Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Unseen Offerings ❯ Chapter 1

A/N: This might be the only fic I've written that is set in a specific time during the series. In episode 34 , I felt that we really didn't get much of an insight into Ed's reaction. This is my exploration, and also my looking into the later conversation with Winry on the train tracks. Yes, it's Ed/Winry, but not as heavily so as my other fics. Spoilers for Episode 34 - 36. It's sort of a…. Winry character study.

 

Unseen Offerings

 

By Vitani FyreWolf

 

 

You used to come in the morning.

Do you remember?

Now, after many long days of silent

suffering, you show your face again.

I remember.

And if I reach out too eagerly for you,

don't retreat, do not run away.

It is only that I have missed you

and still desire you to be nearer, nearer.

 

David Wayne Dunn

 

 

Winry had waited the entire night in the meat shop, and into the morning. Not sleeping, too worried to sleep, which was becoming less and less of an unusual experience. She hated being left behind, but that, at least, was not at all unfamiliar. Her life was spent waiting.

 

When Ed, Izumi and her husband showed up, she darted outside to ask after what had happened. Biting back a scolding at the condition of Ed's arm, she immediately tried to make him go inside to fix it. He wouldn't, however - refusing to enter the house until Al was found or came there. Pulling back, she scrutinized him closely; outwardly, he acted no differently than normal, despite a few moments being worried over Al's location, but there was still…

 

Something was different, and Winry knew it. She thought Izumi could see it, too, but if anyone else had been around they would have paid no mind. Ed wasn't meeting people's eyes with quite the strength he normally did. He would hold their gaze but then look away, as if he had just been declared guilty for some deed. Some of the exchanges he spent looking over the person's shoulder rather than making eye contact. She knew of some people who spent their lives behaving like that, so no one who didn't know Ed well would find anything odd in his demeanor.

 

But Ed was not one of those people. He had never been, always using his fierce gaze in every conversation as though it was a battle of wills. Sometimes it was, and his deep gold eyes gave him an advantage, compelling others to shrink away. Only a few in his life would not back down, and if anything this seemed to make him give in less easily than he used to. At least, he usually didn't.

 

Today was different. He looked ready to accept any punishment someone may wish to lay upon him, deserved or not. Punishment? For what?

 

Izumi had taken her aside and filled her in on what Ed had told her. So, this man named Greed was dead and rightfully so, it seemed, but she didn't know why that would affect Edward so much. He had kidnapped Al, hadn't he? Why would his death cause problems?

 

It didn't take Al long to be found, and after he spoke with his brother and made sure he was alright, Edward went and sat outside in silence. Winry followed with her tool box and wordlessly took his arm. He blinked at her, as though he had forgotten about his damaged limb entirely. It could still move, but it wouldn't if it had to undergo any more fights. Men.

 

She went to work without a sound, making faces every so often at areas that had been particularly messed up. A dent to be hammered out here, a missing bolt there. So engrossed in her work was she that when he spoke her hand jumped and the screwdriver fell to the ground.

“You've never seen anyone killed before, have you?” He didn't seem to have noticed her reaction.

 

“No.” She recovered quickly and picked the tool back up from the ground, wiping the dirt off on her pants.

 

“You should leave.”

 

Her face tightened slightly. “There's a first time for everything.”

 

“You should go, Winry!”

 

She didn't respond this time, merely replacing the screwdriver in the box and picking up a smaller one. He looked away, clearly frustrated. After a moment of tense silence she spoke.

 

“Then how would you get your arm fixed? Do you want an arm half taken apart?”

 

He shot her an irritated look. “You know what I mean.”

 

“Yes, but unfortunately I do not know why you think you have some sort of authority over where I go.” Her voice lowered. “Why should I hide from something you have to face?”

 

“I brought this upon myself, you didn't do anything.”

 

Her hand tightened on his arm. “I'm tired of hearing that from you! You aren't deserving of all the pain you think you are, Ed, don't use that as an excuse -”

 

“An excuse?” He yelped. “What kind of an excuse is that?”

