Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Sloppy Kisses and Doggy Bones ❯ Dogbrained Alchemists and Deceitful Cats ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: Senicej

Colonel Roy Mustang chewed on his lower lip as he stared at the blond-haired teen sitting in front of his desk. The blond's sitting position was that of a dog, and his tongue was lolling out of his smiling mouth, panting. If this was Edward Elric, it obviously didn't seem like him.

“So, Alphonse,” he said, examining the dog-like Edward and identifying every single one of his wounds that were bandaged, “You went to this bookstore to fetch your brother, only to find him…like this…” He raised an eyebrow as “Edward” twisted around as if to catch an imaginary tail.

“Yes, sir,” Al replied, his helmet making a quiet clanking noise as he nodded. “I don't know what's wrong with him. I was hoping that he'd be better after taking him to a hospital, but after the doctors examined him yesterday, they said that he was fine. That…that man did something to him for some reason, and if only I had been there earlier…” Mustang could hear the regret in his voice and shook his head.

“No, Alphonse, it's not your fault,” he said. “If anyone was to take responsibility, it would be Fullmetal himself. Obviously he did something to piss off the man and didn't know when to stop.”

Alphonse let out a sigh. “I know that he always seems to get himself into trouble, but…” He shook his head. “I can't think of anything that he would do that would make him deserve this…”

They both jumped when Ed let out a loud bark and awkwardly hobbled around the desk on all four limbs. He sat his butt down and looked up at Mustang with wide, pleading eyes.

“Brother…” Al took a tentative step forward.

Mustang spun his chair so that he was facing Edward and leaned forward, resting his elbows onto his knees. “Fullmetal, if this is an act, stop it right now. It's not funny and you're only damaging your reputation.”

Ed let out a small whine and lightly scratched Mustang's leg. The older man let out a sigh and shook his head. He placed his hand on the dog-boy's head, only to regret his action a split second later.

With an excited bark, Edward jumped on onto him, causing both figures and the chair to fall over backwards with a loud crash.

“Brother!” Alphonse ran behind the desk to pull him off the Colonel, but not before Ed had a chance to plant several sloppy licks on the horrified man's face. “Brother, stop it!”

Ed let out a whiney bark, but otherwise didn't struggle as he hung limp in Al's arms. Mustang, meanwhile, was practically scrubbing his face with the sleeve of his blue military uniform.

“Alphonse!” he demanded, standing up and putting his chair upright. “If you do not restrain your brother, I will do so myself!”

“I'm sorry, Colonel Mustang, sir!” Al spat out, tightening his hold on his deranged brother as he tried to wriggle free. “I don't know what's gotten into him! I'm so sorry!”

The Colonel let out an irritated sigh and sat down. “Well, until Fullmetal is sane once more, I suggest keeping him in your dorms for now to keep him - and anyone else - out of trouble. The last things I need are complaints sent to my desk with him as the source of the problems.”

Alphonse hastily bowed. “Yes sir! I'm sorry!” At that, the suit of armor made his way out of the office, asking questions to the body in his arms that obviously wasn't listening.

After a few minutes of wiping his sleeve across his cheek, Mustang made his way out of his office and, ignoring the confused glances his subordinates were giving him, exited into the hallway and started his trek to the bathrooms. It was one thing to get tackled by Edward, but to be licked across the face like a dog made him feel disgusted, and something tells him that soap and water wouldn't make him feel any better.

With his snout pressed against the window of the shop door, Edward let out a groan. As promised, Gracia left him behind at the bookstore (despite his and Elysia's protests) and here he sat, staring at the gloomy midday streets as hoards of people walked by minding their businesses. Everytime someone stopped in front of the store windows to peek in, his tail would twitch with hope of being let out, but whenever that person left he would let out a frustrated moan and hang his head in defeat. No one would come for him and he would stay in that shop and die and rot. He flopped down on his side and let out a sigh in defeat. He was stuck in a stupid bookstore with no place to go and it was all because of his lack in controlling his mouth. “Why me…”

A quiet chuckle made him jump up and look around. At seeing no one he stood up and carefully made his way towards the bookshelves, where it was dark from the lack of windows.

“Who's there?” he asked cautiously, stopping suddenly when he thought he saw movement.

After a few moments of silence, a smooth, feminine voice replied, “Edward Elric…” The voice sounded amused and there was a hint of purring.

“Who's there? Show yourself!” Ed demanded, crouching into a defense position. Whoever was in the shop with him didn't sound friendly.

A wheezy giggle answered his question and a cat-like figure materialized out of the darkness, its bright blue eyes almost glowing in the dark.

“Well, would you look at this?” the cat mused, stepping out into the dim light the dreary weather had to offer. “A famous State Alchemist reduced to living the life of a dog. Quite fitting, isn't it?” From the cat's thin stature and triangular face, along with its - her he soon discovered - pale tan coat with grey ears, face, tail, and paws, Edward was able to identify the stranger as a Siamese cat, a breed that Al has a particular interest for.

Ed let out a warning growl. “Who are you and what do you want?”

Another giggle. “Demanding, aren't we? Well, what else can we expect from a dog of the military?” She began to circle him, her gait nimble as her eerie gaze examined him thoroughly. “I suppose there's no point in keeping myself a secret. You can just call me Esmeralda, and as you can probably tell, I live here with Jared.”

