Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Satin Stephanois ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Satin Stephanois - Part 1

By

DRL

I didn't realise how hard this was gonna be, but the doctors say it will help me to get over it if I talk about it. I can't quite bring myself to talk about it, but I figured writing about it is pretty much the same thing. It's just as hard anyway.

Firstly, let me say that I was never quite convinced about Quatre and Dorothy. Quatre always said he suspected that his family and the Catalonias had made a kind of arrangement between them and the two of them, Dorothy and he, just went along with it because it was the path of least resistance. `Just until someone else comes along' he always said, but no-one else ever did. Well not until..., but let me not get ahead of myself. Heero gets so pissed with me because he says I always do this when I'm telling a story. Well he used to anyway, but I haven't told a story for some time now and he hasn't been pissed at me about anything lately.

I suppose the whole thing began around eight years ago, at the Peacecraft Foundation Gala Performance after-show party. We were all around eighteen or so then, freshmen at college with our whole lives ahead of us. Both families, the Winners and the Catalonias had donated very publicly and very generously to the Foundation, a charitable organisation, and so were virtually the guests of honour. Quatre went with Dorothy of course, but he was as half-hearted about it as always.

"Just dump her and find someone else." I kept telling him.

"My family would kill me Duo." He always replied.

Personally, I would rather be dead than walking out with Dorothy Catalonia, but then I'm speaking from the fortunate position of having Heero, so perhaps I'm just a little complacent.

There was never any love lost between Dorothy Catalonia and I. She thought I was a common little guttersnipe (which perhaps I was if you look at the thing squarely) and I thought she was an evil bitch (which she undoubtedly was, whichever way you cut it). Thankfully though, we didn't actually meet up all that often. Considering the fact that she hated Heero even more than she hated me and the feeling was quite mutual, cosy little foursomes between us were definitely non grata. Even though we were best friends, Quatre and I were from vastly different backgrounds, so Heero and I didn't exactly move in the same exalted social circles that Quatre and Dorothy did, which was a blessing once again. We couldn't help but end up fighting whenever we did meet and our constant swiping and bickering really upset Quatre.

Quatre's family had no problem with me though, impoverished background or no, so whenever they threw a party an invite always came my way, hence my presence at the after-show party that fateful night. The show had been a big-budget variety event in aid of the Peacecraft Foundation, with tickets on sale at exorbitant prices, all in a good cause. Quatre had rustled up a couple of freebie tickets he had claimed (although I secretly suspect he had paid for them out of his own pocket), so Heero and I had been at the show as well as the party afterwards, sitting up in the `Royal Box' with the rest of the Winners, booted and suited to within an inch of our lives. It was great and the only cloud to cover the sun was Dorothy's presence.

Anyway, Dorothy notwithstanding, Heero and I had a great time and had succeeded in forgetting the old witch, when at some point late in the evening she came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned round, but the scathing remark that immediately sprang to mind on seeing her died on my lips as I caught sight of her worried frown.

"Quatre's missing" She replied, in answer to my solicitous enquiry.

"What do you mean missing?" I asked foolishly.

"I mean I can't find him." She replied, and it was a measure of her concerned distraction that there was no trace of the sarcasm that my stupid question so richly deserved.

It turned out that she was right. Quatre had indeed disappeared. The three of us (Heero, Dorothy and I) spent some time looking for him and came up empty. The problem was that we couldn't enquire too deeply because we didn't want to alarm anyone. We eventually went back to our apartment (Heero's and mine) and Dorothy deigned to accompany us. It's amazing how a shared crisis can bring people together isn't it? We decided that if he hadn't turned up by the morning, we would raise the alarm. A person had to have been missing for 24hrs before the police would do anything about it anyway so we figured we were okay, and bedded down for what was left of the night.

I had been certain that I couldn't possibly have slept a wink, but I must have fallen asleep because I woke up abruptly to the sound of a peal on our door buzzer. I sat bolt upright in bed and the events of the previous night came flooding back to me.

"Quatre!" I cried and forestalled Heero as he rose to answer the door. I ran to the door, threw it open and yes, it was indeed my erstwhile absent friend, still basically wearing his tuxedo, but with the bow-tie untied and hanging loosely from the collar of his dress-shirt, the sleeves of said dress-shirt loosely rolled and his jacket slung nonchalantly over his shoulder. Wherever he had been he had had a good time because he looked rested, refreshed and contented.

