looks up from the game. "Oh Cloud its..." the rolling of dice can be heard "Good to see you"
Cloud:" What in the hell are you doing?"
Vincent: Rolls dice "idiot"
Aeris: Rolls dice "Yay cloud!"
Yuffie: Rolls dice "YES! I will rule the world oops wrong dice" Rolls different dice ".skcus duolC"(The dice were back to front)
Cloud: "My fragil little mind is so confused! For what are you doing?"
All: "BAKA!" (I just love that word :))
Aeris: " Want to play to. Its lots of fun. You can be what ever you want!"
Cloud: "I want a big sword!" Jumping up and down waving his.
Cid: "Is that all?"
Cloud: "umm and have spiky hair and wear purple. Oh and to be called Zack!" A cold wind blows though the house the lights flicker on and off.
????: "Ooooo Wooo!"
All: "ARRR!" Yuffie jumps in to Vincent's arms. Who's quit secretly pleased by this. The room for them to turn all pink and pastle. With soft edges, little bubbles and sparkles. Cloud hides under the table, praying to mommy. Cid inhales ten cigs at once and RedXIII starts howling. Only Aeris remains calm in face of this new danger.
Aeris: " Hi Zack" The ghost of Zack appears.
Zack: " Hi honey! I'm home. I mean ..." Becoming very big and scary right in Clouds face "You little worm! Stop trying to be me. You'll never be as great as the all powerful Zack! Now change you character are feel my raff!" In a puff of smoke Zack is gone but not for gotten. Well truth be told Yuffie and Vincent didn't even see him or hear him as they were to busy in looking in each other's eyes. Cid was choking and blinded by all the smoke he had produced. RedXIII was deaf from his own howling. So only Cloud and Aeris. Cloud doesn't even count as he's a grade A moron.
Cloud: "I've voted 99 brain cells to 1 that I should change my name to Sack the measenrey!" A bolt of lighting hits Cloud from out of a patch of clouds formed around Clouds head.
Cloud: "It tingles!" A big grin on his face.
Yuffie breaking away from Vincent's sexy gaze. : "Are we playing or what!"
RedXIII: "What about me! I want to be human. I've always wanted to be one of you! I'll be Joe the human"
Cid: "Joe the human? Ok back to the game while travailing though the forest of doom you encounter ......
Meanwhile:
Tifa was chasing Cloud and RedXIII. But had lost them when RedXIII thought it was a good idea to chase a truck full of pigs. Tifa lost them after a mile.
Tifa: "I hate the rain so much!" Staring up at the sky waving her fists. "I'll get you one day!" Walks in to the villa. To the sight of Yuffie jumping on top of the table . Surrounded by many members of avalanche.
Yuffie: "Ha ha ha Sack your such a loser you can't even take on a level 4 ghoul! While me the great Riku and side kick Lusis" Vincent does a little victory sign!" Can take on a level 18 Red dragon! Your such a loser, loser!" Still dancing around on the table
Cloud: "This games hard it hurts my brain!" Curls into small ball and starts crying.
Tifa: " Urr do I dare ask what the hell you guys are doing now?" All eyes are now on Tifa.
Aeris: "We're having fun! But we don't need any big-breasted sluts to interfere. Thank you very much"
Cid: "Meow. Catfight. Cat fight!" Cheering Aeris on.
Yuffie: "No, we shall settle this D&D style. Yuna must take on urrr what's your character Tifa?" Tifa whispers in Yuffie's ear. "Ur ok Zell!" Every one sweat drops and looks at Tifa.
Vincent: "You're a boy?"
Tifa: "I had problems as a teenager" Whips out a little model of Zell as seen in FF8.
Cid: "lets get ready to fight!"
Tifa: "bring it on." For the next ten minutes all you can hear in the tense atmosphere is the rolling of dice and a few choice words from Tifa and Aeris. Until...
Cid: "Tifa Is the wining!"
Tifa: "Go Tifa, go Tifa it's your birthday it's your birthday. Take that you zombie, flower freak!" Instead of pointing at Aeris she slips and hit Aeris with her fist. Thus killing Aeris again.
Tifa: "Opps!" Grinning from ear to ear. RedXIII uses life on her automatically.
Aeris: "Cloud Zack says and I quote "at least if your trying to be like him try not to do such a suck arse job" End quote."
Cloud: "Bored now! I wanna make Sack more powerful I want to be able to kill a yak from 200 feet away. With mind bullets!"
Vincent: "That's telekinesis Cloud"
All: "Duh Cloud!"
Tifa: "I proclaim myself the champion! Also that I shall become the dungeon master" Pushes Cid out of his seat. Or as he liked to call it in his mind the throne, that all you pitiful mortal shall bow down to! Whipping out her own black cap and putting it on.
Cid: "That's not fair I am your master!"
Tifa: "I'm the new master now!"
All the others were sick and tired of Cid over bearing and megalomaniac tendencies.
