Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Guide to Surviving the Planet ❯ Armor: A Warrior's Best Friend ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Sesshy is sexii 
Lesson 3: “Armor- Is it really worth it? Damn right it is!”
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 318 | Status: Completed
Lesson 3: “Armor- Is it really worth it? Damn right it is!”
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 318 | Status: Completed
Welcome to chapter three, at which you will learn one of life’s most interesting secrets. Defense really is the best offense. Why is it considered a secret when I just mentioned it? Because most stupid ignorant people don’t believe it. They say it’s a myth. Just like lightning never striking the same place twice... Better not say that around Cid, he had a rather unfortunate experience in that rain storm when he decided to try fixing that dent in his boat. Poor man still hasn’t gotten back his eye lashes... Or his ability to whistle... Wait, let’s save the rest of this story for later.
In the this appropriately named chapter : “Armor- Is it really worth it? Damn right it is!” we prove that all the strength in the world doesn’t matter if someone cuts your heart out of you while your summoning a gigantic meteor to kill us all.
Everyone needs armor. It’s a fact of life. But, be warned, just because your wearing armor doesn’t mean your invulnerable. Depending on the material it’s made of, you could still be in danger. Let us say, you attempt to kill a dragon while wearing leather armor. Or maybe bronze. Of course I have no idea why you would do anything like that. For crying out loud man, you’d still be trying to kill all those standard bats that always make you miss when you have an 80 percent chance of hitting them. Hell, good luck finding a dragon. Wait, I’m getting off topic, at which I remind you, you better be taking notes.
The point, armor is always your friend. Unless you happened to have bought some for a friend who just came back to you and you have been wondering where they have been all this time. Then they respond that everything is okay and you shouldn’t worry about it. Then about 30 minutes later you discover that they happened to have turned evil and then they kick your ass because you helped them recover. But don’t worry, my easily suckered into trouble friend, villains never check to see if you are actually dead.
Armor has come in handy many times. When you reach a new town and only have enough money for weapons or armor, pick armor. You can train in it and not worry about dieing a very sad and painful death as much as you would if you bought new weapons. Sure, getting the money to buy the weapons will take a long time but the point is, you’ll still be alive.
Such armor that is used on Gaea are bangles and guards. Black smith now-adays are very simple when naming their newly crafted defense mechanisms. Generally, expect to see equipment such as “Gold...” or “Silver:..”. It’s that simple. Shopping will be a breeze considering all you have to do is look for the strongest type when purchasing.
The following are some very frequent and common questions about armor. Feel free to check here regularly, even if you think you know all about this. There is no shame is asking questions. They give us an opportunity to learn more from our mistakes and our actions. Now if only certain counter-spiting author’s would do that they may not have one book out selling three of theirs. Maybe Sephiroth would have better luck if he named his book a little more simply. For those of you who are interested, he recently just published one called: “The difference between being God and believing in God.” Of course the only reason I know that is because it happened to have popped up in the recent paper. Apparently Sephiroth is living on the street now because the warehouse was actually burned down... And all because Rude finally decided to express himself. What I really want to know is how did he do all that with a tomato and a toothpick..? I mean, the char was charred man.
Moving on, the following are the questions and their answers:
1. Q: Will I always have to buy my armor or is it possible to trade it in?
A: Many, many years ago, before I was even born, that was actually quite possible. All was going well, until the Blue Jays attacked. The Blue Jays were a group of scammers who would trade in their horribly bad fake armor to get actual “good” armor. One of their favorite pranks was apparently painting bronze armor gold with paint made from processed chocobo feathers. Unfortunately for them, they were caught, thrown in a vat of bacon oil and thrown out into the wild. Now that is where the REAL Blue Jay’s attacked. To this day, if you stand in certain parts of the forest around Gagonga, you can still hear their tortured cry’s of pain and suffering. And possibly wonder if a woodpecker had joined the fray because there was an awful lot of pecking going on.
2. Q: Is it possible to have my armor customized?
A: In most situation’s, if you bring the materials needed to have the armor made you can tell the black-smith what exactly you want out of it. Just don’t complain to them if after the whole processing the items is done, your armor turns pink. Your own fault for not listening to the guy. Or girl. Whatever. Of course, forging equipment such as this is not done by magic and you tend to have to wait around a period of three days. Meaning, don’t challenge your rival the day after you went to the blacksmith. It will most likely end very badly, as the turks will tell you.
