Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ When the Last Teardrop Falls ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Here I am again! ^_^ This is the first time I've tried to do something from Heero's POV, and I really don't know what to think of it. I hope it turned out okay. The only reason it might seem confusing is cuz Heero's going through a huge trauma, and I think that even his thoughts would seem a bit confusing. At least, that's my opinion . . . *giggles nervously as readers tap their feet* Okay, okay, I'll finish up . . . ^_^
Angel~
Disclaimer: *grabs microphone* Testing, testing, can everyone hear me? Okay, I have an announcement to make. *takes deep breath* I DON'T own Gundam Wing. *audience gasps* And *starts crying* I don't own the song "When the Last Teardrop Falls", which belongs to Blaque. *sobs uncontrollably*
Heero: *sweatdrop* Excuse her, she's crazy . . .
When the Last Teardrop Falls
By Angel of Death
~~~HEERO'S (28-years-old) POV~~~
*****
"It's so hard
To lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye


You try to be strong
But the pain keeps holdin' on
And all that you can do is cry . . ."
*****
I still can't believe it. It still hasn't sunk in. I mean, I'm actually crying my eyes out for the first time in my life(actually, second, but don't tell anyone), and I keep expecting to feel that heart-wrenching pain any moment, but it just won't come. I wish it would go ahead and come, get it over with, so that maybe the torture could start easing up a little. I doubt it will, but hey, one can always hope, right? Hope, I didn't even know what that word really meant until just 13 years ago. And I didn't even really have a clue then. And now, that irrational hope is all that's keeping my whole world from crashing down on top of me. Hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll come back. Hope that maybe I'll wake up any minute to find that this has all been just a horrible nightmare. And yet, I know that that can never happen. She's gone, that's that. She's gone . . .
*****
"Deep within your heart you know
It's time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew
Is gone . . ."
*****
These last 8 years have been so wonderful. Like those fairy tales that she was so fond of, even after she had grown up. Nothing but sunshine and flowers, smiles and laughs, picture perfect happiness. Sure, there were brief times when our happiness was tried by those stupid assassins, but we were always able to prevent anything from happening. The Preventers are very capable, and they have me. Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, Mr. Never-Make-A-Mistake, Mr. No-Slip-Ups. Well, I slipped up big time, and it's costing me the heart that she and I worked so hard to uncover beneath all that coldness Dr. J put over it, and I don't think Zechs will ever forgive me, despite Noin's constant persistence that it wasn't my fault. Yeah, right, we all know that I could've prevented it if I'd only been more alert. Why did she have to pay for my mistake? It wasn't her fault. She never did anything wrong, what could she have possibly done to deserve that!? I know it's futile to keep thinking these thoughts, there's nothing I can do to change what's been done. I sit here in the pouring rain, leaning against the hard stone which is all that is left standing for my Angel. The words that Duo spoke to me just an hour ago ring inside me head.
"Heero, there's nothin' you can do now. Killing yourself like this isn't gonna change what happened. You need to move on, you know that she'd hate to see you like this . . ."
I laugh bitterly. Move on. Yeah, that's what I should do. But why should I? Why should I keep on living? What do I have to live for? Nothing . . .
*****
"When the last teardrop falls
I'll still be holdin' on
To all of our memories
And all of what used to be . . ."
*****
~~~FLASHBACK(12 years ago)~~~
Of course, memories. All of the memories that have made my life worth living. Let's see, what memory is this? Ah, yes, that day. 16-years-old, Sanc Kingdom, turning point of my life. I remember that day clearly, how could I forget? I was sitting on a bench reading, in the same place as I was the time Quatre and I were hiding out at Sanc and Dorothy interrupted the conversation she and I were having. I can't recall what book I was reading, but it doesn't matter. It wasn't interesting anyways. Suddenly, a shadow fell over me. I automatically reached for my gun, but I left where it was when I saw that it was her. She smiled, her whole face lighting up, as it always did.
"May I sit with you?" she asked. I returned my gaze to my book, which I pretended to continue reading.
"I'll tell you the same thing I told you last time this happened, it's your country, you can do what you like." I replied, trying to sound indifferent, which was the last adjective that applied to me at that moment. She sat down, exactly where she had last time, and turned to me.
"You remember that?" she asked quietly, sounding surprised and more than a bit nervous, and I thought that I could detect a hint of hope. 'Uh oh,' I'd thought, 'What're you gonna say now, Yuy?' After running over the options quickly in my head, I opted to feign ignorance. Fortunately or unfortunately, she wouldn't accept ignorance that time.
"I said, you remember that?" she repeated, a little louder. 'Why would she care so much whether I remember or not?' I wondered, not noticing the anxiety in her gaze that she joked about for years afterwards. Well, I had no choice but to answer her, and since I didn't really like lying to people whom I considered close allies, I had no choice but to answer her truthfully, which I didn't like. I swallowed. I really didn't like the truth.
"Yeah, I remember." I answered, keeping my gaze locked on the words in my hands, which meant absolutely nil to me. I was concentrating on what she would say next. I could tell that she had momentarily relaxed, but then I felt her tense up again.