Yuffie: "All in favour?"
All: "I" Apart from Cid.
Yuffie: "All aposed"
Cid: "me"
Tifa: "Now lets begin"
Cid: "But wait I need a character! I want to be the level 20 chaotic knight, with a soul sucking sword!"
Tifa: "You can be him" Hands Cid a model.
Cid: "Prodo Faggins. The halfling. No fair!"
All others: " You dare defy her judgement! She is the dungeon master she controls your fate. You are her prawn!"
Tifa: "Now lets play."
Outside in the bushes.
Rufus: "Now do you remember the plan?" Looking at the other four with a glare.
Reno: "Umm" Looks at Rude.
Rude: "......." Eyes Elena.
Elena: "Urrr" Glances at Tseng.
Tseng: "No"
Rufus: "Bakas" Hits them all with a giant fan.
Elena: "You don't have to be mean about it."
Reno: "Your so weak Elena" Pulls out bottle of vodka and downs the bottle.
Rufus: "Ok let's try again. Reno, Elena and Rude. You shall rush in shouting stuff to them avalanche fools about Sephiroth being back. Then watching Cloud and crew panic. You give the signal me and Tseng dressed up as Sephiroth and sailor moon will rush in. I can't wait to see their faces. Why sailor moon "
Tseng: "they ran out of Jenova costumes, that was the closes fit for you sir. Its you plan boss" And dumb one at that. Why don't I just get a new job. Sigh
Rufus: "Now go my minions. Go and remember the new name for me?"
The Turks look at each other sheepish.
All: "Hail Lord Rufus"
Tseng (I wonder if Hojo has been giving him the blue pills again)
The three Turks run into the villa.
Inside....
The door of the villa bursts open.
Elena: "Oh god it's horrible"
No reaction from avalanche.
Reno shrugs: "It's a massacre"
No reaction from avalanche.
Rude: "Sephiroth is back!"
No reaction from avalanche.
Reno: "You know big guy, long sword, silver hair, obsessed with taking over the world, hates Cloud?, very sexy? "
No reaction from avalanche.
Elena: "Purple monkey, dishwasher?!"
No reaction from avalanche.
Rude: "Drugs?"
Elena walks over to the group and looks at what they're doing.
Elena: "Oh D&D. I used to play that at high school."
Finally a reaction from the group.
Every one: "Us to. Wanna play?"
Turks: "Sure"
Back outside.
Rufus: "What's taking so long? I thought they were supposed to be the elite?"
Tseng: "I'm sure sir" Rufus glares at Tseng. "I'm mean Lord Rufus that their just persuading Cloud and the others as we speak."
As they speak. Back in the villa.
Reno: "I got a ten!"
All: "YAY"
Elena: "I forgot how fun this was!"
More rolls of dice and random comments about travailing, woods, orcs and magic can be heard.
At the north crater. At super sexy Sephiroth's house.
Sephiroth: "Mum I'm going down the pub!" Just about to leave.
Jenova: "Oh no you don't first of all you have to summon the meteor, then become a one winged angel, then a god and you still haven't tidied your room. Now go to your room!"
Sephiroth: "But mum!"
Jenova: "No buts mister" Sephiroth storms off to his room. Slamming the door on the way out.
Sephiroth" "It's not fair I never have any fun! I know..." Starts to climb out his bedroom window. "Wait a minute, why the hell am I doing this when I can teleport!" Sephiroth teleports him self with a cool use of special effects.
Sephiroth lands on a little old lady outside of Costa Del Sols main bar.
Sephiroth: "Oh sorry I have to practice them landings" Then suddenly remembering who he is kicks the old lady as she's down. "I mean take that tiny ant. Now time for margaritas!" Walks into the Costa Del Bar. A dirty face bar keep greets him from behind the just as grubby bar.
Barmen: "Sorry mate were close all out of drink. Some guy called Reno drunk the place dry"
Sephiroth: Ahh Shot." Wanders back out side in to the rain. (What can I do now for fun.) Looks up seeing Clouds villa. (I know)
Back in the villa.
Tifa: "Look for the million time Cloud you can't use moon tiara magic. Its not in the game magic book."
Cloud: "No fair I just love sailor moon"
Everyone rolls their eyes.
Yet again the front door suddenly burst open. A gust of wind blows in. Lighting strikes. The Sephiroth theme music plays.
Sephiroth: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha. I have come to seek my revenge on" Glances at the table. "Hey is that D&D? Can I play? Can I? Can I? Huh, Huh!" All the girls eyes light up with little hearts. (I mean who's wouldn't as he's super sexy. But not as sexy as Vincent)
Cloud: "I don't trust you" (Damn you, bastard just because you're a little visually appealing. Don't act so cool when your not, you poser. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. I'll make you die, I'll definitely make you die!)
Aeris: " Sure I don't mind even if you did kill me you're so cute!"
