Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Vana'diel High MST ❯ Duh, who turned the lights out? ( Chapter 1 )

Hello reader. I want to play a game. Right now, there is a slow acting poison coursing through your veins. The antidote's location will be disclosed at the end of this story. There are rules to this game though, as well as penalties. If you try to skip ahead, or close the program, a bomb will go off behind this monitor. Lets say that your face will resemble hamburger meat in the aftermath.

 

How much time will you waste to stay alive?

 

Let the game begin.

 

 

 

 

 

It will be in script format, so yeah, suck my ass I'm a lazy fuckhead. It's also OOC. Wrote this on a whim. It's all for comedy. If you take ANY of this seriously you deserve to die.

 

*Dictates Action*

`Dictates Thought'

[Dictates MST entry]

 

 

 

 

In the middle of space, six individuals have been selected from the world of Soul Calibur. Imprisoned on this ship by the one called Commander, they are given a choice to stay, and view, and create certain films known as “Fanfictions” or go, and forget that they have ever been.

 

Of course with the lot of them being asleep, he took it as a unanimous “Yes”. Now after a month of viewing, they have grown accustomed to their new lives for the current time.

 

We join our team now, in the theatre foyuer. A robotic butler enters the room, with a sheet of paper.

 

Robo Butler: When I call your name, please announce that you are here. Nightmare?

 

Nightmare: Present.

 

Robo Butler: Cassandra?

 

Cassandra: Here!

 

Robo Butler: Taki?

Taki: *Walking out of the Butler's shadow* Present.

 

Robo Butler: Sophitia?

Sophitia: I am here as well.

 

Robo Butler: Maxi?

 

Maxi: Yo!

 

Robo Butler: Lizardman?

 

Lizardman: *Various grunts and groans* (Here!) [A/N: No one can understand Lizardman.]

 

Robo Butler: Very well. The Commander wishes to speak with you all. *His stomach opens, revealing a TV set, and the shrouded face of the one named “The Commander”*

 

The Commander: For the past month, I've had you all play the Massively Multiplayer Online game called “Final Fantasy Eleven”. Tell me, what is your progress?

 

Nightmare: Level seventy-five Dark Knight.

 

Commander: Impressive.

 

Sophitia: Level sixty-eight White Mage.

 

Cassandra: Level fifty-two Paladin.

 

Lizardman: *Low growling, and a couple of high pitched chirps* (Seventy-five in all jobs!)

 

Taki: Sixty-nine Ninja.

 

Maxi: I only made it to level fourty-two warrior, but man I met some nice sweet girls on there.

 

The Commander: Very well, you all have a fair understanding of the world of Vana'diel correct?

 

All: Yeah.

 

The Commander: Very well. The next movie is done by a young man named “Armoa”. He hails from that world.

 

Nightmare: Vana'diel is real?!

The Commander: Why of course. The possibilities of worlds is endless. You're playing a game based on theirs, such as some played a game based on yours.

 

Taki: You mean how they sensationalized Nightmare's brutal murders??

Nightmare: I said I was sorry!

The Commander: ENOUGH! The movie is ready for your viewing, please enter the theatre.

 

Robo Butler: *His stomach closes and he walks away*

 

Nightmare: I hope this isin't like that last one we watched. What was is called again?

Sophitia: Naruto.

 

Nightmare: Yeah…I don't think I can take that much man/boy love again. I'd rather eat Soul Edge.

 

Maxi: Ditto on that one bro.

 

*They all stood, and walked into the theatre. Meanwhile, within the bowels of the ship, Soul Edge sat in Nightmare's Room.*

 

Soul Edge: *Resonating in Nightmare's head* Hey fuck you man!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Greetings, one and all! I am your gracious host into the world that is my story.

[Lizardman: *Random grunts* (Nice to meet you!)]

Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix, the Final Fantasy franchise, or any copyrighted materials in this story. I write this story of my own free will, with my own time, and make no monetary rewards for writing it.

[Maxi: Then why bother?]

With that said, and done, let us go on!

Author Contact Information:
forever_unholy@hotmail.com (Accountable as MSN username, and email.)

[Nightmare: Does he piss black too?]

[Sophitia: Seigfried!]

[Nightmare: Don't call me that! *Eye flares red*

[Cassandra: *Exposing her chest a little* Oh c'mon, we like calling you Seigfried.]

[Nightmare: Hi, I'm Seigfried!]

