Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Port In Every Girl ❯ A Port In Every Girl ( One-Shot )

A PORT IN EVERY GIRL

A PORT IN EVERY GIRL

A Gundam Wing Songfic

Presented by Yellowhorde

Pairings: 2xH, 1xR

Category: Humor, songfic

Warnings: There are a LOT of sexual innuendo's

Rating: PG13 I don't recommend it for anyone under 13, or for the terminally naive...sorry, Quatre!

Standard disclaimers apply here. I don't own Gundam Wing (actually, I'm not sure who really does) and I don't own this song, either. The Jolly Rogers do. No harm or insult was intended in this writing. I was at work and the idea just kind of struck me like lightning! I was listening to Gundam Wing Operation 4 and suddenly a verse from this song popped into my head for no apparent reason, and I thought how it would be funny if Duo were singing and Quatre was being his usual cute, naive, sort of clueless self. The rest...as they say...was history.

A few notes...// indicate actual singing. When things are written like this it is still a part of the song, only it is spoken. Everything else is mine. Thanks and enjoy!

*****

The Gundam Pilots were enjoying a relaxing evening in a local pub. Everyone was sitting at a large round table near the back, talking quietly and nursing a pint of beer. Everyone, that was, except for Duo.

Quatre seemed to be the only one really concerned about the braided boy's absence. His gaze swept the crowded bar for the tenth time. "Maybe he got lost, you guys. I'm sure I gave him the proper instructions on how to reach this place..."

Heero set his mug shakily down on the table, as if he would somehow miss his target. His cheeks were flushed a bright red. No, he didn't seem to handle his liquor very well at all. "You've got to give him some credit, Quatre." Too his own credit, the tussled haired boy's words were only the tiniest bit slurred. "He probably had something he needed to finish up." There were nods around the table.

"Or he got lost." added Trowa, taking another sip of alcohol.

"I'm serious, you guys!" protested the blond youth. "Something could have happened to him!"

Wufei grinned foolishly down into the depths of his mug. "If he's lucky, something did happen." he smirked. "As I recall, he had planned to spend some time with Hilde tonight." He uttered a high pitched giggle that ended in a hiccup.

Before Quatre could say another word, into the bar danced Duo, his violet eyes alight with happiness and a large grin plastered on his face. He glanced around briefly, then seeing his group, strolled back to them, all smiles. "Hey, guys!" he smirked, as he got near. "Check this out!" He pulled at the priest collar he always wore with one finger, revealing a large hickie. There was laughter all around the table, except for Quatre who was temporarily shocked into silence.

Trowa raised his mug in mock salute. "Hey, way to go, Hilde! You go, girl!" The normally quiet pilot raised his mug to his mouth, took a large drink, and whooped loudly.

Heero tried to focus his eyes on his fellow pilot. It was difficult. All three of them kept spinning around and around. He looked almost green with jealousy...or was he just nauseas? "I guess that means you and Hilde went all the way?" He accused. He was frowning mightily as if he had to really concentrate hard to gather his fuzzy thoughts.

Duo clasped his hands behind his head and looked rather pleased with himself. "You're just jealous, 'cause you haven't gotten anywhere with Releena, yet!" the American quipped. Heero's already red face, got even redder still. He looked away quickly. Trowa and Wufei snickered madly.

"Anyway, you guys are just jealous, because every one of you at this table is still a virgin, except for Wufei, 'cause he was in an arrange marriage, which really doesn't count." Duo grinned evilly.

There was a flurry of movement at the table after that comment. Duo backed off quickly, hands held out in defense. "Hey! Whoa! Drop the katana, man! I was just joking, Wufei!!" Wufei resumed sitting, with the help of Heero and Trowa. Duo took a few moments to regain his composure, muttering about how there should be laws against carrying weapons into a bar.

In the meanwhile, the dumbstruck Quatre had had time to recover from his shock "OH MY GOD, DUO! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK?!!!

