Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Turk's News At Nine - MST ❯ Turk's News At Nine, "We'll Waste your Time" ( One-Shot )

This is not my Fanfic, I just MSTED it! I let the good guys make freaky comments 'bout the news people.

Tifa, Cloud, Barret, Aeris, Vincent, Yuffie, and Cid

The Turk's News at Nine.
"We will waste your time."

Cloud: I bet they will!

Reno is the anchor, Rude is co-anchor, Elena does the weather and Tseng does sports.

Tifa: TSENG?! SPORTS?! I MUST SEE THIS!

Reno: Hi. Welcome to the ...Hey! Where the hell is the script? I forgot my intro! WAAAAAAHH!

(Rude shoves Reno off the stage.)

Vincent: (Reno) How rude!!

Rude: Welcome to the Turk's News at Nine where we will waste your time. First story-

Elena: Hey! You're wasting MY time! Get on with it!

(Elena throws pointer at Rude.)

Rude: (Rubbing his head) Well, we ARE supposed to waste your time...

All: Yeah.

Elena: Hey! I don't care! I have things to do! (retrieves her pointer from the floor) First we have a current moving into Midgar and...

Aeris: and………….?

Rude: (uses a stop materia on Elena) Sorry folks, let's go to Sports!

Cid: Lets not (walks to the bathroom)

Elena: (pulls ribbon out of pocket) No you don't! (uses deathblow on Rude)

Yuffie: How can a ribbon use deathblow?

Rude: (returns with grand spark) Hey, I'm in charge here!

Barret: I thought the producer was.

Reno: (staggers onto stage, clearly very drunk) Heehee! I'm a fairy princess! Wee!

Vincent: of course u are!

Rude: Uh...let's go to a commercial break. When we come back, everything should be normal again. This is Turk's News at Nine where we will waste your time

Cloud: Normal my ass.

(Backstage director

Vincent: Masturbates

buries his head in his hands, very depressed. Meanwhile, it has turned into

Vincent: Jerry Springer

a free-for-all onstage and Reno is still

Vincent: Horny

Tifa: (hits Vincent) Stop it!

drunk)

Elena: YOU BITCH! (uses fire3 on Rude)

Aeris: Look who's talking

Rude: (retaliates with ice3) Hey! I'm not the whore around here!

Yuffie: actually he is.

Reno: Heehee! I'm a fairy princess!

Vincent: WE KNOW THAT!

Elena: I AM NOT A WHORE! (uses bolt3)

Cloud: we know YOU aren't, Rude is.

Tseng: Uh...guys? What happened to the show?

Tifa: commercial break is over.

Elena + Rude: SCREW THE SHOW! (both beat Tseng into a bloody pulp)

Aeris: ewwwww they wanna screw the show!

Tifa: ewwwww look at Tseng!

Reno: I will <hic> use my <hic> wand on <hic> you! ( taps Tseng on the head with Elena's pointer)

Barret: isn't Tseng Dead?

Elena: (screaming) I AM NOT A WHORE!

Cloud: yes you are.

Rude: RIGHT! YOU"VE SLEPT WITH EVERY CAMERA MAN ON THE FRICKIN' SHOW!

All laugh.

Elena: NO I HAVEN'T! THE ONLY MAN I EVER SLEPT WITH WAS-never mind...

All "OoOoOoOoOoO!!!"

Rude: Ooohh! Who didja sleep with?

Vincent: Yeah tell us!

Elena: (Blushing furiously) nobody!

Cloud: Sephirioth!

Tifa: Reno!

Aeris: Tseng!

Barret: Rufus!

Cid: President Shinra!

Yuffie: Rude!

Camera man: We are on in five...

(Elena stares at Rude with venom in her eyes)

Cid: OoOoO! snake lady!

Camera man: four...

Rude: Is there something in your eye?

Tifa: is she crying or something?

Camera man: three...

(Reno dances around in a tutu and ballet slippers. Nobody questions him though he does get funny looks)

All look at him with funny looks.

Camera man: two...

(Elena, unable to take it anymore, wraps her hands around Rude's neck and starts to strangle him.)

Vincent: Oh LOOK! They're hugging!

Camera man: One! We are on!

Tifa: On what?

(Camera focuses on Elena strangling Rude and yelling at him)

Elena: I AM NOT A WHORE!

Cloud: YES YOU ARE!!

(Suddenly Reno crashes into the main camera. The screen goes blank and the show ends)

Yuffie: That was unexpected.

Author's note- Okay. That was a little weird. A can of flat soda and five dozen six-month-old candies tends to do that. Anyway, I hope you like it. If not, then kiss my @$$. R&R please! Flame if you want, I don't give a flying rat's @$$. Oh yeah, all the characters belong to Squaresoft though I do wish Reno was mine... Read my other fics, A Turk's Thoughts and ShinRa's Island. Also, read James Wolfstar's fics. Thanks.
~The Second Death Dragon~