Sephiroth: "Ah Aeris you are as sweet as the morning sun. Your beauty is the most lovely in the land"
Cloud: "I not sure" (Quit putting on a show. You bastard giving yourself an artists airs, you narcissistic bastard! Nar-bastard! Nar-bastard! Disappear! Leave! Go away!)
Yuffie: "I don't see why he can't play"
All other females: "YEAH!"
Cloud: "Fine but he better not kill any one."
So they group carry playing on wards with the came now joined with Endo the all-powerful. The group were near ending of their quest. They had travelled across the world of gia. To find the magical cup. Which would save the world. The finally test was a cryptic puzzle. They must solve to un-lock the cup container.
Riku: "I can't do it my lock pick just won't work"
Endo: "My magic just get absorbed!"
Yuna: "Healing doesn't work"
Joe: "Not even my mind can solve the puzzle"
Jadeite(Reno character): "Drink doesn't help. Oh well more for me" Chugs down on a bottle.
Nephrite(Rude character): "........"
Zoisite(Elena character): "If only Kunzite was here"
Prodo: "Digging didn't help and that my only skill"
Sack: "And hitting it over and over again with my huge sword didn't even scratch it!"
Lusis: "I have idea I can use my faithful champion Bob"
Back to reality.
Cid: "How the help can a sock puppet help"
Bob: "Hey I'm not a sock puppet I'm a talking worm darn it"
Reno: "Have to agree it's a sock Vincent"
Aeris: "Yeah not even a clean one!"
Bob: "You traitors, I'm not just a talking worm. I'm also a master of all your little secrets. Oh yes I hear and know all. Like how Cid likes to write gay fan fics about Goten and Trunks from DBZ."
Cid starts sweating: "Ur well you see, umm." Every ones staring at him.
Bob: "Also that the reason Tifa had such problems as a teenager was that she was born both a guy and a girl. That's why she had a boob job!" shock and horror is on every ones face.
Cloud: "Dear god! I feel sick"
Bob: "And, and Aeris when she was in the life steam she was cheating on Zack with Tseng and Sephiroth."
Tifa: "I knew you we're a hussy!"
Sephiroth: "Aeris how could you. I loved you!"
Bob: "Did you guys know that RedXIII likes to pretend to be a big man on the out side when he really likes to eat kittens"
Aeris: "That's so evil"
Tifa: "Such up slut"
Bob: "Oh yeah! Cloud likes to keep his little cross-dressing fetish. He dress's up as sailor moon at the weekends."
Sephiroth: "God Cloud your such a girly pants!"
Bob: "Ah the great Sephiroth. Do you guys want to know his nick name from school"
Sephiroth: "You wouldn't dare"
Bob with his best sock grin: "It's was Pee Pee Pants"
Sephiroth: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"takes a breath. "oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Yuffie: "Oh this gossip is so juicy!"
Bob: "Oh the special Yuffie. Did any one know that she has a great fondness for ......."
Vincent: "Stop it right now Bob you have gone to far!"
Tifa: "Why don't you just take it off your hand?"
Vincent: "I can't"
All: "Why not!"
Vincent: " Because he's not a sock puppet but a talking worm"
Cloud: "Even I can tell it's a puppet!"
Yuffie: "And he's a moron"
Vincent: "I told you he's not a sock. LOOK!" He stands up waving his arms showing there is no sock on the end of it. Bob Remains where he is grinning at the others.
RedXIII: "Dear god"
Bob: "Mwa ha ha ha ha, now for the biggest secret do you all want to know who Vincent fancies?" Everyone inches closer to hear. "Its Yu.." Splat as Vincent's boot crushes down on to the worm.
Vincent: "That's end of that" Every one anime sweats at him. Yuffie eyes happily at him Knowing whom he truly fancies with a big grin on her face.
Tifa: "Well you had defected the evil Bob the box opens. Revelling the cup. Your quest is over."
All: "What!!!"
Tifa: "It's over Bob was the final boss"
Yuffie: "Ok then well that kill a few hours" Looks out the window. "Still raining. Hey Vincent I wanna show you something in my room" Winks flirty at him.
Vincent quick on the up take: "Sure!" They run down stairs together with Yuffie giggling.
Cloud: "I wonder what she want to show him?" Looking very confused.
All: "Baka"
Back out side
Rufus: "Do I look ok. This doesn't make me look fat?"
Tseng trying not to laugh: "Its fine just remember the lines ok"
Rufus: "Ok let's move out"
Tseng and Rufus run into the villa. Tseng dressed as Sephiroth and Rufus as sailor moon.
Tseng kicks in the door: "It is I lord Sephiroth! Come to kill you all!"
Rufus: "And I'm sailor moon"
Sephiroth: "No I'm not I was gonna watch TV now that we're finished D&D. Pokemon is on soon!"
Cloud: "Its sailor moon can I have you autograph?" Holding out a pad to Rufus!
Tifa: "Here we go again"
Cloud: "Go where?"
