Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Haunted Circus ❯ Road Trip! ( Chapter 1 )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: SuperPandaGirl 
Hey! This chapter is about how Sora, Riku, and Kairi get kidnapped by a maniac driving a semi full of Dr. Pepper. And...well, whatever, just READ!!! Come on, you know you want to...DO IT!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I mean...er...
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Horror | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.15.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
Hey! This chapter is about how Sora, Riku, and Kairi get kidnapped by a maniac driving a semi full of Dr. Pepper. And...well, whatever, just READ!!! Come on, you know you want to...DO IT!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I mean...er...
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Horror | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 10.15.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 256 | Status: Work In Progress
SuperPandaGirl Says: Ahahahaha! That walrus is hilarious!
Panda: Okay, in this story, I...
Riku: Congratulations? For what?
Panda: Riku, what are you DOING?
Riku: Reading the mail.
Panda: That’s MY mail! Hey...is my magazine in there?
Riku: You mean the Nintendo one? Yeah, it’s...
Panda: GIMME! (flies at Riku, grabbing the magazine and knocking him over)
Riku: I guess this means she’s...
Panda: Oh! I forgot! This is another story! Read it like I’m reading my magazine!
Riku: What am I supposed to read?
Panda: Uh, the newspaper, the weather forecast, the TV guide...I don’t care. Just LEAVE ME ALONE! Oh, wait, do me a favor and read the Disclaimer.
Riku: ‘She doesn’t own Kingdom Hearts, Nintendo, Dr. Pepper, a semi, a driver’s license, Green Day, or a monkey named George.’ Wait, what monkey?
Panda: The one I put in your underwear drawer.
*************
Sora, Riku, and Kairi were sitting in the middle of the street.
“Why exactly are we sitting in the middle of the street?” Kairi asked.
“Well, duh. It’s where we are at the beginning of the story!” Sora replied, as if it were the most reasonable explanation in the world.
“Yeah, well, we’d better get up, because a semi’s coming.” Riku looked behind him to where a huge Dr. Pepper truck was barreling down the road.
Just when the truck was about to hit them, however, it stopped and peeled out, making one of those screeching noises.
The three kids cringed. That noise is really, really, really terrible, believe me.
Panda jumped out. “Hey, people! I’ve always wanted to do that!”
“What are YOU doing here?” asked Riku, dumbfounded. “I thought this was supposed to be an actual story.”
“Oh, it is, it is. I just thought I’d have some fun. After all, this story has to get started somehow.”
“You mean by almost running us over with a semi?!” Riku jumped up and grabbed Panda by the shirt.
“Ooh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I could have actually run you over with that truck, you know.” Panda just stood there looking at Riku, who suddenly let go.
“Besides, you’re not even old enough to drive.” He started looking anxiously around, as if expecting something to drop from the sky...
“Relax, nothing’s going to happen. YET.”
Sora stood up and tugged on Panda’s sleeve. “Why is your name Panda? And how does Riku know you?”
“My name is Panda because I love pandas! And Riku is currently the only person allowed in my house, because I know his one true weakness, and he makes a good maid.” Panda pulled out some pictures of Riku wearing a maid’s costume. “I’ll let you keep them for 5 bucks.”
“Deal!” Sora snatched up the photos and handed Panda the money. “Look, Kairi! The resolution is flawless!”
Kairi gazed at the pictures. “Wow, Riku really DOES look like a girl!”
“Stop it! I do not!” Riku pulled out a flamethrower.
“Ah ah ah! That is MY trademark, pretty boy. Get your own! Or do I have to pull out the you-know-whats?” Panda taunted as Riku’s eyes grew wide.
“No! No! Anything but that!”
“How did you get the pictures to come out this good?” Kairi turned from looking at the Riku pictures.
“I used the digital camera from my Photography class. I turned the pictures in for an assignment and got an A. And I made 500 dollars selling these things around campus. You wouldn’t believe how many people liked them!” Panda turned and poked Riku on the arm. “He’s a money pot! Anyway, we have to get going.”
“Where? Sora pulled himself away from the humiliating pictures of Riku, his greatest blackmail tool yet, to ask Panda a very obvious question.
“To the place you’re supposed to be in the next chapter, duh!” Panda grabbed Riku and shoved him in the back of the semi. After him followed Kairi and Sora.