3. Q: How can I get my hands on some really rare armor?
A: THIS is the most annoying question that keeps reappearing and why can’t you people get a clue? How do you think--- why can’t --- ARGH! Okay, listen, most likely, to get hands on said armor you will either A: have to defeat a creature so powerful you wonder why it doesn’t destroy the world itself, B: perform A except you take a particular item or part of the creature as your prize, C: enter some incredibly random contest that makes you look like a complete idiot, orD: go through a long maze filled dungeon, THEN you fight some creature, who will probably be a guardian, who knows... Gee, didn’t that seem painfully familiar..?
4. Q: Am I really getting a bargain when I give them the money they ask for?
A: Oh heck yes. Definitely! Think about what else they could also charge you for! When you look at it you have all of the manual work, labor, cost of materials they use, the shop, and other assets. Trust me, unless your good at haggling, don’t even attempt disagreeing with them. Those black-smiths are some very scary people. How else could they stand up to those flames they face every day?
5. Q: Why is it whenever I ever hear about rare armor, and the fact that it’s been there for ages, it still stays there until I conveniently happen to find it? Is this some kind of omen for heros or am I just lucky?
A: AGAIN with rare armor? What is it with you people..? I am about to reveal one of the biggest pieces of advice I have. Just take the damn things! Of course it’s an omen! When isn’t it an omen? Luck has nothing to do with it. Basically, the universe loves to screw with us. The heavens are too tired to come up with any new creative ways to tell people they are to be the next hero. Let me put it this way, if you suddenly hear about this great item/power/person/place and want to find it. Guess what, you will. How am I sure? If you happened to have heard about that story from an idol/elder/old book an it occurs in your childhood/teenage years, you will. It’s that simple.
If you happen to be a would-be hero, you may hear of it but it won’t happen to you. The follow are guarentee traits that will make you a hero, maybe a villain, not really sure.
1. At some point in your life your hometown is destroyed and almost all you love is burned down with it.
2. You happen to lose your memory and then remember things at the strangest times.
3.You whine, complain, or make up a part of your life in order to coax how painful your soul feels. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a very rare kind of hero indeed. I am a triple threat. And that is what got me where I am today. Note how I say this with pride.
The overall lesson we have learned today in this chapter is this: Armor is important, you need it. Now quit being lazy and buy it. It’s not so hard.
After covering weapons and armor you probably think your ready to finally go out on your quest. Think again buddy. In our next lesson we will look at the wonderful world of accessories. In the chapter entitled: “Jewelry: More than a girl’s best friend.” See you in the next one.
In the this appropriately named chapter : “Armor- Is it really worth it? Damn right it is!” we prove that all the strength in the world doesn’t matter if someone cuts your heart out of you while your summoning a gigantic meteor to kill us all.
Everyone needs armor. It’s a fact of life. But, be warned, just because your wearing armor doesn’t mean your invulnerable. Depending on the material it’s made of, you could still be in danger. Let us say, you attempt to kill a dragon while wearing leather armor. Or maybe bronze. Of course I have no idea why you would do anything like that. For crying out loud man, you’d still be trying to kill all those standard bats that always make you miss when you have an 80 percent chance of hitting them. Hell, good luck finding a dragon. Wait, I’m getting off topic, at which I remind you, you better be taking notes.
The point, armor is always your friend. Unless you happened to have bought some for a friend who just came back to you and you have been wondering where they have been all this time. Then they respond that everything is okay and you shouldn’t worry about it. Then about 30 minutes later you discover that they happened to have turned evil and then they kick your ass because you helped them recover. But don’t worry, my easily suckered into trouble friend, villains never check to see if you are actually dead.
Armor has come in handy many times. When you reach a new town and only have enough money for weapons or armor, pick armor. You can train in it and not worry about dieing a very sad and painful death as much as you would if you bought new weapons. Sure, getting the money to buy the weapons will take a long time but the point is, you’ll still be alive.
Such armor that is used on Gaea are bangles and guards. Black smith now-adays are very simple when naming their newly crafted defense mechanisms. Generally, expect to see equipment such as “Gold...” or “Silver:..”. It’s that simple. Shopping will be a breeze considering all you have to do is look for the strongest type when purchasing.
