Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Hunting the Alpha ❯ Hunting the Alpha ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. Natsuki Takaya does. The song `Hunting High and Low' is by A-ha and, to my knowledge, belongs to them. For all I know, it could belong to their recording company. Either way, it's not mine.

 

A/N: This is a songfic that I've been working on forever. Ina-chan and RJunkie, thank you so much for your help with this! Everyone knows that Shigure is my favorite character. I found this song and immediately thought of him, oddly enough long before the spoilers we all know about.

 

Hunting the Alpha

Songfic to `Hunting High and Low' by A-ha

 

It's been said that mankind learned how to hunt from wolves, you know. They learned to hunt in packs, they developed teeth in the forms of spears and arrows and blades, they learned how to cooperate with each other just as wolves do. I like to think they learned other things, as well: monogamy, hierarchy, what is dominant and what is not in a society. Funny thing about wolves, though--females are never the alphas in wolf packs. There are alpha females, yes, but they are never the true leaders of their packs. Even alpha females defer to their alpha males. It is simply the way of wolves.

And what are dogs but domesticated wolves, generations removed?

But there are lessons that mankind learned only too well; after all, humans are not canines. Canines are ruled by instinct; humans have realized that instinct can only take you so far. Humans developed complex societies, realized complex truths. They began to deny the bestiality of their basic natures. Mankind is, essentially, an animal that has forgotten that it is a beast.

 

Here I am

And within the reach of my hands she's sound asleep

And she's sweeter now than

The wildest dreams could have seen her

And I watch her slipping away

 

You see I have loved her from her birth. Her birth. For we cursed Sohmas who remember it, that moment was…indescribable. There was this feeling that everything was right. My cursed cousins and I finally had a purpose: to live for her. That feeling, that rightness, was so…sweet and it was so painful. We no longer lived for ourselves. We lived for her. I lived for her.

From the moment she was born, she was mine. Alpha female to my alpha male. Some might say that that this kind of love is obsession. Certainly, to my human self, it appears that way: an instinctive certainty that overrides my human sensibility. But do you know what it is like to love someone simply because they are? To know that they were born for you, only you, and you for they? Of course you don't. How could you? Mankind simply isn't made that way.

But I am.

A trick of fate, I suppose you could call it. I am a human born with the spirit of a canine, a domesticated wolf. As much as I am human, I am also bestial. And beasts live and die on a completely different scale from humans. To beasts, everything has a purpose; birth, sex, death, hunger, thirst, joy, grief—all of these have a time unto themselves, and once done life goes on. There's a simplicity to that sort of living that is appealing. Yet, as much a relief as it would be to live merely in the present, I am not satisfied with it.

Mankind has always striven for more: more power, more control, more knowledge. The quest for `more' goes against the basic nature of the beast. And so, simply living in the `now', like a canine, isn't enough for me. It's not nearly enough because I don't have what I want. I haven't subdued the alpha.

Cursed as I am, my cursed cousins are my pack. In the beginning, I wasn't alpha. Before she was born, Hatori probably had that dubious honor. I doubt he was even aware of it, and if he is now I don't think he can appreciate it. Can a dragon who has no knowledge of the ways of the pack truly be alpha?

And can a woman, forced to be a man by circumstances not of her choosing, be the same?

 

But I know I'll be hunting high and low

High

There's no end to the lengths I'll go to

Hunting high and low

High

There's no end to the lengths I'll go

 

The easy answer is no. How could she be alpha male, when she is not male? The fundamental differences in the sexes would prohibit that sort of thing. Females are the breeders; a pack will protect the females with more ferocity than even the alpha male. Females, in turn, provide for the young. The nature of females is to nurture, to communicate, to bring the next generation into the world safely.

But she was taught to think of herself as a man, to dress and act and react as a man would. And yet, the very femininity of her nature contradicts her upbringing. She may act like a man, but she reacts like a woman. She is cool and calm in her decisions, and vicious in her punishments. She will not extend herself without first taking an equal piece of whomever she offers herself to. She holds too tightly those things that should be gently bound. She is conscious of this duality; it makes her punish and torture those of us who, even remotely, remind her of her own weak femininity.

And I love her for it.

After all, I taught her how. Dogs are loyal to a fault, and she wanted to know. What else could I do but teach her? I didn't teach her everything; just gave her the basics and let her take it from there. I must say, though, that I'm not terribly proud of the bruises her games have left on my pack. Their scars run so deep that years will go by before they're completely healed. She's even left scars on me. I hate her for that. I, who have done nothing but whatever she asked, have felt her lash most keenly. I am the only one who has been exiled. I am the only one who is not welcome to live amongst my pack.

 

To find again

Upon this my dream is depending

Through the dark

I sense the pounding of her heart

Next to mine

She's the sweetest love I could find

 

But I didn't teach her all I know. Of course I didn't. Do you think me stupid? Why would I deliberately lame myself? So the question then becomes when the student has cast out the teacher, who has done nothing but love and serve her, what should the teacher do?

