Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Split Seconds ❯ Split seconds (ore wa) ( One-Shot )

Split Seconds (Ore wa)

Author : SeaGull (2003)

Warnings : English isn't my langage. Thanks to any people kind enough to point my mistakes so I can remove them… Yaoi slightly hinted, bearable for yaoi's haters, though, I hope.

Disclaimer : Gensomaden Saiyuki isn't mine, yada, yada, yada…

One shot. A Kougaiji's nightmare and despair. Chained by esperance. Narrated by Dokugakuji... Set before the beginning of the journey...

***

I've noticed it a few days ago...

In. A few minutes. Out.

In. A few hours. Out.

And now that I know, I'm waiting. Each time. He doesn't know yet. Always calm and serene when he leaves the room. More determined, too.

Each time he disappears, I wait for him in the dark corner next that door. Then, he comes out, and a few minutes later, I pretend to have been looking for him for minutes or hours...

« Kougaiji-sama... I was looking for you. »

I bow low. I never ask anything. He has taken me by his side without asking a single question. He had seen in me the loyalty I had nothing to prove. I fall in his step, just behind. I'm following these three long strands of chestnut hair balancing on a long dark coat.

I am his swordsman.

***

It's been a few months.

He is coming from this room again. When I join him, this time, I see him smiling slightly.

« Kougaiji... I was looking for you. »

I slightly nod, and keep walking beside him. I am looking at his proud profile.

« Well…You spend an awful lot of time looking for me. »

Oh, my prince, I can hear the sarcarsm in your voice.

« Indeed. »

I hear him laughing a little. And I am already addicted to the light sound. What is rare is always precious. Somebody is calling us. We are asked by Gyokumen-koushu. He stops laughing. I hate this woman already.

This is a young girl. Hiding behind the dress of a woman who doesn't care about her. Her hair is a bright orange, and she has huge green eyes.

« Take her with you, she is annoying me… » says the woman with the cold colored kimono. She looks at her nails and frowns.

« You may go... »

That's how we've met Ririn.

We are walking towards Kougaiji's place. He leads us. He is glancing at the girl once in a while... I'm right beside her and I feel she is afraid. She is staring at Kougaiji's back. Right now, on our way, she is plucking my sleeve. « He is my stepbrother, you know? » she says solemnly... I didn't know. He didn't know either, I think. I thought already Gyokumen wasn't his mother, though...

We are in Kougaiji's appartments, now. They are staring at each other. I cough softly to ask whether I should leave, but he motions me to stay. He is kneeling now, in order their eyes to be at the same level. She doesn't flinch, but doesn't feel secure either. He pats her on the head and then smiles.

« Are you hungry? » he asks. And that's all. It's like he had always been a brother. And that's how he turned an afraid girl into the energetic gakiwe're all running after all the time...

« And let's drop the step- . I'm your brother now. »

« Thanks… Oni-chan. », she whispers back.How does he do to make the people around him feel so good ?

He asked me to protect her like I would protect him and to learn her fighting. « I want to make sure she can fend for herself », he tells me. I understand him. I hope I have taught enough to my little brother for him to survive till we meet again.

But tonight is different. Tonight, my prince is in this room again. I should wait for him like I've always done, no matter he comes out either only in the middle of the night or at the first dawn's lights.

But tonight is really different. The door is slightly ajar. He knows I know. I think he is waiting for me to come in. I obey.

The room is so vast. The room is so empty. The room is so dark. I can't even see him. What has he been doing here all these times ? But then, when my eyes are used to the darkness, I see. Far away, there is a wall. In the wall, there is a column. In the column is carved a woman. Beautiful. It's like she is living, like she is breathing, and about to come out of the stone. But she is stone. She can't move. It feels like she'd be a prisoner, only the upper half of her body visible...

Without thinking Dokukaguji (Hai… It's the name he has given to me) walks towards her. She is so high above me, but I want to touch the stone, I have to. I'm about to reaching for it with my hand. Demo, an other clawed hand, coming out of the shadows, grasps my wrist before. Kougaiji has been here all the time while I was looking in awe at the sculpture.

