Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Chibi Story ❯ One-Shot

A CHIBI STORY

Based on the forwarded email known as A Monkey Story.

AC: Hello and welcome. Thank you for coming to read this wonderful **cough** story. My muse, Anastasia. **pause** Stace? **another pause** Anastasia, get out here!

Anastasia: **has hot-pink hair and faery wings. She enters and bows melodramatically** Always make an entrance.

AC: -_-;; Anyway, we're tinkering around. Our usual genre is Drama, but we have a writer's block problem, so we figured we'd try our hands at Humor.

Anastasia: Please be kind. And don't forget to review, or I'll send Bubblevicious and ZERO-Quatre after you.

AC: O_o… ah, well, on that note, Stace, run the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER:Anonymous Celebrity does not own Heero or Duo. She doesn't own the little joke/e-mail forward thing; she only modified it. And she doesn't own me. She just thinks she does.

AC: Haha. Not funny, Stace.

Anastasia: ^_^

(Author's note: Daniel and Jamie are two "voices" in my head. They are also two of my friends.)

Daniel: Hey, is this like the monkey story?

AC: Yes, it is.

Jamie: Yay!! **smiles and dances around with Daniel**

Anastasia: Before I'm told, the warnings.

WARNINGS:Dead chibis. Swearing. Heero abuse.

Heero: What?! Omae o korosu.

Anastasia: Mataré tú.

Heero: ???

Anastasia: Same thing, different language. Now, on with the story!!

- - - - - - - -

Hi, my name is Duo.

I like chibis.

**Duo and Heero are walking together down a street**

Duo: Chibis are sooooo cute! I want a chibi.

Heero: You do realize that chibis are dangerous, insane, and expensive?

Duo: SO?! They're cute… hey, look, a store!

The store was selling them for five cents apiece.

I thought that this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand apiece.

I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.

I like chibis.

Heero: Two hundred chibis?! Duo, how are you going to deal with them all?

Duo: They're cute. Look at this one. **holds up a chibi** I named him Sigmund.

Heero: Sigmund?

Duo: After the guy who sold them to me. I do have a lot of chibis to name, you know. **holds up another** This one's named Heero, after you.

Heero: **looking the chibi over** I'm hardly flattered.

Duo: Meanie. They were worth all ten dollars.

Heero: -_-;;

I took my 200 chibis home.

I have a big car.

I let on e of them drive.

His name was Sigmund.

He was retarded.

Heero: **gripping to the seat in front of him-both he and Duo are in the back seat** Duo, what possessed you to let the chibi drive?

Duo: He wanted to. He was so cute, I couldn't say no… Though you gotta admit, he's far from smart.

**the car barely misses hitting a parked vehicle. again.**

Heero: I'm going to stop him, or else we're going to die.

**Heero begins to climb up to the front seat. Sigmund lets go of the wheel altogether, and the car veers into an abandoned building. Heero flies into the dashboard**

Duo: Thank God for all these chibis. They kept me from getting hurt. Are you okay up there, Heero?

Heero: Hn. **growls as he staggers out of the car. Duo and all 200 chibis follow**

In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals.

I laughed.

They punched Heero in the genitals.

Heero: **DEATHGLAREâ"¢ ©® towards Duo**

I stopped laughing.

When I got home, I herded them into my room.

They didn't adapt well to their new environment.

They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

**the chibis are flying off the couch and into the wall**

Heero: **shouting to be heard and bandaged** This is what I warned you about, Duo.

Duo: **also shouting** Aw, come on, it's funny when you think about it.

Heero: After three hours?

**Heero the chibi flies into Heero the soldier, knocking him over**

Heero the chibi: EEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Heero the soldier: That's it. **gets up and draws gun**

Duo: DON'T SHOOT MY CHIBI!! **wrestles Heero to the floor**

Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour when Heero tried to kill one.

Two hours later I found out why all the chibis were so inexpensive: they all died.

No apparent reason.

They all just sort of dropped dead.

Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.

God damn cheap chibis.

Duo: >;_<; Why did my chibis have to die?!

Heero: Good riddance, if you ask me.

Duo: You're cruel. **holds up Heero the chibi** Look, he's dead.

Heero: I see that. And I'm glad. They nearly killed me.

Duo: Nah. You're immortal, Heero. You haven't noticed that yet?

Heero: **glare**

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead chibis lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.

