Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I am a Coconut ❯ I Am a Coconut ( One-Shot )

(A/N: I learned the Coconut Song during last summer at writer's camp, and I was reminded about it yesterday, so I thought it would be . . . amusing. R&R)

I AM A COCONUT

(Sun streams in through Trowa and Duo's room. Duo sits up.)

Duo: Hey, Trowa-I have a song a song stuck in my head. Wanna hear it?

Trowa: (grumbles, rolls over) Duo . . . why are you up at six am?

Duo: I have a song in my head . . . Wanna hear it?

Trowa: (stares at Duo, speechless)

Duo: (grins and continues) It starts like this: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

`I am a coconut!

I live in a tree!

With all-

The little-

Bananas!'

(Duo stops singing and grins maniacally at Trowa. Trowa stares back at him, still speechless)

Trowa: You woke me up for THAT?!

Duo: (thinks, then looks at Trowa innocently) Yes.

Trowa: (Turns to bedside tables and opens drawer.) Where's that gun? (Pulls gun out of drawer) Good bye, Duo.

*BLAM!*

~~~

Duo: Trowa, tell me again why you missed?

Trowa: (growls) Shut UP!!!

Wufei: Trowa missed?!

Trowa: I was half-ASLEEP, OKAY!!!!

Quatre: Why were you shooting at Duo?

Trowa: Because he woke me up at *!@# six AM, to sing me this %^*#$ song!

Quatre and Wufei= >_O*

Quatre: Duo, are you crazy?

Wufei: Even you being half-asleep, Trowa, I would think you could shoot Duo-his braid makes an interesting target.

Duo: I couldn't help it-I had a song stuck in my head, and I just had to get it out!

Quatre: You had a song stuck in your head, and you woke Trowa up just to get it out?

Duo: Yes, but it didn't help-not even the fear of almost being shot (even though Trowa was off by five feet) helped-I still have the song stuck in my head.

Wufei: (rolls eyes) Oh, brother.

Duo: Want to hear it?

Trowa: GLEEP!! (Runs away screaming)

Wufei and Quatre= O_o??

Duo: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

`I am a coconut!

`I live in a tree!

With all-

The little-

Bananas!'

Quatre: That's . . . catchy.

Wufei: That's DISTURBING!!

Duo: (grins) I KNOW! It's fun to sing, and the best part is you can sing it over and over again.

Quatre: Ooh . . . let's try it!

Quatre and Duo: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

`I am a coconut!

`I live in a tree!

`With all-

the little-

Bananas!'

Quatre and Duo: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

Wufei: KILL ME NOW!!! (Runs away screaming and pulling at his . . . ponytail)

Duo: I don't think he liked our singing.

Quatre: But why not? It sounds so nice.

(They look at each other and grin)

Quatre and Duo: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? They said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

`I am a coconut!

`I live in a-'

Heero: What the HELL are you guys doing?

Duo and Quatre: *grin* Having fun!

Heero= -_-*

Heero: You're having fun torturing everyone within a seventy-mile radius with your third-rate karaoke routine?

Quatre: Aah. . . .

Duo: Well, when you put it that way. . .

(They look at each other, mentally decide they don't care and. . .)

Quatre and Duo: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? they said. And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I said-'

`I am a coconut!

`I live in a tree!

`With all-

the little-

Bananas!'

Heero= -_-*

Heero: I don't get it. (Walks away)

Duo and Quatre: (ignore him) `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's-

*For the sake of the readers' sanity, I won't write this out again. Akkiko: You're just being lazy. Kat: Shut up. I'm not done*

(Duo and Quatre finish the song-again-and suddenly a hand clamps down on both their shoulders. A manicured, carefully lotion-ed hand, the fingernails coloured a scarily bright pink)

Duo and Quatre=O_o*

Duo and Quatre: RELENA!!!

Relena: (smiles) Hello, Duo. Hello, Quatre. I was just looking for Heero, but I heard you singing. What was that cute little song?

Duo: (glances at Quatre) Oh, just a song I had stuck in my head this morning. It's called, `I am a Coconut'.

Relena: (squeals) That is SOO cute! Can you teach it to me?

Duo: Why the hell would I-mmff!! (Glares at Quatre who has placed his hand over his mouth)

Quatre: We'd be happy to, Relena.

*I think you can guess what was said-or sung-next*

~~~

(Elsewhere in the house)

Trowa: Hey, Wufei!

