Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ I Know What Lies Beneath the Snowfields ❯ Chapter 34 ( Chapter 34 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

"I Know What's Beneath the Snow Fields"
Chapter 34

When the heart aches in painful misery, yet has no soul to comfort
it...what happens then?

Whether a warm light shining within the heart, or simply an aura bound
to the flesh, the human soul bears an amazing web of complexity. It
unfolds into an endless labyrinth of different emotions, hidden
thoughts, and dark secrets.

Yet surprisingly, the human soul also posesses an almost childlike
simplicity to its nature. At its inner most core lies the profoundest of
truths, so obvious yet somehow overlooked. At its centre hides the
heart's simplest but most powerful emotions.

The human soul is so confoundingly mysterious, yet at the same time so
artlessly plain.

This uncanny paradox is probably why the heart often draws near the
soul in times of trouble. In its aching need for solace during pain, the
heart often searches the soul for guidance, just like a compass.

But what happens to those who, whether on purpose or by sheer accident,
simply have no souls in their hearts?

When there is no soul to seek comfort in during suffering.. what then?
When the heart is torn to shreds by grief and pain, yet finds no solace
or succour...what then?

Do such souless creatures hide away from the world outside, preferring
the lonely, gloomy one inside? Do they pine away in a corner all alone,
tormented by despair?

Or do they simply roam the wasteland of wretched misery inside their
own empty, frozen hearts?

Perhaps that is why they call themselves "monsters".

**********************

Vincent led Aeris by the hand down a long-winded gravel path. He walked
quickly and silently, scarcely paying attention to anything save the
black road ahead. Aeris, being held in his gentle but firm grip,
followed him without a word. Something in the air of this cold, dark
park discouraged any disturbance, even a simple question like "where are
we going?".

Therefore, the timid girl contented herself with the silence.

The stony pathway snaked through this forest-like park, very often
forking into other smaller roads. Pea-green lamp posts outlined one side
of the path; they cast a feeble, yellow light against the hard ground.

Tall, lifeless trees, some twisted with old age, thronged along the
gravel road to welcome the new visitors. Leafless and quite brittle,
their branches hungirly reached out in all directions. Some stretched up
to the black sky; others entwined with each other to form an arbor. This
magnificent canopy of dead branches, frozen twigs, and hard vines arched
high above the gravel pathway below.

In its greedy quest for land, the white snow had smothered the whole
park underneath save, of course, for the stony path. A biting chilliness
clung to the still air. The peaceful calmness that lingered about this
dark place nearly resembled that of a haunted graveyard.

The two walked a long time through this quiet forest-park, neither
speaking a word to the other. Eventually during the journey, Vincent
slowed his pace down to an easy stroll. He never glanced back at the
girl, even though he still held her hand. Nor did he seem fully aware or
even caring of the path he followed. In truth, his mind had returned to
the same vague, gloomy thoughts which had been pestering him all night.

When she had marvelled enough at the eerie surroundings, Aeris peeked
cautiously at Vincent. His face from the side struck her as extremely
melancholy, if not mournfully absorbed in dreary contemplation. However,
on perceiving his glum mood, Aeris thought it best to remain quiet.

They wandered for a considerable time along different pathways until
Vincent, for some reason, took an obscure sidetrack down the hill. This
black road cut straight through an impressive thicket of trees. No lamp
post lighted this hidden road; it was extremely dark.

Nevertheless, Vincent marched through the darkness with a surprisingly
calm and confident step. He tightened his grip on the girl's hand, but
never once looked at her.

Suddenly, the throng of trees along one side of this endless, beaten
track ended, and the two lonely companions emerged into the open again.
Vincent at last released Aeris' hand, then stopped exactly one step away
from her. His back was turned to her.

"Look," he ordered curtly with a careless gesture.

Puzzled by his odd manner, Aeris obeyed the command. Her eyes tunred to
the far side of the path, where he had motioned.

