Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Joker's Smile ❯ Five, when combined with one... ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Mononoke 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Mecha / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.30.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 180 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Mecha / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.30.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 180 | Status: Completed
I'm feeling better Doc. Much better. Only I can't feel anything. So does that make it better, or worse? I don't think I want to feel anything. Am I dead? No, I can still hear them, around me. They talk, but only just enough to keep me from really believing the truth.
I am dead. In heart. In spirit. But not in mind. Nonono, they make sure I keep going. Keep moving. Keep fighting. Because if I didn't keep fighting. If I just decided to let it all go...
Nonononono... I'm not thinking like that. Anymore. I'm already dead, I'm just waiting for the right time to tell them. Maybe in a big explosion. I like explosions. They kill everyone. They open you up. Split you apart. Leave you to die in the arms of your friends. Or they kill your friends too.
I was never so lucky.
But they came with me, didn't they. Hush you. They did. They decided that they didn't want to be dead yet and so they came to make sure that I won't leave so that I'll fight and then they'll be avenged and then I can die quietly in a loud bang.
Gunshots can be loud. That's why I like them. A controlled explosion. Not like Nitro, or C-4. Those are only sorta controlled. Like them. Or me. But a gun, what a wonderful invention. It can blast away a single hole out of you, or your entire life. I wonder if my brain would be nicer on the wall there....
Then Solo and them... They'd be gone... Gone forever. Or at least until they found me again.
Sigh. Anyone still out there? After that gunshot I heard, I certainly hope it wasn't something bad. Cause I don't feel like moving. Even if I could.
I told Heero one of my secrets... But he doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand that he's the only one keeping me sane. Sort of. He makes me go all mushy inside, but not in a bad way. In the way that makes them shut up while I fantasize about kissing him. Mr. I-self-destruct-for-fun Yuy. What a great idea, huh? They think not. They think I'm crazy (well duh) for picking someone who's more likely to die than me. They keep screaming at me to get over it. Listen to them, and forget him...
I don't want to forget him. My life. My Heero. Hahaha, another well executed joke by Duo Maxwell. I'll be here all week.
Or five more minutes.
One can never tell in a war like this.
Ouchouchouch...
Note for someone called 'Self'. Anyone there? Nope. Oh well. Note to whoever's keeping track up there, don't sit up quickly with a bullet wound in your side. Baaaad idea. Up to the feet, sway, sway. Okay, down the stairs, through the hall. No one's in the kitchen I kno~ow. No on'e in the kitchen with Di~na!! No singing in there... But seriously, no one's in the kitchen, or the living room. There's no one here at all.
Huh. Maybe I was right about being dead. So they left me. Okay. Well, it's only a little hike to the Gundams, I'll just check to see if anyone's there before the final diagnosis. I sound like a doctor. Right Doc? Hehehehehe....
No one knows, the trouble I've seen! Nobody knows my sorrow! Well, I told you no singing, but ain't it the truth. And nobody WANTS to know about my stupid sorrow. That's why they're all up here, keeping me company. So I won't forget my sorrow. So it will eat me alive and leave me for dead.
Or worse.
Alone. I shudder. Whether it was the cold or the thoughts... I think it was the thoughts. It isn't all that cold out here. I mean, I can see my breath, but it doesn't FEEL that cold.
The gundam's can't be up much further, can they? My sense of time has kinda skewed a bit.
Doc? Got any pills for that? No? Oh well.
Aha! There they are... Well, there's still two Gundams besides good 'ol Scythe. Wing, and Shenlong. BUt neither of them would want to talk to us. Me. Them. ME!
I'll just get a little closer to see what's goin' on. See why they're out here, and why the gun went off.
Nononononono... Kami... Nononono. No. I refuse to believe what I'm seeing. Hehehe... I'm seeing things now, aren't I? First those damn spots, and now this.
I didn't know Heero liked WuFei. Oh well. One more hit on the "Duo Maxwell List Of Bad Shit". Hehehe. I never really wanted to be completely sane anyways. I like having these people crowd my head, laughing at me, telling me what a fool I was being, hoping, dreaming, wishing, wanting for Heero to notice to care to anything.
