Ghost In The Shell Fan Fiction / Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex Fan Fiction ❯ Every Cloud has a Mechanical Lining ❯ Chapter One, S1 ( Chapter 1 )

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I'd forgotten most of my past until just recently. I live everyday like it's my last.
I've never let my past hang over on me like a heavy burden and allow it to affect my line of work, that's Togusa's job. A fine man is Togusa, although I still feel he lets his personal life interfere with his job too much, yet it's not my area to criticise, he has a family, a wife and two children. That's more than me. What do I have? My lazy basset hound Gabriel, that's it. Nevertheless Togusa's undoubtedly changed since he joined Public Security Section Nine two years ago. He's blossomed into a fine leader and I'm proud to have him as a colleague, however, he'll never be able to replace the Major. Ever since she passed away life's been hell for me. For the other members of Section Nine, although it still lives deep down inside of them, they've chewed and swallowed the matter.
Me on the other hand, I'm still chewing and will be for the rest of my life. Every night I dream of her return. I know she's out there, swimming around in the `Net. Her ghost calls out to me every night I swear. How I hope she will return to this earth. No one can replace her, especially not in my life. Section Nine's never been the same since that heart breaking event. It's said it's impossible for a cyborg to dream however recently my head has been flooded with emotions no one would expect a cyborg to have let alone me knowing myself.
Are these emotions real? Or if not are they just apart of my dreams? However the question arises, if a cyborg cannot dream, how could these emotions be apart of my dreams? A complex looping paradox is forming in which even I can't solve at this present moment. It frustrates me to think about it. The bottom line is, I loved the Major, she was the only thing that kept me going, kept me alive, and now she's gone, I feel empty, so I empty that I even question why I carry on with my life. Why did I go through with the whole prosthetics operation in order to become what I can? Why didn't I just die on the battlefield like the rest of my men? I've seen many horrific things in my life including the massacre of my own platoon when I was in the rangers. But the Major's death tops everything.