As I opened the door he stepped forward to enter the apartment but I stopped him with a hand on his chest, stepping out of the door instead and pulling the door to behind me, but not so completely as to shut myself out. As I did so I threw a quick glance over my shoulder to check that Dorothy was still asleep on the sofa (my recent good will towards her did not extend to offering her our bed for the night). Luckily (and amazingly) the door buzzer had not woken her. I knew that the poor guy's ass would be in a sling over this when she caught up with him, so I wanted to give him a few hours head start.

"Where the hell have you been?" I hissed at him through clenched teeth, "We've been searching for you all night. Dorothy's asleep on the sofa in there for Christ's sake!" I added emphatically, to prove just how bad things had gotten.

Quatre ignored me completely, looked dreamily up at the ceiling and said, "Duo, I've just met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with."

I was momentarily taken aback by his words, but never one to be stymied by events for long, I quickly rallied and said, "Atta boy! Did you meet her at the party last night?" He sighed wistfully, but before he could reply I clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shit, Dorothy's up." I had heard her voice behind the slightly open door, presumably exchanging a word or two with Heero. "Go now, quickly, before she sees you. Lie low and call me when you can. I'll make up some excuse for you." I ushered him down the stairs, deeming it too dangerous for him to wait around in the hallway for the elevator with Dorothy at large.

When I went back into the apartment Heero informed me that Dorothy was in the shower. I brought him up to date with the situation and together we concocted a cover story. We were quite pleased with ourselves for having come up with something that would guarantee her refusing to see him for at least the next week. We told her that he had had one too many at the party and was sick. Some of the guys found him slumped in the men's room and decided to take him home before the press got hold of the story. She swallowed it hook, line and sinker, as we knew she would, and she also let rip, cursing Quatre to hell and back, then swept out of the apartment like an avenging fury, without so much as a thank-you for our hospitality. So keen was she on venting her anger and vowing bitter retribution, it hardly seems to have occurred to her that poor Quatre was virtually teetotal and hardly ever touched a drop, leave alone drinking to excess but then again, therein lay the success of our story so I couldn't really complain.

Having thus disposed of the harpie, I waited for Quatre's call, eager to hear who the mystery lady was who had spent the night with my shy, retiring best friend and put that idiot smile on his face. When it finally came I was to have the surprise of my life which, if I really thought about it, was no real surprise at all. He called about an hour after Dorothy left and after having established his whereabouts and appraised him of the situation regarding Dorothy, I cut to the chase.

"So, who was she then?" I asked.

"Oh Duo," Came the winsome reply, "He's just so wonderful, and he's so beautiful. Our eyes met across the crowded ballroom last night and I knew instantly that he was the only one for me. He's got the most amazing green eyes and..."

"He?" I queried incredulously, fighting to get a word in edgeways.

"Yes." Quatre replied without missing a beat. "His name's Trowa. Isn't that wonderful? `Trowa', it simply rolls off the tongue."

Well, I thought, something was gonna roll when this got out, and it wasn't gonna be Trowa's name. I thought I had better check that I had things straight.

"So he's a guy huh, the one you spent last night with?" I asked, interrupting another catalogue of green-eyed Trowa's attributes.

"Yes, I told you." Quatre replied impatiently. "And you needn't say it like that. All we did last night was talk. He's just so wonderful Duo..." And so on, and so forth...

It turned out that green-eyed Trowa was one of the performers from last night's show. I remembered his act once Quatre had mentioned it. He was one of a group of circus performers who did an absolutely amazing acrobatic/high-wire act. They were by far and away the best act in the show and received a well-deserved standing ovation for their pains. I remembered green-eyed Trowa too, well his body anyway. Weeell, I might have Heero, but I'm not blind, deaf and dumb. The strangest thing was that, while listening to Quatre wax lyrical about his new-found beau, it never seemed to have occurred to him that it was in any way strange that he, an apparent heterosexual, should be speaking this way about another guy. I thought I might just broach the subject one more time.

"So Q, this guy Trowa, he's like, a guy right?"

"Yes Duo, he's a guy. Why do you keep asking me that?" Quatre's reply was testy, but then again, so was mine.

"BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!" I retorted. This shot seemed to have hit home. He was silent for a while, a long while, and when he finally spoke again he was more subdued.

"Oh, I um..., I forgot about her."

"Evidently." I replied briefly.

"I suppose it is rather odd, when you think about it." He conceded.

"Isn't it?" I agreed dryly. "You arrive at a party with a girl and leave with a guy. Yes, one could describe the situation as `rather odd'." Then we were right back on the subject du jour.

"I'd really like you to meet him. You and Heero, of course. I've told him all about you both, and he's dying to meet you. Are you free this evening? He has to practise today so he can't do lunch, but we've agreed to meet this evening..."