I think I'll sit now. Oh, how convienient. The ground is already there to meet me .
Hmm... Doc? What happened Doc? Oh. Yeah. I remember.
They're still gloating. I'll let them. Because if they're busy gloating, I can be busy packing for a short trip off a long cliff. Or is that a long trip off a short cliff? I get them mixed up. But in the end they both get me to where I want to go. Which is where class? That's right, to hell. With everyone I've ever known. I think I'll take a couple of Leo's with me. They seem more than ready to help me on my way.
Heheheheero...
I can't even laugh. That's never a good sign. They'll notice if I don't laugh. But they're still back there, kissing like there's no tomorrow, and there won't be, will there? No. No no no. Never a tomorrow.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, and all our yesterdays. Keep my yesterdays. Yesterday comes with 32 souls, added to my collection. I call myself Shinigami, but only because I can't deal with it any other way. No one wants to help the crazy person. So if I get them to believe I'm normal... or as normal as we get...Then maybe they'll help me. They'll help me get rid of my sorrow. But we only seem to be getting more this way. So we'll let it go. Drain the sorrow...
Hehehe... I always loved the color of blood. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be in the wrong profession.
Bah-duhn-chh.
Hehehe... Another funny, never to be laughed at. I take that back. Quatre actually laughed at a few of them. Good man, one that can force himself to laugh. He's so polite it actually hurts to see it. Me, I never learned any manners. Yeah yeah Sister, I know. I did learn my P's and Q's. But that whole eating with you're mouth closed is still hard. Not really, but I thought it was funny. I'm really trying here, can't you see that? My lovelifedrugsanityHeero have slipped away. So I'll slip away too. They'll never miss me. They spend so much time ignoring me, they'd never notice when I'd stopped talking and left the room. I never thought that was possible. But being a stealth expert *insert congratulatory music here* I'm glad to know it works so well.
That's the thing. You keep talking, and no one suspects that you don't belong there.
I don't belong there. Here. Anywhere. Oh good, the house. It's getting to be dark now. I wonder if the wonderlovers are going to be coming back soon. Ah, I'd better hurry, just in case. Hobble past the bathroom, oh they cleaned up the mirror. I thought that that was just in my head. Good to know. I'm not totally delusional. Yet. I mean, I keep trying, but these things take time. ha. Nope, not funny. I'm losing my knack. Or my will. One or the other. Not that it matters in the end. Nothing matters in the end except the body count.
Carry the four, plus six, add the five...
Inclusive of the ones in my head? Oh, at least 500, but less than 1000. Some of those suits are mobile dolls, they don't count. Of course they can count, they're machines, just like Hee- Laugh now. Laugh so you won't cry. Laugh so that you won't hear your shrunken, black little heart break. It's really very fragile. Naw, who'm I kidding? I don't have a heart. That's why I do this. Right?
I don't know anymore. Uhoh, I think I hear the lovebirds coming back. Quiet...
Stealthy...
Hehehehe... Stealthy... No laughing!!! Yeah, they're in there, talking quietly. Don't disturb Maxwell. If he wakes up he might see you guys making out and then go off the deep end and try to kill himself. Actually, they'd say something more like "Cause otherwise the ass would start talking and we'd never get any peace. So no talking above a whisper."
"Have fun..." I think I heard my heart break. Just a little bit. Strangely enough, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But then again, I'm probably so doped up I can't feel my arms as they carry my meager duffel.
Hehehe... I'm thiking of a song. A really old song. It's by a band called Pink Flamingos? Pink Flowers? I can't remember. I do remember the song though. The chorus went like:
There is no pain, you are receding.A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.You are only coming through in waves.Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.When I was a child I had a fever.My hands felt just like two balloons.Now I got that feeling once again.I can’t explain, you would not understand.This is not how I am.I have become comfortably numb.Comfortably numb. I think that's what I am. They're quiet in my head, letting me think. For once. Nononnononono.... Need to distract myself, or the high won't last. I'm crashing fast. They swirl around, a crescendo of sound. They talk and they plead. They understand what I need.