Much to her silent wonder, Aeris found herself standing before a
barren, open field of snow. This lonely field hugged one end of the
arboreous hillside, then lazily spread itself far beyond the horizon.
Not a single tree or brave shrub disturbed the rolling landscape. Far
from it, this pitiful field had fallen victim to emptiness and sad
despair.

Yet despite its lonesome desolation, the field also bore a strange,
almost unnatural, beauty about it. It stretched for endless miles into
the far, far distance, inducing a feeling of fearful awe to the barren
vastness. A thick blanket of impeccable snow smothered the entire field
end to end, threreby depriving any life a chance of survival.

The snow's saintly whiteness contrasted sharply with the blackness of
the night. So much so that the snowy, winter-ridden field below shone in
dazzling beauty against the dark sky high above.

A peaceful tranquillity, quite pleasing to the senses, loomed about
this wonderful place. Sadly, death and lonely emptiness also haunted the
cold field. Not a life thrived in its vast quarters; not a sound stirred
its heavy silence.

To be sure, it was a marvellous wasteland, but nevertheless,
a wasteland.

Aeris certainly did not even try to conceal her wonderment. Her bright
green eyes lingered on the snow-ladden field, dazzled by its striking
purity.

"This public garden was built about a year ago," Vincent recounted
softly, eying the snowy wasteland with mild curiosity, "But by the time
they had actually finished construction and planting, it was already
winter."

Aeris looked at him but did not interrupt.

"The snow fell very hard that year, and completely covered these fields
for the whole season. So, they nicknamed this place
'the Snow Fields'."

When he had thus concluded, Vincent relapsed into his strange moody
silence. His back remained coldly turned to the girl, but his keen eyes
had fixed themselves on the white wasteland. He spoke no more.

As if obeying some beckoning call, Aeris suddenly stepped off the stony
gravel pathway, and wandered into the open snow fields up ahead. She
trudged through the heavy snow, watching in almost childish fascination
her boots leave a deep trail of footprints behind. Aeris had drifted
only a short distance when she halted at last. She stood perfectly still
in her spot, completely surrounded by wintry wilderness.

A deep sense of peace gradually overcame her heart.

From his spot over at the gravel pathway, Vincent studied Aeris' lonely
figure against the pure-white landscape. The girl stood by herself,
unaware of his thoughtful scrutiny. Her shining eyes lingered on the
vast, white wasteland before her.

She heard Vincent slowly plod through the heavy snow towards her, but
did not turn around to face him. Vincent halted a few steps behind her;
he did not speak.

"The snow here is so white," Aeris admired at last.

"That's because it's far away from the smoke and soot of the city
centre," Vincent replied casually.

The girl paused a long time before slowly sitting down in the snow.
Regadless of wetness or coldness, Aeris huddled both feet together, and
drew her knees up to her chest. Her arms encircled her slender legs as
she studied the frozen landscape ahead.

Vincent glanced indifferently at the girl thus seated in the snow, then
looked away.

"It's beautiful here...and very quiet," Aeris whispered, more to
herself that to anyone else.

The morose man did not reply.

"How does this place look like in the springtime?"

"All sorts of flowers bloom here."

"Really?!" she exclaimed in surprise, looking up at him.

Vincent nodded his head as an answer.

"I'd love to see it."

Aeris turned her head away to gaze at the berren landscape, trying her
best to picture the flowers in springtime. Vincent still lingered some
steps behind her. He glanced down at the girl for a moment, then looked
away again, this time to the far side of this endless field.

"But personally, I prefer the snow," Vincent forced out.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I've always liked the snow better."

On hearing his strange, soft tone, Aeris turned her head around, and
peered from over her shoulder up at this man. Vincent, however, avoided
her look. His bright, deep crimson eyes remained stubbornly fixed on the
snow-ridden fields.

His tall, lonesome figure struck Aeris as unnaturally aloof and
detached. Even the way he stood, with his sharp metallic claw hanging by
his side, showed how withdrawn his nature truly was. Vincent's face
betrayed a sad yet profound thoughtfulness. Some heavy matter seemed to
weigh down on his mind.

Aeris turned her focus back to the wasted wilderness.

"Y'know, Vincent," she remarked meaningfully, "..these snow fields are
very much like yourself.."