Heero and I met green-eyed Trowa that evening and we discovered that it wasn't all hyperbole on Quatre's part. He was beautiful (though not as beautiful as Heero) and he did have the most amazing green eyes, not to mention the most `floppy, cinnamon hair. He was also quite..., I hesitate to say quiet because that wasn't quite it. There was a stillness and serenity about him that I found almost fey, and Heero found just plain weird. He was quite obviously besotted with our Quatre though, and the two of them hardly took their eyes (or their hands) off each other all evening. This was quite refreshing to see, because in all the time that Quatre and Dorothy were dating, this was something that we never saw, not ever. It was also not a little worrying, because Quatre had quite a high-profile life, and that profile did not include a male lover! If he kept this up in public, it was only a matter of time before he was snapped by some newspaper photographer, then the shit really would hit the fan. Heero and I had dinner with Quatre and green-eyed Trowa, then we left them, green-eyed Trowa having passed muster and been deemed a suitable companion for our friend.

Quatre disappeared for the next three days, but I was no longer worried, since I knew that he was safe and happy, in the arms of green-eyed Trowa. He had his own apartment, so his family were none the wiser about his reckless behaviour, but this situation could change at any moment, and it was this that worried me. On Heero's advice I tried to persuade Quatre to tell his family and, more importantly, Dorothy before they read it in the morning papers. He was reluctant at first, perhaps understandably, but this was not due to the fact that he was about to come out of the closet but because his new boyfriend was a circus performer with no money or connections, and I don't say that Q's family were snobs, but I too suspected that it was the latter rather than the former that would outrage them more. His father would be cool about it (eventually) but his bevy of sisters and brothers in law would hit the roof, and so it proved (but that's another story). He whined a bit about how all he wanted was to be with Trowa and why was it so big a deal anyway and why couldn't everyone just leave them alone, but he saw sense eventually.

Quatre was also under pressure to break the news about green-eyed Trowa and he because of Dorothy. He could only avoid her for so long, but since he and Trowa seemed compelled to spend every waking moment together (and every other moment for that matter), it was only a matter of time before she ran into them both. Anyway, this was the height of the social `season' and Quatre and Dorothy were expected to turn up to various society functions together. The story Heero and I had spun had long since worn thin, Dorothy's ire had cooled and Quatre was no longer persona non grata. He trod water for a little while, accompanying her to one or two parties, but he was not able to keep it up. It was not in his nature to string her along like that. While he did not want her as a partner (for obvious reasons as it transpired), he didn't particularly dislike her as a person (unlike myself) and he felt that she deserved better than that. Well perhaps she did, but Quatre also realised that there was no easy way to do what he had to do because of Dorothy's volatile nature. If she knew, then everyone would know. He decided to tell his father first (who would then inform the rest of the family), then Dorothy, then let the rest of the dominoes topple as they would.

All things considered, breaking the news to his father could have gone worse. I wasn't privy to the conversation, but I had a blow-by-blow account of it from Quatre himself. Quatre had wanted me along for moral support, but I figured that having me there would only rub salt into the wound. I knew that I would be blamed for leading him astray, since I was openly gay and the whole Winner family knew it. Heero and I always attended the Winner functions we were invited to as a couple. We were tolerated, but never really accepted, his family being a little narrow minded when it came to people like us. Not only were we `blue collar', but we were `blue collar' and gay! It couldn't get any worse as far as they were concerned. It didn't bother Heero and I any, but it didn't exactly bode well for Quatre and green-eyed Trowa. He was even more `blue-collar' than we were. He lived in a trailer for Christ's sake! I could just see the headlines `WINNER HEIR SHACKS UP WITH TRAILER TRASH TRAPEEZ ARTIST' - real class.

As I said, it could have been worse. Mr Winner blew up, then boiled down, blew up again and then, businessman that he was, he telephoned his PR people and asked them how he could turn the situation to the advantage of WEI.

"There's got to be an angle here," He barked into the telephone, "There's always and angle. I want a proposal on my desk by Monday morning." This was Friday evening.

Mr Winner then laid down his terms. He told Quatre that he (Mr Winner) tolerated homosexuality but he could never accept it (just as I had suspected). He just didn't think it was right. He said that Quatre could live whatever depraved kind of lifestyle he wanted, all he would be expected to do would be to provide an heir. He would remain in the bosom of the Winner family, his generous allowance would continue, and he would still enjoy the benefits of being the heir to the Winner fortune. The family would stand by him, loyally support and defend him publicly (Mr Winner would see to it). However, he would be expected to father a son within five years, a son whose mother had an exemplary family background, exceptional breeding, and an unimpeachable reputation. The child would also have to be conceived and born within wedlock.