My good old buddy Deathscythe. Hoist myself up *ouch* and get into the cockpit. I think that I'll just... sit... here. For awhile...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-Thanks to my only reviewer, Jiki-No-Tsuki. You made me so happy. Sorry about the crappiness of the chapter, but he's fucking crazy, so get over it.-=-=-=-=-=-=
I am dead. In heart. In spirit. But not in mind. Nonono, they make sure I keep going. Keep moving. Keep fighting. Because if I didn't keep fighting. If I just decided to let it all go...
Nonononono... I'm not thinking like that. Anymore. I'm already dead, I'm just waiting for the right time to tell them. Maybe in a big explosion. I like explosions. They kill everyone. They open you up. Split you apart. Leave you to die in the arms of your friends. Or they kill your friends too.
I was never so lucky.
But they came with me, didn't they. Hush you. They did. They decided that they didn't want to be dead yet and so they came to make sure that I won't leave so that I'll fight and then they'll be avenged and then I can die quietly in a loud bang.
Gunshots can be loud. That's why I like them. A controlled explosion. Not like Nitro, or C-4. Those are only sorta controlled. Like them. Or me. But a gun, what a wonderful invention. It can blast away a single hole out of you, or your entire life. I wonder if my brain would be nicer on the wall there....
Then Solo and them... They'd be gone... Gone forever. Or at least until they found me again.
Sigh. Anyone still out there? After that gunshot I heard, I certainly hope it wasn't something bad. Cause I don't feel like moving. Even if I could.
I told Heero one of my secrets... But he doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand that he's the only one keeping me sane. Sort of. He makes me go all mushy inside, but not in a bad way. In the way that makes them shut up while I fantasize about kissing him. Mr. I-self-destruct-for-fun Yuy. What a great idea, huh? They think not. They think I'm crazy (well duh) for picking someone who's more likely to die than me. They keep screaming at me to get over it. Listen to them, and forget him...
I don't want to forget him. My life. My Heero. Hahaha, another well executed joke by Duo Maxwell. I'll be here all week.
Or five more minutes.
One can never tell in a war like this.
Ouchouchouch...
Note for someone called 'Self'. Anyone there? Nope. Oh well. Note to whoever's keeping track up there, don't sit up quickly with a bullet wound in your side. Baaaad idea. Up to the feet, sway, sway. Okay, down the stairs, through the hall. No one's in the kitchen I kno~ow. No on'e in the kitchen with Di~na!! No singing in there... But seriously, no one's in the kitchen, or the living room. There's no one here at all.
Huh. Maybe I was right about being dead. So they left me. Okay. Well, it's only a little hike to the Gundams, I'll just check to see if anyone's there before the final diagnosis. I sound like a doctor. Right Doc? Hehehehehe....
No one knows, the trouble I've seen! Nobody knows my sorrow! Well, I told you no singing, but ain't it the truth. And nobody WANTS to know about my stupid sorrow. That's why they're all up here, keeping me company. So I won't forget my sorrow. So it will eat me alive and leave me for dead.
Or worse.
Alone. I shudder. Whether it was the cold or the thoughts... I think it was the thoughts. It isn't all that cold out here. I mean, I can see my breath, but it doesn't FEEL that cold.
The gundam's can't be up much further, can they? My sense of time has kinda skewed a bit.
Doc? Got any pills for that? No? Oh well.
Aha! There they are... Well, there's still two Gundams besides good 'ol Scythe. Wing, and Shenlong. BUt neither of them would want to talk to us. Me. Them. ME!
I'll just get a little closer to see what's goin' on. See why they're out here, and why the gun went off.
Nononononono... Kami... Nononono. No. I refuse to believe what I'm seeing. Hehehe... I'm seeing things now, aren't I? First those damn spots, and now this.
I didn't know Heero liked WuFei. Oh well. One more hit on the "Duo Maxwell List Of Bad Shit". Hehehe. I never really wanted to be completely sane anyways. I like having these people crowd my head, laughing at me, telling me what a fool I was being, hoping, dreaming, wishing, wanting for Heero to notice to care to anything.
I think I'll sit now. Oh, how convienient. The ground is already there to meet me .
Hmm... Doc? What happened Doc? Oh. Yeah. I remember.