It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

Duo: You think I could keep them for decoration?

Heero: No. **beat** How can chibis look like throw rugs?

Duo: Um, they have long hair.

I tried to flush one down the toilet.

It didn't work.

It got stuck.

Then I had one dead, wet chibi and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry chibis.

Heero: That was a stupid idea, Duo.

Duo: Well, you told me I had to get rid of them, and I tried.

Heero: A chibi is too large to fit down a toilet…

Duo: Well, how was I supposed to know? I'm not going to listen to you anymore. I'm keeping them, so there.

I tried to pretend that they were dolls.

That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.

It started to smell real bad.

Heero and Duo: **from the stench** X_x

Heero had to pee but there was a dead chibi in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.

I was embarrassed.

**Heero and Duo have revived themselves**

Heero: I don't care how embarrassed you are, if you don't call that plumber, I'm going to kill you. **brandishes gun**

Duo: You can't kill me.

Heero: Can too.

Duo: Can not.

**time passes. Heero can't bring himself to pull the trigger**

Heero: Damn you.

Duo: Maybe we can take your mind off of this. What do we do about the smell?

Heero: The only ways I can think to slow down decomposition are cryogenic preservation, which is expensive, and freezing, which is-

Duo: A good idea. Thanks, Heero.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.

Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.

Heero had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.

Heero: **while eating his third hot dog, a plate of French fries, and his fifth pint of ice-cream** How come I'm eating all this food? Certainly you would be able to stomach more of it than I can.

Duo: Because I have to change the chibis in the freezer. And it's my idea, so you have to listen to me.

Heero: No I don't. **stands**

Duo: Where are you going.

Heero: I'm giving the rest of it away. **takes food and leaves**

Duo: Oh. Good idea.

I tried to burn them, but little did I know that Heero was flammable.

Duo: **after splashing an insane amount of gasoline around** That ought to do it. Now to get out of the way. **leaves**

Heero: **entering the room** I earned some money from all that food, and I intend to keep it as payment for all that you put- **sniffs** Why does it smell like gasoline in here?

**a lit match flies into the room, followed by a low-grade explosion**

Duo: **re-entering, seeing his comrade ablaze** HEERO, YOU'RE ON FIRE!!

Heero: **another DEATHGLAREâ"¢ ©®**

I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet chibi in my toilet, two dead, frozen chibis in my freezer, one hundred ninety-seven dead charred chibis in a pile on my bed, and a crispy Heero, and the odor wasn't improving.

Heero became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead chibis and he really had to use the bathroom.

So he went and severely beat one of the chibis.

**Heero, now a human mummy, picks up the chibi that was once named Heero and beats it. Then he draws his gun and empties three rounds into it**

Heero: **turning to Duo** I am going into the woods to piss. **leaves**

He felt better.

I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the colony was not allowed to dispose of charred chibis.

I told him I had a wet one.

He couldn't take it either.

I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

Heero: **re-entering** I thought about a couple of things while I was outside. I have no reason for staying here with you and your dead chibis, so I'm leaving. **before Duo can answer, he leaves**

Duo: Damn. Now what am I going to do?

I finally arrived at a solution: I gave them out as Christmas gifts.

**a week has passed. Duo arrives on Heero's doorstep**

Duo: Hey, Heero. You're looking better.

Heero: **eyeing Duo doubtfully** What is that?

Duo: Your Christmas gift.

Heero: In May? **Duo nods enthusiastically. Heero accepts the gift and opens it** It's a chibi.

Duo: Yep. I'm sharing the wealth… he he he… you're supposed to laugh now, Heero…

**Heero looks at the chibi, then looks at Duo, and then down at the chibi again. This goes on for a little while.**

**Heero punches Duo in the genitals**

My name is Heero.

I like chibis.

- - - - - - - -

Anastasia: I'm happy with it.

AC: Me too. Good work.

Duo: **holding his, erm, male area** I don't think so…

Heero: After all you put me through, Duo, I believe that was fair retribution.

Duo: But I didn't do it… **points to AC and Anastasia dramatically** THEY DID IT!

**AC and Anastasia freeze**

AC: Uh oh.

Anastasia: Now would be a good time to run…

**Heero and Duo chase AC and Anastasia away at weapon-point**

Daniel and Jamie: **still hyper and bouncing** Please review! ^_^