[Taki: Men…]

[Maxi: Women…]

Lost Chronicle High: Final Fantasy XI
Prologue: Introduction to le Morte

It wasen't like yesterday, this day where everything was so cold. I couldn't really believe the fact that I was stuck here in a gutter again, but I guess that's not my fault, It's not everyday your father beats you and flings you into the streets.. Unless you were me, of course. But, I digress, I feel bad for not expecting the worse. I'd gotten so used to having happiness around me instead of the spiraling enigma of despair. Like a black hole that tears the very existance of the universe down into eternal blackness, leaving us lost, or possibly even dead.

 

[Nightmare/Maxi: CRAAAAAWWWWWWWLIIIIIIING IIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIN!]

 

My face still hurt from when he had slung his fist at me in his drunken rage. At some times, I wished my mother weren't dead. She'd stop him from wasting his life in a drunken slump every damn moment when he wasen't doing his job. I want to cry, but I know men don't cry. It hurt so much, though....

 

[Sophitia: Oh that poor child!]

[Lizardman: *Chirps*(Daddy hits me because I cry.)]

[Taki: Does anyone understand him?]

[Nightmare: *Petting Lizardman with his mutated arm* Nobody does. But he's our special little man, isin't he!]

[Lizardman: *Looks like he's smiling, and growls and chirps a few times*(And no one will suspect me when I murder you.)

I had learned better than to stay home more than required. I had managed to assure myself a small apartment a block away. I felt independant, when I was so clearly not... A curse of youth, I suppose. My legs dragged themselves to the east... To the north.... To the east again..... And, there I was. Standing on the doorstep of the complex. "Damned old man." I muttered to myself as I did little more than limp my way to my room.

 

[Maxi: Hehe…limp.]

[Taki: Grow up!]

 

The complex was mostly empty due to an overzealous construction site nearby. They were building what I believe was supposed to be the next bank.

[Nightmare: Wheres the bank in FFXI?]

[Cassandra: My moogle stole my ATM card…]

 

 

It didn't matter, I could sleep through that. This was my escape, my home. Not the semi-large condo that my father, Kel Orivias Eltan, had built and dwelled every year of my life. People thought I was spoiled, and borne into high-circles... "Heh, Bullshit." I muttered to myself as visions of a church flashed through my mind.

[Sophitia: Oh my! Such language!]

[Nightmare: *Swears. Sophitia backhands him with her shield out of nowhere*]

Instead of growing up normally as most children did, I was dumped by my own father after hearing news of my mother's 'death'. We both weren't even sure if the news was true, and details were extremely sketchy...

[Taki: How sketchy can it be? “Hey your mom is dead.” Seems pretty simple to me…]

 

My father forced me out of the house, and into the arms of a small cathedral orphanage in the city. It felt silly to be thinking of that place again. Of my studies, and my training. I was no holy man, but I believed in our goddess, Altana, our merciful goddess. I also believed in Promathia, his wicked devil.

[Taki: Hey Nightmare, they're talking about you!]

[Nightmare: I SAID I WAS SORRY!]

 

 

I found myself attracted to swordplay, and more often than not, the works of literature written by great authors such as Vie'hn En'Trille, Marika-Snakiea, and Withering Grace. I was a child of the dark ages. A lover of sword, and the written word. Though, by no means, I could write such grand pieces on my own.

 

[Maxi: No kidding. *Ate Sophitia's shield, then slumped over in his chair*

[Cassandra: Nice shot sis!]

 

I had tried several times, in fact, many of my trying literature may be published the very same cathedral.. Grand dreams, Armoa, grand dreams... I loved poetry and romance, Action and gore, and even the mythological enchantments of the olden ages. I loved the library, and the training grounds on which I was raised....

Though, Happiness was short-lived when my father came to the cathedral. Bent on making a scene that they had stolen me from him, and kidnapped his favorite son.

 

[All: Huh??]

[Cassandra: Didn't his dad PUT him in the orphanage??]

[Sophitia: Oh dear.]

[Lizardman: *Jostling about, grunting* (WTF!?)

[Maxi: *Stirring awake* Mommy?

 

I scoffed in the present at this as I sat down upon the small creaky bed. I was forced back into the arms of a man I had no love for. In fact, a man I would gladly slaughter. I guess it was dreaming, though, that I would be welcomed home to a loving home.. Where my father would accept me, and love me even as he had when mother was still here..Smiling behind those beautiful strands of ebony silk hair. Those dark brown eyes that held endless love, and grand forgiveness. I could picture her now, as beautiful as the moon itself, and twenty times the goddess. I dare say, even in vanity, that my mother would make even Altana green with envy. I dare say that, despite my cold nature, had she been alive... I would have turned out a much better person.

