Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Because of You ❯ chapter 12 ( Chapter 12 )

“Because of You”

Sequel to: “This I Promise You”

Written by: Chocho

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Summary: A new baby. An autobiography. A funeral. A pregnancy. A shocking discovery and a woman with a grudge. And that's just this month.

Chapter summary: Shuichi and Keitaro have a little heart to heart and then Shuichi takes the pregnancy test.

Warning: Angst, m-preg, language, sex

 

***

 

Chapter 12

 

“'Kasan?” called a small, timid voice.

 

“What?” replied Shuichi automatically, distracted by the pink box in his hand.

 

“Uhm.” Keitaro shot his otokasan a quick, uncertain and fear filled glance before dropping his gaze back to the floor. “Do you, uhm…”

 

“Do I what?” Shuichi asked with a frown, not really paying attention to his son. He just could not get his mind around the possibility that after giving birth to Kira just three short months ago and getting his pre-pregnancy figure back, he might be pregnant again. He knew how much having a daughter meant to Eiri and Shuichi wanted to give him one, but now was not the time. He was not sure what to do.

 

“Do you love me?” Keitaro asked shyly, his voice dropping to a whisper.

 

“Of course, Sweetie,” Shuichi answered without thinking.

 

Keitaro's frown deepened. A well of sadness washed over him. His beautiful golden eyes that he inherited from his father glistened with unshed tears. Rolling his eyes up, he peered at his otokasan then lowered them back to the floor. He felt worse now than he did when Kane told him that Otokasan did not love him anymore because he was bad. He told his brother he was wrong, that Otokasan did love him and that he, Kane, was a big poopy head. But now he was not so sure. It did look as if Otokasan was busy. He was staring at a tiny pink box with a sad expression on his face. So he might not have heard him, just pretended like Daddy does sometimes, but he just was not sure. But then again, maybe Kane was right and Otokasan did not really love him after all.

 

Gradually, Shuichi became aware of the silence in the bathroom. It penetrated through his thick, heavy thoughts. Blinking, Shuichi tore his gaze away from the pregnancy test in his hands and lifting his head, he glanced in the mirror above the combination sink and vanity to catch a glimpse of Keitaro fidgeting in the bathroom doorway.

 

Setting the pink box down, he slipped off his glasses and set them next to the pregnancy test upside down. Turning around, he faced his long faced son.

 

“Keitaro?” he called softly.

 

Pushing away from the sink, he crossed the expanse between them. His eyes never left his oldest boys profile. Cringing, he stiffly knelt down in front of the boy. He placed a hand lightly on Keitaro's waist and with a finger, tapped him under the chin to get him to raise his head.

 

“Keitaro, sweetie? What's wrong?” he asked his son gently.

 

Keitaro pushed against his hand, refusing to look at him and tucked his chin to his chest. He folded in on himself, making himself a smaller target.

 

Shuichi sighed, dropping his hands to his sides. Pursing his lips, he grunted as he sat back on his heels. Clasping his hands between his knees, he watched his son closely. “Keitaro if you don't tell me what's wrong, how can I help you?”

 

A sudden sniff broke the silence.

 

“Keitaro?”

 

“Kane said that…” Keitaro said thickly.

 

“What did he say?” Shuichi prodded gently.

 

“He said that `cause I was bad?” he cried.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Keitaro still was not looking at him.

 

“That, that you do not like me no more!”

 

Shuichi's jaw dropped with a gasp. His eyes widened in shock. “What?!”

 

He stared at his son in astonishment, shocked something that cruel would come from such a sweet boy. Well, a “sweet boy” that had a big mouth and was his daddy's son. A “sweet boy” that loved to tease, taunt and provoke his brother until said brother snapped. It always ended up with Keitaro getting into trouble and Kane bawling his eyes out. But this time that “sweet boy” had gone too far. Shuichi knew he had to have a long talk with that boy.

 

As fat tears and snot rolled down Keitaro's face, as sobs shook his shoulders and as he rubbed his eyes with fisted hands, Shuichi's astonishment turned to pity and sympathy.

 

“Oh, Keitaro,” he breathed.

 

Falling to his knees, he pulled his son into his arms and hugged him none too gently, nearly crushing his tiny little body. Keitaro returned his hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Shuichi's own tears filled his eyes and trickled down his face. How could Kane say something so horrible? And how could Keitaro buy into his brother's lies?

 

“No! Nononono! Oh, God, sweetie! No!” Pulling away, he cupped Keitaro's face between his hands and stared into those big, gold eyes. “Don't ever listen to crap like that!” he cried angrily, giving Keitaro a little shake. “You hear me?” His vision blurred behind a wall of tears.

 

He pulled Keitaro back into a bone crunching hug. He heard Keitaro's sobs, felt them dampen his shirt. He felt his son trembling against him.

 

“Shh!”

 

Shuichi sniffed and gently stroked Keitaro's hair in an attempt at calming him down. He was a lot like him in that regard.