"Why-why did you remember? I mean, I don't think you would forget, but why did it seem like it's an important memory?" She seemed even more nervous than she had before, and I wondered again why it was so important. 'What can I say? I obviously can't tell her that I . . .' My thoughts trailed off as I realized that I couldn't give a reply. I absolutely hated the truth, but I wanted to lie just as much as I wanted to tell the truth. It doesn't matter, because I didn't have the time to choose between the two, for at that moment she reached over and turned my head so that I had to meet her gaze. I froze, not knowing what I could do or say, and I was surprised to see that she was more tense than I'd ever seen her. The anxiety was completely obvious now, it was as if her very life depended upon something she thought she could see in my eyes. We sat in silence for a moment, both of us tense as a spring, her hand still on my cheek. Finally, her eyes widened, then she relaxed and her eyes closed. A smile spread across her features, and when she opened her eyes again, I was shocked to see that they were filled with tears.
"I was so afraid to believe that it could be true . . ." she whispered. Her words broke my trance, and I closed my book while reaching out to wipe away her tears.
"Why are you crying? And what were you afraid to believe?" I asked. Her smile widened.
"I'm crying because I'm happy. And I was afraid to believe that you . . ." A blush spread across her face, and the hand that had been on my cheek started twirling a strand of her sandy-blonde hair, while her beautiful blue eyes darted away from my own for the first time since I'd met her. I frowned and was about repeat my last question when she held up a hand to silence me. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, much like she did whenever she was about to do something politically reckless. Taking another deep breath, she leaned forward, put her arms around my neck, and kissed me. Simple as that. And I was so wrapped up in my raging emotions that I barely realized I was kissing her back . . .
~~~END FLASHBACK~~~
*****
"When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me
In my heart
When the last tear drop falls . . ."
*****
A small smile crosses my face as I remember that day. *chuckle* The day I got my first kiss, as did she, and the day I said "I love you" to someone for the first time in my life. A-and now, I'll never get to hear those words from her again . . . The tears have started again, mixing with the rain briefly before getting soaked up by the hard ground beneath me. A wipe a hand across my closed eyes, but the teardrops continue to fall, as if they'll never end. I know they will, eventually, but they'll never truly stop. But now is not the time to be thinking that. I have to get up, stand tall, and move on. Just like she would want me to. But . . . can I?
*****
"So now I'm alone
And life keeps moving on
But my destination's still unknown


Will there be a time
When I'll fall in love again
Or am I just meant to walk these streets alone . . ."
*****
I walk back to the house that she and I had shared, before . . . My clothes are soaked through, but my hair still stands up and flares out, just as it always does. I open the door and walk in. Nothing's different, nothing's changed, everything is as it always was. Her absence hasn't changed a thing. I wander around, without a destination, and remember all the things that happened here. As I pass the living room, I see the broken sound system that she convinced me to keep. I remember how it got broken, how we turned it on one night to find that the volume was all the way up, how we couldn't hear a thing but the blaring jumble of sounds, how I had tried to turn it down so quickly that the knob broke off without lowering the sound a bit, how she had tried to unplug it but how the plug had been stuck in the wall, how the power/off button had suddenly stopped working, and how I finally grabbed a book off the coffee table and thrown in at the offending machine. Then, we turned around to see the rest of the Gundam Pilots and their girlfriends grinning like idiots, with Duo and Zechs holding up a big "April Fools" sign while Noin and Hilde suddenly jumped out and showered us with silly string. We managed to grab some cans that the others had set aside for extras and turned the tables on them and all the rest, who had suddenly pulled out cans of silly string. But we were eventually overpowered and were taken "captive" and made to surrender. We didn't, of course, so we had to suffer through the "ultimate torture", non-stop tickling. I laughed so hard that time that my stomach hurt for days. I smile at the memory, my chin trembling as the tears continue to fall, making a veritable puddle on the floor. I bow my head. How can I stand tall and strong when I'm actually so weak and small? Maybe not physically, but the way my heart aches, it won't be long until I am physically as well. Duo said I had to move on, but why should I believe that when he himself was crying his eyes out at the time? How?
*****
"If there was just one wish I could
Be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right here
By my side . . ."
*****
When I manage to open my eyes, I can see the glint of gold on my hand. I lift my hand up closer to my face and scrutinize the simple gold bang residing on my left hand. Slowly, I take it off my finger and read the inscription inside, as I have done so many other times. "tPS and tDoP forever" Put my nickname with her nickname and there you have it. My vision gets blurry. I thought the tears had stopped. I guess not. I close my eyes and put the ring back on, fingering it for a moment before dropping both my hands to my sides. Finally, my knees give out and I drop to the floor, a sob tearing from my throat, making a sound unlike anything I've heard coming from myself. I clasp my hands together and pray, for the first time in my life. God, you know how you said that you would always be there for us people? How you would always help us when we couldn't help ourselves? Well, I need your help now. I know I'm being irrational, something I never used to be, but could you please grant me just this one wish? Please, bring her back to me. I'll do anything you say, just bring her back . . .