"This is all I ask of you and if you fail to comply, consider yourself no son of mine."

Harsh words, but he did cut Quatre a little slack by offering to arrange the marriage for him.

"If need be I will find young woman whose family could be persuaded to allow her to marry you, but the rest would be up to you."

I wondered how much `'persuasion' would make anyone allow their daughter to marry under such circumstances, and it occurred to me that green-eyed Trowa was coming at quite a price, both financial and otherwise. Before all this it was generally assumed that Quatre would marry Dorothy and everything would be a foregone conclusion. A fate worse than death if you ask me, but then perhaps I'm no judge.

`I hope he's worth it Q', I thought.

Quatre told me that he deemed it wisest not to argue, considering himself as having gotten off fairly lightly. He figured that his father would come round eventually, that the wound was still raw and Mr Winner was just angry. He felt sure that his father couldn't possibly force his own son into a loveless marriage, leave alone insist on bringing a child into such a union. I myself was not so sanguine. Quatre was ever an idealist and I secretly believed that this was more wishful thinking on his part than anything else.

When he broke the news to Dorothy I was once again only given the story by Quatre, but I'm sure it lost nothing in the telling. He seemed more affected by this revelation than he had when he broke the news to his father.

"She didn't do any of the things I expected her to do," He told me. "She just sat there in stunned silence for a long while, then she began to cry. Not hysterically as I expected, but quietly, and so pitifully that it almost broke my heart. I tried to comfort her but she drew away from me as if I were a leper. `I'll never survive the humiliation' she kept saying. `I'll never be able to hold my head up again'."

This statement was a typical Dorothy exaggeration. She did survive the humiliation and she held her head up just as high as she always had.

The furore waxed and waned. The news that the Winner heir was gay was a `nine day's wonder'. Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton (that was green-eyed Trowa's surname) were big news for a few weeks then, as these things do, the whole thing died down. It did no end of good to green-eyed Trowa's circus troupe though. They were quite popular anyway, but they turned over millions at the box office, due to people coming along to get a look at him. Green-eyed Trowa couldn't deal with it though. I always found him a little strange, but he became even stranger and the relationship between Quatre and he became more and more intense.

Q, Heero and I continued our studies at college and though Q was a little more distracted now, his grades didn't slip one little bit and he was still the model student. Green-eyed Trowa finished his season with the circus, but it was a travelling show and when the troupe upped-sticks and moved to another city, he decided not to go with them since by this time Quatre and he were inseparable.

Anyone who thought that Q was just going through a phase with this gay thing (specifically his wishfully thinking family) was destined for disappointment. Two years on and green-eyed Trowa and he were both as completely in love as two people could ever be. Quatre seemed ecstatically happy and I was pleased that my friend had finally found the love that had eluded him for so long, but I discovered something about green-eyed Trowa that gave me a few reservations.

I have to say that although Heero and I got along fine with him, green-eyed Trowa had always been weird. I remember that Heero had spotted it the first time we ever met him, but it took me a while before I finally saw what Heero had seen straight off. The fact is that he never seemed to be altogether there. Now by this I mean that although he might be sitting right there with us, he never seemed to be wholly there. It's hard to put into words, especially since as time went on his strange behaviour became so much the norm that we ceased to even notice it, but he always seemed... distracted, as though he were present in body, but only half in mind. If you spoke to him he would answer off pat as if he had been paying full attention the whole time, which he may well have been, but if you looked closely at him while talking to him you would notice that although he seemed to be looking at you, his gaze was glassy and unfocussed, as if he were thinking about something else, although he kept his end of the conversation up perfectly. If you watched him for a while you would notice him suddenly tense, as if he had heard something, then his eyes would dart around the room as if looking for something. Then at times he seemed so nervous and tense that I would wonder whether Q and he had had a fight (a ludicrous idea really), but then they would be as `all over each other' as they always were, completely dispelling that unlikely theory.

Quatre always acted as if nothing untoward was happening and that green-eyed Trowa was acting completely normally. Heero and I used to wonder whether he might be on drugs of some kind. I made up my mind to ask Q about it, but Heero eventually dissuaded me, telling me to just leave well alone, quite wisely as it turned out. How we eventually discovered what green-eyed Trowa's problem actually was was perfectly simple and required no effort on our part. We were simply told.

It was about three years after green-eyed Trowa and Quatre had met. Trowa had left the circus as I said, and he and Q were living together in Q's apartment. We had just finished our finals prior to graduating and Q had invited us over for a celebratory dinner. Green-eyed Trowa had a sister, Catherine, who used to perform at the circus with him and she was visiting with them at the time. However, when we got to the apartment only Catherine and Chang Wufei where there. Chang Wufei kind of worked for Quatre. Wufei's father held the post of secretary-cum-general factotum to Quatre's father and now Wufei performed the same services for Quatre, although he was more of a friend than an employee. He was around the same age as the rest of us and he was just one of the gang really, except he got paid for it. Nice work, if you can get it.