[Lizardman: *Grumbles* (Doubtful)

Ah, but I ramble! My name is Armoa Kiris Eltan, son of Kel and Mina Eltan, I live in a city called Jeuno. I go to a school called Vana'Diel High. I know odd name, but I digress. I am what my peers call 'A loner'... Possibly a 'Very perverse' 'loner'. I've been known to fall into some amazingly complicated situations involving the fairer sex. Sometimes, i've gotten a decent beating out of it. Others, I'd wish would never happen again.

[Nightmare: Hey Taki, he's talking about you!]

[Taki: *Growls* You're pushing it.]

My brown eyes closed slowly as the wind coming from the small crack of the window blew my mahogany hair slightly. Arms crossed upon my chest as I lay there on my side drifting into the land of slumber...

Meanwhile, In a small home near the ocean view...

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm late!!!" She cried as she lept out of her bed, and pain-stakingly rushed about the scene of getting dressed. Inches upon inches of tanned, but lithe, figure showing to the world around her. Which consisted of little more than furniture. "Damn, damn, damn! First day, and i'm already screwing up!" She cried as she worked her way into her dark green shorts, and then into her white tee that had a self-portrait on it. At least, that's what it looked like. Looked more like one of those anime characters, though, especially with that pathetic 'n_n' look in the character's eyes. She couldn't help, but chew on her lips with her slightly sharp teeth while her feline tail stood upstraight and proved her state of alarm.

[All the boys, including Lizardman: CAT-GIRL! (Kitty-girl!)]

[Sophitia: She's so cute!]

[Cassandra: O~h I'd hit it.]

[Taki: Am I the only one with a vow of chastity here!?]

[Sophitia: No, I and Cassandra do too. I just think she's cute. Isn't that right dear sister?]

[Cassandra: *All shifty-eyed* Uh yeah…cute…]

Her spiky white hair, and mischevious blue eyes kept the idea of her being what many called a 'tomboy', or even worse, a 'tease'.

[Cassandra: *Shivers*]

[Nightmare: *Looks over* A tit nipply?]

[Sophitia: YOU PIG! *Shield bashes Nightmare*]

[Nightmare: *Swirly-eyed* Momma can ah haf a cookie? *Falls over*

She actually looked like she was about to break the door off the hinges when she ran out of her room in a streak of lightning.

Apartment Complex room 17

Armoa...

"Five more minutes, mom."

ARMOA!

"BY ALTANA!~" CRASH!

The young man laid there limply as his arm twitched comedicly. "What a way to wake up..." I groaned as he sat up, and lept to his feet. "What time is-" My eyes drifted upon a clock in the corner of the room.

[Lizardman: *Tilted his head*]

[Taki: W-wait. Did it just change perspective?]

[Sophitia: *Nodded* The camera appeared to of zoomed into his point of view, then back into a third person's view.]

 

"7:40?! Argh!" I cried in annoyance as I flew into the natural ritual for a teenager called 'Late To School Morning Rush'. One by one, I garbs fell to the floor to reveal his slightly toned, and muscular calves, stomach, and shoulders.

[Maxi: Hehe I-Garb.]

[Nightmare: *Regaining counsiousness* Woah, whats going on… *Looks up at the screen*

 

Though, there was another thing that stood out quite clearly. Well, more like hung.

[Nightmare: *Pukes inside his helmet*

[Girls, including Taki: Oh my…]

[Maxi: Oh COME ON! Like I WANTED to see that!]

[Lizardman: (That's nothing. Come talk to me when you can do two girls at once. Besides, that looks fake…)

 

 

He quickly threw on a black tee, then a longer unbuttoned button-up, and finally slid into a pair of black slacks. He studied himself in the mirror as he pressed back his shoulder-length brown hair. "Man, I could do with a quick wash, but I can deal with it for today. I don't stink, my hair will just be a little spiky." He muttered to himself as he quickly buckled his belt, and rushed out of the apartment with a locking 'click'.

The Courtyard, Vana'Diel High!

I sat in my usual spot every year. The same small cement bench in the southeast most corner of the courtyard. All the other students were chatting among themselves. And I even noticed some of the femme le populace giggling among themselves as they pointed and obviously made the usual 'He's cute' remark about the jocks which were all gathered about a small elf-like boy whom I had learned to be Kazuma.

[Nightmare: Elf?]

[All the girls: AH~ TARU!!!]

[Maxi: Hey, I was a Tarutaru.]

[Lizardman: *Looked content for some strange reason* Mmmm~ Taru Mithkabob.

