Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Soundless Eternity ❯ Soundless Eternity ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

...I love you so much it hurts. It swells up inside of me and festers... until it explodes. And when this explosion happens, you only run further and further away from me...

Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.07.2008 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.6K | Visits: 582 | Status: Completed

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Gravitation, or any of it's characters. My name is not Maki Murakami, and I've never even met her. Though, if I do, I'm going to kick her in the face for taking so long to put out all of her series!!!

I love you so much it hurts. It swells up inside of me and festers... until it explodes. And when this explosion happens, you only run further and further away from me.

It's like, you're an angel on white wings. So beautiful and bright, yet so fragile. One wrong move, one wrong word, and you break into pieces, fly away, leaving my heart to shatter, into pieces of an overindulgent soul.

Am I not ment to have you? Not meant to love you? Should you not be mine? Should I let these crimson tears of pure sorrow and regret fall? These empty butterfly tears; completly full of my pain and love, all blended together in a crazy fluid... a motion or movement that I don't understand...

I don't know what I'd do without you. Without loving you. Somehow, I think I loved you long before I ever knew you. Before I ever understood you; what this beautiful, broken creature was.

Is that possible? To love you before I knew you? To love you long before we've ever even met? Could I have been born into this world with my heart filled to the brim with love for you?

Or am I mistaken? Is this feeling in me something else? Something different, less powerful then love? Am I confused? Has this beauty, this face before me confused me into think that I love you?

No. That can't be it. This feeling can be nothing but love and want. Need and craving. This desperation for your lips, your touch, your face, voice. It's hollowing me out. Taking every drop of anger and hatred, annoyance and peace, and turning it into unfulfilled want and need for you.

How can I feel this way? You often ask me this question. You say a barely know you. That I barely understand you. But, I don't need to. I don't need to understand your past, or your methods of thinking. All I need to know is what is within your heart.

In this world, there are very few things that I am certain of. I'm certain that your amrs are my sanctuary. That your lips are my safehold, and your skin on my skin, in my skin, the friction and heat generated by our passing bodies is my heaven.

I'm certain that I could drown in your soul, spend an eternity in your eyes and that I was made for the soul purpose of making you happy.

But, how can I tell you that? How can I ever let my beautiful, broken angel know these powerful emotions that threaten to swallow me alive?

How could I ever burden him with my emotions, my feelings, my pain? How could I ever weigh his soul down with the same darkness that has weighed mine down for countless moments and hours with no relief?

How could I ever look him into those clear eyes, and tell him, 'I love you'?

Another thing I am certain of, regretfuly, is the miserable pain in your heart. I know more than anything your soul hurts. You're in constant agony and drowning in never ending lonlieness that threatens to swallow you whole.

I long for more than anything to pull him out of the darkness within himself. To brush all of the hateful words and neglect that have stabbed him like needles from his wings, and engulf him in the warm love in my heart.

But he's not ready for that.

Not ready to understood the happiness that I feel when he speaks my name. The joy that I experience when he makes me scream his.

Even now, as he stands only a few feet before me. I cannnot bring myself to tell him. The words refuse to form on my lips, and the emotions refuse to rush out like they always do.

Instead, I just sit there staring, blank faced as he smokes his expensive cigaretts, the scent slowly starting to mask out the expensive perfume he came in covered in.

He inhales, and I exhail, unable to speak.

Some leaves his body, and the words leave mine.

So now, I sit there, mere feet from him, with no words coming out.

He's standing now, finishing the last of his cigarette before sliding on his expensive jacket and brushing back his sweet smelling hair.

I will my body to move. To chase him. To tackle him. To kiss him, to do anything to keep him here with me. To make sure I tell him how I feel before he goes back into his many girlfriends arms.

Before he goes back into the arms of all those women who he doen's tlove and who don't love him. All those many women who are easily seduced and only see him as a character from his novels. Those who he'll treat like a modern day glass slipper, he'll get into one, dance all night, and lose her by morning.

Those few women who all he has to do is smile at, and they'll offer only a few hours of relief. A few meaningless hours of mindless passion, passion that goes no where, and onl leaves him waking up hours later, right back where he started, in a cycle of pain, agony and torment.

He glances my way, and again, I will with all my might for my body to react, to do, to say something, anything. I manage to pry my lips apart, leaving my mouth gaping open, and resulting in me getting a curious stare from Eiri.

Now he knows I want to say something, all that's left is to say it.

He paused as he carefully adjusted his collar, still waiting for me to say smething.

He'd never ask if I had anything to say, no, he could never show he cared that much, but his gentle, almost questioning gazing was telling me that much.

I still could not speak. Even as I watched him stand and move away from the spacious couch and towards the door, tears fell, but words wouldn't come.

I know he's going to leave me. Going to attempt to drown his sorrows in beer and bury them in some woman he doesn't even know. I know he's going to murmer things to them that should only be for my ears. Tell him that he loves them and how much they mean to him. I know he's going to slip through my fingers like a piece of sand if I don't say something. If I don't do something, he'll be gone forever.

I just need to say it. To tell him Yuki that I love him so much that it burns inside. That it chokes up and swells my soul and fills me woith pain to the point of breaking. That I think about you all the time. So much that I can't focus on anything else other than if you'd like what I'm doing.

That I want you so bad, that I crave you so much that it just makes me cry, that I curl up in a childish ball and withdraw into myself until the next time I can lie in your arms. That we can make love and help each other forget all of our sorrows.

I want so badly to just tell him to just say that I need him to love me , to feel what my heart feels, to just understand, to comprehend for 1 moment, just 1 second what it's like to love something as beautiful and powerful, yet broken and fragile as him.

God please, Yuki, just love me.

For I'd die without you...

The door opens. I tear off the couch and run through the apartment, sliding around on the smooth hardwood floors in my socks, uncaring of what I crash into or break. He stops in the entry way, almost frozen in fear of the racket I made.

"Yuki!" I scream, and suddenly I can talk. That one word, by far the most beautiful word I've ever spoken, cleared up everything. Every ounce of hesitation or caution I once had is gone. "Yuki!" I cry again, slumping to the ground, tears running down my cheeks.

He turns to face me with wide amber eyes.

"I love you!" I say

Finally.

It's as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Those three words freed up all of the pressure inside of me. In that moment, I felt lighter somehow. Sobbing on the hardwood floors, tears rolling down my cheeks, panting like hell. In that moment, I felt as if I could touch the sky. As I could transcend time.

He didn't say anything for a long time. Only put on his shoes and lit a cigarette.

Then came a curt laugh.

"I know."

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A.N. I wrestled for a long time on whether to put this story up. It's kind of like my baby. One of the first stories I wrote in this style, and I was worried that if I put it up, people would hate it. But after about 5 months, I finally was like "the hell with it" and stuck it up here. So please be gentle. As for now, this is a oneshot. I really hadn't intended upon doing another chapter, but you guys can if you want. Yeah, do that and send it to me. Consider it a challenge. It'll be fun, the one that wins will be added on as the second chapter. Enjoy. Oh, and REVIEW!