Wufei let us into the apartment and showed us into the lounge, telling us that Quatre and green-eyed Trowa had stepped out for a short while. Catherine was there though, and after exchanging a few pleasantries, it was she who unwittingly let the cat out of the bag.

"Trowa's going through a bad patch again." She said with a heavy sigh.

I had turned to her with a puzzled frown, about to ask what she meant, but Heero's warning glance checked me. I schooled my features into a mask of empathy.

"Again?" I said, hoping that this would encourage her to continue. It did.

"Yes." She replied. "He's refusing to take his medication, and you know what that means. Quatre told me that he's booked Trowa into a clinic though. It's supposed to be the best in the world at treating people with paranoid schizophrenia. It has a very good reputation and Trowa has finally agreed to go, so hopefully he should begin to improve soon."

So that was it. I glanced across at Heero and saw that even he was affected by Catherine's startling revelation. I'm sure she didn't notice a thing, but I knew him too well to be fooled. I can read his apparent lack of expression like a book and I could see that he was as surprised as I was. Paranoid schizophrenia? Shit, that was some heavy baggage green-eyed Trowa was carrying.

"Trowa had been edgy all day really" She continued, "And begun to get a little agitated about some `little worms' he said were crawling across the carpet to get him," She gave me an apologetic little smile at this point, "so Quatre suggested that they go out for a little walk and that perhaps the `worms' would be gone by the time they returned." I nodded sagely and she continued. "Quatre has been so good for Trowa," She said, "He's perfect for him. Trowa responds so well to him and Quatre is so patient and understanding. He always seems to know just what to do when Trowa has his little problems and he loves him so much, despite everything. He truly is a godsend." Heero and I nodded our agreement that Quatre was indeed a ministering angel but before we could glean anything further, voices from the hallway heralded Quatre and Trowa's return.

Quatre entered the lounge and took us all in at a glance. As he did so his welcoming smile faltered. It was almost imperceptible and I'm sure Catherine once again noticed nothing, but Heero and I both did. Quatre recovered himself immediately, but the game was up - he knew it and we knew it.

We all had dinner together and nothing was said at the time. Green-eyed Trowa behaved much as he always did and the evening was a resounding success. This being said though, watching Quatre and Trowa interact with each other , Quatre's protective, almost `mothering' attitude towards Trowa now made a lot of sense. I had always noticed it of course, but Quatre was just that kind of guy anyway, and add to this the fact that he was completely besotted with Trowa, the thing seemed perfectly natural. After what Catherine had said however, it seemed even more natural, and she was quite right, Quatre was perfect for Trowa. Later on during the evening Quatre got me alone on the balcony on some pretext.

"She told you didn't she?" He began with out preamble. We didn't look at each other, we simply stood side by, arms leaning against the balustrade, looking out at the city lights.

"She didn't mean to," I replied, "She assumed we already knew."

"I knew she would," He said, "That's why I left you alone together." I should have known. Quatre may have been soft as a mitten and mild as a ham, but he certainly wasn't stupid. "I've wanted you to know for so long but it wasn't my secret to tell." He continued. "I promised Trowa you see, I promised him quite early on in our relationship that I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't think for one moment that he meant I shouldn't tell you and Heero, but I did promise, and a promise had better be a promise to someone with Trowa's... difficulties." I nodded my understanding even though he couldn't see me.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"From the start." He replied. "He told me that first night we met, when we spent the night talking. He told me all about himself, so there isn't anything I don't know about him."

"And you still took him on." It was an observation not a question, but he replied nonetheless.

"Of course. I loved him - how could I do otherwise? From the first moment I saw him I knew I loved him. He could have told me he had leprosy, it wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference to me. He was the one I wanted, whatever the circumstances."

"Do you feel any different now?" I had to ask, even though I well knew what the answer would be. He laughed, somewhat mirthlessly I thought, and said,

"No Duo, not one bit. Only death will part Trowa and I."

The doom-laden voice in which he said this made me feel decidedly uneasy, so to lighten the mood a little I said,

"You're an amazing guy Quatre and if I wasn't in love with Heero I'd be in love with you. I hope green-eyed Trowa knows how lucky he is."

He laughed again, good naturedly this time, and he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you too Duo," He murmured into my ear, "And I'm the lucky one, having a boyfriend like Trowa and a best friend like you."

To be continued.

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