“Panda, I don’t think putting Sora in the same...truck...as caffeine is a very good idea...” Kairi was eying the mass of cans warily. “Especially not when I have to be stuck in here with him.”
“Hey, he can’t ride up front with me. I have strict rules about who rides up front.”
“And what rules are those?” Riku grumbled.
“That absolutely no one rides up front! Now, it’s time to get going!” Panda stepped on the gas, and the truck accelerated until they were driving ninety-to-nothing.
“Where are the cops on this stupid highway?” Riku screamed, trying to keep himself from being flattened by the hundreds of Dr. Pepper cans.
But Panda was way to busy singing a homemade song. Sora joined in, surrounded by empty cans.
Panda: Man, oh, man, this truck’s speedin’
Sora: All the little people on the street are bleedin’
Panda: Riku’s in a fuss and Kairi’s freaked out
Sora: He doesn’t like our singing and he’s starting to pout
Panda: Oh, oh, oh, this song’s just beginnin’
Sora: The rain is coming down and the Mariners aren’t winnin’
Panda: Sora drank caffeine and now he’s sugar-high
Sora: We’re goin’ to a place and Riku’s startin’ to cry
Panda: Oh, oh, ah, ah, yeeahhhh, some lose and some win
Sora: But all we can say is that it’s time to begin
Panda: With 15 million dollars and a pile of rocks
Sora: I put a bucket of bleach in with Riku’s purple socks
Panda: Ohhhhhhhh, poor little Timmy with the neck brace on
Sora: Riku hugs his blanket and still watches Pokemon
Panda: The song is almost over but there’s more to come
Sora: Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t you cry
Panda: There’s not a dry eye on the dock
Sora: But that’s what’s gonna happen when we start to rock!
Riku was trying not to throw up and Kairi was trying to stop Sora from opening the back of the semi.
“Sora! What are you doing?” Kairi continued to tug on Sora’s shirt as he heaved on the door.
“I think we’re in for a long ride! Time for more songs!” Panda dodged another motorcycle and put in a CD.
“Finally! Something real and worth listening to!” Riku sat down and wiped his forehead. “What’s the album?”
“It’s Green Bay.” Panda pressed the play button while not looking at the road.
“Don’t you mean Green Day?” Riku asked. “What’s the song?”
“Street of Broken Dreams.”
“Don’t you mean Boulevard of Broken Dreams?”
“I mean what I mean, Riku. Do not question me, especially when this song is playing. It’s the best.”
The song started to play.
Sora: I walk a funny road
The fifteenth one that I have known
I know where it goes
It goes to my home and so
I walk this street
On the Street of Broken Dreams
Where the clown town sleeps
and I'm not the only one and I walk to home
I walk bologna
I walk bologna
I walk bologna
I walk bo...
My friend mime’s the only one that walks behind me
My rainbow wig the only thing that's frizzy
Sometimes I wish someone out there will bake me cookies
Until then I talk on the phone
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooooh-oh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh
I'm walking with a lime
That puts pain somewhere in my mind
Just suckin’ on the lime
Off the edge of a cliff I go
Look between the limes
My mime’s not alright
Check his mental signs
To know that he needs help
I walk abalone
I walk abalone
I walk abalone
I walk...
My pet pig Fred walks above me
My oven is already heating
Sometimes I wish someone will feed me
Until then I walk to Croissant
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh
I walk Croissant
I walk Croi...
I talk to my friend Pete
On the street where mimes do roam
Where the city’s in terror
And I like to eat marshmallows...
My stomach growls I look at the cake behind me
My eggnog deserves a beating
I wish someone out in Alaska will make rice
Until then I sell dice...
The music stopped playing. Riku gasped. “What was that horrible song?”
“That was Sora singing a song I wrote. We just had it recorded. It’s coming out on record tomorrow, but you can have a copy early if you like.” Panda pressed the eject button.
“I’d rather not...” Riku was still in shock of what he had heard.
“I’ll take it!” Sora jumped up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down...
“Sora, stop jumping. We have 8 more hours to drive.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not 8 hours stuck in a semi with a sugar-high freak and this weird girl who can’t even drive! I’d rather eat paste!” Riku started pulling his hair.