The simple answer would be to tuck his tail between his legs and lick his wounds like any good wolf who has been cast out, and then find another pack. But I have and I want no other pack. I want no other female. Mankind, you see, has learned the lesson of monogamy too well. So what's the not-so-simple answer?

That isn't so easy; it took me years to find it. But find it I did, in the form of one young, humble, kindhearted girl. She is the antithesis of the alpha my love feels she deserves. My flower is subservient, always helpful, always generous, never demanding. She accepts things for what they are and never thinks to see beyond them.

She won the rat to her side first. Her simple kindness was a balm to the pain he had endured. In short order, she also won the boar, the dragon, and the rabbit, simply by being herself. The cow joined the others because of her kindness to the rat. Her wisdom appealed to the snake. And the tiger was almost perfect in its predictability. Then the cat: that was her true test. She accepted his burden to such an extent that he fell in love with her. In short order, the sheep, the monkey, and the horse flocked to her side. Her goodness appeals to them all; it calls them to her like a siren's song.

Do I feel guilty? Of course I do. Is that going to stop me?

Not on my life.

You must understand; I do care deeply for this gentle girl. To me, she is a pet that I have adopted; a foundling I've taken in to help my pack with their scars. I know she can't help me with mine. It is enough that everyone else turns to her, when they should turn to their alpha, with their sorrows and their joys, their hopes and their dreams. It is enough that she takes them on as if they were her own and works hard to make them heal or happen, as the case may be.

It is enough to know that every time one of my pack turns to this girl, the one I love hurts. She hurts like I hurt, with the dull, burning, acid ache of rejection. She feels every one of their small betrayals as if it were a terrible blow.

For now, that is enough.

 

So I guess I'll be hunting high and low

High

There's no end to the lengths I'll go to

High and low

High

Do you know what it means to love you?

 

Of course, the game isn't finished yet. There are still a few more things that I have to do. For now, the first blows have been delivered. And who does she turn to? Not to me, as she should. No, she turns to that bird. That damned bird who has already cast off his wings! She turns that… that castrated thing. And he lets her. Rather than take his life, such as it is, and free himself completely from the curse that binds the rest of us, he instead chooses to stay by her side. He has been the most difficult to win to my flower's side because of that choice. For my pack and I, no such choice exists. Not yet.

Dogs eat birds, you know. He knows it, too. He also knows, more than any of the rest of them, how far I will go to get what I want—what he has. That's why I hate him. It's why he hates me. He knows that if I had the chance, I would break his neck between my teeth and drag his body through the dust. Thankfully, for him, that's one lesson mankind never learned from wolves: the order of nature. If they have, they've forgotten it in their desire for `more'. And as much as I am an animal, a subdued wolf, I am also human. Instead of teeth, I use a human's weapon—my mind—to destroy and save the one I love.

I know that she would never forgive me if I killed him. That alone saves him.

But now, even he is turning to my flower. She has taken his secrets and his scars into her self, just like all the others. I think she may break, soon. Her spirit is too gentle for this game. I will be sad when she does. She has brought a joy to my family that I have never seen before. But she hasn't entirely served her purpose.

 

I'll always be hunting high and low

Only for you

Watch me tearing myself to pieces

Hunting high and low

High

There's no end to the lengths I'll go to…

 

You see, it's not enough that they turn to her with their scars and hopes and sadness. They must turn to her completely. They must turn their backs on their alpha. They must acknowledge deep inside what a few of us have already known: that females, by their very nature, cannot be alpha; and that most humans, given the chance, would not willingly stay with the person who scars them.

What does an alpha do when it's cast out of the pack? It wanders alone, a lone wolf, and either dies of starvation or finds a new pack. But for her, there is no new pack. The circumstances of her birth dictate that we, my cousins and I, are her only pack. And I will see to it that her pack deserts her. The wolf in me will not share her.

It's not enough, not anymore, to simply be a member of her pack. I want to see her suffer, to watch her fall as only a false god can. I want see the realization that all that she has done to keep my pack by her side is why they turn from her towards my flower. I want to see that moment when she realizes, as she never has before, that everything she fears has come to pass and she is truly alone. What will she do when she realizes that they have turned away from her? Who will she turn to?

I must be her alpha. When she sees that she has been abandoned for another, she will realize that I am the only person who completely loves her. I love her so much that I will break her in order to have her—because that is the only way she will allow herself to be taken. I will be the only one she turns to. I will be the only one she needs. I will be the only one she loves. I will take that feeling, that sweetness and pain, for myself.

As much as mankind is rational, the beast in it still lives; it makes us possessive of our territories, our status, and our mates. This is the split between the human and the bestial within me. As a rational man, I know that I only own myself—my decisions and their consequences are mine. But the wolf within me refuses to see that far; it sees only her, wants only her, and will have only her. The man within me is unable to resist the wolf's desire. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

In the end, she will know that she belongs to me and no one else; she does not even belong to her self. Since her birth, she has been mine: my god, my female, my mate. I don't care what I have to do to make her see it. I don't care who I have to hurt. I can live with the consequences, if only she will give herself to me, only to me, completely.

 

Oh, for you I'll be hunting high and low.