Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Heartless Mirror ❯ Heartless Mirror ( Chapter 1 )

My first ever gravitation ficcie. I love Eiri and Shuichi. They are sooooo beautiful together. How to you spell perfection? E-I-R-I-X-S-H-U-I-C-H-I! Yay!

Enough crazyness... on with the angstyness...

 

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I couldn't stand the face looking back at me

 

There was a time when he liked looking in the mirror. He saw an innocent face of sixteen year-old. Staring lovesick at his reflection wondering if a certain person he liked enjoyed since he put so much effort into looking good. He tried different expressions and always liked the smiling one the best. He tried to look attractive no matter what emotion was visible in his features because he wanted him to like it.

Combing his hair carefully and checking if there were any ugly smudges or marks ruining his image. If there were he would do anything to make them dissapear or less noticable. While doing so he would have an imaginary conversation with him and it always began or ended with a few compliments.

 

FLASHBACK

 

“Eiri-kun! My god.. Don't you look good today” Yuki said with a teasing wink while nudging a blushing Eiri, “Any particular reason for that?”

“Yuki-sensei!”

“So... what's her name?”

The redness on the teenagers cheeks deepened as he collected his courage to speak. He wanted to tell his sensei this for a very long time but never really knew when to squeeze it into the conversation. But now his sensei had given him the perfect opportunity to confess.

“W-what makes you think it's a she, sensei?” Eiri finally managed to stutter.

For several seconds his teacher simply stared at him. The golden-eyed boy started to panic and was about to nervously shout “JOKING!” when Yuki smiled. He patted Eiri on the shoulder before looking away still smiling.

“Love is a beautiful thing, Eiri-kun. No matter with who, what or which gender.”

Eiri felt his heart skip a beat when his crush winked at him. He happily followed his teacher when he started walking feeling hopeful and more confident then ever before.

 

END FLASHBACK

 

But after the incident, after the terrible happening one day in America the face looking back at him as he stared in the mirror changed dramatically.

Whenever he saw his reflection he saw a heartbroken teenager. A boy whose face was filled with sorrow and whose eyes were shining with endless tears. He wanted to jump into the mirror and hold him, comfort him yet at the same time wanted to kill him for what he had done or simply just to end the bitter and lifeless feeling inside of him.

There were no more smiles. They had died along with him. There were only scowls, grimaces and smirks. Sometimes smiles who were so empty, so haunted that it reflected his sadness even more then the tears who daily ran down his face.

Instead of imaginary conversations and secret dreams filled with confessions, romance and happy endings there were flashbacks of the tragedy. Instead of carefully combing his hair he ran his hand through the golden locks and walked out the door without caring about the messy state they were in. Instead of removing every flaw he counted them, left them to be more visible then ever because he wanted to remember...

 

FLASHBACK

 

“C'mon, Eiri! It's your birthday! Everybody's waiting for you to show up!”

Eiri ignored his sister's calls. He had told everybody that he didn't want to celebrate his birthday but did they listen? Of course not. Why should they? They always knew better, didn't they?

He remained quiet and motionless and let the silent tears fall down his cheek. He would do anything to have his sensei standing outside of his room, banging on the door and calling him instead of his annoying older sister. But at the same time he knew it was useless to want and wish for such foolish things. Miracles didn't exist after all.

As soundlessly as he could he stood up from his king-sized, comfy bed and sneaked his way into the bathroom whose door was luckily already open. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the shower. He tried not to look at the mirror above the sink but it was useless. He couldn't help but let his eyes shift to the right and watched how a male in his late teens with a haunted expression on his face walk passed.

Hastily he got into the shower and turned on the water not caring what temperature it was. He felt the hot drops of water soak his clothing. It was then when he remembered he had forgotten to undress first.

Eiri blinked.

Then he coughed.

And then it came.

The sadness finally made itself visible as he startes screaming, crying, sobbing uncontrollably and slamming his fists against the walls of the shower. He ignored the concerned calls from his sister and her husband who had now joined her. It went on for hours until Tohma and Mika found him in the shower unconscious because of the heat of the shower. The shower floor red with blood that streamed out of the nasty cuts on the youths arms. The mirror shattered into pieces and laying on the floor threatening to cut their feet open. The shower curtain ripped and red. The once clean and porcelain walls of the bathroom flawed because of a name written in blood spread across it's white surface.

Yuki Kitazawa...