*****
"When the last teardrop falls
I'll still be holdin' on
To all of our memories
And all of what used to be . . .


When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me
In my heart
When the last tear drop falls . . ."
*****
Even as I pray whole-heartedly, I know my prayers will go unanswered. He can't bring her back, it wasn't His fault that she left. It was mine, only mine. I let her talk me out of her guard detail for just an hour, so that she could have some private quiet time. A big mistake, as I said before. Sure, I learned from my mistake: Never, under any circumstances, let a particularly good Vice-Foreign Minister go without guard detail for even one hour. But none of the Vice-Foreign Ministers to come are gonna mean as much to me as she did, and there's no way to fix my mistake. All I can do is make sure it doesn't happen again. But that doesn't make up for it, and it never will. I know now why she was so against fighting. At least one person will die per battle, and that means that at least one other person, bad or good, will have to go through this torture over the person who died. Kill over a hundred people and you have at least a hundred broken and bleeding hearts, most likely more than that. And no-one, not even someone who's completely evil, should have to go through this pain. And yet, millions of people do, every day. And now, I'm added to those millions. Now I see why she worked so hard to bring that unreachable peace to those of us who hadn't yet had to go through this torture. She did it so that we would never have to. And she ended up paying the ultimate price, for nothing. I close my eyes and hang my head, again. I should have understood sooner, maybe I wouldn't have grown so lax. I can almost hear what she would say to me . . .
"Heero, get up right now! What do you think you're doing, standing around like this? Every second you spend in sorrow, is another chance that those who wish our peace ill will succeed in destroying it! It wasn't your fault, so get over it and get back to your job! People's very lives depend on you, along with the other Gundam Pilots! You can't afford to stop like this!"
While she would normally be sympathetic, she would turn into a slave-driver when the peace she was fighting for was at stake. Not too many people knew about that part of her. I sigh, lifting my head up and opening my eyes. Yes, that's what she would want. I'll stand up, stand tall, and move on. For her . . .
*****
"Now it's time for me to find
My happiness again
But the emptiness from missin' you
Will never ever end . . ."
*****
Yes, standing again. I have a trembling set of muscles, but I am standing. Now, I'll slowly make my to the kitchen and get myself something to eat and drink, then I'll get some sleep. On the couch, I think. What shall I have? Ah, a sandwich. Ham and cheese. Her and my favorite . . . No! I may be crying, but I'm moving on! I am! And I won't slide back, no! I take a deep, shaky breath, my hand on the counter for support. I never thought I'd see the day when I would be this weak. Then again, I never used to think that I'd ever have a heart, so I guess anything's possible when it comes to emotions. Okay, steady again. Yes, she would want me to move on, find my happiness again, continue to live as a feeling human being. That's what she wanted for me, a life with a heart. But that life isn't worth living without her . . . My hands falter, then drop to my sides, the bread and mayonnaise falling to the floor in a jumble.
"I . . . I can't." I whisper. It's the first time I've spoken since the "accident", and my voice sounds foreign to me. I don't know why, but I turn around and run. Out of the house, into the rain. Down the street, left on Vineyard St., right on Valley Ln., to the beach. The rain falls even heavier than before, turning the usually-glassy water's surface into an uneven gray mass stretching on into what seems like eternity. My clothes are drenched, again, and I slowly walk forward, into the water. It feels so good . . .
*****
"When the last teardrop falls
I'll still be holdin' on
To all of our memories
And all of what used to be . . .


When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me
In my heart . . ."
*****
I stop. The water is up to my waist. What was I doing? Or rather, what was I going to do? The water felt so good, like I could just let myself get carried away and the world would be better for it. But, she wouldn't want me to do that, would she? But there's no way I can really help the world now. I've lost my heart, my love, my will to live. I have nothing. Well, I do have my friends, but I'll only be holding them down and disappointing them. They would try to cheer me up every chance they got, and I would only worry them when I never smile again. I know they'd be better off without me. I look up at the stormy sky above me.
"You understand, don't you?" I whisper. Strangely, the rain lets up for just a moment, then pours down again. I smile.
"I take that as a 'yes'." Still smiling, I walk forward. The water is now up to my neck. My head is submerged. But, now I feel strangely light and floaty. I open my eyes, which I had closed, and look around. I'm covered in a bright light. I realize that I'm being lifted up. But down there, I see briefly a mop of unruly brown hair that I recognize as my own. My smile widens. I look up to see my Angel. She smiles.
"I missed you." I hear her say. I nod, one last tear squeezing out of my eye. I don't have to look to know that it's falling, splashing into the sea, the last one I'll ever cry . . .
*****
"When the last teardrop falls . . ."
*****
The End . . .
So, how'd ya like it? I tried to depict Heero as best I could, considering his complex character. *sweatdrop* N'wayz, please R&R. Oh, and "tPS and tDoP" is "the Perfect Soldier and the Dove of Peace". Just in case you were lost. *double sweatdrop*
Angel~