Duo grinned enormously and decided this was the perfect opportunity to have a little fun at the small Arabian boy's expense. He tried to somber up his expression, but failed miserably. "I got attacked by the vacuum cleaner!" He wailed pathetically, burying his face in his hands. His shoulders began to heave uncontrollably. No, he was not crying, as Quatre believed. He was merely attempting to control the hysterical laughter that was trying to split his guts open.

The smaller boy placed a sympathetic hand on the shoulder of his "distraught" friend. "It's okay, Duo. Just let it all out." He rubbed Duo's back soothingly. "Those vacuum cleaners can be so mean." he pouted, "It's time someone stood up to them!" The other three pilots merely stared at the blond pilot in total disbelief, sweat drops forming on their brows. Did he realize what he was saying?

After what seemed an eternity, the braided youth was able to get a hold of himself. He wiped the tears from his eyes, once again from laughter, not real tears. He took a huge breath and pushed it out through his lips. "Anyway...! I heard this totally hilarious song at Hilde's from this group called the Jolly Rogers. You guys want me to sing it for you?"

There were nods all around the table. If any of them had actually been sober, they might have said no. It wasn't that Duo couldn't sing...he actually had a pretty good singing voice...it was just that he got so carried away when he did.

"All right! Here we go!" He cleared his throat and facing the pub at large, began to sing.

// A girl in every port is the call of the sea

but a port in every girl is why it's a pirate's life for me...

For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl..it's a pirate's life for me!//

He whirled back to face his friends, still sitting at the table and addressed the next lines to them.

//At the tender age of 15 years, I went into the sea

And in the port of Dublin Town, a maiden came to me.

She took me by me mizzen mast, and lead me far astray...//

Quatre scratched his head bewilderedly. This song wasn't making any sense to him. "Now hold on just a second...Which one is the mizzen mast?" he asked.

Duo grinned mischievously. "It's the big one... in the middle."

Heero, Trowa, and Wufei, getting the play on words, grinned hugely. "Ohhh!"

Quatre pursed his lips doubtfully, but seemed to accept the answer for the time being.

Duo continued singing.

//And as far away as London Town, it was said you could hear me say...

For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl...it's a pirate's life for me!//

Duo waltzed up behind Heero, holding out his hand as if it held an imaginary fan, which he proceeded to "cool" himself off with, all the while batting his beautiful, purple eyes at the Japanese teenager.

//At the tender age of 16 years I went into the sea

And in the port of old Rangoon, a geisha came to me

She feed me rice and treated me nice, and down with her I lay...//

Quatre seeming puzzled, ventured to ask, "So..uh..how was she?"

Duo grinned over at the naive lad. "She was great...but you know... an hour later I wanted more."

Trowa almost chocked on his beer at that comment. "Ohh hoo!"

Duo ruffled up Heero's hair and twirled lightly away as the intoxicated boy made as if to slug him. Then he continued the song.

//And as far away a London Town, it was said you could hear me say...

For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl, it's a pirate's life for me!//

Next, the braided pilot pranced up to Trowa, then used the tip of his long braid to tickle the silent boy's cheek. The taller pilot squirmed uncomfortably under the assault, his face flaming in embarrassment. But, as usual, he refrained from speaking.

//At the tender age of 17 years, I went into the sea

And in the port of old Marceaux, a mad'moiselle came to me

I dined on her puff pastries, and showed her my éclair...//

"Umm...excuse me..." Quatre interrupted. "What?!...an éclair? What is that?

Duo took a moment to think of an appropriate response. "It's...umm...it's like a long john."

Wufei pounded his fist against the table as peels of helpless laughter were ripped from his usually stoic throat. "Ohh hoo hoo hoo...!"

That seemed to shut Quatre up, at least for the moment.

//And as far away as London Town, it was said you could hear me say...