« Don't touch her », he says, « or you could die. »

I look at him. He is serious. And he is sad, too. He shows me the ropes hanging in the thin air, and the jufus on them. He explains he wants to make sure nobody will touch her again. Never. Even Gyokumen-koushu. He tells me how the woman in the pillar was once his mother, and how beautiful she was : far better than this stone image, even though after five hundreds years his memories begins to blurr. He tells me how, and what matters for me, who turned her into stone. And how she is still alive in her shell, how sometimes he can still hear her voice in his dreams, calling him restlessly…

« I don't want her to know what her mother did , yet… I don't want her to think I might resent her. » Already thinking at his sister. « I don't want her here, yet. »

Then, he reveals me why he remains in that fortress, under the command of the woman he despises the most on Earth, to revive a father who was a monster...

« Someday, I'll find a way to wake her. Whatever the price. »

I killed my own mother. Maybe I will help his. It's comforting.

He trust me with his motives.

I am his right arm.

***

I'm waiting for him to come out the room. He knows I am. Sometimes I'm even in it with him.

« Kou…I was waiting for you. » I ruffle his mahogany's hair.

« So nice of you… You should learn a better way to spend your free time… »

He tries to glare at me, but it's hard when meanwhile I see the hint of a smile on his lips… We're walking in the corridors now. My arm is casually curled around his shoulders. He frowns, but let me do as I want. His body is warm under the fabric and my palm. Every time I don't wear my white coat, his hair is soft under my arm.

I guard his door. Every night. At the beginning, he hasn't known. It was a thing I wanted to do. Since the first day he took me in. One day, he noticed it. Said he didn't like it. I have kept doing it.

The most of the time he doesn't sleep at all. He reads antic books written in cryptic langages, with spells so powerful in them, they could ripp the whole world apart. Even Gyokumen-koushu doesn't know he owns them. But he is looking for only one spell. Engokuki was only a little bonus, he told me once.

One night, he went out, told me to come in : « I can't concentrate with you standing outside. Stay here. I don't know : take a seat, a book, drink wine, do whatever you want… Just stop standing there in this cold corridor… » and every time he looks at me he sighs.

He doesn't understand, because he doesn't know (and refuses to ask). Once upon a time, a big brother decided that he would take care of his little brother. One day, he lost sight of the child for a few minutes and his step-mother tryed to kill him. He only saved the child by killing his own mother. This man was called Jien. But Dokugakuji doesn't want to make the same mistake. He will always know where Kougaiji is.

Now, even when he is slepping in his bed, I'm in the next room in a seat, with a book, a glass of wine or whatever I want…

But tonight is different.

Something has woken me up. I don't know what it is. I'm still sitting in Kougaiji's place. An half-empty bottle of wine beside a glass is put on the table, within the reach of my hand. He has been working late on an ancient scroll he had found a few days ago. It's been only a few hours since he made a slight wave meaning good night, with this annoyed glance of his which means « I don't understand why you keep watch like that ». He is in his bedroom now, and must be sleeping. I don't understand myself why I am so tense… Maybe it's because I've fallen asleep and feels a little guilty now. And I feel the need to check on him. It's stupid, I know. If he notices me sneaking in his chamber, I don't think he'll like it. But something has woken me up. I have to be sure he is OK.

He is there on the bed. At least, he hasn't disappeared and I'm relieved. He's always fully dressed, and I'm pretty sure he was sound asleep before even reaching the bed. Only one candle is lit, near the bed, shadows everywhere else. The trembling light makes highligths in his red hair. He is laying on his stomach, the face hidden under a protective arm.

And he is dreaming.

It's what has awoken me. He is trashing on the comforter, stirring sometimes. And there is some moans, too. I fear he is hurt or something, so I come nearer. My hand is nearly touching a strand of hair. That's when he wakes up. He sets up and stares at the space, panting, eyes wide open. I step back in the shadows : how would I explain I was here staring at him ? But he doesn't see me. A few minutes he hides his face in his hands. I keep on with my silent vigil. When his breath is even, he just stands up and begins striding towards God knows where. So I follow. Like I always will.