 

He violently cleared his throat, trying to loosen the tightness constricting it. Blinking rapidly, he tipped his head back slightly and opened his eyes wide, trying to push back his tears.

 

“I want you to listen to me,” he ordered Keitaro in a whispered voice through his tears. “Okay?”

 

“Uh, huh!” Keitaro hiccup sobbed. He brought a hand up and wiped away the tears on his cheeks before returning to hug his otokasan.

 

“I don't care what anyone says. You are my son and I love you with all my heart!” A fresh wave of tears spilled down Shuichi's face.

 

Keitaro frowned. He pushed away from Otokasan. “But, Kane said that-!”

 

Shuichi shook his head and pulled Keitaro back into a hug. “It doesn't matter how bad you are or how bad you become! I will always love you! Just like I love Kane and Kira and Daddy, okay?”

 

He felt Keitaro nod against him.

 

“How can I not?” Shuichi continued. “You're my miracles babies, remember?”

 

Keitaro nodded. He did remember. He had a good memory.

 

Otokasan and Daddy had told him and Kane that before they were born, Otokasan had a “miscarriage”. That meant he lost a baby. Daddy explained that the baby had not been lost, as in misplaced, but had died-ed before he could even be born. And then there was a really bad guy that had tried to take Otokasan away from Daddy. That part had been really sad. He and Kane had cried a lot over that. But because the bad guy had not succeeded in taking Otokasan away, he and Kane had been able to be born and then Baby Kira five years later.

 

Giving Keitaro a quick hug, Shuichi sat back and stared into those gorgeous eyes that did not seem real. His face glistened with his tears. Smiling, Shuichi brushed at those tears with his thumb.

 

Keitaro was feeling much better now. Otokasan said that he loved him! Even when he was bad! His face brightened with a wide, toothy grin.

 

But…

 

The smile vanished before it could fully form.

 

But this time he had been really bad. He had said a really bad word. Daddy and Otokasan had told him and Kane to never say bad words. When they did, Daddy put really, really, really hot hot sauce on his tongue. It burned his tongue and made him cry. He never wanted to go through that again. Then this morning, he had snatched the scissors from Grandma's junk drawer and with a couple of snips, cut off Kane's braid. That had been just as bad as swearing. As punishment, he had been grounded. He did not like to be grounded. It was no fun. He could not do anything. But it was worse to think that Otokasan did not like him when he was really bad.

 

Shuichi saw that dampened expression cross his son's face. “Keitaro? What's wrong?”

 

“I was bad,” Keitaro explained softly, lowering his eyes back to the floor.

 

Shuichi tried to school his expression. “What did you do that was bad?” he asked curiously, tying to keep his voice neutral.

 

Keitaro remained silent.

 

Shuichi tried another route. “Do you think I would hate you because you were bad?”

 

Keitaro nodded.

 

“I told you I would never hate you, remember? It doesn't matter how bad you are.”

 

“But I was really bad.”

 

“How bad? Why would I hate you?”

 

“I lied-ed.”

 

“You lied? About what?”

 

“Cutting Kane's hair,” Keitaro mumbled.

 

Shuichi had to keep himself from shouting and leaping with joy. Finally! “Did you cut your brother's hair?” he asked cautiously. He did not want to pressure or scare the boy into shutting down. He dropped his hands from Keitaro's face to his waist.

 

Keitaro nodded sadly.

 

“Why?”

 

Keitaro said nothing. He just stared at his bare feet against the white floor.

 

“Were you mad at him?” Knowing the boys, Keitaro probably had been.

 

Keitaro nodded, but remained silent.

 

Shuichi sighed heavily. Trying to get Keitaro to speak was like trying to pull teeth. He was definitely his father's son. “Was he bugging you?”

 

Keitaro nodded.

 

Ah, yes. That would certainly do it. “And he wouldn't leave you alone?” Shuichi guessed.

 

Again Keitaro nodded.

 

Enough said. Keitaro was like a taut string. Stretch it out enough and it was liable to break.

 

“You think that by lying about what you did this morning, I wouldn't love you anymore?”

 

Keitaro nodded.

 

“Silly!” Shuichi hugged his son to him. “Keitaro, I told you I could never hate you, remember? I love you very, very much. It doesn't matter how bad you are, okay?”

 

“Really?” Keitaro asked, almost pleading.

 

“Yes, really,” Shuichi giggled.

 

Keitaro stood there stupefied for several long seconds before it all sunk in. With an ecstatic cry, the five year old threw himself into Shuichi's arms, hugging him tightly.

 

Shuichi hugged Keitaro back. “I might not like everything you do, Keitaro, but I could never hate you. Remember that, all right?”

 

Keitaro nodded against him, his thin arms nearly strangling him.

 

“And I want you to promise me that you won't ever pull a stunt like this again, okay? If you have a problem with your brother, you come to either Daddy or me, okay”

 

“'Kay,” Keitaro agreed.

