Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Sloppy Kisses and Doggy Bones ❯ So It Begins With A Smart Remark ( Chapter 1 )

His grunts and struggles were useless as he tried - and failed - to free himself from the restraints holding him down against the concrete floor. The sizable lump hiding under his blond bangs was throbbing, one of his golden eyes was partially closed and swollen, and blood caked his long red coat and his black clothes underneath. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to attempt to intimidate the shopkeeper, and a strong one at that.

 

And now here Edward lay, in the basement of the new bookstore in Central, with his arms bound tight with chains to prevent him from doing any alchemy, and his pounding headache isn't making the situation any better.

 

“May I ask again, Mr. Elric, what your beliefs on the afterlife are?” the burly and balding man asked as he circled the State Alchemist.

 

Edward snorted. “And you still are asking me? For the five millionth time, none of that magical spirit stuff exists.” A kick in the side caused him to grunt.

 

“Never deny the existence of the spirits of the dead, Elric,” the man said with a growl.

 

Edward just rolled his eyes. Great. A visit to a new bookstore leaves me in the mercy of some psychotic moron. Great way to start your day, Edward.

 

“Well, Mr. Medium,” Ed said with a smirk, “can you prove that these “ghosts” of yours exist?”

 

“Exactly what I was going to do, Mr. Elric, right, Drudwyn?” There was a yap in reply and Edward spotted what looked like a four-month-old puppy off to the side. From what he saw, it looked like a cross between a golden retriever and another type of dog he couldn't put his finger on.

 

Ed grimaced. “What kind of a name is “Drudwyn”?” he said without thinking. The comment earned him another kick in the side. “Agh! Dammit, enough with the kicking already!”

 

“First you insult me, then you insult my dog.” The man spat at the teen, the glob of saliva missing his face by inches. “I'll make sure the spirits give you no mercy.” He knelt down and placed his hands on the ground not too far from Edward's feet, and in a flash of light a transmutation array appeared.

 

Edward gulped when he realized that he was in the middle of the intricate circle. “A-alright, let's not get hasty now.”

 

The man let out a laugh. “Ha! Me, hasty? Perhaps you should have thought that before you started mouthing off, Mr. Elric. Being a military dog doesn't make you invincible, right, Drudwyn?” Another high-pitched bark replied to the man's question.

 

If Ed wasn't starting to panic, he would've said something smart about him and his dog, but at this point he was currently occupied with trying to get himself out of this mess. He remembered most of Mustang's remarks about how all the trouble he gets himself into would soon bite him in the butt, and apparently, the Colonel was true to his words. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit…

 

“What are you planning on doing, exactly?” Ed asked hesitantly. The circle seemed somewhat familiar, but all the different geometric shapes and angles and…what that latin?…that made up the circle blocked his memory from focusing.

 

Mr. Crazy let out a small chuckle and held his arm out to the bookshelves full of dusty books. “You see all those books? They are all on the supernatural. Notes of the afterlife, ghost sightings, the research of scientists who have studied the spirits of the dead…” The man smiled, this time with pride.

 

Edward just sighed out of his nose. What a load of whackjobs. “Well, now, it's nice to know that you are proud of all of these people, but can we talk this out? I kinda have a brother who is most likely wondering where I am and a commanding officer I need to report to before--”

 

“I'm afraid I can't do that, dear Mr. Elric,” the man cut him off, his grey eyes narrowed and piercing into Edward's golden orbs. “Because of your incompetence towards my beliefs, I'll have to have our fellow spirits have a…personal talk with you.” Once more his fingers rested on the floor, this time on the edge of the large circle.

 

Something seemed to click on in Ed's head. “You're attempting human transmutation, aren't you?” He couldn't help but reveal a bit of panic in his voice.

 

“I suppose you can say that.” He motioned towards an open book on a table behind him. “In these books, there are different circles that are involved with the spirits, and this one I have you on is one I have been wanting to experiment with for a while. I've wondered what it would be like to forcefully separate a human soul from their body.”

 

Edward's eyes widened and he struggled in the chains he was bound in. “Dammit, don't! I'm a State Alchemist, dammit, you shouldn't be doing this! It's against the laws of Alchemy!”

 

“Oh, really, Mr. Elric?” The man raised an eyebrow with a confident smirk in his face as he motioned towards where Edward's prosthetic arm and leg are. “That didn't seem to stop you, now, did it?” Ed's eyes widened as the man pressed his palms against the ground, causing the circle to glow.

 

At that moment, the sound of a door opening and a bell chiming came from upstairs and a familiar voice called, “Brother? Are you in here?”

 

Ed twisted his head so that he was facing the stairs. “Al?! Alphonse! I'm down here! Al!”

 

Meanwhile, little Drudwyn barked in excitement by the stranger who entered their shop and ran towards his master, his little pink tongue hanging out of his smiling mouth. The man, meanwhile, yelled at the dog to stop, but it was too late, and once the circle's function was initiated, the golden retriever mutt was at Edward's side, stunned by the sudden white light that blinded the puppy's golden brown eyes.