I should have known. We are in this room again. But he is not standing proud like he usually is. He is kneeling, head lowered, like in penance. I don't understand the words he keeps repeating like a mantra. So I come nearer (I know, it tends to become an habit…).

« forgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgiveme forgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgivemeforgiveme… »

And I feel my heart breaking.

« Kou ? »

I'm kneeling right beside him now.

« Kou ? »

And I don't dare touch him.

« I failed her… », he whispers suddenly. So much despair. And one tear. So precious.

My arms are already around him, even though I don't know how. He leans in the warm embrace without noticing.

« I had a dream… » he is talking to the space, I don't know whether he is even conscious I'm here.

« … I draw above all from my mother's soul ; I read through her eyes, I felt her impressions, I loved through her love…Her soul was so bright, so colored and so warm, that she never left either darkness nor coldness on anything… »(* : look at the note downthere, please)

I'm listening and I understand now, what kind of torture it must be to see her like that, everyday since more than half a millenia, so… Cold. But he keeps talking.

« But tonight I've dreamed, that somebody was coming here… It wasn't me… And they dared touch her, and slowly, how so slowly, she turned into dust, as I was screaming again and again, just like, just like she never had been there, never existed… She was dead… »

And his hands coming up again to hide his face, as if the vision of his own mother right in front of him was too much for him, and I don't understand why he is not relieved to see that she is still here, alright in her stony prison…

« And I failed her… I failed because for a split second I've been happy, because she was free in her death, and happy because I was free, too… No more promise to keep, no need for me to stay here… Only the mourning left… How can I stand again in front of her now ? I'm not worthy of her love anymore… »

Ho. So that's why.

« So you don't want to free her anymore ? » I dare ask.

He raises his head up. It's the first time he is really looking at me. The first time he notices he is not alone. But he is looking at me as if I were crazy… And the fist landing on my face takes me by surprise…

« Of course I will save her ! No matter what ! »

And he is standing proudly, fire back in his purples eyes and glowing in his fists - fire demon in all his splendor… Standing up above me.

And in spite of the pain in my jaw, I feel myself grinning madly :

« That's the Kou I know… » I state.

And here he is, fully aware now, looking at me in wonder and then apologetically when he sees the bruise on my face. I grasp his hand to stand up. He is still staring at me, and whispers he is sorry. My arm makes his way around his shoulders, where I'd want it'll always be. He makes no move to distangle himself from me.

« You see I can be useful when I keep watch at your place ! », I state again.

« Yes, I'm know that now.», he agrees quietly.

He doesn't push me away each time he is sad now, and lets me follow nearly everywhere without complaining.

He trusts me with his pain and his tears.

I am his friend.

***

Months later…

Kou has just come back from a diplomatic mission at the Hyakugan-mao's castle, a few days ago. He hasn't come back alone.

Today, we're two waiting out of this room. She is a newcomer. She is called Yaone. She looks frail, but her mind is strong. She is supposed to be a biochimist, but spends most of her time with the little Ririn (or running after her, more exactly - nice holiday for me !).

« I won't leave him » she says. Another one whose life he changed. I understand her. It's a pact. For him, and between the two of us, too. We'll follow you. No matter what.

Once he asked me when she would let drop the -sama thing. He told me it had already been a bit hard to make me lose the habit. I told him it would take a long time : he had saved my soul and my self-dignity.

He had saved her life and integrity. It's going to be a lot longer.

When he comes out of the room, she bows low , and it makes me laugh quietly, because my arm is already flung on Kou's shoulders.

Ore wa…

Swordman…

Right arm…

Friend…

And…

« Kou… We were waiting for you ! »

What I am now ? What will I be later ?

I don't know.

I want to be more every day, because I care more and more every day.

***

(*)OK, I know the translation is not good… Here is the real sentence :

« Je puisais surtout dans l'âme de ma mère ; je lisais à travers ses yeux, je sentais ses impresssions, j'aimais à travers son amour… Son âme était si lumineuse, si colorée et si chaude, qu'elle ne laissait de ténèbres et de froid sur rien ».

Alphonse de Lamartine.