 

“Good.” Prying those thin, bony arms from around his neck, Shuichi sat back on his hunches, trying to disguise a grimace as pain and discomfort shot through his right leg and along his spine. “Now, why don't you go see what your Daddy and brother's are up to, huh?”

 

Keitaro nodded as he wiped at his tears and runny nose with his hand. “Okay,” he said happily as he raced out of the bathroom.

 

Shuichi exhaled a deep breathe. He was suddenly very tired. Maybe they should just order in tonight.

 

“Daddy!” he heard Keitaro shout as the boy pounded through the house.

 

Shuichi cringed. Daddy's little man, yes, but with Otokasan's lungs.

 

“'Kasan said he loves me!”

 

Shuichi giggled.

 

Seconds later, baby Kira's sharp cries filled the house. Oops. He had been asleep. Shuichi could just picture the vein in Eiri's forehead throbbing, his eye twitching and his teeth clenched. He did not envy his husband in the least.

 

Sighing, Shuichi's eyes roamed around the bathroom. He took in the shower, the tub, the cupboard where the towels, stool, bucket and other bathroom supplies are kept, the water closet and finally the sink behind him.

 

Crouched on the floor, his hands dangling between his knees, Shuichi's violet eyes zeroed in on the pink pregnancy test box sitting on the counter and his breath hitched.

 

Couldn't put it off forever.

 

Grunting, he pushed to his feet. Suddenly his world tilted. His eyes went wide and everything slowed down. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage and the blood gushing in his ears. His hand slapped against the wall between the water closet and the sink, catching himself. He sighed, breathing deeply as he tried to slow his heart. Opening eyes he did not remember closing, he gasped, startled, and his heart leapt into his throat. Standing at the head of the stairs with a bottle in his hand and staring right at him with “the look” that he knew oh, so well, was Eiri. Involuntarily, Shuichi took a step backward and giggled nervously. “Heh, heh. H-hey, Eiri.”

 

Eiri glared at him through squinted eyes.

 

Shuichi could just feel the giant sweat drop on his forehead. Still giggling and feeling more and more nervous, Shuichi felt behind him along the sink for the box he knew was there.

 

Eiri was watching him like a hawk. Now Shuichi knew what prey felt like…But then again, as he thought back over their relationship, he realized that seemed to be all he was a great deal of the time. Not that that was a bad thing. In fact, he quiet enjoyed it, but not right now.

 

Finally, his hand hit the small, elongated cardboard box. He fumbled around with it until he had a good grip on it. Swinging it around, he held it out towards Eiri and gave the box a few quick shakes. He watched Eiri's eyes shift from his face to the pregnancy test. A veil dropped over Eiri's face and Shuichi could no longer tell what it was he was thinking.

 

Shuichi inched his way along the counter towards the water closet, his eyes never leaving his husband's face. His hand skimmed along the smooth surface of the wall, bumped across the door to the cool doorknob.

 

Twisting it, he pulled it open and slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind him.

 

*

 

Kira had finally fallen back asleep. When Kira woke up earlier, he changed his diapers and rocked him back to sleep. He had just put the mini-Shuichi (AKA Kira) to bed when big mouth mini-him (AKA Keitaro) decided it was a great time to yell at the top of his lungs, which reminded him that Keitaro was also Shuichi's son.

 

Gently pulling the bottle out of Kira's mouth, he held it out. It was still about half full. He was setting it down on the bed besides him when a cry rang out. Kira stirred in his arms. Eiri growled lightly. His head shot up as the boys raced down the hall past him, laughing and screaming.

 

“Knock it off!” he growled angrily.

 

He felt Kira jolt in his arms.

 

Keitaro and Kane's voices dimmed as the vanished down the staircase in a loud clatter. Eiri sighed and shook his head.

 

Glancing down at Kira, he was relieved to see that the three month old had not woken up. Grateful, Eiri pushed up from the bed and walked over to the crib, gently laying the sleeping Kira down.

 

Straightening, Eiri watched his son as he slept. His snores filled the quiet of the room. A gentle smile crossed Eiri's face, softening his features. He reached out and ran his knuckle across Kira's cheek. It was warm and flushed. He gave a snort and shook his head at his actions. Pathetic, he thought. When had he become so soft?

 

Turning, he walked out of the bedroom and shut the door softly behind him. He could hear the boys downstairs. Their laughter and shouts floated up the steps. There was a pounding of feet that grew louder than softer, their voices dimmer. He bet they were trashing the house. Next time they came to Tokyo, they were staying at hotel. He would rent a whole floor if he had to.

 

He felt a pair of eyes suddenly burning a hole into the side of his head. Turning, he looked straight down the hall and into the bathroom.

 

“Shuichi?” he called softly, taking a step towards him.

 

His husband was sitting on the lip of the bathtub, a mixed, unreadable expression on his face. His violet eyes were brimming with tears. His cheeks were damp.

 

Eiri felt his heart sink when he saw the white applicator in his lover's hand.

 

***