All: "BAKA!
THE END
I hoped you liked it sorry about the odd ending. I've been watching far too much sailor moon at the mo and Excel saga makes a odd mix. Please read and review I need to know if I should keep writing or not thanks!
Barret: "Hey what about me?
Cait Sith: "And me?"
SuperCalisto: "Guess what nobody cares about you Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!"
.
Welcome again to another fanfic from the all-powerful supercalisto. I would like to disclaim now that I do not own final fantasy 7 or dungeons and dragons or anything else other then the crazy story line. Well not at the moment but one day I tell you one day. (Insert evil laughter) Also there is lots of bashing of all characters but less on Yuffie and Vincent, as they are the best!
It was a not so beautiful day in Costa Del Sol. In fact it was bloody horrible because it was pissing it down with rain. We join Yuffie, Vincent, Aeris (brought back from the dead when Cloud finally remembered you could use phoenix downs to bring back the dead) and Cid. In the villa, which Cloud with wife Tifa, had brought almost two years ago.
Yuffie: "I'm so bored. I hate it when it rains! This sucks eggs!" She throws her self on to the sofa next to Aeris.
Aeris: "Why don't we rent out some videos?"
Vincent: "We can't, Cid and Barret broke the TV when arguing our whether to watch the A team or Dukes of hazed yesterday" Every one glares at Cid.
Cid: "I said I was sorry. But I had the ^$&*ing remote first!"
Yuffie: "Yeah but didn't mean who could throw your spear through the TV shouting that if you didn't get to the %*$*ing Dukes no one would ever watch TV again!"
Aeris: "Why don't we play a nice board game?"
Vincent ":.... Aren't we a bit old?"
Cid "*^*£ I'm so bored I'll play anything!" Aeris jumps off the couch and starts rummaging the cupboard where they keep all the other useless crap such as board games.
Aeris: "Lets see holy materia no, Tissue no, Tifas orderpedic under wear no, Jenova limb no, Pikachu plush no."
Vincent: Hey wait I'll have that!" Every one anime sweat drops at Vincent.
Aeris: "Sure knock your self out." Throws plush at Vincent.
Vincent: "Now I'll have my revenge! Mwwa haaa haaa ha ha ha!" Starts setting fire to Pikachu. Every one else inches away from Vincent.
Yuffie: "OK any board games yet?" She starts to look in the closet as well.
Aeris: "How about hungry hungry hippos?" Holding up the box.
Cid: "We can't play that remember Cloud got over excited and ate all the little balls him self?"
Yuffie: "Hmmm how about monopoly?"
Vincent: " Can't use that either we had the Turks over with Reeve last week. Reeve kicked all our arses then started to sing, "I'm on top of the world looking down on creation" When Reno dropped a paving slab on top of the game saying "just like sector 7 splat!"
Aeris: "Alright what about piconary? Would you all play that?"
Yuffie: "Well before we brought you back. We were playing but RedXIII went into a rage destroying the game when Cid didn't guess the right answer to the picture."
Cid: "Well the mutts got no thumbs and his pictures looked like vomit."
Vincent: "Cid that's what the picture was supposed to be of."
Cid: "oh!"
Yuffie: "Dumb ass. Hey what's this?" Pulls out a red box covered in dust.
Aeris: "Never seen it before." Yuffie blows off the dust. The words dungeons and dragons are written in gold.
Vincent: "I haven't played that since high school!"
All the others: "Me too."
Yuffie: "Oh gawd we have to play this."
Cid: "I call dungeon master."
All: "No fair!"
Cid: "To late. I am the dungeon master I control your fate! You are my pawns! PAWNS I SAY! Mwa ha ha ha!" Pulls on black cloak and sits at the end of the table un-packing all the kit and setting it up.
Cid: "Do you want to start new characters or do any of you still have your profiles for your original ones?"
All look sheepishly at each other.
Vincent: "Well his names Lusis he's a Tiefling." Pulls out lead minture of a guy with a black cap and black hair and well dressed all in black.
Aeris: " Very gothic very you. I don't think any one was expecting that." Aeris added sarcastically.
Vincent: " What? I like black it's sliming!"
Every one sweat drops.
Vincent: "Any way he also has a brave and noble companion!" Vincent pulls out a pink sock puppet.
Yuffie: "Oh dear god it's a penis!"
Vincent's sock puppet: (very badly lipped sinqued by Vincent) "No I'm not you daft cow I'm Bob the worm"
Yuffie: "Dear gawd NO! It's a talking penis! I thought the episodes stopped after therapy!" Starts screaming and running a round in circles with her hands over her eyes.
Cid: "Put that damn thing away Vincent it's screeching gives me a head ache!"
Bob: "I will depart but I shall return!" Vincent removed Bob and put him in his pocket.
Yuffie: "Is it gone?" Her hands covering her eyes. Hits the wall. "Ouches!"
Aeris: "Are you ok?" Helps Yuffie up.