For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl, it's a pirate's life for me!//

Duo's next target was none other than the still laughing Wufei. He danced and skipped merrily around the chinese pilot, waving his arms about delicately.

//At the tender age of 18 years, I went into the sea

And in the port of Napa lee, a senora came to me

I danced around her olive grove and she uncorked my wine...//

Quatre laughed, believing that he finally understood the verse, but once again, the true meaning of the words had apparently eluded him. "Ha Ha...All right! Umm...nice body? He was, of course, referring to the wine.

Duo nodded his head vigorously, "Full body!" He, of course, was NOT referring to wine.

The tables nearest the charismatic singer had begun to follow the song and all of them had been able to grasp the implication without trouble. "Ohhh!" Much laughter followed. All eyes were on the handsome singer as he sashayed up to the blond youth, continuing to vocalize.

//And as far away as London Town, it was said you could hear me say...//

For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl, it's a pirate's life for me!//

He addressed Quatre directly, hoping that the boy would finally get what the song was REALLY saying.

//At the tender age of 19 years, I went into the sea

And in the port of Tripoli a harem came to me

I rode their magic carpets, and they polished up my lamp...//

It was too much to hope for. It seemed that once again the naive boy was left grasping for straws. "No, no, no, no...wait a second...Did they get their three wishes?"

"Right after the genie popped up." Duo winked in a mischievous fashion.

"Woo Hoo!" Heero cheered, then he popped a handful of peanuts into his mouth.

//And as far away as London Town, It was said you could hear me say...//

Duo was enjoying himself immensely. He once again turned to address the general public. His violet eyes sparkled and his cheeks were flushed. To add to his pleasure, some of the crowd joined in with him as he continued on to the chorus.

//For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl, it's a pirate's life for me!//

Those assembled fell silent, waiting expectantly for still another line of song which they were sure would follow. They were not disappointed.

//At the tender age of 20 years, I went into the sea

And in the port of old Melbourne, a sheila came to me

She played with my boomerang, I jumped her kangaroo...//

Right on queue, Quatre interrupted. This song was getting ridiculous! "Now hold on...! A kangaroo...?

Duo turned his head so he was looking straight at the innocent boy. "Yeah...you know...furry thing...down under...?"

There were snickers from the tables all around them.

Duo continued on, shaking his head. It was obviously that Quatre was in over his head...and probably always would be until he go a little piece of action on his own. Absently Duo wondered if Hilde had any girlfriends with whom he could hook the blond boy up with.

//And as far away as London Town, it was said you could hear me say...//

Duo held his hand up to his ear and leaned towards his audience expectantly, "WHAT???"

The whole bar joined him in singing the chorus as well as all of the Gundam pilots, except for Quatre, who was looking rather dazed.

//For me, for me, as you can plainly see

a port in every girl, it's a pirate's life for me!//

Duo nodded his head approvingly. That was more like it!

//At the ripe old age of 21, I came back from the sea

And in the port of London Town, the women came to me

They heard about my pillaging, as I stepped off of the kay

And although out old London Town it was said you could hear me say...//

He deliberately slowed his singing as he started the final verse, sounding rather mournful.

//A girl in every port was my call to the sea

But a port in every girl was far too much for me...

All those gathered around the table where the five pilots had sat joined in for the finale...even Quatre, who still looked clueless.

//For me, for me, as you can plainly see

A port in every girl was far too much for me!//

Cheers and laughter erupted all around. Duo was congratulated by many of the girls in the audience on his fine singing voice, which they admired, not to mention his beautiful body... Heero finally passed out face first on the table. Wufei broke out in another round of hysterical giggles. Trowa silently set about knocking back another drink. And Quatre...well, Quatre leaned his head on his folded arms with a sigh and muttered to himself, "That song just didn't make any sense."

THE END

I hope you enjoyed this little story. It was a breeze compared to the other fanfic I'm still working on. Your feedback is always welcomed. Thanks!