 

She continued as though he had not spoken. “Does it make you feel validated to go through terrible experiences? Do you feel you have some sort of right to them, some sort of right to tell other people whether it is their place to do the same thing -”

 

“It is not your place!” He snapped, and she closed her mouth sharply, eyes shining with hurt. He took a breath to calm himself. “I made a mistake, and this is what I get for it. You, who did nothing, don't have to make up for anything. It wasn't like I wanted to deserve it -”

 

“You made a decision to deserve it.” She didn't meet his eyes, but her hands had stilled in their work.

 

“You don't understand.”

 

“You won't let me understand,” Came the immediate answer.

 

“… You shouldn't have to understand.”

 

When her eyes rose to his, they were hard and bright. “I fail to see what made you the one to decide that.”

 

***

 

The old green machine bounced lightly down the train tracks, held firmly on its course by Winry in the driver's seat. She was calm and listened with half an ear to the conversation of her passengers, but was brought abruptly to herself when Ed turned to her.

 

“Winry, how long do you intend to tag along?” He didn't sound upset, it was more the voice of someone who had given the other time to think it over and now fully expected her to come to her senses. She didn't turn her head, her only reaction her lips pressing together, before responding with a well-practiced jab at his height. This caused the expected flare-up, but he calmed quickly.

 

“Never mind. Go home already!”

 

It seemed he wouldn't let it go so easily. “If I'm not around, who's going to fix your automail?” She asked primly. His questions had been expected, after all, she had not given in before.

 

It was then that Al chimed in, speaking of things he couldn't do if she was watching, supporting his brother. She noted calmly that he wouldn't have been able to do them anyway, and Ed agreed with her - but used it to make a point out of his being able to. This lead him off on another tangent and Winry let him get lost in his thoughts, speaking to his brother and the two boys in the back. It was not over, however, because after a few moments he turned to her again.

 

“Either way, dangerous battles will continue. If there is an obstacle around, it'll only be a hassle for us.” His tone was matter of fact, as though there were no could be no other opinions.

 

An obstacle?

 

A horn blow broke the air and finally she responded, keeping the car on the tracks, facing the oncoming train. She heard Ed yelp in panic when he saw it, and fought down a bitter taste in her mouth.

 

“Winry!”

 

Do you really think I am incapable of facing the things you do?

 

It was time he was reminded that she had seen him in some of his worst moments - she knew what was carved inside his watch.

 

I can affect your life, too. Don't brush me aside.

 

“Tell me if I'm still an obstacle now!”

 

With a sharp turn of her wrists she deftly moved the machine away, surging alongside the train at the last minute. She heard Ed screaming, and smiled thinly.

 

You can handle your alchemy but you don't think I can handle this machine? I'd like to see you try and do it, it'd be as difficult for you as it would for me to transmute something. Yet because I cannot transmute something, I have now become an obstacle, ne?

 

Did he know how she worried about him? She would always wonder what pains he would be experiencing next - she would blow them up in her mind until she had a pen in her hand or reached for the phone, poised to contact Central in a panic, asking if he still lived, if he was still sane. How was that a better experience for her? Safer, yes, but her safety was her own decision. He didn't want to commit violent acts in front of her, but he needed to understand that if he did then at least she would know. Winry wasn't sure that the things he did not want her to see were any worse than the horrors she spun around him in her nightmares.

 

It hurt her to know that in the act of pushing her away, he reinforced his own burden - the burden of taking as much of the pain upon himself as possible. He tried to protect his brother from it, and now he was trying to do the same for her - while both Winry and Alphonse merely wanted to help him as much as they could.

 

He wouldn't let her. He wouldn't let her and this knowledge never left her alone, it rasped at the corner of her heart until she felt raw and open. Even had she known how to perform alchemy, it would not have helped. She wished to create something that would heal him, keep him safe, take the jaded look from his eyes, the grimace from his smiles.

 

She wanted to bring back his joy.

 

 

Please, stop all these

black-crow thoughts,

and let me be

a star somewhere

in your deepest night.”

 

I want to not own a single star -

only embrace them all,

then give them away -

let them fall through my hands

to your waiting eyes.

 

- David Wayne Dunn