Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ It Never Was Meant To Be... ❯ Unhappy Contemplations at a Loved One's Wedding ( One-Shot )

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It Never Was Meant To Be…

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I'd steal a glance from him once and again…but soon as I accepted the bitter truth, I found myself staring at him aimlessly, pitifully. Genuinely pathetic.

I was pathetic.

I never did expect love…I deemed love never existed in the world, at least not for me…

Fate proved me wrong. Fate paved the way to my spitefulness.

We had absolutely nothing in common. Zilch…nada…I could go on and on and on…

He was that charming, sweet peacemaker from heaven…

…And I, you ask?

…I was that incredibly blunt, narcissistic war monger…like the devil who escaped from hell…

And now you're asking why something like me would go for something like him?

It was purely simple.

He wasn't like 99.9% of the male population in the world.

He changed my life in many more ways than one.

I still haven't lost that haughty spirit, I must admit, but he altered my outlook in life.

He touched my soul.

…The very core of me.

Damn him!

Damn fate…

In his own little way, he does know my feelings for him…it's a shame he can't return my feelings, but then again, it would never work. Our relationship would consist of mindless quarrels.

He could never love me.

It was never meant to be…

I forgave him for that.

You can't be loved in return by force. There was nothing I could do.

Maybe I do get what I set my eyes on, but in this case, that philosophy does not apply.

But you must understand that I can never forgive fate. I will never forget how it shook my values the minute I met him.

It was a chance meeting arranged by fate.

And to think, I never did believe in fate.

…Until now.

Fate is cruel.

…Awfully, terribly cruel.

Maybe all he saw in me was this lost spirit…who needed a guardian…

But all I saw in him was a replica of my father…the champion of my heart…a prince charming that could save me, the damsel in distress, and he would sweep me off my feet and promise me a happy ever after…

…So much for a happy ever after…

I guess I did hope too much.

I let that childhood fantasy linger in my thoughts, even though I lost it and found it once again after war pitilessly took it away from me at such a young age…

I hate being called sentimental…but that is how I am right now.

Even though he could never return my feelings, he taught me that life was something to be thankful for, and that believing was never as wrong as I supposed it would be…

Maybe someday, I can learn how to settle with that…

I'm afraid that someday will be a long way from now, for now all I wish he could give more…more than the guidance and friendship he so kindly offered…

I smirk and stand up as I see the bride walk down the aisle.

Oh, how I wish I was that rosy bride…

She smiles faintly, her genuine smile directed only for him, and I casually glance back, as he beams to her in return…

A look that promised all his love…

Oh, you don't know what I would give to receive that smile from him, a smile I wished was reserved for me, not her…me…

God, what the hell am I doing, attending this wedding?

I don't know what compelled me to attend…I can't remember…whatever it was…

My heart must have made me go…but I think I've killed it or frozen it so long ago…

My heart of stone…

He'll never return the feeling I thought I've done such a good job locking up inside…

…but then I sardonically smile, knowing my life was no fairy tale…

It never was meant to be…

…I was meant to drown in despair…

I sit down, and my cynical smile fades away, but sorrow's shadow is still hovering above me.

I repeat it over, and over again and close my eyes for a moment…telling myself to endure the harsh reality…

I've saturated in so much bitterness for so long that it's no such cumbersome chore to bear it…

It never was meant to be…

It never was meant to be…

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"I've known you all my life…
You are a friend of mine
I know this is how it's gonna be…
I've loved you then and I love you still…
…You're a friend of mine
Now, I know friends are all we ever could be…"

-- Odette Quesada

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Craziereggie392@aol.com