Yuffie: "epp!"
Aeris: "She's fine. Any way my character it the beautiful priestess Yuna. She likes flowers too." Pulls out little Yuna figure.
Every one: "How cute"
Yuffie: "My turn! My turn!" Pulls out a minture. Who's dressed in hot pants? "It's Riku and she a thief and she likes stealing, stealing things is fun! Yay!"
Cid: "A thief for Yuffie. How original!" In the most sarcastic voice ever.
Yuffie: "Hey!" Starts beating down on Cid with her Conformer.
Cid:"that hurts! Guys a little help?!" Vincent pulls Yuffie off Cid. Telling her if she stopped killing Cid he'd give her his Mastered Ice.
Cid:"Ok are we ready to start?"
Yuffie: "wait I need snacks" Runs in to the kitchen comes back with her arms full of Dr.Pepper, crips, dips and ten tons of sweets and chocolate.
Vincent: "No wonder she's always so hyper and puking up!"
Cid:" Moving on" Cid rolls the dice. But the force of the roll is so much that the dice hit Aeris in the head. Inflicting ten HP damage then Aeris dies. Again.
Yuffie: "Crap not again! Any one got any revive?"
Vincent:" I don't see why cloud just didn't use Life the first time she died" Throws a phoenix down on to Aeris.
Cid: "Clouds a idiot and a drama queen to boot. He wanted to the dramatic fallen lover scene!" Aeris awakes up.
Aeris: "Zack said hi"
Every one: "Hi Zack" In that worn out sing song voice you use when talking to people you dislike or are humouring.
Cid:"lets try again"
Mean while.
Lets see what the Turks are up to.
Reno, Rude and Tseng are sitting on a bench out side of Shrina HQ.
Rude: "So Elena saw in the video. You suck!"
Reno:" I know" Shrugs.
Two hot shrina employees walk past. All the guys' faces light up. Suddenly a gust from the east of wind blows their skirts up. Giving the Turks a good eyeful apart from Tseng whose hair got blown in his face.
Reno a huge grin on his face:" That was great"
Tseng: "God damn hair! How was it?
Rude:" The on of the left white lace" Nose starts to bleed.
Reno:" the one on the right pink"
Tseng:" Arrrr Arry!"
Rude:" Why don't you just cut your hair?"
Tseng: "Mind your own fucking business!"
Another little hottie comes along in a skirt.
All: *Focus Big wind! Giant Gust"
Tseng:*Hair down, eyes locked, good to go!*Holding the left side of his hair down.
A big gust blows up the skirt again but changes in direction at the minute. Blowing Tseng hair back in his face.
Reno and Rude: "oh my god" Drooling all over themselves. Look over at Tseng.
Tseng:"dont say a word to me. I told you to mind your own fucking business!" Starts pulling out his hair.
Tseng* If this happens again I'm shaving my head"
Reno: "I'm bored lets go and see what the goodie goodies are up to."
Back at Costa del sol.
Cid: "now lets see your using your wolf tooth sword. It ... " Rolls dices. "Hits"
Yuffie:"Yayness!" Jumping up and punching the air.
Cid: "Lets see D6 + 2" mumble mumble rolls dice. "congratulations you defeated the orc!"
All: "Yeah!!" Yuffie does her victory pose, Vincent puts his thumbs up and Aeris, well she died again.
Aeris: "It's not fair I always die" Pouting.
Vincent: "that's your job my dear."
Cid: "Ok let's move on with this quest for the magical grail, which has magical powers which are magical, hidden in a magical place.!
Yuffie: "It's magical all right!" sarcastically.
Aeris: "Is it anything but?"
Cid:" It's not my fault I forgot my thesaurus. Anyhow you were travailing in the forest of doom. From the last battle you gained 250 gold and a ring of aura"
Yuffie: "double yayness"
Outside:
We see Cloud being pulled along by RedXIII on a lish.
Cloud: "Damn it! slow down and stop humping peoples legs,"
RedXIII: "Its my protest against the lish law. I have rights"
Cloud: "No you don't your just a thing" Shouting.
Crashing though the front door of the villa with Cloud in tow RedXIII came across a very odd sight huddled round the dinning table deeply engrossed in something was Yuffie, Vincent, Aeris and Cid.
Cloud: "Oh god you guys aren't planning to take over the world too? Don't make me call a SWAT team"
RedXIII being the more iltengent of the two. Went over and actually looked at what they were doing.
RedXIII: "Cloud you moron their playing D&D. "
Cloud: "Mans best friend my ass!"
Cid looks up from the game. "Oh Cloud its..." the rolling of dice can be heard "Good to see you"
Cloud:" What in the hell are you doing?"
Vincent: Rolls dice "idiot"
Aeris: Rolls dice "Yay cloud!"
Yuffie: Rolls dice "YES! I will rule the world oops wrong dice" Rolls different dice ".skcus duolC"(The dice were back to front)
Cloud: "My fragil little mind is so confused! For what are you doing?"