The only movement Edward made was turning his head when this “Esmeralda” circled to his other side. “Jared? Who's Jared?”

Esmeralda stopped and perked her ears in interest. “Oh, he hasn't told you his name? Tsk, tsk.” She shook her head. “Sometimes he could be so rude to his customers.” She sat down in front of him and playfully tickled his nose with her tail. “He was the one who made you the way you are, Sweetcheeks.” She let out yet again another giggle as Ed sniffed a few times then sneezed.

“You're saying that that crazy psychopath is your owner?” he asked after he got over his sneeze attack.

Esmeralda immediately froze and gave the puppy a furious glare and he couldn't help but feel a shiver go down his spine. “He is not my owner,” she spat. “Only insignificant dogs such as you are low enough to be owned like an inanimate object. I see Jared as an equal. In fact, all felines are equal with humans while canines are ordered around like the obedient species they are. No cat would sink down low enough to admit that the humans they live with are their masters.” She began to pace once more. “In fact, it's more like I own him, that he is mine.” She smiled, her obvious anger evaporating.

“I was so…ecstatic when I found out that Drudwyn…that…ugly excuse for a dog…was replaced by you because I knew then that Jared would stop giving that mutt kissy-faces, but when he was apprehended…” There was a hint of loathing in her tone, “I couldn't help but hate you. Of course I had hated you before because of the fact that you were part of the military and my Jared hated you, but now…” She stopped in front of Edward and raised a paw, her razor-sharp claws glinting in the dim light. “I would be overjoyed to tear your little dog body into pieces. This isn't my place to do so, though.” The weapons retracted. “Jared wouldn't be too pleased to see that I stained his carpet when taking my revenge on a mutt. I don't want to dirty myself with your blood, either.”

Damn, this cat talks a lot… Ed thought, unfazed by her threatening rant. “If you hate me so much, then what are you going to do then? Get your little cat buddies to beat me up instead?”

“Well…” Esmeralda had on a thoughtful expression. “In fact, I was just planning on showing you the way out of here.”

Edward's jaw nearly slammed to the ground both because he was being led out causally and because there apparently had been an exit that wasn't the front door. “Wait, so you're just gonna let me out without beating me upside the head or anything? I thought you said you hated me.”

“Don't be mistaken, I do.” She playfully rubbed her head under his chin. “I just don't want your rotting carcass in here when Jared returns. It would be bad for business, you know.” She began to walk into the darkness of the bookshelves.

“Hey!” Edward called, “Where are you going?”

“What do you think?” Esmeralda didn't bother to look back, but her tail waved behind her hind paws once or twice. “I said I was going to show you the exit, didn't I?”

Edward was unsure if he should follow her or not. He thought over the possible scenarios in his head, going as far as having his head ripped off and hung on the wall over some nonexistent fireplace, and decided that he should take his chances. Something in the cat's words tells him that she's telling the truth, but there's something suspicious about what she's suggesting…

After what seemed like a long time, his snout was sore from bumping into bookshelves, and even as his eyes got adjusted to the dark, it was still hard for him to distinguish shadows from the large looming objects. He could've sworn the store wasn't this big, but being less then an eighth of his original size, everything was ten times bigger than they originally were.

“Here is where you can get out.” Esmeralda ducked into a narrow space between a bookshelf and the wall, and it was a tight squeeze for Edward since his body was wider and pudgier than the cat's lean structure. He found out that there was a hole in the wall and after wiggling in and through it, he found himself digging through a bunch of trash bags and out into an alleyway. The intense smell made him dizzy and nauseated for a while, but the joy of finally getting out of the damned store made him want to do flips.

“Now, now, Edward dear, you're not out yet,” Esmeralda said, sensing his relief.

Edward cocked his head. “Why? It looks very well much like we're out of the damned building to me. Now if you excuse me, I've got a brother and a stray to body to find.” Before he had a chance to go anywhere, though, the cat jumped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

“Obviously you have not heard me,” Esmeralda said in a low voice. Edward gulped at how sinister she sounded. “I said that you're not out yet.” She turned around and continued down the alleyway, turning at a four-way and heading towards what looked like a cluster of buildings.

“But…isn't the main street out…” He sighed and followed her. Might as well do so, he thought, this place looks like a maze…but I still don't trust her…

After a few minutes of twists and turns, Esmeralda stopped at a dead end, sitting on her haunches as if to signal that she wasn't going any farther. Edward huffed.

“This is a dead end. What, did you get us lost?” he remarked, shuffling his front paws in annoyance.

Esmeralda looked back and Edward shuddered at her evil expression. “No, this is precisely where I wanted to take you. I'm sure you'll have fun, Edward darling.” Without another word, she abruptly jumped up onto a few stacked crates and on top of the brick wall, and before leaping down onto the other side she purred, “Go get him, boys,” and left.

Edward knew that this wasn't good, and when he heard growls he was afraid to turn around, but did so anyway and instantly regretted it. Right there, blocking his exit to freedom, were three large dogs, baring their teeth and glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. It was obvious from the scars littered on their faces and bodies that they were fighting dogs, and one was even missing an eye.

Oh, shit…