Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Gambler ❯ I'll go the distance ( Chapter 2 )

################### part 2 : « I’ll go the distance. »   But Gojyo came back to his present. To his hurting jaw and his hangover. To the fact Hakkai was still missing. His legs gave way under him. He found himself seated on the bed. He needed a little time to decide what to do.   But you have to understand something. The hanyou had always had a strange way to live his life… In fact, most of the events in his existence had been influenced by little hazards, or even pure chance.   The day his brother had left him all by himself, he had had to decide where he would go. The only thing he was sure, was that he couldn’t stay any longer in this house where he had grown and where his mother was dead. He took a coin from his pocket, one of those his brother always teased him with. North or South? The coin answered North. East or West? The coin answered East. The final one, too. North or East? Lady Luck told him to journey to the East.             This little choice had led his whole life from then. Growing up, he had become a gambler, and it was the only way he knew to earn money (almost) honestly. By the way, he still had the strangest way to make his decisions. Even with women. It was not easy thing to choose: they were all head over heels as soon as he was in a room! So sometimes, he made the cards talk. Eight of heart? It was the tall lady with the dark hair sitting at the bar. Queen of clubs? Maybe the sexy little golden-haired woman at table near his one…   ####Interlude : Card Telling One####   I’ll tell you a story.   It was at first a usual-like night for the kappa gambler (not so long before settling down in the country where he would meet Hakkai, Sanzo and Goku a few months later), in this little town where he had already spent a few days. It had begun with cards, of course: poker, alcohol, good luck and royal flush. The logical following would have been a nice sex partner for the night. Though, right now he remained rather lonely, nobody willing to play or sit with him tonight, now that they were all broke. Not uncommon. It’s true, people knowing what he was (it sometimes occurred and the word spread very, very quickly each time) could bear his presence while gambling and hoping fleecing him, but afterward they often didn’t even aknowledge him any more. He had thought there was still a chance when a card-player eventually took the chair in front of his. Of course, his most charming smile blossomed on his face. It was a she.   Cassandra, she had introduced herself. The same name as an antic seer who could see only bad news, she had said, laughing. A little woman in her mid-thirties with short blond hair, a sarcastic smile and huge blue eyes eating most of her face. A child in the body of a sex symbol, or maybe the other way round… He wouldn’t clearly remember what they had talked about the first minutes, nowadays, but the conversation after had been quite strange. Sha Gojyo. The  womanizer. He had talked with a woman, nothing more. Incredible isn’t it? One of the few women whose name he could recall. Maybe because she hadn’t been a lover. He would truly remember their chat only many, many days later, while waiting at the side of his own bed for a green-eyed young man to open his eyes again…   A seer, so. It was a good start. He had asked what kind of pleasure she could foresee for him tonight. She had arched an elegant eyebrow, openly challenging him: « Not afraid to know about your future? »   « Are you daring me? » he had answered. And she had taken her deck from her pocket with a sneer… It was a kind of bet, so. Gojyo had already almost forgotten his sex-prospect for the night…   « How will I know you’re not telling bullshit about my future? »   « Hmmm. A sceptic. My favs! I swear on the Father, the Son and the Sceptic, and I cross my Heart. But I’m fair: I’ll begin with the past, so you’ll see… » She told him, crossing her chest mockingly.   And then… Cards were put on the table and long time-buried memories were raised in the kappa’s mind.   « Let’s see. Pick one, onegai… »

 