“Okay, here Kairi. Give the guy what he wants.” Panda once again took her eyes off the road (had they ever been there?) and her hands off the steering wheel, and tossed Kairi a jar of paste.
“Okay. I’ve always kind of wanted to do this.” Kairi started shoving paste into Riku’s mouth.
“I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!! THIS IS EVEN WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Panda: Okay, in this story, I...
Riku: Congratulations? For what?
Panda: Riku, what are you DOING?
Riku: Reading the mail.
Panda: That’s MY mail! Hey...is my magazine in there?
Riku: You mean the Nintendo one? Yeah, it’s...
Panda: GIMME! (flies at Riku, grabbing the magazine and knocking him over)
Riku: I guess this means she’s...
Panda: Oh! I forgot! This is another story! Read it like I’m reading my magazine!
Riku: What am I supposed to read?
Panda: Uh, the newspaper, the weather forecast, the TV guide...I don’t care. Just LEAVE ME ALONE! Oh, wait, do me a favor and read the Disclaimer.
Riku: ‘She doesn’t own Kingdom Hearts, Nintendo, Dr. Pepper, a semi, a driver’s license, Green Day, or a monkey named George.’ Wait, what monkey?
Panda: The one I put in your underwear drawer.
*************
Sora, Riku, and Kairi were sitting in the middle of the street.
“Why exactly are we sitting in the middle of the street?” Kairi asked.
“Well, duh. It’s where we are at the beginning of the story!” Sora replied, as if it were the most reasonable explanation in the world.
“Yeah, well, we’d better get up, because a semi’s coming.” Riku looked behind him to where a huge Dr. Pepper truck was barreling down the road.
Just when the truck was about to hit them, however, it stopped and peeled out, making one of those screeching noises.
The three kids cringed. That noise is really, really, really terrible, believe me.
Panda jumped out. “Hey, people! I’ve always wanted to do that!”
“What are YOU doing here?” asked Riku, dumbfounded. “I thought this was supposed to be an actual story.”
“Oh, it is, it is. I just thought I’d have some fun. After all, this story has to get started somehow.”
“You mean by almost running us over with a semi?!” Riku jumped up and grabbed Panda by the shirt.
“Ooh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I could have actually run you over with that truck, you know.” Panda just stood there looking at Riku, who suddenly let go.
“Besides, you’re not even old enough to drive.” He started looking anxiously around, as if expecting something to drop from the sky...
“Relax, nothing’s going to happen. YET.”
Sora stood up and tugged on Panda’s sleeve. “Why is your name Panda? And how does Riku know you?”
“My name is Panda because I love pandas! And Riku is currently the only person allowed in my house, because I know his one true weakness, and he makes a good maid.” Panda pulled out some pictures of Riku wearing a maid’s costume. “I’ll let you keep them for 5 bucks.”
“Deal!” Sora snatched up the photos and handed Panda the money. “Look, Kairi! The resolution is flawless!”
Kairi gazed at the pictures. “Wow, Riku really DOES look like a girl!”
“Stop it! I do not!” Riku pulled out a flamethrower.
“Ah ah ah! That is MY trademark, pretty boy. Get your own! Or do I have to pull out the you-know-whats?” Panda taunted as Riku’s eyes grew wide.
“No! No! Anything but that!”
“How did you get the pictures to come out this good?” Kairi turned from looking at the Riku pictures.
“I used the digital camera from my Photography class. I turned the pictures in for an assignment and got an A. And I made 500 dollars selling these things around campus. You wouldn’t believe how many people liked them!” Panda turned and poked Riku on the arm. “He’s a money pot! Anyway, we have to get going.”
“Where? Sora pulled himself away from the humiliating pictures of Riku, his greatest blackmail tool yet, to ask Panda a very obvious question.
“To the place you’re supposed to be in the next chapter, duh!” Panda grabbed Riku and shoved him in the back of the semi. After him followed Kairi and Sora.
“Panda, I don’t think putting Sora in the same...truck...as caffeine is a very good idea...” Kairi was eying the mass of cans warily. “Especially not when I have to be stuck in here with him.”
“Hey, he can’t ride up front with me. I have strict rules about who rides up front.”
“And what rules are those?” Riku grumbled.