 

A startled and frightened yell came out of Ed's throat as he, too, was surrounded by the white light, and the feeling of being tugged out of his body caused him to struggle to try to keep himself together. He began to see weird shapes in front of his eyes, and he hoped that it was just the light playing tricks with his sight, but he shuddered when he thought he saw human faces. That, combined with the feeling of being split in two and his headache that quickly escalated into a blinding migraine, caused his eyes roll to the back of his head and the world to turn black.

 

---

 

“What? What do you mean my brother isn't here? I thought I heard him calling my name…”

 

“I'm sorry, sir, but I haven't seen him since he was off some time ago. That must've been my radio you heard. Sometimes I go downstairs and listen to it since I don't really get many customers here.”

 

“Oh…but I could've sworn…he said that he'd meet me down the street when he was done looking around…”

 

“Well, he must've gotten distracted on his way to see you, Mr. Alphonse. He seems like the type of boy who gets easily intrigued by…interesting subjects.”

 

“Yeah…you may be right…”

 

Al…is that you…? Alphonse, where are you…

 

A pair of bright golden eyes opened lazily, only to shut again when his eyes met blinding sunlight.

 

“Well, you don't mind if I stay here, do you, sir? My brother might return for something or something…”

 

“Of course, Mr. Alphonse, but I doubt that he would return. He seemed to be in a hurry when he left.”

 

Those eyes snapped open and his head lifted. Edward blinked a few times to get the fogginess from his eyesight, and as soon as he realized that he wasn't in the dark and smelly basement, he attempted to get up, only to stumble and fall onto his side.

 

What in the world…?

 

“Drudwyn!” Edward looked up and grimaced when he was looking eye-to-eye with the crazy shopkeeper. “You're awake now, that's good.”

 

Drudwyn? What the hell…I'm not Drudwyn, you asshole! I oughta…

 

Ed was surprised to hear whines and barks come out of his mouth instead of words. He tried saying something, but once more a bark came out.

 

“Was there something wrong with him, sir?” He looked to where the voice was coming from and, seeing that it was a familiar suit of armor, he jumped to his feet…only to fall over when he attempted to stand upright. With a very doglike “umpf!” he was sprawled on the ground once more.

 

“Oh, he just had a little accident a short time ago and he hit his head. Isn't that right, my little Drudwyn puppy?”

 

Puppy? Puppy?! What did you do, you crazy psychopathic bastard?! Edward growled and snapped at the outstretched hand, which was pulled back sharply.

 

“Drudwyn! Down boy!”

 

Alphonse! I'm not Drudwyn! Ed's sorry attempt at trying to talk to his younger brother failed, and he stumbled towards the suit of armor, half trying to walk on two legs and half trying to walk on fours. Al! It's me, Edward! That guy's crazy, don't trust him! He just tried human transmutation! He…The teen looked down and saw a pair of furry arms, and, twisting his head around, saw that he was looking at the body of a dog. He…turned me into a dog…

 

“Drudwyn, down boy.” Ed let out a surprised squeal as he felt his neck get jerked backwards. It turned out that a roped was tied around his neck as a substitute for a collar, and the rope was tied to the chair that the man was sitting on. “Don't go giving him a hard time.” Ed gave the much bigger man an angry scowl, and realization dawned on the shopkeeper's face. “Mr. Alphonse, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I have to ask you to leave.”

 

“What? Why?” Ed barked in unison with Al's questions, and the shopkeeper shook his head.

 

“I'm sorry, but I just realized that…I'm closing early. I have some duties I need to get around to.”

 

Alphonse, don't listen to him! It's me, Edward! God dammit, Al, help me! He--

 

“Drudwyn!” A whine came from Ed as he was kicked in the side. It wasn't hard, but it still hurt.

 

Alphonse looked down at “Drudwyn,” and for some reason he felt like the little puppy's eyes made him think of his brother. “Well, okay. I'll come by later, though, to see if my brother's been back--”

 

There was a sudden rapping at the wooden door behind the sales counter and what sounded like a human's attempt at imitating a whining dog could be heard. Alphonse and Edward jumped while the man's eyes widened.

 

“No, don't open that!” Al didn't listen to his outburst, though, and stepped over Edward to open the door. A blond boy dressed in red and black came tumbling out. By the looks of it, he was beaten up some with his swollen eye and the bump that could be seen on his forehead.

 

“Edward!” Alphonse immediately kneeled down. “Brother, are you okay?” A whine came out of the body. He pushed himself onto his elbows and looked up, his more-golden-than-brown eyes looking sorrowfully into Al's red ones.

 

The shopkeeper stuttered. “Uh, uh, Mr. Elric! What are you doing here?” He let out a nervous laugh as he felt Al's angered gaze on him.

 

“Sir, what did you do to my brother?”

 

“I-I…you see, that's a very funny story!”

 

Ed's body let out another whine and attempted to crawl towards the shopkeeper, only to be scooped up into the armor's arms. “What did you do to him?” he demanded again, and his attention turned to the struggling boy in his arms. “Edward, what did he do to you?”

 

A few barks and another whine came from “Edward.”

 

That's not me, Alphonse! Edward attempted to talk to his brother again, but it didn't work. Al, I'm Edward! That's Drudwyn! He switched our bodies! Alphonse! Alphonse, lookit me!

 

But the armor was too preoccupied with fussing with Ed's body and trying to demand answers from the panicked shopkeeper.