Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Don't Close Your Eyes ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: Death (sorta...before the fic...?), Angst, Sad, Yaoi implications
Rating: PG-13 (Implications of Adult Situations)
Pairings: 1x2 (before fic), Rx1
Notes: //...// song, /.../ emphasis, '...' thoughts, "..." spoken, --...-- flashback, and of course, nothing belongs to me...
[song by Keith Whitley]





Don't Close Your Eyes by Willow


//I know you loved him
A long time ago
Even now in my arms
You still want him, I know//

Relena looked at the man who lay beside her. No longer a boy, he was even more handsome than when they had met some ten years before.

She loved him dearly and had hoped, for a time, that he would truly reciprocate the feeling. Especially since...

-- She was no fool. She knew about him and Duo. She knew how strongly he'd felt for the energetic, loud-mouthed American pilot. And at the same time, she'd realized that he'd never be hers. So she'd contented herself to be happy for them. And they were.

Then, something changed that happiness forever.

'He wasn't meant to die. They'd survived the war. The bombs, the self-destructions, everything. For him to be taken out just after the end. Just after they began their life together. Just after Heero began to be happy and open. And by something he'd had the whole time, but not known of,' she thought.

It had been cancer. Avanced and metastasis. It had been eating him alive the whole time.

She'd known him to be an accomplished actor, but for him to be able to hide that kind of pain... He hadn't known what had plagued him until too late.

When she'd realized what it all meant, that Heero would be left all alone, her first thought was 'Duo is going to die before they can find real happiness!'

It struck her as odd to think that, but reminded her of how much she'd grown up in the last two years.

She had wanted to help, at least comfort Heero... and also care for Duo. She didn't know why exactly... maybe out of appreciation... appreciation of Duo giving Heero happiness. --

And now, as she looked at her lover's sleeping form, she caught the gleam of a small bead of liquid pain rolling down his cheek and realized that even after all she'd tried over the last eight years, he still wasn't hers.

//But, darling, this time
Let your memories die
When you hold me tonight
Dont't close your eyes//

After a time he stirred. He blinked and looked at her, realizing where and when he was.

She leaned over to him and he blinked at her again. Sighing, she lay back against her pillow.

He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down on her, "What's wrong?"

When she didn't reply, he closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss her with passion and need.

But she knew that neither were for her. But for /him/.

"Please," she pleaded, "Please, don't close your eyes..."

He looked at her oddly, "Why not?"

"Please, Heero... I know you still love him - I know you will always love him, but can't you love me too?" Is your heart not big enough for both him and me? Can't you let it be me your with and not him? Just once?"

He leaned back and turned onto his side, back to her.

She heaved a sigh, "Just think about it, Heero. Your pretending won't bring him back... no matter how much we all want it..."

//Don't close your eyes
Let it be me
Don't pretend it's him
In some fantasy//

Heero always dreamed. Ever since he had come to live with her, not a night went by that his sleep was peaceful and dreamless.

Eight long years. She couldn't - and wouldn't - forget the boy, but you had to move on. Couldn't Heero see that? All she wanted was for him to love her a little bit.

"Heero," she said, "Do you love me?"

No answer. Was he asleep?

'That should be answer enough for me... but...'

"Please, Heero. I know you love me some... since you've stayed with me these eight years."

"Aa, Relena, some... but it's not the same -"

"It never is! Every love is different!"

"You're right," he kissed her forehead.

"Heero, do something for me..."

"..."

"When we make love... love me, not him. Please?"

Again no answer. But she knew he'd think about it.

//Darling, just once
Let yesterday go
And you'll find more love
Than you've ever known//

She looked at him again. She wanted him to know what he would find if he let himself love /her/.

"I love you..." she murmured as she began kissing his stomach. She made progress upward with her mouth. Stopping to kiss and tease his nipples.

She slowly seduced his body, willing him to let it be her if only this once.

With each movement, each rhythmic beat of love, she made it known to him just who he was with and how much /she/ loved him.

But that wasn't how she wanted it to be. She wanted him to willingly let it be her, but this was a good start.

//Just hold me tight
When you love me tonight
And don't close your eyes//

Afterwards, they lay together. Relena looked up at him to see his eyes open, but distant.

'Maybe he's thinking over what I've said,' she thought.

But a little voice nagged at her, 'Nah, he's thinking about /him/. Longing for /him/...'

'No, I made him see that it was me!'

'It's just sex with you, not love... just a release... not a pleaseure...'

'NO! No he loves me... just not like he loved him. All loves are different! They were soul mates, yes, but he can move on and see just how much /I/ love him...'

'We're right and you know it...'

Se looked at him and saw a light in his face... a light that only showed when he thought about the long-haired pilot he'd loved... still did.

'Told ya...'

'Shut up! It's not true... yes, he's thinking about him /now/, but not then...'

'Yeah, not then... because you /forced/ him to see you... That's not how you want it... is it?'

//Maybe I've been a fool
Holding on all this time
Lying here in your arms
Knowing he's in your mind//

'It's true... oh gods it's true... everything I tried... all this time... and he still can only see him...'

Relena lay watching him sleep.

Conceded, his arms were draped possessively about her, but she knew he was dreaming of Duo.

She would be there and console him when he woke. For the sweet dreams always, /always/, turned into nightmares.Yes, Duo was on his mind, but whereas Duo was no longer here to make him happy... Relena was. And she had her chance to make him happy.She vowed, on Duo's memory, that she would make him happy or die trying.

Yes, she had time to make him see her. And she would keep trying until he let it be her.

//But I keep hoping someday
That you'll see the light
Let it be me tonight
Don't close your eyes//




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~Owari!~