All: "BAKA!" (I just love that word :))
Aeris: " Want to play to. Its lots of fun. You can be what ever you want!"
Cloud: "I want a big sword!" Jumping up and down waving his.
Cid: "Is that all?"
Cloud: "umm and have spiky hair and wear purple. Oh and to be called Zack!" A cold wind blows though the house the lights flicker on and off.
????: "Ooooo Wooo!"
All: "ARRR!" Yuffie jumps in to Vincent's arms. Who's quit secretly pleased by this. The room for them to turn all pink and pastle. With soft edges, little bubbles and sparkles. Cloud hides under the table, praying to mommy. Cid inhales ten cigs at once and RedXIII starts howling. Only Aeris remains calm in face of this new danger.
Aeris: " Hi Zack" The ghost of Zack appears.
Zack: " Hi honey! I'm home. I mean ..." Becoming very big and scary right in Clouds face "You little worm! Stop trying to be me. You'll never be as great as the all powerful Zack! Now change you character are feel my raff!" In a puff of smoke Zack is gone but not for gotten. Well truth be told Yuffie and Vincent didn't even see him or hear him as they were to busy in looking in each other's eyes. Cid was choking and blinded by all the smoke he had produced. RedXIII was deaf from his own howling. So only Cloud and Aeris. Cloud doesn't even count as he's a grade A moron.
Cloud: "I've voted 99 brain cells to 1 that I should change my name to Sack the measenrey!" A bolt of lighting hits Cloud from out of a patch of clouds formed around Clouds head.
Cloud: "It tingles!" A big grin on his face.
Yuffie breaking away from Vincent's sexy gaze. : "Are we playing or what!"
RedXIII: "What about me! I want to be human. I've always wanted to be one of you! I'll be Joe the human"
Cid: "Joe the human? Ok back to the game while travailing though the forest of doom you encounter ......
Meanwhile:
Tifa was chasing Cloud and RedXIII. But had lost them when RedXIII thought it was a good idea to chase a truck full of pigs. Tifa lost them after a mile.
Tifa: "I hate the rain so much!" Staring up at the sky waving her fists. "I'll get you one day!" Walks in to the villa. To the sight of Yuffie jumping on top of the table . Surrounded by many members of avalanche.
Yuffie: "Ha ha ha Sack your such a loser you can't even take on a level 4 ghoul! While me the great Riku and side kick Lusis" Vincent does a little victory sign!" Can take on a level 18 Red dragon! Your such a loser, loser!" Still dancing around on the table
Cloud: "This games hard it hurts my brain!" Curls into small ball and starts crying.
Tifa: " Urr do I dare ask what the hell you guys are doing now?" All eyes are now on Tifa.
Aeris: "We're having fun! But we don't need any big-breasted sluts to interfere. Thank you very much"
Cid: "Meow. Catfight. Cat fight!" Cheering Aeris on.
Yuffie: "No, we shall settle this D&D style. Yuna must take on urrr what's your character Tifa?" Tifa whispers in Yuffie's ear. "Ur ok Zell!" Every one sweat drops and looks at Tifa.
Vincent: "You're a boy?"
Tifa: "I had problems as a teenager" Whips out a little model of Zell as seen in FF8.
Cid: "lets get ready to fight!"
Tifa: "bring it on." For the next ten minutes all you can hear in the tense atmosphere is the rolling of dice and a few choice words from Tifa and Aeris. Until...
Cid: "Tifa Is the wining!"
Tifa: "Go Tifa, go Tifa it's your birthday it's your birthday. Take that you zombie, flower freak!" Instead of pointing at Aeris she slips and hit Aeris with her fist. Thus killing Aeris again.
Tifa: "Opps!" Grinning from ear to ear. RedXIII uses life on her automatically.
Aeris: "Cloud Zack says and I quote "at least if your trying to be like him try not to do such a suck arse job" End quote."
Cloud: "Bored now! I wanna make Sack more powerful I want to be able to kill a yak from 200 feet away. With mind bullets!"
Vincent: "That's telekinesis Cloud"
All: "Duh Cloud!"
Tifa: "I proclaim myself the champion! Also that I shall become the dungeon master" Pushes Cid out of his seat. Or as he liked to call it in his mind the throne, that all you pitiful mortal shall bow down to! Whipping out her own black cap and putting it on.
Cid: "That's not fair I am your master!"
Tifa: "I'm the new master now!"
All the others were sick and tired of Cid over bearing and megalomaniac tendencies.
Yuffie: "All in favour?"
All: "I" Apart from Cid.
Yuffie: "All aposed"
Cid: "me"
Tifa: "Now lets begin"
Cid: "But wait I need a character! I want to be the level 20 chaotic knight, with a soul sucking sword!"
Tifa: "You can be him" Hands Cid a model.
Cid: "Prodo Faggins. The halfling. No fair!"