 

END FLASHBACK

 

But after the stage of bittersweet mourning and after he went back to Japan and started a career as writter the face inside the mirror changed once more.

What he saw was an empty shell. A face who had used up all his smiles, all his tears and was left with nothing but anger and selfishness. His soul tasted bitter for all the sweetness had melted under the wet tears he had cried. He saw a man with no goal, with no future, with nothing but the memory of him.

His emotions were wasted on one man. His feelings were stolen by one event. His entire life was destroyed in one day. And the will to rebuild it had never come to him. Whenever it did dare to show up he rejected it not wanting to be destroyed for the second time.

His relfection sometime carried annoyance and confusion for he didn't understand why people still bothered to care for him. He had given up long ago. So why did they still have the hope? Why did they care? Why couldn't they take the hint?

Anger...

That was all he was made of. The only thing that kept him going. Pathetic, isn't it? Of all the emotions and feelings in the world it was anger that made him want to live. There wasn't even a feeling of revenge just rage and pure fury. He enjoyed making others hate him and didn't care about whether people liked him or not. He didn't need friends cause they could hurt him. He didn't need family cause they would mock him. He didn't need love cause it would break him.

The face staring back at him in the mirror was a ghost. Lifeless, cold, emotionless and cruel. Scowling at eternity. Glaring at affection. Laughing at compassion. Longing for freedom.

But after he met Shuichi Shindou and started an awkward relationship with the singer the face in the mirror changed yet again... for the last time.

The face didn't smile. The face didn't cry. The face didn't glare. But the feelings and the emotions that he thought were lost, dead and destroyed were as visible as the mourning marks on his face. His eyes had betrayed him. His reflection was taunting him. The mirror showed him what his life had made him.

 

FLASHBACK

 

“YUKI!!!!!!!!!”

“Will you shut up! Can't you for once at least try and acts like you're not retarded”

“Yuki's being mean to me!”

“Annoying, little-“

“Yuki?”

“What?!”

“Why are you glaring at the mirror... or better yet your reflection?”

“...None of your bussiness, brat.”

“But Yuki-“

“Shut up! It's none of your bussiness!”

“...”

When Eiri recieved no response he got a little worried. He finally managed to tear his eyes from the person he hated the most and left the bathroom. He walked outside and was surprised to see nobody standing on the outside. Eiri was almost certain that his idiotic lover was standing here not too long ago.

“Yuki?”

Eiri turned to the left and saw the vocalist slowly come out from behind the door. He shook his head at his lover's stupidness before raising his eyebrow in question. He had to admit that he didn't expect Shuichi to just go quiet like that and it had even made him rather worried.

“Yuki? I-I don't know what's going on... between you and the mirror, but it's kinda creepy to see you glare at yourself like that. I know I can't force you to stop doing it, but could you at least tell me why?”

The more words that escaped his mouth the quieter it became until the last word came out as a whisper. Shuichi was standing there looking quite sad, desperate and even a little scared. It made Eiri wonder if he should tell him. He could tell him and leave all the other stuff out..

“I hate my reflection.” He stated at last before lighting a cigarette.

“Then... May I be your reflection?”

Eiri froze. He lowered his hand with the cancerstick and slowly turned his head in the singer's direction who was smiling slighty. Millions of thoughts raced through the writer's head but only a few of them made sense.

Shuichi was almost an exact copy of himself when he was younger. Bouncy, happy and smile ever-present and ready when someone needed to be cheered up. At first he had hated it but later he actually found it peaceful.

It was like having the ghost of his youth as his lover. Like a memory of himself who had come to life, ignored all rules of life, death and time to come and make him happy. Like a remembrance that the lovestruck teenager he once was had been reborn the minute Shuichi entered his life.

“Yeah..”

Eiri answered after minutes of thinking making the vocalist beam. The writer quickly turned away. He wasn't sure he would ever live it down if Shuichi saw his smile...

 

END FLASHBACK

 

Eiri was shaving himself in the bathroom mirror. When he was finished he washed his face, tamed his hair a bit and pulled on his shirt. He then raised his head and met eyes with the person in the mirror. He looked the handsome stranger up and down before winking and strutting out of the bathroom...

 

I couldn't stand the face looking back at me

I couldn't bare being soulless, bitter and empty

So I changed my fate and future...

I used to be haunted by memories of what I was,

What I've done and the pain I've caused

But the heartless mirror won't harm me no more...

 

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