Wufei: Trowa, why are you hiding behind a potted plant?

Trowa: I'm trying to avoid Duo. Didn't you see what happened to Quatre?

Wufei: Yeah, he got that stupid `I am a Coconut' song stuck in his head. Why, what's wrong?

Trowa: Don't you get it? Duo's trying to brainwash us all into *shudders* singing with him!

Wufei: (pales) Are you serious?

Trowa: Go look outside.

(Wufei glances out the window. There are Duo, Quatre and-)

Wufei: RELENA?!

(All three seem to be singing)

Duo, Quatre and Relena: `Hello, they said. Hello, I said. What's your name? they said. And I-I-I-I-I said-'

Wufei: My God, you're right!

Trowa: They might come for us next!

Wufei: (thinks) Every man for himself!! (Dives into room, closes and locks door)

Trowa: Bastard.

(Hears door open, and the three song-happy nut-jobs enter)

Trowa: DAMN!!

Duo: Hey, Trowa-? (Walks into living room, and for some reason doesn't notice Trowa hiding behind the plant) That's weird. I thought I heard him in here.

Trowa: You'll never take me alive!! (He barrels past Duo, into the kitchen)

Relena: Oh, hello, Trowa. Duo just taught me a lovely song, would you like to hear-

(Trowa, ignoring Relena, knocks her over and runs out the back door)

Duo: What's up with him?

Quatre: I have no idea.

Zechs: (comes in back door) Relena-

Relena: Hello, Zechs. What are you doing here?

Zechs: Don't you remember? We have a party to go to. Let's go.

Relena: Oh, my! I had forgotten. Good-bye Duo, Quatre. Send Heero my love and thank-you for teaching me that lovely song.

Zechs: (As he and Relena walk out) What song?

Relena: Oh, Zechs, it's the cutest thing. It's called, `I am a Coconut', and goes something like this-

(Voices cut off as they get into a limo and drive away)

Duo: Well, that was an interesting morning.

Quatre: Let's sing that song one more time, Duo. Please?

Duo: (stares at Quatre, dumbfounded) What song?

Quatre: `I am a Coconut', of course.

Duo: Huh?

Heero: (walks in) He must have gotten the song out of his head. (Calmly pours himself a cup of coffee)

Quatre: Aw. Now who will I sing it with? I have it stuck in MY head now. (Looks pleadingly at Heero)

Heero: (glares over mug) Perfect soldiers don't sing.

Wufei: (runs into kitchen) AAAAARRRRRGGHH!! Maxwell DDIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!

Duo: ACK! Whad I do? Whad I do?!

Wufei: I have that damn song stuck in my head, now!! ARGH!! (Pulls at hair)

Trowa: (runs into kitchen) Duo, I am going to kill you now.

Duo: What-

Heero: Let me guess. You have the song stuck in your head as well.

Trowa: YES!! Goddammit!!

Quatre: Yeah! Now I have someone to sing with!!

*And, to cut a long story short, Quatre continued to sing `I am a Coconut' frequently for the next two weeks.

Duo remained immune to it, but suddenly and for no reason got Britney Spears' songs stuck in his head for the next two weeks.

Heero maintained that soldiers-especially perfect ones-don't sing, but the G-Wing boys could swear they heard him humming to himself at times.

Trowa and Wufei eventually got the song out of their heads, but not without sending each other to the hospital on several occasions with sever head injuries caused by trying to beat it out with blunt objects.

Zechs was sent to therapy having had a mental breakdown after hearing the song one time.

And finally, Relena managed to alienate everyone at the party she went to by singing `I am a Coconut' all night long.*

A/N: Well, that's it! Finished at last! Plz review, and tell me what you think! Until next time!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the song "I am a Coconut" I just like singing it in order to annoy everyone around me.