All others: " You dare defy her judgement! She is the dungeon master she controls your fate. You are her prawn!"
Tifa: "Now lets play."
Outside in the bushes.
Rufus: "Now do you remember the plan?" Looking at the other four with a glare.
Reno: "Umm" Looks at Rude.
Rude: "......." Eyes Elena.
Elena: "Urrr" Glances at Tseng.
Tseng: "No"
Rufus: "Bakas" Hits them all with a giant fan.
Elena: "You don't have to be mean about it."
Reno: "Your so weak Elena" Pulls out bottle of vodka and downs the bottle.
Rufus: "Ok let's try again. Reno, Elena and Rude. You shall rush in shouting stuff to them avalanche fools about Sephiroth being back. Then watching Cloud and crew panic. You give the signal me and Tseng dressed up as Sephiroth and sailor moon will rush in. I can't wait to see their faces. Why sailor moon "
Tseng: "they ran out of Jenova costumes, that was the closes fit for you sir. Its you plan boss" And dumb one at that. Why don't I just get a new job. Sigh
Rufus: "Now go my minions. Go and remember the new name for me?"
The Turks look at each other sheepish.
All: "Hail Lord Rufus"
Tseng (I wonder if Hojo has been giving him the blue pills again)
The three Turks run into the villa.
Inside....
The door of the villa bursts open.
Elena: "Oh god it's horrible"
No reaction from avalanche.
Reno shrugs: "It's a massacre"
No reaction from avalanche.
Rude: "Sephiroth is back!"
No reaction from avalanche.
Reno: "You know big guy, long sword, silver hair, obsessed with taking over the world, hates Cloud?, very sexy? "
No reaction from avalanche.
Elena: "Purple monkey, dishwasher?!"
No reaction from avalanche.
Rude: "Drugs?"
Elena walks over to the group and looks at what they're doing.
Elena: "Oh D&D. I used to play that at high school."
Finally a reaction from the group.
Every one: "Us to. Wanna play?"
Turks: "Sure"
Back outside.
Rufus: "What's taking so long? I thought they were supposed to be the elite?"
Tseng: "I'm sure sir" Rufus glares at Tseng. "I'm mean Lord Rufus that their just persuading Cloud and the others as we speak."
As they speak. Back in the villa.
Reno: "I got a ten!"
All: "YAY"
Elena: "I forgot how fun this was!"
More rolls of dice and random comments about travailing, woods, orcs and magic can be heard.
At the north crater. At super sexy Sephiroth's house.
Sephiroth: "Mum I'm going down the pub!" Just about to leave.
Jenova: "Oh no you don't first of all you have to summon the meteor, then become a one winged angel, then a god and you still haven't tidied your room. Now go to your room!"
Sephiroth: "But mum!"
Jenova: "No buts mister" Sephiroth storms off to his room. Slamming the door on the way out.
Sephiroth" "It's not fair I never have any fun! I know..." Starts to climb out his bedroom window. "Wait a minute, why the hell am I doing this when I can teleport!" Sephiroth teleports him self with a cool use of special effects.
Sephiroth lands on a little old lady outside of Costa Del Sols main bar.
Sephiroth: "Oh sorry I have to practice them landings" Then suddenly remembering who he is kicks the old lady as she's down. "I mean take that tiny ant. Now time for margaritas!" Walks into the Costa Del Bar. A dirty face bar keep greets him from behind the just as grubby bar.
Barmen: "Sorry mate were close all out of drink. Some guy called Reno drunk the place dry"
Sephiroth: Ahh Shot." Wanders back out side in to the rain. (What can I do now for fun.) Looks up seeing Clouds villa. (I know)
Back in the villa.
Tifa: "Look for the million time Cloud you can't use moon tiara magic. Its not in the game magic book."
Cloud: "No fair I just love sailor moon"
Everyone rolls their eyes.
Yet again the front door suddenly burst open. A gust of wind blows in. Lighting strikes. The Sephiroth theme music plays.
Sephiroth: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha. I have come to seek my revenge on" Glances at the table. "Hey is that D&D? Can I play? Can I? Can I? Huh, Huh!" All the girls eyes light up with little hearts. (I mean who's wouldn't as he's super sexy. But not as sexy as Vincent)
Cloud: "I don't trust you" (Damn you, bastard just because you're a little visually appealing. Don't act so cool when your not, you poser. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. I'll make you die, I'll definitely make you die!)
Aeris: " Sure I don't mind even if you did kill me you're so cute!"
Sephiroth: "Ah Aeris you are as sweet as the morning sun. Your beauty is the most lovely in the land"
Cloud: "I not sure" (Quit putting on a show. You bastard giving yourself an artists airs, you narcissistic bastard! Nar-bastard! Nar-bastard! Disappear! Leave! Go away!)
Yuffie: "I don't see why he can't play"
All other females: "YEAH!"