The following are some very frequent and common questions about armor. Feel free to check here regularly, even if you think you know all about this. There is no shame is asking questions. They give us an opportunity to learn more from our mistakes and our actions. Now if only certain counter-spiting author’s would do that they may not have one book out selling three of theirs. Maybe Sephiroth would have better luck if he named his book a little more simply. For those of you who are interested, he recently just published one called: “The difference between being God and believing in God.” Of course the only reason I know that is because it happened to have popped up in the recent paper. Apparently Sephiroth is living on the street now because the warehouse was actually burned down... And all because Rude finally decided to express himself. What I really want to know is how did he do all that with a tomato and a toothpick..? I mean, the char was charred man.
Moving on, the following are the questions and their answers:
1. Q: Will I always have to buy my armor or is it possible to trade it in?
A: Many, many years ago, before I was even born, that was actually quite possible. All was going well, until the Blue Jays attacked. The Blue Jays were a group of scammers who would trade in their horribly bad fake armor to get actual “good” armor. One of their favorite pranks was apparently painting bronze armor gold with paint made from processed chocobo feathers. Unfortunately for them, they were caught, thrown in a vat of bacon oil and thrown out into the wild. Now that is where the REAL Blue Jay’s attacked. To this day, if you stand in certain parts of the forest around Gagonga, you can still hear their tortured cry’s of pain and suffering. And possibly wonder if a woodpecker had joined the fray because there was an awful lot of pecking going on.
2. Q: Is it possible to have my armor customized?
A: In most situation’s, if you bring the materials needed to have the armor made you can tell the black-smith what exactly you want out of it. Just don’t complain to them if after the whole processing the items is done, your armor turns pink. Your own fault for not listening to the guy. Or girl. Whatever. Of course, forging equipment such as this is not done by magic and you tend to have to wait around a period of three days. Meaning, don’t challenge your rival the day after you went to the blacksmith. It will most likely end very badly, as the turks will tell you.
3. Q: How can I get my hands on some really rare armor?
A: THIS is the most annoying question that keeps reappearing and why can’t you people get a clue? How do you think--- why can’t --- ARGH! Okay, listen, most likely, to get hands on said armor you will either A: have to defeat a creature so powerful you wonder why it doesn’t destroy the world itself, B: perform A except you take a particular item or part of the creature as your prize, C: enter some incredibly random contest that makes you look like a complete idiot, orD: go through a long maze filled dungeon, THEN you fight some creature, who will probably be a guardian, who knows... Gee, didn’t that seem painfully familiar..?
4. Q: Am I really getting a bargain when I give them the money they ask for?
A: Oh heck yes. Definitely! Think about what else they could also charge you for! When you look at it you have all of the manual work, labor, cost of materials they use, the shop, and other assets. Trust me, unless your good at haggling, don’t even attempt disagreeing with them. Those black-smiths are some very scary people. How else could they stand up to those flames they face every day?
5. Q: Why is it whenever I ever hear about rare armor, and the fact that it’s been there for ages, it still stays there until I conveniently happen to find it? Is this some kind of omen for heros or am I just lucky?
A: AGAIN with rare armor? What is it with you people..? I am about to reveal one of the biggest pieces of advice I have. Just take the damn things! Of course it’s an omen! When isn’t it an omen? Luck has nothing to do with it. Basically, the universe loves to screw with us. The heavens are too tired to come up with any new creative ways to tell people they are to be the next hero. Let me put it this way, if you suddenly hear about this great item/power/person/place and want to find it. Guess what, you will. How am I sure? If you happened to have heard about that story from an idol/elder/old book an it occurs in your childhood/teenage years, you will. It’s that simple.
If you happen to be a would-be hero, you may hear of it but it won’t happen to you. The follow are guarentee traits that will make you a hero, maybe a villain, not really sure.
1. At some point in your life your hometown is destroyed and almost all you love is burned down with it.
2. You happen to lose your memory and then remember things at the strangest times.
3.You whine, complain, or make up a part of your life in order to coax how painful your soul feels. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a very rare kind of hero indeed. I am a triple threat. And that is what got me where I am today. Note how I say this with pride.
The overall lesson we have learned today in this chapter is this: Armor is important, you need it. Now quit being lazy and buy it. It’s not so hard.
After covering weapons and armor you probably think your ready to finally go out on your quest. Think again buddy. In our next lesson we will look at the wonderful world of accessories. In the chapter entitled: “Jewelry: More than a girl’s best friend.” See you in the next one.