“That absolutely no one rides up front! Now, it’s time to get going!” Panda stepped on the gas, and the truck accelerated until they were driving ninety-to-nothing.
“Where are the cops on this stupid highway?” Riku screamed, trying to keep himself from being flattened by the hundreds of Dr. Pepper cans.
But Panda was way to busy singing a homemade song. Sora joined in, surrounded by empty cans.
Panda: Man, oh, man, this truck’s speedin’
Sora: All the little people on the street are bleedin’
Panda: Riku’s in a fuss and Kairi’s freaked out
Sora: He doesn’t like our singing and he’s starting to pout
Panda: Oh, oh, oh, this song’s just beginnin’
Sora: The rain is coming down and the Mariners aren’t winnin’
Panda: Sora drank caffeine and now he’s sugar-high
Sora: We’re goin’ to a place and Riku’s startin’ to cry
Panda: Oh, oh, ah, ah, yeeahhhh, some lose and some win
Sora: But all we can say is that it’s time to begin
Panda: With 15 million dollars and a pile of rocks
Sora: I put a bucket of bleach in with Riku’s purple socks
Panda: Ohhhhhhhh, poor little Timmy with the neck brace on
Sora: Riku hugs his blanket and still watches Pokemon
Panda: The song is almost over but there’s more to come
Sora: Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t you cry
Panda: There’s not a dry eye on the dock
Sora: But that’s what’s gonna happen when we start to rock!
Riku was trying not to throw up and Kairi was trying to stop Sora from opening the back of the semi.
“Sora! What are you doing?” Kairi continued to tug on Sora’s shirt as he heaved on the door.
“I think we’re in for a long ride! Time for more songs!” Panda dodged another motorcycle and put in a CD.
“Finally! Something real and worth listening to!” Riku sat down and wiped his forehead. “What’s the album?”
“It’s Green Bay.” Panda pressed the play button while not looking at the road.
“Don’t you mean Green Day?” Riku asked. “What’s the song?”
“Street of Broken Dreams.”
“Don’t you mean Boulevard of Broken Dreams?”
“I mean what I mean, Riku. Do not question me, especially when this song is playing. It’s the best.”
The song started to play.
Sora: I walk a funny road
The fifteenth one that I have known
I know where it goes
It goes to my home and so
I walk this street
On the Street of Broken Dreams
Where the clown town sleeps
and I'm not the only one and I walk to home
I walk bologna
I walk bologna
I walk bologna
I walk bo...
My friend mime’s the only one that walks behind me
My rainbow wig the only thing that's frizzy
Sometimes I wish someone out there will bake me cookies
Until then I talk on the phone
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooooh-oh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh
I'm walking with a lime
That puts pain somewhere in my mind
Just suckin’ on the lime
Off the edge of a cliff I go
Look between the limes
My mime’s not alright
Check his mental signs
To know that he needs help
I walk abalone
I walk abalone
I walk abalone
I walk...
My pet pig Fred walks above me
My oven is already heating
Sometimes I wish someone will feed me
Until then I walk to Croissant
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh, Ooooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, Ooh-ooh
I walk Croissant
I walk Croi...
I talk to my friend Pete
On the street where mimes do roam
Where the city’s in terror
And I like to eat marshmallows...
My stomach growls I look at the cake behind me
My eggnog deserves a beating
I wish someone out in Alaska will make rice
Until then I sell dice...
The music stopped playing. Riku gasped. “What was that horrible song?”
“That was Sora singing a song I wrote. We just had it recorded. It’s coming out on record tomorrow, but you can have a copy early if you like.” Panda pressed the eject button.
“I’d rather not...” Riku was still in shock of what he had heard.
“I’ll take it!” Sora jumped up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down...
“Sora, stop jumping. We have 8 more hours to drive.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not 8 hours stuck in a semi with a sugar-high freak and this weird girl who can’t even drive! I’d rather eat paste!” Riku started pulling his hair.
“Okay, here Kairi. Give the guy what he wants.” Panda once again took her eyes off the road (had they ever been there?) and her hands off the steering wheel, and tossed Kairi a jar of paste.
“Okay. I’ve always kind of wanted to do this.” Kairi started shoving paste into Riku’s mouth.
“I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!! THIS IS EVEN WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”