Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Sayonara ❯ oneshot ( Chapter 1 )

*Anything not in the proper font (italics for Mika's thoughts, underlined for Tohma's) is spoken by the other person. If it is in italics, it is Mika. Underlined, it is Tohma.

That damn man never comes home. He never comes home to me. I wonder, sometimes, what made me put up with it for so long. I love him plenty, but this is ludicrous. He doesn't acknowledge my existence. He does love my brother, however. Too much. Sometimes, I wish I was Eiri. Then I have to go take a shower, because I feel dirty thinking that thought. But he gives Eiri so much love, and Eiri has done so little to deserve it. Who was there for Tohma when his mother died and he didn't have anyone left? Me. Who stood by him when he decided to quit Nittle Grasper in high school and pursue a career in business, even though I thought he was an idiot? Me. Who held him the night he got the call from the man whom claimed to be his father? Me. And it was I, Uesugi Mikarin, whom married him and had to put up with his shit. And it's me that gets ignored. I wish I was Eiri. It's just not fair. I've given Tohma everything, and he's given me nothing in return. I've bared my soul to a brick wall. Tonight though, tonight's the night. I have had the papers drawn up for two years now, and I haven't had the heart. I can't stand the thought of leaving him, not now, now that Eiri's dropped him like hot wasabi, not now that he's about to go on tour with the boy that Eiri left him over. It's not fair to him. But I can't stand living this way. Always wondering where he is, what he's doing, who he's doing. It's not fair to me. But poor Tohma. Okay, maybe tonight won't be the night. C'mon, Mika, you have to. Think of something bad. He hasn't… taken me to bed in three years. Maybe more. I've tried. Bought lingerie, gave him an aphrodisiac, everything. But still, he never wants me. He just excuses himself to the bathroom, and more than once I've thought I heard him calling out to Eiri. Eiri. That lucky son of a bitch. I hate him. I hate them both. My phone's ringing.

Gotta call Mika-san, and tell her I'll be late for dinner. I really hope she doesn't yell at me, like last time. It's not always my fault. I don't purposefully take so long to do things, things just always seem to pile up. Well… maybe, subconsciously… sometimes it's just hard. I love Mika. Like a sister. It's not her fault. I know she can't stand it, though. I know how much she really does love me. But it's not like it's my fault. I'm so exhausted. Eiri. Ah. That thought always wakes me up. Dear, sweet Eiri. If only… if only Shuichi had never walked into his life. Damn Shuichi. Sometimes I wish I were Shuichi. Then I have to go take a shower, because the very thought of being that annoying and deplorable makes me feel unclean. I am a strong person. Maybe not physically. I've always been a bit on the delicate side. But I am very strong willed. I could probably talk myself out of being in love with anyone, if I were to try. I know I could, because I've done it before. But with Eiri… it's different. No matter how many times he tells me he doesn't need me, I know it doesn't matter. I'll still call him up, and ask how he's doing. I'll still try to make his life perfect. Because I need him. Oh. I do believe Mika-san has picked up her receiver.

Good. Just great. Speak of the devil. He decided to call me and tell me he'll be late for dinner. 'Mika darling, I'm so sorry…' I'll bet he is. I bet he will be. Just you wait, Tohma Seguchi, and you'll be sorry.

'Tohma!" Good. I cut him off. He hates that. "Yes, Mika darling?" How dare he. How dare he call me his darling. If I were his darling, wouldn't he care about me? Would I have to do what I'm about to do?

"Tohma, I've been talking to my lawyer…" "Oh, Jesus, Mika, are you in some sort of trouble?" he actually sounds like he cares.

"No, Tohma Seguchi, I've been talking to him about getting a divorce." Silence. I can tell he's more than a little surprised. Good. Let him flounder. "Mika, darling, whatever for?" Now I'm appalled. Whatever for? WHATEVER FOR? He ignores me for six years and then asks me whatever for? Well, I'll tell him whatever for.

Oh my god. Have I really been treating dear Mika this badly? Of course I have. I could think of nothing else but Eiri. "You've ignored me for so long, Tohma…" I did, didn't I. "I never know where you are. I never know who you're with…" Oh, Mika. She's crying, now. I don't know the last time Mika cried. I've pushed her to this. " I can't take this anymore. It hurts… so much… I've been so lonely, for so long…" Oh, dear, sweet Mika. I can't believe what I've done. I can't believe I haven't realized what I've done until now. I'm crying, now. I've lost everything. Eiri, Mika, my mother… what have I got left? I've pushed everything away, just pushed them out of my life like they were nothing. She's not ever coming back to me. I can tell. "I've had the papers for two years now, Tohma." She's felt this way for so long! I… I have to do something.

"Mika, darling, you're being crazy."

"I am not being crazy, Tohma Seguchi."

"You can't be serious."

"As a funeral."

"Mika, don't do this."

"And why not? Why shouldn't I exactly? What have you ever done to prove to me that you deserved anything less?"

"Please, Mika, don't leave me! I don't know… what I'd do…"

"Stop whimpering, you big baby. Get up and take it like a man."

"Mika, darling, I love you! Really! I'll do anything. I can change."

"I've never heard you grovel like this to anyone, Seguchi-san."

"Please, don't call me that."

"That's all you are to me now. Some old acquaintance."

"Don't say that, Mika!"

"That's 'Miss Uesugi' to you. Or have you forgotten your manners?"

"Mika, Mika, no, please…"

"My lawyer will send the papers up to your office shortly. I don't care if you come home or not. I'll just ignore you, like you've done to me for so very long. Sayonara"

She hung up. Tohma slowly replaced the receiver, and slunk onto his desk in tears.