A very, very long silence followed.

Although she did not look behind, Aeris knew the unexpected comment had
surprised Vincent greatly. She could even sense his thoughtgul eyes
lingering on her back.

At long last, Vincent walked up to the girl, and sat down in the snow
right by her side. He did not seem to mind this wet, cold spot. His
whole face darkened in gloomy meditation as the heavy silence stretched
itself further and further.

"Aeris, I want to tell you something," Vincent finally declared, rather
reluctantly.

The girl looked at him without a word; His strange tone certainly
commanded absolute silence. But Vincent still would not look at her. His
eyes remained rigidly focused on the far distance.

He took a deep breath before begining softly, "There are many...'bad'
things I've done in my past. Many things you'll never know about. Some
of them you'd think evil, cruel, even inhuman....and you'd be absolutely
right for thinking so too."

He gazed down at both his gloved hand and metallic claw. He seemed,
while speaking so gently, to detect something only visible to his own
eyes.

"See, my hands bloody with so many crimes and sins...no amount of
cleaning can wash the stain out."

He slowly lifted his hallow eyes straight up to the black, starry sky
high above. Millions of tiny stars had scattered themselves across the
heavens, sparkling like diamonds against black silk. The bright moon,
round as a perfect pearl, hung in the middle of the sky. It showered the
barren snow fields below with its gentle moonlight.

Vincent brooded a long time up at these wondrous works of heaven. He
had plunged into another long, deep silence. Aeris gazed keenly at his
face from the side, but did not disturb his meditation. A strange
anxiety troubled her as she sensed him sink deeper into sadness.

"On the very first day I became delirious, I remember I attacked you,"
Vincent recalled suddenly but with strange calmness, "..yes..I remember
I pinned you to the ground."

"N-no, Vincent,' the girl faltered in alarm, "That wasn't your..."

"I felt so angry at you, Aeris, because you wouldn't call me a monster.
In my whole life, I don't think I've ever been angrier than at that one
moment. I just wanted to hear you say 'Vincent, you are a monster'."

Aeris looked concernedly at him, yet made no reply. Vincent did not
return her anxious look. He sat perfectly still by her side, intently
absorbed into the brilliant canopy of stars hanging above him.

"I was so angry at you because you wouldn't see the truth," he
whispered, a tone of bitter resentment playing on his voice, "It angered
me so much that you thought me some kind of holy saint, even though you
knew nothing...absolutely nothing about my past.. maybe..maybe it still
angers me."

He dropped his weary eyes from the black sky down to the snowy white
fields below. He paid no heed to the silent Aeris, who gazed at the side
of his face in great worry. Slowly, Vincent shut his eyes.

His mind raced past so many memories so quickly, he could scarcely
grasp their meaning.

"But while I was raving with that fever, Aeris, I was having this
horrible nightmare," Vincent muttered, his eyes still closed,
"...I was literally re-living my past...I was like an actor performing a
play..."

His mind hopped madly from one memory to another: President ShinRa's
bloated face...Gerald and Cindy, the other two Turks... the quaint
Nibelheim village...

"..and when I remember that nightmare...I wasn't a holy saint or an
angel, Aeris.."

His mind, completely out of control, flashed past Professor Hojo's lean
face, with those shiny glasses propped on his long nose....he saw
Davoren's face smile affably back at him, like he always used to.....

"..In that nightmare..I was a monster...a demon.."

He zoomed past so many memories at once, hardly making sense of them,
until suddenly he froze on Lucrecia's beloved face. In his mind, he
could see her soft eyes stare straight at him in silent, reproachful
sadness, just as she had looked before her sad death....

Vincent forced his eyes open to escape the painful reverie. He stared
solemnly at the barren wasteland before him. For a long time, he
wallowed in the silence. Though fully aware of the girl's presence next
to him, as well as her concerned eyes fixed on his face, he did not even
glance at her.

"I'm not blaming you for thinking of me like that, Aeris," he murmurred
softly, "You weren't there...in my nightmares..you didn't see me for
what I really was. If you did...you wouldn't think me such a wonderful
person, and you wouldn't think Davoren such an evil man.."