Ten of heart.   « Marriage. Well, it’s quite normal. Everybody has parents. No way I’m going to convince you of my gift like that, » she snorted. « Another one, please. »   Seven of heart.   « With child, » she stated. « My! It must be you! Let’s draw your lot to see… » she resumed, resolutely not listening to him as he retorted how impressed he was already, deliberately picking on her. But he kept taking cards, eliciting each time a little snapping sound from the little rigid sheets. It was a little monotonous so he handed the seer two cards in a row, that time:    Ten of diamonds and Seven of diamonds.   « Trap or Treachery, and… Gossip, » she said, licking her lips in an unconscious gesture to seek her concentration. « Not the kind of happy omen I was expecting. »   The gambler didn’t answer. It was a little bit closer to home. He wasn’t sure he liked that prospect. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to evoke past… He picked another card nonetheless, hoping for a change of subject.    Queen of spades.   « A widow.  So he is dead? Your father, I mean… » She looked rather satisfied. Something clear, at last.    He shook is head slightly. Were alcohol’s vapours making his mind already that fuzzy, or what? He wouldn’t start believe that only because a fucking card was telling it, right? Right? He leaned backward in his chair with a somewhat wistful sigh. Really it wasn’t a good idea. Not as much fun as he had thought.   His father. Dead. Somehow, it would be almost comforting. The only bearable excuse for the fact he never came back even once to see his sons. Gojyo had thought a lot about him during his childhood. A kind of tenuous hope. A recurrent prayer late at night in his bed, while hearing the sighs and the growls coming from the other room through the wall. He will come and he will accept me. I know he will. And he will take I and Jien. And he’ll make Her happy enough to love me. And…   He never came. And chibi Gojyo waited. But false hopes are barely enough for a kid that age. He had asked Jien one day. How is he? Is he going to come back? And Jien knew the reason why of the question, of course. But he had none of the answers (he had barely known the man himself, after all), or for the ones he had… Maybe it wouldn’t do Gojyo any good. Anyway, Jien often had a sad smile, then ruffled his little bro’s hair.   And ignored the question.   And Gojyo didn’t dare push the matter further.   « So you got raised by your mother. How was she? Beautiful? » the seer asked of Gokyo. Looking at the specimen in front of her, she was sure the woman had to be. Damn, the kappa wasn’t a conversationalist. Would she have to do all the talking? was brooding the woman. But she was curious, too.   Gojyo had a strained laugh. Yes, indeed. He had always thought his stepmother was beautiful.   « A lethal beauty, » he stated.   In fact, she had never been more beautiful than That Day, the tears flowing down her face as she tried to kill him with that axe.   The blond heard the bitterness in the words. Looked absent-mindedly at one card she had picked all by herself. And froze. Frowned while putting it back again in the deck while the gambler wasn’t really paying attention. She knew the time to back off. Death. The card had told her this past was dark. Things she didn’t want to know and the man didn’t need to be reminded of, that’s for sure. Time for a twist, so. She barely heard Gojyo continue his answer.   « By the way, she was only my stepmother. »   Only? he thought, though. She was almost everything in fact. The one he wanted acceptance from and couldn’t have. Only!   The woman said nothing. She took a sip from the glass of wine she had brought from her previous table. One second, she made the liquid dance before her eyes, looking at the man through the garnet liquid. She realized his eyes and hair were exactly the same colour as the alcohol. Ho. Of course. I should have noticed before, she thought. Hanyou. A child of solitude.   ####end of interlude####   Gojyo heaved a deep sigh in the empty room. He felt helpless. And didn’t know what gnawed at him the most. Hakkai’s departure or not knowing the reason why of it. If he hadn’t drunk so much yesternight, his mind wouldn’t be so foggy today and maybe he would be able to piece everything together… Then he remembered it didn’t matter; the real problem being the green-eyed youkai not being here so he could ask him. His mind was running this constant circle like a goldfish endlessly bumping against his fish tank’s walls. Part of him thought he should just let go. It would be the easy way. The less sorrowful way. Longing for something you knew you couldn’t have was certainly much more painful than just forget about it and resume his old life.   People come and go and walk away. Life goes on anyway.   Knocking sound at the door. He froze. It couldn’t be…so easy. Not a second time. It was to good to be true, but he clang to the little sparkle of hope nonetheless and rushed to open the door. And stopped dead as he saw the newcomer.   « It’s you, » Gojyo stated flatly.   « I didn’t want to come, » retorted the monk dryly.   « I didn’t ask you to, namagusa bouzu. »   « He did, » spat back the monk, pointing towards a grinning saru standing at his side.   The hanyou sighed and let them in. He didn’t have much choice in the matter. After a noisy greeting and a few insults-sparing (Gojyo answered only by the force coming from months of habit but half-heartedly ), the golden-eyed child had already disappeared in the kitchen. Sanzo settled at the table in the main room as if he owned the whole place. But he didn’t look in a conversationalist mood, since he opened at once his paper and rather ignored the hanyou. Gojyo remembered his shirt was still hanging uselessly in his hand and donned it at last to look vaguely decent, but forgetting to button it. He hesitated a little and then sat at the table with the monk, idly fidgeting with his now empty coffee cup. It was strange. None of them had asked yet. Wasn’t it obvious Hakkai wasn’t here any more? At the first sight it looked so evident to him. How couldn’t they realize how empty the place suddenly felt? He left this train of thought as he heard Goku’s voice coming from the other room.   « Frigde is almost empty, » he told the monk as if it would interest him. « Will Hakkai come back soon with food? » he added, aiming at Gojyo, this time.   Baka saru, he is not out shopping! He is gone, don’t you see? He should have said that. But suddenly, Gojyo didn’t want to tell. He had been waiting for the moment he would be able to spit his pain at the monk’s and saru’sfaces, but couldn’t. Because putting it into words meant it was true and Hakkai would never come back. And the two of them? Would they ever come back in the little house, too, if the former human wasn’t there any more to welcome them? The hanyou doubted it. He tried to think it didn’t matter much either (a pissing monk and a starving saru: who would miss them, here, anyway?), but…   Unfortunately, disturbed from his reading by the monkey’s wailing and now waiting for the answer too, the monk didn’t agree with this silence, and his cool violet gaze was rather unnerving. Maybe Blondie had at last felt something was amiss.   « Where is he? » he asked simply, but the edge of command in his voice was unmistakable.   But the hanyou did as if he hadn’t heeded, looking like searching frantically something in his pockets, something to light the cigarette he had just put between his lips, apparently. Maybe it wouldn’t buy him much time, but…   Gojyo heard suddenly an aggravated sigh coming from across the table and the sound of something metalic sliding towards him on the tabletop. Sanzo’s lighter. It surprised the hanyou greatly. Do you imagine Genjo Sanzo lending his paperfan (or his gun!) to the saru, for example? Well, the lighter was almost as « holy » and the kappa no better trusted…The kappa used the silvered item nonetheless. But didn’t really felt better after the first puff of smoke. Thinking maybe the sooner was the better, now, he just decided to let it go and see what happens. He talked at last. Maybe a little bit much aggressively than needed.   « He left, that’s all. Why do you care? »   Sanzo was about to answer dryly by letting his paper down he wasn’t blind and perfectly able to see that indeed the youkai wasn’t here, as he realized. The hanyou looked very, very down. He had seen him only once in this state. It could only mean Hakkai wasn’t out. But gone. Damn. He stared more closely at the half-youkai’s face. There was skin a darker shade on the cheek-bone near the older scars…A blow, he guessed. That was bad. His eyes narrowed slightly as he growled icily his answer:   « If he wants to do something foolish or endanger himself I don’t care. If he hurts somebody, it becomes a problem and unfortunately my responsibility since I had the stupid idea to speak for him in front of the Three Aspects. »   « He wouldn’t do anything like that! You, damn monk! » he shouted back.   Out of instinct, Gojyo had jumped from his seat and his hands fell palm flat on the table as he loomed over the monk. Scarlet eyes were blazing with fury. The kappa couldn’t help it. He didn’t like the way the monk had spoken the words. As if Hakkai was still a criminal on the run or the unstable young man he had known as Cho Gonou. Of course Hakkai wouldn’t harm anybody! And he didn’t want to think about the other words; he wanted to believe Hakkai was alright and fine wherever he were…   Sanzo just breathed a very thick cloud of smoke, staring at him jeeringly. Really? seemed to scream the cold stare. Gojyo felt the flush on his face as he realized what the bouzu was watching so intently. The bruise which still burned his face, of course.   « You mean…He is really gone…gone? » It was Goku who had just appeared near the monk. He, at least, sounded a little sad. And strangely, it washed Gojyo’s anger away as a new pang of loss hit him. His knees buckled and he landed on his chair again.   « I got dumped again! » the hanyousummed up suddenly, leaning backward on the seat, fatalist, not really looking at them. He felt a strong feeling of déjà-vu. The monk’s answer surprised him, though.   « I don’t know why you complain…You don’t look like you tried very hard to keep him here… » he stated, soooo comforting, like usual.   The simple words were running havoc in the kappa’s mind. Who did he think he was this worldly monk to use such a contemptuous tone? he first thought angrily. But then, the meaning of the sentence came back to haunt him. Try to keep Hakkai here? It wouldn’t be that simple: he couldn’t tie Hakkai to the bed because he needed to feel him nearby, right? Or was it? Was it so easy that he should just ask for the youkai to come back? And himself… Why would he ask? Was he ready to beg? But in fact, the answer was clear: because it was what he wanted so badly, of course he would be willing to beg. The only problem being he had lost any opportunity simply by wallowing here in his self-pity instead of looking for what was missing in this home!   But doubt can’t be so easily erased. Because the main interrogation was Hakkai himself. Why would somebody like the former teacher content himself with the mediocre life a card shark could offer? Of course, he couldn’t know until he ask, but…His hands flew to his face as he let go of a mirthless laugh. He was doing it again. Giving up. Yet, in any tavern brawling it wasn’t even remotely like him to go down without a fight! But as for his personnal life: it was an endless row of endings without a fight…   He had always thought of life as a game of Chance. After all, he had had no say in his own birth. No say in the past’s events that made his life and chilhood the way they were. All had been others’ decisions.   His father decided to have a lover else than his wife; a human one. He had decided to leave his house and let the illegitimate child with his spouse.   His stepmother had decided to hate him. She had decided his didn’t deserve to live.   His brother decided she was wrong and she deserved to die for that. He decided to abandon him.   And he? Gojyo let them do as they pleased and held back his tears each time.   For the first time, he pondered the idea to act according to nothing else but his own will. Even if he had to swim against the flow of events rather than letting it toying with him. It was easy once you knew what you truly wanted. After all, he had often thought cheating at cards was part of the game. Why wouldn’t he do the same with the cards dealt by Fate? Resolution was building slowly in him.   « You know what’s your greatest mistake? You took him for granted, you fool… »   « He is the one who said he would stay! » Gojyo snapped back even if he wasn’t really sure if the previous sentence had been uttered by Sanzo or his own mind. Too bad his answer sounded too much like a child whining, though. But the fact was, he still could hear the soft « Hai » Hakkai had whispered the day he had asked him to stay…Whatever being the ending, he needed at least to remind the green-eyed youkai of that fact. He had promised.   « I’ve always been wondering why he was staying here, anyway… » mused the namagusa bouzu out loud, hiding a smirk behind his paper. He discreetly watched Gojyo striding along in the room, busy looking for various stuffs. The hanyou was preparing for leaving and seeking Hakkai, obviously. It was about time…And one task less for him.   « It’s none of your concern, » replied the kappa with the strange calmness of the one who has reached a decision. Which was better than admit he hadn’t a clue either of the former human’s reasons, anyway…   « If you don’t bring him back, I’ll have to do it myself. Don’t screw it, » warned the monk as a goodbye.   « And tell him… » Obviously, the saru was looking for something to say which would convince Hakkai of coming back to them. « Tell him I miss his cooking! » added Goku in a bright tone.   ####Interlude : Card Telling Two####   Her wineglass landed noisily on the tabletop to break their silence. Still half-drown in his own thoughts, the kappa looked absent-mindedly at her hands picking swiftly a new card. Until she put it under his very nose with the delighted smile of the child who has found a new toy.   « Love, » she stated triumphantly. It was the ace of spades. He sighed. Wonderful. He begrugingly chose another card to go with this one. She glanced at it with a knowing smile which clearly meant she thought it suited him well…   « I don’t know why this number especially, but seven of spades is the one for faithlessness or… Inconstancy! »   « Seven, hu? It’s because it’s designed for people like me: a woman for each day of the week… » he grinned with the unbearable self-importance of a braggart. She sniggered in her drink, but like the hanyou’s mood, hers had lifted a notch and she teased:   « Wait, let’s see whether it will last! » He rolled his eyes at such a spoilsport’s language but she had already made him choose two new omens.   « Ace of heart is supposed to meant a House, » she explained.   « House? That’s funny, I don’t have even that! » Was there a hint of something wistful in his voice?   « You will. You’re going to settle down at last! » she said with great confidence. «You don’t want to know about the gift which comes along with it? Nine of clubs announces a gift or a surprise, yunno? » she added. With a big smile, she showed him the fan of the remaining cards for him to pick some.   « Hu, ho.  Jack of clubs. »   « What? » he asked, because he didn’t like aaaaat all the look she threw him.   « The cards say it’s a dark haired young man, I’m sorry! » she had said, suddenly erupting in a burst of laughter and looking at his disappointed face. Because it was so damn funny, this fishy face of the card-shark…   « Wonderful! You were right: as you said you can only see bad news! » he had retorted coolly… She had laughed again, tears of mirth in her eyes and almost choking in her glass.    « And I see green, a beautiful shade of emerald green! » she added proudly. « The eyes, I’d say: I haven’t met any people with a green skin yet, and I’m still waiting for green hair, too… »     « How do you see the green, by the way? » he had asked, dubiously of course.   « A matter of complementary colours… » she had said, leaning over the table and seizing a strand of crimson hair between her fingers. « Wanna know more about him? Go on! Pick other ones! »   He was pissed off but complied again… But she quietened down suddenly at the sight of the new cards. She spoke very softly:   « He is a widower, as says the king of spades. And the eight of spades mean trouble and melancholy weigh heavily on him. »   He could have complained again about the stupidity of it all. But instead… It would explain why  the two of us are meant to get along well, together, he had strangely thought.   The game of future-telling lasted a little more with unlikely predictions. And to Gojyo, it still made really no sense. In the end, he felt even a little uneasy: was it all that his life was worth? A few cards messed up on the table? It wasn’t much. And because he didn’t want to believe future was already written, he let his anger boiling in him with the alcohol he drank. In the end he just growled:   « That’s all bullshit anyway! »   « Wanna bet? I’ll remember all I said, you know? » she smiled, but a little sleepy herself. She said a last thing, while waving him goodbye as they parted:   « Trust your luck and follow the heart! »   « How cliché, » he had stated disgustedly.   « Awfully cliché. But even in the worst one the truth always lies, otherwise it wouldn’t be called a cliché, » she pointed matter-of-factly.   « Which one anyway? »   « Heart? Not the one of the cards, the one in the chest… »   « I don’t know anything about this one! » he whined noisily as only a drunkard can.   « You’ll find it back on you’re way, someday! One never knows over what one can stumble… »   ####end of interlude####   Take the night when he had met Hakkai, now (well, he was still Cho Gonou, then). Why on Earth had he to take the man home, nurse him to life, protect him later from the people coming to arrest him, follow the runaway again… Sometimes, he thought it was the smile. The one of somebody knowing he was dying, and even willing to. Sha Gojyo often did what was the exact opposite of what he was expected to. But really, this night was really the strangest choice he had ever done. The reason wasn’t the smile though… It was a question of complementary colours. Even with the darkness and the rain, he had noticed the stranger’s eyes. Green. Emerald green. It had been the first time for long he hadn’t made a decision thanks to a bet.