Cloud: "Fine but he better not kill any one."
So they group carry playing on wards with the came now joined with Endo the all-powerful. The group were near ending of their quest. They had travelled across the world of gia. To find the magical cup. Which would save the world. The finally test was a cryptic puzzle. They must solve to un-lock the cup container.
Riku: "I can't do it my lock pick just won't work"
Endo: "My magic just get absorbed!"
Yuna: "Healing doesn't work"
Joe: "Not even my mind can solve the puzzle"
Jadeite(Reno character): "Drink doesn't help. Oh well more for me" Chugs down on a bottle.
Nephrite(Rude character): "........"
Zoisite(Elena character): "If only Kunzite was here"
Prodo: "Digging didn't help and that my only skill"
Sack: "And hitting it over and over again with my huge sword didn't even scratch it!"
Lusis: "I have idea I can use my faithful champion Bob"
Back to reality.
Cid: "How the help can a sock puppet help"
Bob: "Hey I'm not a sock puppet I'm a talking worm darn it"
Reno: "Have to agree it's a sock Vincent"
Aeris: "Yeah not even a clean one!"
Bob: "You traitors, I'm not just a talking worm. I'm also a master of all your little secrets. Oh yes I hear and know all. Like how Cid likes to write gay fan fics about Goten and Trunks from DBZ."
Cid starts sweating: "Ur well you see, umm." Every ones staring at him.
Bob: "Also that the reason Tifa had such problems as a teenager was that she was born both a guy and a girl. That's why she had a boob job!" shock and horror is on every ones face.
Cloud: "Dear god! I feel sick"
Bob: "And, and Aeris when she was in the life steam she was cheating on Zack with Tseng and Sephiroth."
Tifa: "I knew you we're a hussy!"
Sephiroth: "Aeris how could you. I loved you!"
Bob: "Did you guys know that RedXIII likes to pretend to be a big man on the out side when he really likes to eat kittens"
Aeris: "That's so evil"
Tifa: "Such up slut"
Bob: "Oh yeah! Cloud likes to keep his little cross-dressing fetish. He dress's up as sailor moon at the weekends."
Sephiroth: "God Cloud your such a girly pants!"
Bob: "Ah the great Sephiroth. Do you guys want to know his nick name from school"
Sephiroth: "You wouldn't dare"
Bob with his best sock grin: "It's was Pee Pee Pants"
Sephiroth: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"takes a breath. "oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
Yuffie: "Oh this gossip is so juicy!"
Bob: "Oh the special Yuffie. Did any one know that she has a great fondness for ......."
Vincent: "Stop it right now Bob you have gone to far!"
Tifa: "Why don't you just take it off your hand?"
Vincent: "I can't"
All: "Why not!"
Vincent: " Because he's not a sock puppet but a talking worm"
Cloud: "Even I can tell it's a puppet!"
Yuffie: "And he's a moron"
Vincent: "I told you he's not a sock. LOOK!" He stands up waving his arms showing there is no sock on the end of it. Bob Remains where he is grinning at the others.
RedXIII: "Dear god"
Bob: "Mwa ha ha ha ha, now for the biggest secret do you all want to know who Vincent fancies?" Everyone inches closer to hear. "Its Yu.." Splat as Vincent's boot crushes down on to the worm.
Vincent: "That's end of that" Every one anime sweats at him. Yuffie eyes happily at him Knowing whom he truly fancies with a big grin on her face.
Tifa: "Well you had defected the evil Bob the box opens. Revelling the cup. Your quest is over."
All: "What!!!"
Tifa: "It's over Bob was the final boss"
Yuffie: "Ok then well that kill a few hours" Looks out the window. "Still raining. Hey Vincent I wanna show you something in my room" Winks flirty at him.
Vincent quick on the up take: "Sure!" They run down stairs together with Yuffie giggling.
Cloud: "I wonder what she want to show him?" Looking very confused.
All: "Baka"
Back out side
Rufus: "Do I look ok. This doesn't make me look fat?"
Tseng trying not to laugh: "Its fine just remember the lines ok"
Rufus: "Ok let's move out"
Tseng and Rufus run into the villa. Tseng dressed as Sephiroth and Rufus as sailor moon.
Tseng kicks in the door: "It is I lord Sephiroth! Come to kill you all!"
Rufus: "And I'm sailor moon"
Sephiroth: "No I'm not I was gonna watch TV now that we're finished D&D. Pokemon is on soon!"
Cloud: "Its sailor moon can I have you autograph?" Holding out a pad to Rufus!
Tifa: "Here we go again"
Cloud: "Go where?"
All: "BAKA!
THE END
I hoped you liked it sorry about the odd ending. I've been watching far too much sailor moon at the mo and Excel saga makes a odd mix. Please read and review I need to know if I should keep writing or not thanks!
Barret: "Hey what about me?
Cait Sith: "And me?"
SuperCalisto: "Guess what nobody cares about you Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!"
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