 

As far as I know, he had no last name. Everyone just called him 'Kazu-kun', or '#1 Jock-ass'. I chuckled to myself at the second one, and let my eyes drift about again. Next, my eyes traveled upon a much more familiar sight... Trysta Noires, the school tease. A mithra of amazingly lithe build, and an even more beautiful body.

[All the boys again: CAT-GIRL~!!]

[All the girls: Boys…]

[Cassandra to the side: Mmm…]

 

Unfortunately, My admirance would never mean a thing. Rumors were circulating that she was a lesbian, and not interested at all in men.

[Cassandra: YES!]

[Everyone turned and stared at Cassandra

 

I honestly wouldn't doubt it. Oh, well. Lost cause. I thought to myself as I let my eyes wander again.. This time, they settled upon another familiar sight. Sevron Ariota, the school 'bad-ass'...

 

[All the girls except Taki: Elvaan!!!]

[Taki: *Snickeres* Fucking giraffe…]

[Sophitia: Hey! I was an Elvaan!]

 

Right, like I believed that. He was dressed in a plain red shirt overcompassed by a black button-up (Much like my attire) which had flames upon it. He wore khaki slacks, and combat boots on his feet. I glanced down at my own feet, and stared lightly. My boots were quite alot like his, but they had metal buckles instead of lace-up. I grumbled something about 'copy-cats' and then glared off in another direction. This time, my vision settled upon one of the more scary sights of the school. The etiquette teacher, Mr. Romaunt, rumors were that he hid a katana in his desk he used to carve up the desks of students who misbehaved in his class. I managed a large sweatdrop, and looked elsewhere...

 

[Maxi: Mitsurugi's is way better.]

[Nightmare: Soul Edge would eat his face]

[Soul Edge: *echoing inside Nightmare's head* You goddamn right. Whose you're motherfucking daddy?]

 

 

Bing...
Bong.....
Diiiinnggg....

< /b>

Next Chapter!:

Et Tu, Mr. Romaunt?

Sitting in an etiquette classroom doesn't exactly sound like the most fun, especially when the teacher has a thing about students who disturb the peace in his classroom... A very sharp thing!

 

 

[*The Credits roll, and the movie ends*]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lizardman: (I found that entertaining)

Maxi: That movie sucked.

Sophitia: Hey now, it was alright. *Blushes* Though I could of gone without the genital part…

Nightmare: *Pukes inside his helmet* Oh God don't remind me…

Cassandra: I like the cat-girl…

Maxi: Who wouldn't?
Taki: Me.

Maxi: You know we can fix that chastity proble- *Took two swift kicks to the face and went down for the count*

Nightmare: How many more continuations are there?

Sophitia: Looking at a list According to this, it's still in the making, with one other “Chapter” ready for us to watch.

Nightmare: If this degenerates into him and that Sevron guy getting' it on I'm going to stab myself.

Taki: I'll help.

Lizardman: (His penis was fake!) *Looking down at something*

Cassandra: Hey Lizzy-pooh, whatcha doin?

Lizardman: *Turns around, displaying a rather large *Lizardman-peenors* Look! It didn't have veins like mine!

Everyone else: *Staring*

Nightmare: *Pukes inside his helmet* Oh Soul Edge help me!

Soul Edge: DON'T EVEN MENTALLY PICTU- AWWWWWW! AW! AWWWW!! WHAT THE HELL!? WHAT THE HELL MAN!?

Girls: Wow that's huge!

Maxi: HE'S A FUCKING LIZARD!

Lizardman: *Puts it away due to the commotion* (What?)

Nightmare: *Staggering around, struggling to get his helmet off*

 

 

------------- End -------------

 

 

 

 

 

OMAKE THEATER PRESENTS:


A day in the life of an Notorious Monster. Today's subject, the terror of the seas, the Sea Horror.

 

 

 

 

 

Sea Horror: *Sitting on a boat, enjoying the sea breeze* What a lovely day. It's a good day to be alive. The sun is shining, the sea breeze is soft and cool. Ah~ I could sit here all day and admire the beauty of life from all perspectives.

 

Random Hume Adventurer: *Walks by the Sea Horror, his metallic boots clanking against the wood*

 

Sea Horror: DIE! JOIN THE RANKS OF THE FALLEN FOOLISH ADVENTURER!

 

Random Hume: What the he- *Dies quickly*

 

Sea Horror: *After a few breathes of rage, he goes back to his spot* Where was I…? Oh yeah. Life is so good. So peaceful…I could sit here all day and admire life…

 

 

 

----- End -----

 

 

A/N: I don't give a FUCK if you liked it or not.