"That's not true, Vincent!" Aeris cried indignantly, appalled by such a
thought, "He IS an evil man! Why, he..."

"No, Davoren was a very, very good man...he was much better than I will
ever be...."

Aeris stared in disbelief at such praise.

"We were both Turks, that's true. But Aeris, Davoren was also a kind
human being, and I was..well..a monster. Davoren... he somehow kept a
soul alive inside of him, even amidst all the crimes and bloodshed.
Me..I just never had a soul to begin with. I was just a bloody
killing-machine that blindly obeyed orders."

For the first time, Vincent looked staright into Aeris' eyes. The girl
stared back at him with concern, but also with another emotion he could
not quite place.

"I don't want you to think I'm like these snow fields...all pure and
innocent, just like their whiteness," he sighed in conclusion, "I'm not
the wonderful saint you dreamed up in your fantasies. In reality, I'm
the total opposite. That's the simple truth."

He turned his face away from her, and fell into thoughtful silence once
again. Irritation seemed to trouble his mind; he knit his brows as he
sunk into his usual gloomy moroseness.

"But that's not what I meant when I said you were like these snow
fields, Vincent," Aeris corrected gently after a long hesitation, "I
didn't mean you were 'pure' or 'innocent' at all."

Baffled by her mysterious words, Vincent stared at her from the corner
of his eye. The girl returned his quizzical look with an enigmatic
smile, then turned to the desolate wasteland. A very serious yet sad
expression spread across her face as she stared into the far distance.

"When you look at these huge fields, Vincent, you see them burried
under frost, ice, and so much snow," Aeris spoke at last in a soft
undertone, "..the fields are so cold, and so empty. Everything is frozen
dead, you'd think nothing can ever grow there."

Vincent did not answer.

"But you said in the springtime, the flowers bloom here. So, something
was able to grow in these fields after all. There was life hidden
underneath, only you didn't see it."

She paused a moment to reflect upon her thoughts, but never once
diverted her eyes off the snowy, wasted fields.

"I don't know exactly what 'bad' things you've done in your past. They
probably were evil and inhuman. I don't know what you did to
Lucrecia..the..woman you love; you're still in pain over her, and maybe
you should be. You say you never had a soul to begin with...and that you
were a killing-machine... maybe you're right. I have no way of knowing
for sure. I wasn't with you in that nightmare..."

Aeris suddenly looked again at the silent Vincent. Her bright green
eyes shone with loving kindness as a gentle smile lit up her face.

"But I still don't believe you when you tell me you're a monster,
Vincent. When you look inside yourself, you see all these snow fields:
your heart's frozen dead, and there's no warm place for anything to grow
among all the ice and cold. But see, that's where you're wrong and I'm
right. Somewhere underneath all that snow, there's something new that
wasn't there before...or maybe it was there all along, only you simply
didn't know you had it. That's why you're not a monster in my eyes."

He said nothing.

"You think because I'm a child compared to you, I wouldn't know that
much," Aeris added in a hushed whisper, bringing her face very close to
his, "..you've been through many, many things in your own life, while
I've lived whatever I remember of mine trapped in a dingy laboratory.
So, in a way, you're right about that; you *do* know a lot more than me.
But I know some things too, Vincent....and I know what's beneath the
snow fields."

A heavy silence followed.

Vincent narrowed his eyes thoughtfully on the girl, his whole
countenance expressing nothing but cool reservedness. In contrast,
Aeris' lovely face beamed with gentler kindness the longer she gazed
into his deep-crimson eyes. An almost prophetic air seemed to surround
her.

When perhaps a minute had passed, Vincent finally stood up. He flapped
the snow off his long, black coat, then turned his eyes down on the
girl.

"It's getting late," he remarked without emotion, "We should be getting
back home now."

He extended his hand out to Aeris, who readily accepted it. After
pulling herself up, she carefully wiped the snow off her bottom and
legs.

Soon, they were walking up the stony gravel pathway once again.