They're still gloating. I'll let them. Because if they're busy gloating, I can be busy packing for a short trip off a long cliff. Or is that a long trip off a short cliff? I get them mixed up. But in the end they both get me to where I want to go. Which is where class? That's right, to hell. With everyone I've ever known. I think I'll take a couple of Leo's with me. They seem more than ready to help me on my way.
Heheheheero...
I can't even laugh. That's never a good sign. They'll notice if I don't laugh. But they're still back there, kissing like there's no tomorrow, and there won't be, will there? No. No no no. Never a tomorrow.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, and all our yesterdays. Keep my yesterdays. Yesterday comes with 32 souls, added to my collection. I call myself Shinigami, but only because I can't deal with it any other way. No one wants to help the crazy person. So if I get them to believe I'm normal... or as normal as we get...Then maybe they'll help me. They'll help me get rid of my sorrow. But we only seem to be getting more this way. So we'll let it go. Drain the sorrow...
Hehehe... I always loved the color of blood. Good thing too, otherwise I'd be in the wrong profession.
Bah-duhn-chh.
Hehehe... Another funny, never to be laughed at. I take that back. Quatre actually laughed at a few of them. Good man, one that can force himself to laugh. He's so polite it actually hurts to see it. Me, I never learned any manners. Yeah yeah Sister, I know. I did learn my P's and Q's. But that whole eating with you're mouth closed is still hard. Not really, but I thought it was funny. I'm really trying here, can't you see that? My lovelifedrugsanityHeero have slipped away. So I'll slip away too. They'll never miss me. They spend so much time ignoring me, they'd never notice when I'd stopped talking and left the room. I never thought that was possible. But being a stealth expert *insert congratulatory music here* I'm glad to know it works so well.
That's the thing. You keep talking, and no one suspects that you don't belong there.
I don't belong there. Here. Anywhere. Oh good, the house. It's getting to be dark now. I wonder if the wonderlovers are going to be coming back soon. Ah, I'd better hurry, just in case. Hobble past the bathroom, oh they cleaned up the mirror. I thought that that was just in my head. Good to know. I'm not totally delusional. Yet. I mean, I keep trying, but these things take time. ha. Nope, not funny. I'm losing my knack. Or my will. One or the other. Not that it matters in the end. Nothing matters in the end except the body count.
Carry the four, plus six, add the five...
Inclusive of the ones in my head? Oh, at least 500, but less than 1000. Some of those suits are mobile dolls, they don't count. Of course they can count, they're machines, just like Hee- Laugh now. Laugh so you won't cry. Laugh so that you won't hear your shrunken, black little heart break. It's really very fragile. Naw, who'm I kidding? I don't have a heart. That's why I do this. Right?
I don't know anymore. Uhoh, I think I hear the lovebirds coming back. Quiet...
Stealthy...
Hehehehe... Stealthy... No laughing!!! Yeah, they're in there, talking quietly. Don't disturb Maxwell. If he wakes up he might see you guys making out and then go off the deep end and try to kill himself. Actually, they'd say something more like "Cause otherwise the ass would start talking and we'd never get any peace. So no talking above a whisper."
"Have fun..." I think I heard my heart break. Just a little bit. Strangely enough, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But then again, I'm probably so doped up I can't feel my arms as they carry my meager duffel.
Hehehe... I'm thiking of a song. A really old song. It's by a band called Pink Flamingos? Pink Flowers? I can't remember. I do remember the song though. The chorus went like:
There is no pain, you are receding.A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.You are only coming through in waves.Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.When I was a child I had a fever.My hands felt just like two balloons.Now I got that feeling once again.I can’t explain, you would not understand.This is not how I am.I have become comfortably numb.Comfortably numb. I think that's what I am. They're quiet in my head, letting me think. For once. Nononnononono.... Need to distract myself, or the high won't last. I'm crashing fast. They swirl around, a crescendo of sound. They talk and they plead. They understand what I need.
My good old buddy Deathscythe. Hoist myself up *ouch* and get into the cockpit. I think that I'll just... sit... here. For awhile...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-Thanks to my only reviewer, Jiki-No-Tsuki. You made me so happy. Sorry about the crappiness of the chapter, but he's fucking crazy, so get over it.-=-=-=-=-=-=